The US Open and Other Sporting Events That May Consume Your Life

Hello people who may or may not care about tennis. Do you care about America? Still a maybe? That’s fine. It’s only relevant because the US Open is coming to a close and it’s in America I’m pretty sure. Generally I like this major more than the rest because I’m not a communist and also because there are an abundant amount of familiar faces. It’s like an alternate Cheers where I may not know everyone’s name but at least I can pronounce most of them. I assume even tennis stars have been effected by the economic downturn and they too are extremely happy about not having to board international flights, rackets and wristbands in tow.

Phillip Hall/USTA

The finals for the Women’s Singles are Sunday and will see Serena Williams USA (28) take on Samantha Stosur AUS (9). The men face off Monday and have Novak Djokovic SRB (1) facing Rafael Nadal ESP (2). Both should be fantastic matches. Lots of grunting. Balls going speeds I’m not comfortable with. The usual.

The US Open is the last tennis major of the year and unfortunately overlaps with the start of college and professional football. I only said that because I hope some of you are excited about this fact. My number one feeling about football right now is Maryland’s uniforms.

Football too slow moving for you? Then how about rugby! Our men’s side, the Eagles, have a match vs. Ireland Sunday on NBC to start their journey in the mother effing Rugby World Cup. If you’ve never watched rugby before, tune in because as we learned from our handy dandy college guide, women’s rugby is super duper gay. What better way to impress that cute flanker than complimenting her on how quick she gets off? That’s actual rugby terminology but it sounds dirty. So learn up so you too can make sexual advances disguised as sporting observations.

Are you surprised by the US Open’s results? What do you think of Maryland’s jerseys? Will you watch the Rugby World Cup?

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 328 articles for us.


    • That win rocked my socks.

      I kind of like the MD unis, but I come from the land of the wing-ed helmet, so YMMV. The arm cover things might be overkill though.

    • That was a sporting event I actually watched! Even if it was by accident because I happened to be in a bar! I feel really proud now

      • I didn’t actually see it, but two of my best friends as well as half my high school graduating class go to Michigan, so it lit up my Facebook feed that night.

  1. All I could think of when I saw that picture: “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?”

    I’m sorry.

  2. SPORTS! I’m more excited about Champions League football (or soccer) tomorrow night. Borussia Dortmund v Arsenal should be an absolute beezer. It’s a shame I can’t get College Football without paying for it though since I enjoyed watching it last summer. Go Ducks!

      • f yes champions league! i’ll be going to the match between AFC Ajax and Olympique Lyon on Wednesday!

        • Urgh. Jealous of you. Sat and watched the Man United game tonight. United were a bit disappointing but that goal from Giggs was amazeballs. Absolutely out of nowhere. Benefica were really lively too.

  3. Along with women’s rugby (and ruggers) being super awesome and hot, can we talk about how the soccer US WNT has a game against Canada this Saturday?

  4. Now that the Open’s wrapping up, I have no idea what to do with my life. At all. The end of Grand Slam season is a sad sad time in my life. Also… Serena lost? Really? Crazy.

    • Serena is a superb player but I really hate her attitude.
      Now, does Samantha Stosur play for our team?

      • I’m with you on the attitude. I was so disappointed with her continuing to gripe at the judge. Take the loss of point and PLAY. I actually flipped the channel ’cause I was getting a little embarassed for her.

        • Re Sam Stosur…I suspected. But how do you know?

          btw, she was a joy to watch in the Finals. She was so graceful and confident in her playing. And no drama…. in contrast to her opponent.

          As for Serena, the less said the better.

  5. I lost a lot of respect for Serena when she went off on the chair umpire. Between that and Roddick’s rant at the officials for telling him that the court was okay to play on when it wasn’t, American tennis players come off as pretty jerky to me.

