Super Bowl XLVI, Giants vs. Patriots, Is Today

Hello football fans, queer as folks, puppies, cats, strangers, and Hawaiian sweet rolls. I hope you’re living your life like it’s golden by never singing that song because today is the day that football reigns supreme. When men in suits wax poetic about other men and no one calls them gay even though it’s kind of gay. I’m talking about Super Bowl XLVI! It looks to be an uncharacteristically not miserable weather day in Indianapolis where the New England Patriots will take on the New York Giants. This should be exciting for both cities because they really appreciate the other’s sports teams and are respectful of their efforts. Kick off is set for 6:29pm EST. Kelly Clarkson will be singing the National Anthem which is exciting even though I wish it was Jim Cornelison. As a friend of mine once said, he sings like a superhero.

New England has three titles to their name, the last coming in 2004. The Giants won their third in 2007. Most experts think the Giants will win. The only thing I’m an expert on are quesadilla makers which has nothing to do with football and might be why I think the Patriots will win. Madonna is the half-time show and it seems there will be lots of SPECIAL GUESTS. Maybe Justin Timberlake will use this time to announce his return to music. That’d be swell.

I’m not particularly excited about this game but once it starts, I think that might change. When I see how much this means to the players, coaches, and weirdly enough, fans, I become nostalgic for being in big games where a weird mix of pressure, intensity, determination, and nervousness eventually led to a moment of ultimate triumph or soul-crushing agony. But if that doesn’t appeal to you, there’s always the Puppy Bowl!

I hope you all will make it out to a Super Bowl Party. If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that anytime there is an opportunity to eat an obnoxious amount of tortillas and salsa, you take it. And maybe you’ll meet your future ex-wife there. You gotta have goals. I’m excited about my Super Bowl plans because it holds a lot of opportunities for me to use the term BrOJ Simpson in a somewhat fitting setting.

Not an invitation to bring this joke back

Now let’s see those predictions.

Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 330 articles for us.

52 Comments

  1. Hint of Lime is one of the WORST chips of all time!!! It’s awful when you grab a tortilla chip, expecting it to be normal and delicious, but instead it tastes like you have a mouthful of bile.

  2. I’m originally from Indy and am still trying to decide if it’s worth sitting through 9 million hours of football and commercials just to see 10 seconds of hometown skyline.

  3. I’ve been trying to scrape together a fuck to give about this game, but due to the fact that I’m in Morocco, by myself, with no beer or wings, and the game doesn’t start until 11:30 here, it seems it is futile. Oh well, I at least can look forward to UNC smashing Dook in a few days.

  4. I’m hoping to make it to half time, as the whole thing doesnt finish until about 4am here in the UK. Wish I was havin a party, but alas it’s a superbowl slumber party for one for me! But I do have some Fritos scoops!

  5. GO PATS!!!
    I’m down in Georgia going to a Super Bowl party that consists predominantly of Giants fans and I don’t even care. New England Pride, bitches.
    Fun story. I was asked who I wanted to win and I said the Pats, because I’m from New England and the response was, “No you aren’t. You’re from Vermont.”
    Guys, this person totally thought New England was it’s own state…This is my life.

  6. I’m in the heart of 49ers country, so I had to hide my lols of glee during the playoff.

    Now I can be a proud Giants fan as I gorge myself on 4 pounds of wings, 9 bags of chips, and enough beer for a frat house.

    I’ll see you on the other side, comrades.

  7. Not gonna spend my time watching this has been, Madonna, at the superbowl’s halftime show. Horrible new song and video. This woman needs to have some real talent instead of trying to get a ride on young artists’ talents. Go away, Madonna.

  8. I hate the Pats so I want the Giants to win. I wish I could be eating nachos and wings but I’ve been fighting a bug and food is not my friend at the moment.

    Best moment so far, seeing the Hunger Games trailer.

  9. I have no allegiance to either team really, but chose NY as I’ve at least spent time in NY/NJ and figured that should count for something.

