Letter From Your Editors

We just get further distilled as this year goes on. This is who we are at our utmost selves:

November sure went by fast — did anyone else find themselves surprised that we’re suddenly a month away from a new year? The top of November submerged us in the U.S. election — and thoughtful coverage on AS — which brought on high heaps of anxiety, some of which dissolved into celebration and some of which will follow us well into 2021. But we are leaving this month officially in HOLIGAY SEASON now. So even in COVID, even as we look back at the things that we’ve lost and will continue to plague us, even as uncertainty hovers near, I have been filled with warmth and excitement by the care, humor and energy in this community — also by what Nicole is cooking up for our A+ members next month, check your A+ E-News this weekend!

Some of my must-reads of November are posts that have filled me with sense of relief in one way or another: Shelli’s roundtable on The Happiest Season, because I love real, strong opinions; Drew’s essay on The Danish Girl, because I love a revealing essay that is also a movie review, and one that makes great use of an epistolary form; this list of quarantine purchases Rachel put together, because I love knowing there is a list ways I may attempt to find more comfort; and shea martin’s essay on finding freedom in their fat, Black queer body upon moving to Vermont for good, because I love to be reminded that there are always other ways to live. Also, we have Autostraddle merch on sale in our store, which may or may not fill you with relief too?

Thank you, as always, for being here to give our work significance — to let us make you laugh, challenge you, and take you on some real journeys with us. I spent this Thanksgiving wrapped up in an electric blanket on my parents’ deck, and I hope that however your holidays are looking this year, that you get a moment of cozy like that.

Love,

Kamala / Carmen / Rachel / Heather / Laneia / Sarah / Nicole / Riese

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From October 2020

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. “The Haunting of Bly Manor” Isn’t a Ghost Story, It’s a Lesbian Love Story — with Ghosts, by Valerie
2. Here’s What’s New and Gay on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, HBO Max and CBS All Access in October 2020, by Riese
3. Giving Poppers to Cis Women, by Drew
4. Queer Horoscopes for October 2020: What Was Planted in March That You’re Sowing Now?, by Corinna
5. Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart Knows She Was Cagey About Being Queer, She Just Needed a Dang Minute, by Heather
6. Demi Lovato’s Bisexuality: The Definitive Vapid Fluff Timeline, by Stef
7. 10 Twisted, Gory Horror Films to Watch With Your Mean Femme Date, by Dani
8. Also.Also.Also: Caroline Giuliani, the Latest White Queer Millennial Trying to Save Her Parents From Trump, by Carmen
9. Pop Culture Fix: Merry Christmas, You’re Getting Kristen Stewart’s “Happiest Season” on Hulu, by Heather
10. Also.Also.Also: Did You Know This Gay Ass Oreo Commercial Was Gonna Make You Cry Today?, by Carmen

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Carmen: Hi I just found out that there are lesbian characters in this season of [redacted bc spoilers]! They’re [redacted profession]? The [redacted] one apparently died in a recent episode (last week?)
I’m telling riese for the dead lesbian list. I’m also wondering if we have anyone on the team who might be interested in going back and watching the season? I think they show up about half way?
Riese: carmen when i tell you
that NOTHING upsets me more
than a show i spent a good hour digging into because i had a lesbian spider sense
and came up EMPTY HANDED
turns out to HAVE lesbian CHARACTERS
I DIE e V E R Y time
so i also will be adding MYSELF to this list of dead characters
this answers zero of your questions
but thank you for providing an opportunity for me to express myself
Heather: lololol double damage! crit hit! two dead lesbians!
Carmen: HAHAHAHAHAAAAA
Riese I am soooo sorry
And also this has brought me such joy!
Riese: do u know!
how many!
[male actor from the show] interviews!
i consumed
looking for this information
sigh

Heather: how does everyone feel about me moving shelli’s princess switch 2 piece from 12pm to 6am tomorrow. it’s going to kill and i don’t want it to get lost in the afternoon pre-holiday internet death slump.
Rachel: love this idea
Heather: thank you!
i really can’t believe how much successful content we’ve gotten by hopping on the princess switch beat one year late
Rachel:i think we weren’t ready for princess switch before
like that haim song
Heather: or, as vanessa hudges says to the other vanessa hudgens in princess switch 1, “hello, we’re going to be queen. we make the rules.”
Rachel: took the words right out of my mouth

