Straight White Men’s Ring Placements and Their Meanings: A Guide

The kind of rings we wear and where we wear them can reveal a lot about our personalities. For example, the fact that I wear one on my left ring finger even though I’m not married but want people to think I am makes me both presumptuous and on edge as a person.

Straight white men’s rings in particular hold a special place in my heart. They’re rare enough that when I do come across one I take note of its owner. Here’s a helpful guide should you too come across one in the wild.


Thumb ring:

thumb

This guy considers himself a “bad boy” but literally zero other people consider him that. He also considers himself a “great cook” and again, literally zero other people consider him that.


Only the right ring finger:

daddy

This is a college southern frat boy. He’s distinguished now, just like daddy.


Turquoise ring, any sequence:

turq

This guy wants to know if you’re really happy with your current relationship. Really, don’t be afraid to talk about it with him. He grew up with a mother and sisters, so he knows where you’re coming from.


Rings on the pointer, middle, and ring:

american

This guy is in a shitty americana band and it’s not quite taking off. Sorry about the hat, too, it looks terrible. (Married to the music.)


Rings on the middle, ring, and pinky:

mixtape

This guy has a shitty mixtape that he’s given you two of and you’ll find them five years later in your car glued to the bottom of your center console by melted peppermints. (Married to the music.)


Rings on every finger:

magic

This guy is a true wild card. He also “dabbles in magic.” He said that to you one time!


Rings on the pointer and ring finger:

niceguy

This is I’m A Nice Guy guy and would you believe it, he’s not a nice guy.


Thumb and middle finger:

chad

If you run into this you have just met Chad Michael Murray and it’s important you look away don’t ask me why!


Pinky ring:

pinky

Litters for sure.


Middle finger:

ben

This guy’s name is Ben and he’s still doing the normcore thing.

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Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.

56 Comments

  1. ;A; this is particularly hilarious because the other day this guy asked me if i thought he could pull this ring off, like basically if it was ~manly enough~ and i was like “sure yeah rings aren’t gendered” and he was like “BUT CAN I PULL IT OFF”…anyway the point is he’s normcore guy 100%

  2. I knew a guy in HS who fits the description of both 5 & 6. But, in his case he was the one time Guinness record(a search at the time confirmed it) holder for most cards shuffles in one hand in one minute, and a terrible rapper(was trying to take bake the k-slur). I think he normally only had his pinky ring on.

  3. Do y’all remember when you were a kid in school how there was a rule that if a guy wore an earring in a certain ear, he was gay, but if he wore one in the other ear, then he was a totally cool straight guy? I can’t remember which was which, but I want to say left ear meant straight.

    Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?

  4. I one knew a “Ring On Every Finger” guy and wouldn’t you know it, he WAS a magician, and had the rings on his fingers FOR the purpose of spontaneous magic, and REALLY LIKED explaining how his version of magic is real and my version of magic is not real, so anyway maybe YOURE THE MAGICIAN, ERIN

  5. Middle finger and thumb = Chad Michael Murray. I probably laughed way too hard at this. Also, you look away simply because it’s Chad Michael Murray. You don’t need any other reason.

  6. Great, now you’ve got me searching “Ringo Starr rings hands” and consulting the guide. Looks like he went with ring and pinky finger on both hands for a while but now just goes with his wedding band. And he used to wear a big red jewel that looks like a Ring Pop.

  7. I was just downtown after reading your enlightening scholarly article when I noticed a white guy walking toward me….. with two missing fingers…pinky and ring finger and he had a ring on his middle finger and one on his pointer! ???? WTF

    Knowing how guys think about smart women, I bet he cut off those fingers just to ruin your research!

  8. I have met a “Rings on the pointer and ring finger” that also had a thumb ring. He was a small time drug dealer (pills and pot on occasion) that looked at me the way hungry people look the other table’s food because he assumed I was underage.
    Totally thought he was a charming rogue and I an innocent biddable maiden.
    Would y’all believe neither to be true?

  9. So… is there a similar list for queer women? Cause I totally rock a single blue lapis ring on my left middle finger. What message am I sending here? Is me not sending the right message the reason I attract all the crazies?

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