10 Crazy Cheap Things You Could Get Today Without Getting Off Your Ass

Hey there starship troopers! It’s the holiday season and we’re here to help you get your shit together in a variety of ways: recipes, kits, gift guides, holiday how-tos and so very much more. Come along with us, won’t you, to Autostraddle Holigays 2011!  FYI, if you follow the amazon links from our website when making holiday purchases, Autostraddle gets a little percentage of that money via our Amazon affiliates account, so we encourage you to do that All Season Long!! Thank you!

Hey-o! Raise your hand if you love the smell of commerce in the morning! Well guess what, it’s the afternoon, and if you didn’t make it to the mall today along with the rest of America, then you and I have something in common! I’m presently sitting on a couch, wearing the clothes I slept in, next to Executive Editor Laneia, who is also wearing the clothes she slept in. Luckily we have everything we could possibly need right here at our fingertips, and you should too! Sidenote: If you have any strong feelings about the quality/relevance of this post, I’d like to direct you to this other post, which details about 15% of all the fucking BRILLIANT things we’ve written in 2011.

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Shit You Could Buy Today

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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Complete Series – $57.99 (61% off of $149.95)

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Black & Decker 3 Cups Uncooked Yields 6 Cups Cooked, Rice Cooker – $13.85 (45% off $24.99)

“You don’t have to think about it, you just do it, you just push a button, and then it turns itself off.” – Laneia

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Head Massager – $3.99 (69% off $12.95)

You’ve probably never seen one of these before, but I have, and it’s actually secretly a life-changing situation.

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Celestial Seasonings Wooden Chest with Tea, 64-Count – $55.00 (43% off $96.62)

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The Hunger Games Trilogy Boxed Set (Hardcover) – $31.57 (42% off $53.97)

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but these books are like the best thing to ever happen to the world. I promise that you will like them.

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Angelina “Best Partner” Low Cut Socks, Assorted Designs, 12 Pairs per Pack – $12.00 (67% off 35.88)

These will be really easy to keep track of.

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The Universe: The Complete Series Megaset – $77.49 (57% off $102.46)

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Farouk CHI 1 Inch Ceramic Flat Hairstyling Iron – $59.99 (68% $190)

This is the best kind of hair iron in the entire world, no lie.  

Leatherman 830850 Skeletool CX Multitool – $54.42 (43% off $96)

This seems useful.

L, XL & XXL Autostraddle This T-Shirts – $18 (regularly $25)

We’re clearing out the last of our “Autostraddle This” T-Shirts to make room for furniture [i have a small apartment] and [SURPRISE]! While you’re in the store, pick up a calendar. SIDENOTE: These shirts will be mailed out on January 2, 2012, because I am not currently in the same location as the shirt. BUT IT’LL BE SO WORTH THE WAIT I PROMISE.

Also you can get crazy Fucking Deals on some magazine subscriptions, like Esquire and New York Magazine, for only $5 a year. Today only, though, so get on it! You’re welcome!


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riese

Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including nerve.com, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]autostraddle.com

Riese has written 2893 articles for us.

34 Comments

  1. learn from my mistakes: maybe don’t get the head massager if you’re massively/uncontrollably ticklish! a couple friends of mine have one and oh my g-d, it barely touches my head and it’s already too much. they seem to love it though!

  2. I’m hiding this article from my wife so she doesn’t see the tea sale. If we get any more tea in this house people are going to start trying to dump it in a harbor somewhere. She took that scene from Go Fish literally, I think.

  3. I have a theory about Dr. Quinn. That t.v. has inspired a generation of feminist/outdoor/environmental women between 25-30. Seriously ask any outdoorsy eco-chic you know, she’ll probably love her some Jane Seymour with her two different colored eyes. She’ll fight for racial/ethnic/gender equality and thus be a good person. She will have crushed on Sully, Colleen, and Matthew or any combination therein. Some of the coolest women learned about living from Dr. Q in the “manly” West.

  4. I would just like to alert everyone to the fact that the complete 7 seasons of Dr. Quinn link does NOT include the two movies, you’ll have to click on that little package deal thing that Amazon likes to offer you, if you want to do this right.

    I have a friend who had (certainly still has) every single season of Dr. Quinn (and the movies) in high school. We did not have this easy cheap way of getting them all, we had to COLLECT. My favorite was the season where they made the moral easy for you by including an informational message at the end. And also the episode where they turn a little black boy extra into a Cherokee girl by stapling braids to his afro, watch all the episodes, you will see him/her/notsureifzewasdownwiththebraids.

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