Drew: I just had a dream about Cara Delevingne and I’m blaming (crediting?) you, @stef.
Stef: Who?
Never heard of her
Drew: Hahahaha
I got home after a traumatizing field trip (?) where this guy I went to high school with harassed me in a bathroom. And I was waiting for Gaby to get home to vent. But then Cara walked in and turned on an ‘N Sync concert video and was like “Ugh don’t you remember being young and learning to make out during ‘J Sync concerts!” And I was thinking I don’t think that makes sense with either of our ages and why do you keep saying ‘J Sync but I didn’t want to blow it so I was just like Haha yeah.
But then I woke up before we made out!
Stef: Yeah I was about to say, you were both probably conceived to ‘n sync
Between your hair and Cara’s eyebrows this sounds like a powerful pairing
Drew: If I ever become famous I think we immediately start dating. I think that’s how it works for her.
Stef: Yes correct
You might be a little old for her
Drew: That’d be a first
Oh! And I would like to say that I had No Strings Attached on cassette
Stef: Nobody ever used a cassette your whole life you bought that shit as a novelty
Abeni: My first album was Alanis Morrisette on cassette tape
My second was No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom
Also on cassette
Heather: GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY abeni
Abeni: Also, I didn’t know I was gay until I was like 23 :disappointed:
I KNOW! HOW?
Vanessa: Abeni I took photography classes all through high school and college and one day my (queer) friend was like “babe why do you only photograph girls? and why do you have a wall of those photographs up in your dorm room?” And I was SO OFFENDED and was like “uh because girls are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS ON THIS PLANET, WHY WOULD I PHOTOGRAPH BOYS, WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!?!?” Anyway I’m gay!
I also loved the Indigo Girls for a long time but “not because I’m gay, I just like guitars!!”

Heather: my neighbors just put out this, um, glow in the dark (?) cherub (??) — rachel can i get a read on whether or not this thing is haunted

Rachel: oof
gonna be honest not getting great vibes here
Heather: dang! i knew when these guys moved in they were bringing cursed stuff!!!
Rachel: maybe keep an eye on it to see if it moves
Heather: oh I WILL
Rachel: he has the same energy as like… that ominous little clown that was a meme a while back

unsettling
Heather: oh wow
yes
all right well i know what i have to do
Vanessa: HAHAHAHAHA
heather what do you have to do
Heather: i’ve done a counter-spell on my own porch
Heather: frodo baggins on the hoverboard is extra blessed because valerie gave it to me
Valerie: haha omg
Vanessa: HEATHER
Stef: heather you gotta get noted haunted doll expert Archie on the case
Archie: Ohh gonna say that counter spell isn’t gonna be enough for that glow in the dark cherub Heather: update: the cherub isn’t glowing in the dark! it’s just sitting there being green and horrible!
Drew: That’s what it wants you to think