    I’ve never watched Rugby, or been that much of a football fan, but I am super excited about the baseball postseason, especially if the world series doesn’t feature the phillies or the yankees…

      • I like the Brewers alright, not a red sox fan at all. I would love to see the Rays sneak into the postseason instead. Not sure if that is still possible, but the sox have a huge pitching problem right now. I’m big on rooting for underdogs or teams/players that haven’t made won ever. I would love to see Detroit in the series, for the NL, not a team from the east would be good.

        • I am a life long Sox fan, the last couple of weeks the wheels have really come off :( I think all of the hoopla earlier in the season has given way to reality.

          Getting down to crunch time now.

    • mmm Yankees world series. yes! Last time the yankees won it all i was running up and down the bar screaming and high fivein’. It was magical.

      • Mine too. Unless I’m traveling or there is a big event or holiday happening, everyone knows that my Sundays from September through January are going to be filled with NFL football.

  6. All I can think about when I watch tennis is David Foster Wallace. The super-built ladies are hot, but then I just start thinking abou terrifying 12-year-old using steroids and beating up other 12 year olds in crazy tennis-based games.

    Rugby’s pretty cool, but even more exciting to me is that hockey starts in less than a month!

  7. I have a much more vested interest in rugby now that I know I can make subtle sexual innuendos with the terminology.

  8. I’m a Ducks fan, we’re known for garish uniforms, and even I think the Maryland uniforms were ridiculous

  9. Shame that Serena loss. I wonder if US tennis fans realize that after the Williams sisters leave tennis there will be no US female star that wins championships.

    • As a US tennis fan, I’ve never been a huge fan of most US tennis players and I’m not quite sure why. Yeah, Serena is a great player, but her attitude sucks and she seems to think that she’s better than she is and that she always deserves to win. I’ll take Kim Clijsters or Sam Stosur over the Williams sisters any day.

      I’m the only Djokovic fan that I know, so yay Novak!

      • ill take novak over nadal anyday! but not over federer;)did u c djokovic’s and sharapova’s commercial together?

      • My mom loves Djokovic, and I root for him when I end up watching tennis at her house. He’s cute and his girlfriend is even cuter!

      • It would be one thing if Serena was rude to her competitors, which she is not. Serena is also not the only tennis star that has a bad attitude, but since she’s Serena she gets crap for it. That’s why I love this video because it’s proof of other tennis players losing it.
        I don’t blame Serena for playing with her so called attitude she has put up with a lot of crap playing tennis.

  10. Now that Women’s World Cup soccer is over, I am counting down to the Olympics. I’m not a huge fan of summer Olympics (winter is where it’s at), but I’m into the soccer and gymnastics (of the lady variety… of course.)

    I heard some season for some sport just restarted… what was it… football? The NFL or something? Shrug.

    • Yeah, I’m looking forward to the Summer Olympics but I definitely prefer the Winter ones. Plus, being in his home country will mean an even bigger fit out of “Platinum Medal” Plushenko should he lose again.

  11. Shockingly, I will be watching the Rugby World Cup. I don’t know why. I just woke up a couple weeks ago and was all “I want to watch rugby now.” I can’t explain it.

    To be honest, though, I could not care less about the Eagles. They’re not going to win. They won’t even get close. It’s going to be the All Blacks because it’s always the All Blacks these days. They win all the things! And it’s awesome to watch.

  12. Rugby World Cup has turned my town into a crazy dangerous place. At any given moment you could be walking through the streets and get hit by a rogue rugby ball from one of the twenty games being played by little kids/drunk adults.

    The best bit is all the cute tourist girls asking for directions.
    “The town hall? How about my place instead? COME INTO MY VAN CUTIE.”

    • this is awesome. I wish it was easier to watch rugby in the US. The game times are kind of insane because of being in EST. boo.

    im upset that federer lost (first time since 2003) and that oudin lost in the first round. but im glad djokovic beat nadal and that stosur beat serena. there was no excuse for serena’s death threats to the linesperson last year (?). i didnt c this years tirade but it doesnt sound too good. anyone know when clijsters is coming back?

Comments are closed.