Hello and welcome to the seventh recap of the third season of The Real L Word, an hour-long teen drama centered on a tight-knit group of surprisingly artictulate friends growing up in the quaint seaside town of Capeside who carry on passionate teenaged affairs with one another, create terrible self-referential films, escape housefires and deal with Adult Issues like estranged parents, dead parents, divorced parents, re-married parents, sex, teacher-student affairs, mental illness, slut-shaming and homosexuality.
I got the screencaps last night and have been immersed in this delightful program all day! My dearest love, Intern Grace, did not have time to create her clever image titles past the first few scenes, unfortunately, and this recap is kinda late, but it’s here now and that’s all that matters. We’re all here now.
We open in sunny Los Angeles, California, where Whitney and Sarahara are attempting to leave on a jet plane for Connecticut, where Whitney’s family lives, but their bag is overweight! Riveting stuff.
After removing their medium-sized strap-on, their large strap-on, Sarahara’s Ashton-Drake realistic baby doll, the nightstick Whitney uses for cop/robbers role play, the bust of Ilene Chaiken she insists they bring with them everywhere they go, six identical copies of Infinite Jest, Sarahara’s five-gallon Caboodles and a small household cat, they’re good to go!
We cut to Lamanda’s Love Shack, where the Beautiful Party Princess Amazonian Lovergirl Lauren Bedford Russell wakes up to greet the morning but finds herself alone, yearning for Kiyomi’s soft futch touch and the gentle snap of her suspenders as they graze her skin and fall delicately to the floor, where someone recently spilled a beer. What am I even talking about anymore.
Lauren sulks into the kitchen, adorned in her lady-love’s varsity jacket:
Lauren interviews that she’s still thinking about Kiyomi, in case you missed that whole thing from five seconds ago, and Amanda points out that Lauren’s been really wacky lately:
We take a midnight train back to New York City, where Kiyomi is meeting up with Vero The Coolest Cucumber for cornbread, daisies, fight club, ping-pong, arsenic, hemp tattoos, babies and a heart-to-heart.
Obviously Lauren is on Kiyomi’s mind as well:
Kiyomi:Â “I feel like everything is happening really fast and I’m trying to, you know, take things slow, you know. We’re both really busy people in our careers, just gonna try and see each other when we can and see how it goes.”
Kiyomi interviews that part of her hesitation is because she’s just gotten out of this relationship with Ali, because now that she’s out of it, she can call it a relationship without hyperventilating. Vero is like, dude, she is way into you though:
Vero: “At Dinah Shore she told me something, she said something along the lines of I can see myself just being with her.”
Kiyomi: “She must have been loaded! No, I’m just kidding.”
Vero: “It sounds like she she really digs you.”
Regardless, Kiyomi is k-k-kinda busy:
We then cut back to Lamanda in Los Angeles, still sitting in The Room With The Table In It, still talking about Kiyomi. Lauren points out that perhaps the distance will enable a more mature relationship as they’re unable to hang out all day every day until they lose all their friends and develop a false sense of intimacy and understanding that cannot possibly exist until you’ve known someone for a really long time. But also, she’s never done long distance, and also it’s not a relationship yet but also —
Lauren: “It’s like crazy to talk about it right now, you know?”
Amanda: “Yet you’re like talking about it constantly to the point where I wanna like gouge my eyes out with a fork.”
And SCENE.
Somewhere else on a planet far far away but probably in the Los Angeles Metro Area, it’s Kacy’s Mom’s turn on the Meet The Parents Tour. Kacy interviews that since retiring, her Mom’s become super-awesome: she drives long distances, enjoys golf and is a Great Source of Love and Comfort.
Mom asks how Cori is holding up and Kacy admits that “sometimes I think she’s doing better than I am.”
Kacy: “I think everybody expects to be really gentle with her, and they think I’m fine.”
Mrs.Kacy: “Well, that’s so crappy.”
Kacy: “It is pretty crappy.”
Mrs.Kacy: “You have to tell people, I’m hurting too.”
This show’s done a great job of showing that Kacy is hurting too, but it’s unsurprising that perhaps her friends haven’t noticed it themselves. Often butch or masculine lesbians are handled like men are handled when it comes to emotional situations — expected to be The Protector somehow immune to The Feelings, and probably moreso in this case because it was Cori who carried the baby. But pro tip: butches cry too.
Mrs. Kacy tells Kacy that she had a hard time getting preggers too — ten years, four miscarriages — but she never had to carry the baby to term, like Cori did. Mrs. Kacy says what we’re always thinking every episode every single week, which’s that it’s mega-inspirational to watch how losing Charlie brought KayCor closer together rather than driving them further apart. Kacy says that they’re ready to try again.
It’s true, there’s so much more now. Because when her first sibling is born, Charlie won’t be their last child anymore. She’ll be their first.