Stef: heather this inspired me to dive back into kristen stewart, thank you
Heather: my pleasure!
Stef: i can’t believe she clocked you as gay so many months ago and you never said a peep
i thought we were NEIGHBORS
actually if you can give me the exact date i can include it, WOULD YOU SAY SHE CRUISED YOU???
i am willing to start a rumor you’re dating kristen stewart if i have to
Heather: lolololollll i would say she recognized me as an old wizened lesbian swamp witch who was there when the first movie was made and was just checking in on her fact
Stef: that’s so romantic
i would imagine that these days she tries to direct all of her answers to the gayest person she can find in the room
Heather: that does seem correct actually
she really was genuinely very warm and also HECKIN intense!
my best story from that set visit is [redacted] was the only one who didn’t do the group interviews but i personally kept getting trapped alone in the shuttle van and hotel elevator with her
Stef: it happened to me: TRAPPED WITH [REDACTED]
would you describe her as “threateningly bisexual”
Heather: and i just you know smiled politely and left her alone and then that night when we got stuck in the elevator again i was like “i am so sorry i am not stalking you this is a total accident and i am trying to respect your privacy!” and she laughed and said she knew and the only reason i was on the elevator was because the other journos were in the bar trying to find dan levy and i was going to bed!
Stef: !!
Heather: i would absolutely describe her that way
Stef: o to be a fly on the wall when you said “i am so sorry i am not stalking you”
Stef: i’m excited for this movie to finally destroy christmas once and for all
Heather: GOODBYE CHRISTMAS
Stef: flung back into space!!!
Heather: ahahahaha!!!!
Stef: 🚀
Heather: 🧤🌜
Stef: if we ever write about the petty lesbian astronauts again i hope we remember to use Flung Out Of Space as our headline
Heather: surely 2020 will give us the chance
Stef: they’re very petty
Heather: did that happen this year? you could make an end of year list like “the ten stupidest lesbian stories you missed while doomscrolling the election”
Stef: it was april 2019 BUT in april of this year we found out it was bullshit and the earthbound wife made it up
actually at the time it seems our question was whether the petty lesbian astronaut committed hte first crime in space
but since she didn’t
that option is still wide open
Heather: what do you think the first gay space crime will be?
Stef: sorry AUGUST of last year!
because i was very bitter while writnig it
very therapeutic
hmmmm it will probably still be lesbian breakup related
Carolyn: it’ll be related to the inquiry into when the “all female crews” they picked to reduce the chance of space sex come back to earth and are all in throuples now
Heather: hahahaha!!!!
Carolyn: not the throuples themselves, the inquiry where they invade their space privacy for no reason
Heather: amazing. this will absolutely be true.
#spaceprivacy
Carolyn: different from #earthprivacy bc in space everyone can hear you scream so it’s important to pack enough ball gags
Heather: c a r o l y n
i am wheeze laughing
Stef: you can make them out of moon rocks!!
Carolyn: still fresh and covered with moon dust for that extra touch of breath play!
Stef: i think the lack of air helps with the extra breath play
all of space is like one giant breath play really when you think about it
Carolyn: * gazes off into distance *
Stef: is this galaxy brain
Carolyn: if not this, then what
Stef: please direct my movie about [redacted] committing lesbian space crimes
while being stalked by a malevolent Heather
Heather: me stalking you https://youtu.be/dPp-dIlui3M
Stef: i can just imagine how welcoming you’d be while stalking someone
yup there it is
hey! just your friendly neighborhood Heather making sure you’ve had enough water today

Shelli: Hey idk who made this handy dandy pocket guide but I would love one for Taurus

Shelli: Because it is so accurate with what I read for it
Stef: it should just say “beware of trainwreck” with no other info
Heather: shelli! here! https://www.autostraddle.com/your-completely-queer-guide-to-horoscope-hookups-156790/2/
Drew: Me, last night: Why do Libras keep ruining my life?
Autostraddle, this morning: We covered this in 2013, babe.
Heather: hahahaha!
why do they?
Drew: Idk ask them !
Who’s their leader? Tessa Thompson?
(The guide says we live our lives in radically different ways and I guess that’s a “problem”)
Stef: i think it’s cardi b
Drew: See even just discussing their leadership I’m like wait but Libras are great
Stef: every single libra secretly believes she’s the leader of the libras and they’re all too focused on being loved to contradict each other
although i feel like cardi would not have that problem
Drew: Maybe it’s Kate Winslet and I’m suffering because she’s mad at me for trashing Ammonite
Stef: i’m gonna be so mad if it turns out to be gwyneth
Drew: Ugh she would be
Stef: wait lol judge judy is a libra
ok i’m calling it
so that’s who you have to go before to figure out your shit
Drew: I think I’m screwed
At least with Susan Sarandon I could’ve just talked about The Hunger

Carmen: Hello tv team!!! I am here with two things, both exciting! I bet you can’t wait!
Heather: wait can we guess!
give us a hint!
Carmen: Hahaha! Sure Let’s play a game!
Heather: okay!
in animal crossing when i win my neighbors games, they often give me a hat. just fyi.

Shelli:

I refuse to recognize a reddish Clifford the Big Red Dog, make him BRIGHT red or get out of my face

