The Autostraddle Hot 100: Smokin’ Sizzlin’ Great Balls of Fire

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This is Hot 100 Week. Why? We don’t know. But we’re not going to miss the party boat, we love the macarena! This week the whole team came together to produce the definitive Hot 100.

The results of our  FIRST Annual Hot 100 are the result of a deeply scientific analysis of our thoughts and feelings as they developed beginning at brunch on Sunday May 10th until today, Wednesday May 13th, and analyzed by a team of professional analytical experts. Without any further ado, we present the Autostraddle Hot 100.
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100. Hot Tub

hot-tub

99. Hibachi Grill

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98. Chi Ceramic Hairstyling Iron

chiflatiron

97. Bonfires

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96. Erotic Bonfires in Pornographic Films

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95. George Foreman’s Lean Mean Fat Grillin’ Machine

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94. Hot Topic

hot-topic
Crystal’s favorite clothing store. Firmly auto-straddles the line between TERRIBLE and AWESOME

93. Hot Dogs

hot-dog-eating

92. Intern Hot Laura

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[A;ex & Riese accept full responsibility for both the nickname and the wall of fire]

91. The Sahara Desert

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90. Hot Air Ballooning

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Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8See entire article on one page


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riese

Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including nerve.com, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]autostraddle.com

Riese has written 2893 articles for us.

53 Comments

  1. I LOLed often reading this list.

    However, I have to point out that this is amazing:

    71. The Temperature in the Shower When Riese fell and got five gigantic bruises,

    as represented by two models making out in the shower

  2. absolutely hilarious. considering i am, at any given time of day, about 1.5 degrees colder than “normal” body temp, being #83 on this list is pretty amazing.

    i think dante’s inferno was listed twice?

    this is seriously SO funny. so funny.

  3. #73

    Strike a pose Riese! btw, your Team has a very bad attention span, it seems. Exept for Tinkerbell,..
    OMG is Tink being squeezed again??

    #71

    Riese, is that your hand on that boob? I mean, you wear black nailpolish all the time, right?
    Seriously, looks like that hand don’t belong to any of the two girls. It just has a different skintone and stuff. Obv Riese was there in the shower, already slipped and fallen, trying to get up again while supporting herself on that boob.

    • Well, hell is a tough contender to beat. perhaps next year Maggie Gallagher will condemn us all to hot chocolate, and then we can have a serious party. I like marshmallows. Sidenote. In my hot chocolate.

  4. Pingback: Fireside Chat – “I’m Pregnant, suck my dick.” Make your tits jiggle, spray beverages out your nostrils. C’mon. « Women In Love

  5. well i hate to sound like the last person that says what everyone else has already said BUT:
    this has melted my face with HOTNESS & PERFECTION. i’d be ok with you doing a Hot 100 every week. or how about a Cold 100? a Lukewarm 50? Wet 25? Shiny 44!

  6. This is amazing.
    This is the best birthday present I could hope to receive (also probs the only one as I’m on the other side of the world from my present giving folks).

    I would very much like to see a shiny 44! Very soon.

  7. im loving the fact that I have a new code word for smoking pot.. it can now just be im going to go #48, or im so 48. ( in high school we called it camp and that caught on way to quikly..going camping at lunch time was kinda a give away!)

    great list!

  8. I just LOLed at work seeing NBA Dancers on this list. We always make fun of the Heat b/c during the annual Dance Team Bracket on NBA.com — which the Heat have won four years running, for obvious reasons — their site turns into Maxim.

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