    But then the Patriots walked out to Trick Daddy/Lil’ Jon and now I’m wavering, because I feel like knowing how to start a party should also count for something.

  10. The game is being broadcast on BBC One here. I don’t get it. It’s like rugby but with more stopping and shoulder pads and fewer Welshmen. Also while the Patriots do seem to be patriotic, the Giants seen to be nothing to do with a) Hagrid or b) They Might Be Giants, so I can’t really see what the fuss is about.

  11. I don’t actually like football, but since Aaron Rodgers is from my area, I feel obligated to be a Packers fan. And they aren’t playing, so I’ll probably just look up the funniest commercials and Madonna’s performance afterward.

    • My dad has an unabashed man-crush on Aaron Rodgers. He loves Aaron Rodgers. We go for the Packers so we didn’t have a dog in the hunt but we went for the Pats because my grandmother’s maiden name was Edelman and there’s an Edelman who plays for the Pats. It was a good enough reason for us. Ha.

      Also, with regard to the halftime show and Madonna’s performance, Khaela Maricich’s quote is incredibly relevant: “Every pop star is like a shining point on top of a pyramid of gay men.”

      • My dad has a huge man crush on Aaron Rodgers (he used to lovvveeeee Farve until he left the Packers) too! funny we are from Texas and he could care less for the two teams from our state he goes for the Packers all the time and there is no logical explanation for it haha

        • Haha, so my dad’s not the only one. We go for the Packers for two reasons. 1) My mom’s cousin is from Milwaukee and they’re mad Packers fans and my mom is now really into football (She’s from Israel so all they really have there is soccer.) And then 2) my (Australian) dad goes for the Packers because he loves Aaron Rodgers and he now absolutely loves American football since we’ve been living in the US.

  12. Don’t really care about the game but that NBC commercial where the cast’s of all their main shows (Parks and Rec, Community, 30 rock)sang and danced was AWESOME

  13. My roommate has a bunch of people over to analyze the Super Bowl commercials. So we’re watching the commercials and ignoring the game and having conversations about what cultural ideals and norms etc are being portrayed in the commercials. It’s a pretty entertaining way to spend a Super Bowl.

  14. I WON 5 DOLLARS! GO GIANTS!
    I have never won money in this fashion before.
    And I got home from a superbowl party and TEGAN AND SARA’S GET ALONG CD AND DVD WERE WAITING FOR ME!!
    I am super excited.
    Also, Red Stag cherry bourbon with Cherry Limeade. Win. I am going to keep drinking it and watch my favorite lesbian twin singers frolic around India.

    • From what I hear the rioting stayed out in Amherst.

      The police were tear gassing people at my school because the students are disgusting and can’t conduct themselves in public.

      Ugh.

  15. Was I the only Canadian curled up on the couch with my lady glued to the latest installment of the Don Cherry mini series, last night? WAY more awesome than that Megacup or whatever you call that feet-ellipse game…

  16. As a Naptown native, it was quite fun to see how the city transformed for the event – sad that it takes a sporting event for the city to suddenly infuse the local arts scene and local businesses with cash so we can put cool murals and public sculptures in place and promote local restaurants and tourist spots. That should happen regardless of major tourist events.

    But boy, does the city look really nice, and watching locals go from being cynical about the city (the “Indianoplace” slam gets used by residents far more than visitors) to supporting local artists and businesses and being proud of them when they see the outcome of the investment is pretty damned cathartic.

    Also kind of a nice “in your face” to the suburbs – we have a lot of suburban snobs who say crap like “I never go downtown” which is code for “I don’t want to rub shoulders with people of color” – who suddenly “discovered” the center of the city for the first time. I had co-workers telling *me* about the downtown foodie scene. Dudes, I live downtown; of course I’ve eaten there. I’m not your fraking sherpa, Robert Peary.

  17. I am a Patriot’s fan and I watched the game with my wife who is a Giant’s fan. She hates Lime Tortillas, I love them.

    The best part of the game was at the end seeing Kevin Youkilis on the field with his fiance’ Tom Brady’s sister, Julie.

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