— Christina Grace (@C_GraceT) November 25, 2020

First of all @Christina how was I NOT following you on Twitter! I guess because your tweets always come on my TL I thought I was but it’s because you’re amazing and popularity
But also I AGREE. Clifford was one of the first set of booka my dad and I would read together on the car rides home from elementary school. He knew them by heart and I refuse if it’s not a BIG RED DOG
Christina: HE JUST LOOKS UNCLEAN
Drew: I find that charming
Not to start shit in freeform
But I am pro-CGI Clifford
It feels like oh if Clifford was a hyperrealistic CGI creation this is the type of red he’d be
Like yellow labs are not bright yellow !
Valerie: drew dogs are also not VERY BIG
lol
Drew: Hmmm okay I accept this argument
But look how cute he is!
Heather: wait what color is clifford now?
oh my god
Malic: Hi I love dogs but I just checked out the CGI Clifford and I think he’s kinda scary.
Heather: he’s the color of emily fitch’s hair in season four of skins
Drew: Oo maybe that’s why I like it. Clifford is a rebellious teen.
Christina: He is also tooo small
He should be BRIGHT red and THE SIZE OF HOUSE
Heather: lololol christina. NOT TO PUT TOO FINE A POIINT ON IT, BUT!
Drew: To be fair none of the other dogs make sense next to each other size wise so I’m not sure we can really judge how big this Clifford is
The dog in between the English bull dog and Clifford looks off
I have faith bad dye job Clifford will be house size
Heather: oh yeah you’re right, none of these dogs are to scale
we need to see them juxtaposed to something we can all recognize
like bette porter
Drew: That is the crossover we deserve
Heather: there’s no way bette porter could keep even a regular-sized dog alive, much less a house-sized dog!
Drew: But Angie could
Heather: the only person on that show who deserves a pet is angie
Heather: also christina is right, clifford is like bookshelf-sized

Christina: booo hisss
Drew: Idk I feel like I’ve lived in apartments the size of this Clifford
Millenial Clifford
Heather: oh yeah a clifford-sized apartment in brooklyn will run you a cool 3K per month
Shelli: i was gonna watch jingle jangle tonight! along with the 2nd installment of christmas chronicles!
Shelli: i loved christmas chronicles one!
Adrian: ok in addition I find it weird that Clifford is a giant puppy?? isn’t clifford an adult dog?
Drew: !!
Maybe that’s why he’s small
He will eventually be house size
This is the first installment in a series
Adrian: he will be house-sized in 10 months
Drew: Yes
Adrian: hahaha exactly
Drew: Maybe his coat will brighten with age too
Either way I love him and I want him
Carolyn: maybe it’s easier to make malleable puppy actors follow instructions? sage used to get scouted at dog parks all the time as a puppy but never as an adult despite having only increased in cuteness
Heather: i wonder also carolyn if you have become more fierce stage mom over these last several years, and the energy you are exuding is wholly don’t fuck with me or my child!
Carolyn: that is also possible!
plus her dog park time is a lot less bounding merrily around and a lot more being thirsty for huskies so uh
Heather: a lot of possible factors here
Valerie: yeah didn’t emily elizabeth get clifford as a regular sized puppy and then he just grew rull big rull fast because she loved him so much? am i remembering that story correctly? lol
Heather: i thought you were talking about emily fitch, and i was like “uh she did not have a dog.”
no one on that show could keep a dog alive either!
Valerie: i feel like the number of fictional lesbians who could keep a dog alive is very small
Stef: did you guys know that when i worked at borders they made me wear a clifford costume
so clifford was briefly me sized, about 5’6
Valerie: !
Drew: STEF
Valerie: where was this info at the top of this conversation
Stef: a little girl came in who was like PHOBIC of dogs and she had the most horrible physical reaction which should not have been funny but it was so funny
Heather: that’s true, i’m running through them in my head right now and it’s like callie torres, rosa diaz, elena alvarez, alex danvers, and catra
STEF
Stef: sorry i’m just catching up but i feel very personally connected to clifford because of that experience

SLACKERS

Here is what the month of November looked like for Autostraddle, as told through our emojis on slack. 

And my favorite slack emoji (Hi! This is Carmen, by the way!) is obviously Bette Porter:

November Retro-Reading: Every Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide Ever

As we enter gifting season and we recently dropped our big huge holigay gift guide, I would like to look back fondly upon our massive holiday gift guides of yore!

