Seeing Double: Smoking Up With Orphan Black and the Clone Club

Calling all Homoganjas! Let’s talk about anything and everything Marijuana related, from legalization to pop culture to how to your own bong using a box of Diva cups and a broken lamp.

Whether you’re a newbie who doesn’t know a blunt from a joint, or you’re planning your gay dream wedding to Mary Jane, this column is for you. Puff, Puff, Pass.

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Raise your hand if you can’t get enough Orphan Black. I don’t blame you; I’ve been hooked since the first episode and I’m recapping Season Two for you weirdos! This show has everything: gorgeous women, sci-fi conspiracies and kickass gay besties. But what really sets the show apart is Tatiana Maslany’s epic performance as multiple characters. Each clone is so specific in her look/mannerisms/personality that it’s easy to forget they’re all played by the same actress. With that in mind, I’ve come up with a smoke list for every genetic identical on the show. Because while their DNA may match, their herb preferences couldn’t be more different!


Sarah Manning


What She Would Smoke:

British con artist Sarah has ovaries of brass. And with all she’s been through recently, she’d need a mellow indica to calm her nerves, like Grape Ape or Cheese. You know, something to take the edge off when you’re breaking and entering or posing as your doppelganger cop. COPPLEGANGER.

How She Would Smoke it:

Like many a former bad girl, Sarah would smoke her stash from poorly rolled joints. Sure they’re stemmy garbage, but she’s so charming you wouldn’t even care.

Cosima Niehaus


What She Would Smoke:

Quirky and crushable Cosima is already a frequent toker, disproving the cliché that stoners aren’t smart or productive. She would favor a sparkling sativa to keep her focused in the lab. Sweet Diesel and Lemon Jack would be a good fit; anything with a fruity flavor would be a plus.

How She Would Smoke it:

Cosima would smoke her bud out of a complex engineered bong she made in the lab. Or the more obvious choice, blowbacks with Delphine. Although seeing as she’s been coughing up blood, maybe girlfriend should stick with edibles.

Alison Hendrix


What She Would Smoke:

Guys, Alison is already a pro at mixing wine coolers and painkillers. This type A soccer mom could use a sweet hybrid to help her shift gears. Something like Banana OG or Chemdawg could level her out nicely.

How She Would Smoke it:

Since she needs to protect her voice for the musical, Alison would go for some edibles. They’re discreet and easy to disguise. Why do you think her vests are so puffy? THEY’RE FILLED WITH BROWNIES.

Rachel Duncan


What She Would Smoke:

Rachel has a lot of responsibilities: international business dealings, rogue clones, severe bob maintenance. No one said being a proclone was easy. She needs to unwind with a luscious indica kush, like Purple or Bubba. A nice rich herb like these will help soothe the pain of getting pistol-whipped by your genetic identical.

How She Would Smoke it:

Rachel would favor a sleek and stylish vape pen, like the Atmos Raw or the Pax. Clean, efficient and modern, just like her.



What She Would Smoke:

How do you solve a problem like Helena? Probably not with marijuana. But let’s throw a tasty hybrid at her and see what sticks. I might go with Qrazy Train or Amnesia Haze for the names alone.

How She Would Smoke it:

Helena would smoke from a glass bong with broken jagged edges, then beat someone to death with it. Sooo… contact high?

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Chelsea Steiner was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, where she works as a screenwriter/blogger/sex educator. She's the writer/director of Thank You Come Again, a queer sex positive web series based on her experiences working the Pleasure Chest, which you can follow on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. She’s obsessed with dachshunds, Buffy, 90's dance parties, and roller derby. She loves the word "Jewess" and wishes more people used it to describe her. Follow her ramblings on Twitter and her cute puppy pics on Instagram.

Chelsea has written 46 articles for us.


  1. So now I know my dream smoker’s circle is Cosima, Sarah, Alison, Rachel, Helena and Chelsea (obv)

    • I wanna get high with all of them and I also wanna binge eat everything I can find around after having smoked with Helena.

      • helena would be the best munchie buddy because i wouldn’t feel embarrassed about my ridiculous appetite for sugar & stuff (for some reason i am always the munchiest among my friends)

  2. I won’t be happy with Orphan Black until they do a That 70s Show-style smoke circle with all the clones, to be honest.

  3. Severe bob maintenance – LOL! And yes to that That 70’s show smoke circle with the clones PLUS FELIX!

  4. I think Helena would smoke from one of those terrifying plastic bottle and aluminum foil pipes.

    “BPAs Seestra? Rachel can just give me new lung.”

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