VIA 2016 GIFT GUIDE

What Your Girlfriend Wants: Autostraddle’s Final Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2009 – DVDs requested in this guide include 500 Days of Summer, Ally McBeal: The Complete Series, Stepbrothers, Freaks and Geeks (Season One), Spice World, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Seasons 1-4), Fringe (Season One) and Planet Earth: The Complete BBC Series. Also I personally received 0/5 of my requested gifts.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2010: What Your Girlfriend Or Otherwise-Inclined Pal Wants – Everybody is out here just dying for an American Apparel hoodie or something beverage related. For example: loose tea, a yerba matte brewer, a folding beer glass. This year I received 1/8 of my requested gifts bc my then-girlfriend Marni got me a bicycle! Thank you Marni.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2011: What Your Girlfriend Or Otherwise-Inclined Pal Wants – On this year I received 0/9 requested items, although I did buy myself a kindle. This was a big year for shoes, bedding and leather.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2012: What We Want – Look at us making collages of our desired gifts for the first time! These have a strong Picasa feel to them. Look at these hipsters wanting their Moleskine notebooks and infinity scarves and pour-over coffees and whiskey stones and truffle oil and leather boots and yoga mats and Herschel bags and record players. This year i received 2/9 gifts — The Pan Am bag and the Frankie planner. Marni got me the bag and I believe the planner was a gift from Crystal, bless her always. I love that Pan Am bag still TO! THIS ! DAY! Also I didn’t ask for it in the guide but I remember this was the year I got a Nespresso Machine, so ONCE AGAIN — thank you Marni.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2013: What We Really Want – LEGGINGS FOR EVERYBODY!!!! Vanessa literally presented an entire wardrobe of dresses and underpants for you and it looks like Laneia was dying to simply live in a tree. I received a strong 0/7 this year, butttt I am realizing as I look at this that a girl who I started dating the subsequent year must’ve gotten inspo from this for my 2014 birthday because I did get some of these items at that time. Wow, the days of our lives like sand through the hourglass.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holigay Gift Guide 2014: What We Want – A whopping five Autostraddle writers requested the Misandrist t-shirt that we were lightly burned alive for printing. We’ve got a real eclectic mix here of books, additional items relating to beverages, hipster home decor and Drake t-shirts. I scored big this year with 3/6 gifts received! One of them came from my then-girlfriend’s Mom, which is a deep cut.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holigay Gift Guide 2015: What We Really, Really Want This Year – Houseplants are entering the conversation in 2015, as is “Texts From Jane Eyre” and the Illustrated Harry Potter. I received 2/5 — The Mare and jogger pants. To be fair I knew that nobody was going to buy me an elliptical trainer.

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Team Holigay Gift Guide 2016: What We Want Besides A Revolution – I think the most important shift we are witnessing this year is that the headline is no longer able to simply declare wanting gifts as a sufficient want. Now we are taking a stronger look at The Current Moment and how objectively terrible it is. As for the gift ideas contained herein, everybody wanted to bone with sex toys and do a sheet mask. I received 0/5 this year but definitely bought those eye gels for myself to help with all the crying I did that winter!!!!

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Team Holigay Gift Guide 2017: Everything We Want Besides World Peace and Impeachment – LOOK HOW SEXY THESE GRAPHICS ARE! We are feeling medium but leveling up LARGE.  A big year for etsy stuff, merch (ours and other indie media-makers), mugs and plants. How did I fare, are you wondering? Well, I got 0/6 requests for Christmas/Hanukkah, but then real human hero SALLY brought me the Band of Gold DVD at A-Camp 2018, so I’m giving me and Sally a 1/6. Thanks Sally!

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Team Holigay Gift Guide 2018: All the Ways Money Can in Fact Buy Us Happiness – Here we are again grasping for ethical consumerism. I requested merely four (4) items this year and successfully purchased two (2) of them for myself! The Daily Harvest cups were bad though, don’t do it. Big year for beauty products!!!

Autostraddle’s Ultimate Team Holigay Gift Guide 2019: We’re So Tired, Will These Things Make Us Less Tired? – HAHAHAHA DID WE TRULY HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TIRED WE WOULD BECOME. Again I would like to applaud myself on getting myself half of the items pictured here, shout out to my Mom for getting me a puzzle piece sorter.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Most Bisexual of Us All

Heather: i got “honorary bi” on the “how much bisexual energy do you radiate” buzzfeed quiz! i think it was because of michael b. jordan! he gets me every time!
(this keeps coming up when i’m searching for pop culture fix links!)
i wonder what you have to pick to win!
Shelli: Taking this test RIGHT NOW
I got blossoming bisexual – I think it’s because of my Canadian king drake as well as my need to cuff boyfriend ripped jeans
Heather: blossoming bisexual!
Shelli: Also 3 of these are new ways that I’ll be describing myself in my social media bios

Danie Janae: Oooo I’m def iced with oat milk
Heather: very gay, dani!
it would have identified me as a middle aged lesbian immediately if i had been able to answer honestly about which concert i would attend, which is “stay home”
Shelli: Lol I was looking for that option and was like well okay i guess I’ll go see Drake
Heather: lololol shelli i did not know this about you and drake — does it go back to degrassi?
Stef: um it says i’m a baby bi
Shelli: Hé – is my absolute king
Stef: excuse me
i’d like to speak to the manager of bisexuality
is that evan rachel wood?
Shelli: STEF
I was like « who is the manager, maybe miss wood? »
WOW
Stef: “Maybe you get a little gay flutter when you see a cutie of the same sex, but your bi powers have not come into effect just yet. Keep trying! But don’t forget that this is just a fun quiz and you’re amazing no matter how you identify!”
i mean
Shelli: keep trying!
Stef: i will keep trying, i promise
Heather: WWWWWWOOOOOOW
Stef: is this because i wanted to go see lady gaga
i got stronger bisexual energy in my “which princess diana outfit from the crown are you” quiz
Shelli: In his latest music video i get so jealous of the girl in it because she’s doing exactly what I want to do with him – buying sneakers and then floating around a pool at midnight alone while he’s off doing hoodrat shit with his friends
Heather: i feel genuinely confused about how harry styles has become the number one top bi icon (bicon?)
Stef: because harry styles has strong bi energy
Shelli: I just think Drake and I would be really great friends you know
Heather: but! if you want to see him in concert, that is more bisexual than lady gaga?
Stef: heather all i can tell you is i have never found him attractive but the one time i was in the same room as him while he was wearing a blazer and holding a guitar i got fucking GIGGLY
Heather: you totally would shelli. drake would wingman you a wnba wife.
Shelli: WOW
WOWOWOWOWOW
WOOOOOOOOOWWWWW
Heather: WOW!!!!!
Stef: the man has strong bisexual charisma
i did not know i wanted to mrs robinson harry styles but it turns out i do
Shelli: me courtside (if that’s what it’s called – I don’t fucking know – ringside?) at my wife’s game with my best friend and his girl of the moment that I got him
A FRIENDSHIP I SAY
Stef: i love this idea
i think it’s courtside
i hope you call it a ring though
Shelli: i shall call it ringside and she will think it’s cute
Stef: ok good luck honey, i’ll be on the side of the field!!!!!!
Heather: i think i associate bisexual energy with you and meg and rachel which is a lot more sincere and intense and stare-into-the-camera like jim halpert than harry styles
Shelli: Also – wasn’t Harry styles in some girls house recently touching all her stuff while she wasn’t home?
Heather: courtside, yes!
Stef: yes i guess his car broke down??
Heather: omg i am so excited for your courtside fashion articles shelli
Shelli: Oh lol me not knowing there was more to that story
Stef: and because he’s harry styles he just like went to this house and was like ‘hey i’m harry styles can i use your phone’ and it turned out to be this girl who’s a huge harry styles fan but she wasn’t home but her dad was
and because dads
are dads
he just took pictures of harry styles hanging out in her room and he let a note like ‘hey whatsername, it’s me harry styles, sorry i missed you’
Heather: :joy:
Shelli: Lol WHAT!
Stef: apparently?!?!?
so that girl is dead now
Shelli: It’s me – Harry styles SORRY I MISSED YOU
Stef: anyway listen i don’t know what it is, the mick jagger thing doesn’t do anything for me usually, but seeing him in person playing guitar honestly pretty well, his music is sort of like… reminiscent of the verve i would say? it worked for me, i did not think it would
but i got kicked out
because it was like a secret radio thing and you were supposed to give up your phone but i had not bc it was through work
and gaby dunn was texting me and i was worried it was work so i looked at my phone really quick
Heather: stef these stories are like a mad lib, i love them
Stef: this is the most bisexual way to get kicked out of a harry styles concert
the security guys made a huge big deal about it and i was like ‘cool i’m in my 30s, i will go back to my job now and continue to live my life’
Shelli: « What do you mean leave?! I was just texting gaby Dunn RELAX! »
Stef: but his music was surprisingly good?
and his stage presence was very attractive!!
i don’t KNOW
turns out harry styles can get it
i was as shocked as you are
all those rumors about he and louis were doin it in one direction
i hope they’re true
Heather: my sister is a big louie/harry truther
Stef: i mean i think it’s cool that this former boy bander is wearing a dress etc
you never saw the backstreet boys doing that shit
Heather: you sure did not!
Stef: https://metro.co.uk/2020/10/29/harry-styles-hung-out-in-a-fans-bedroom-and-fed-her-fish-after-his-car-broke-down-but-she-missed-him-13499043/
oh he also fed her fish!!
Heather: lol obviously
Stef: this is expert level trolling from the dad
i’m impressed
Heather: i bet that girl threw up for real when she saw these pics
Stef: the FISH met harry styles and i didn’t?!!??
the fucking FISH
Heather: i know if stacy sent me a photo of dolly parton feeding my cats i would give myself to the sea

What We’ve Been Reading

Natalie: A Promised Land by Barack Obama

Malic: Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex by Allison Moon

Valerie Anne: Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh

Heather: The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

Kamala: Tentacle by Rita Indiana

Drew: She of the Mountains by Vivek Shraya

Casey: Policing Black Lives: State Violence in Canada from Slavery to Present by Robyn Maynard and Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots

Meg: When My Brother Was an Aztec by Natalie Diaz

Nicole: Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides and Restore Balanceby Edgar Villanueva

Vanessa: Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generationby Anne Helen Petersen

Clifford: Reprise

Stef:a gift circa 2003

Heather: OH MY GOD
I AM SO HAPPY

Bone Bone Horoscope Going Into December 2020

pic.twitter.com/rzJ7N5L0wW

— ㅤَ (@bonebonebot) November 29, 2020

It’s been a long (almost) year. Many of us feel separate from each other; many of us feel separate from ourselves. As the days shorten it’s a good time to take a look at yourself, says Bone Bone, compassionately and without judgment, to get a sense of where you’ve landed and where you might go from here. Is Lady Bird right; is attention the same thing as care? Find out by paying attention to yourself this month.

Making a List, Checking It Twice

Heather: one of my favorite things to do is scroll through the gift guide and guess who is who from just the pictures
Heather: oh! i got them almost all right! i mixed up kayla and laneia, carolyn and vanessa!
Rachel: would love to know what gave us away
Heather: okay! well, malic was the snow boots. i thought at first they were abeni’s gifts but abeni is in california, so i was like, “no, this is malic.”
carolyn and vanessa i got confused on because sex stuff, books, luxury scents, writing things, and all them so very specific. like of course both carolyn and vanessa would try out 200 pens and decide, “my preference is the muji gel ink ballpoint pen.”
Carolyn: they are a superior pen it is true we both have incredible taste
Carolyn: i mean
Heather: riese was given away by “ceo glow” which seems like expensive face serum for business ladies
meg i just know like my own face so that was an easy one
abeni also easy because of outdoor gear and she’s the only person i know who plays action RPGs on a console
natalie was a snap, of course. that wnba hoodie said it all.
Shelli: READ US!
Heather: okay now! Archie i did give a pause about thinking it too could be vanessa or carolyn, but! then i thought, only Archie of those three would make their own candle. carolyn and vanessa want someone else to make their candles.
the fire pit i considered for all you extroverts, but in the end i thought kamala because she also wanted a book with the word “manifesto” in the title.
shelli is the only person i could think of who would actually look totally in her element using a gold macbook
Laneia: amazing
Heather: i thought stef might be rachel because of the rattlesnake plant and the fancy speakers because i know rachel’s listening to some binaural things to relax, but then i know rachel uses cetaphil and not glossier for face creams because i have spent many days with her in bunk-bed rooms at a-camp
kayla and laneia stumped me because of the long flowy mommi lounging situations in both photos, and then i got them mixed up because kayla put a set of four mini cocottes on her list, and i honestly just assumed she already owned those and laneia’s been tweeting about making dessert.
nicole was a simple one because she’s like if i had to name one person who could be like elegantly dressed in some sort of evening wear and a tender little necklace like sipping ethically sourced champagne but then you blink and she’s picked up a sledgehammer that she’s ramming through a wall while still in her fancy clothes, well, that’d be nicole
Nicole: Heather I’m :skull_and_crossbones:
Heather: greta wagner’s on the road to anacapri is drew’s feature image for her essay today and #3 on her gift list, so!
adrian picked the literal same flannel as me so i would have thought that was either me or adrian or kamala, but i’d already picked out kamala and adrian has a theology book also pictured
succulents, fancy skincare, and a graceful mirror that also looks like it could be in an animal crossing bedroom? rachel, of course.
the giant pink cooler gave sarah away because when i met sarah i carried all her liquor from her car to her cabin at a-camp.
(oh also let me say of course carmen didn’t do this because she cannot ask for things for herself!!!)
and that’s all!

XOXO

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