Starsweep cross-country to cloudy Connecticut, where Whitney and Sarahara have traveled to participate in the next stop on The Real L Word’s Meet the Parents Coming Out World Tour — this time Grandma’s in the hot seat. She’s 92 years old and also awesome.
Whitney gathers ’round the table with Grandma, Sarahara, Mom, a bottle of wine and captivating conversation:
Whitney interviews that as a kid, when her family split up and money was low, Whitney and her Mom moved in with Grandma so Grandma is really important, just like Sookie Stackhouse’s Gran and Jen Lindley’s Grams.
Whitney’s never directly addressed The Gay Thing with Grandmother and now she’ll be delivering the double-whammy of Gay and Engaged. Whitney’s nervous and taking it slow:
How will Grandmother react?
Will she react like this? 
+
I hope it’s not like this:
+
Or like this:
Hopefully it won’t be anything like this, either:
+
Ideally, it will go something like this:
Whitney’s gonna break the big news during dinner, for which she’s invited her childhood pal Tiffany who accidentally steals the scene when she announces during dinner that she and her boyfriend Luigi are getting married.
She’s basically marrying the second-most-popular video game character of all time! Sarahara cannot compete with this holy union!
Despite all the love in the air, Whitney fails to announce her engagement:
Whitney: Â “Basically everything is like engagement engaged discuss and I for some reason am not going there at all, I was avoiding it like the plague.”
Cut to somewhere else in the universe, probably Venus or Pluto or The Inferno, where Romi’s meeting up with some alternatively coiffed ladies named Mercado and Erika to discuss her latest adventure in self-referential commerce: Romi’s gonna become a pop star and would like “her own song.”
These chicks are gonna make her music video for this song she hasn’t recorded or heard yet.
At this moment in the recap I would like to introduce a new device, which’s “copy/pasting g-chats I had with (Autostraddle Executive Editor) Laneia during the show.”
Laneia: she looks like a twelve-year-old’s take on what a hip hop starlet would wear
Riese: fur coat
baseball cap
oh she’s practically nicki minaj
Romi’s had just about enough of established musicians like Rihanna and Madonna stealing the stage at her club appearances. Why’s she wasting her time introducing other people’s music when she could be introducing her very own song?
Romi: “I do a lot of club appearances, and I think it would be nice to have something that was mine, now I’m trying to have fun with another creative side of me.”
Romi interviews that her Mom’s ex-girlfriend was a songwriter/producer and used to write songs in the car, which’s basically like Romi growing up on Bob Dylan’s lap. My Mom’s ex-girlfriend was a high school track coach and you don’t see me doing sprints in the backyard, but whatever. Romi also claims to have experienced the completely unique and totally remarkable sensation of wishing she was the one on stage while watching other humans perform musically.
Romi: “My thing to every work opportunity right now is YES.”
It’s also her answer to every ex-boyfriend, coincidentally — Romi plans on laying down her slick beats with none other than the world-famous Dusty Ray of my favorite tumblr, dustyandromi dot tumblr dot com!
Once upon a time, Romi was just the rock star’s girlfriend, drooling in the front row with her Miracle Bra and chunky rings and whiskey flask but we’ve all grown/changed so much since then, haven’t we?
Erika and Mercado are concerned regarding Romi’s mike-holding skills. I’m sure Jay could testify that she’ll do just fine with it.
Romi interviews that she dated Dusty Ray six years ago.
Riese: 6 years ago?
um, i thought that she hadn’t dated men in 8 years
Laneia: she is such a raging twat
Riese:Â seriously do the people who make this show think we’re total idiots?
i’m not being hyperbolic this is a a real question
she said it’d been eight years since she dated a guy like two episodes ago
Laneia: puppppyyyy
Somewhere else at some other crucial and influencial moment in history, Amanda walks into the Room With The Table In It and announces she’s flying to New York City in two hours and needs a ride to the airport.
Amanda’s bought a one-way, which isn’t actually entirely notable ’cause sometimes you just don’t know what day you’re flying back yet and round-trips aren’t cheaper than one ways like they used to be when I was a toddler eating my own thumbs and rubbing paste on the wall, but I think we’re supposed to think this is a big deal and Amanda will never return to Los Angeles, or something.
Amanda: “Can you please not question me and just drive me to the airport?”
Smear to Cozy Connecticut, where Whitney, Sarahara and Grandmother are still warming their asses around the kitchen table. Now that Tiffany The Scene-Stealer is out of the picture, it’s Whitney’s time to shine. Prior to departing, Tiffany gave Whitney this blessing:
Tiffany: “Don’t be scared, be brave, lionheart.”
So Whitney goes for it:
Grandmother’s response is, more or less, “NBD.”
Sarahara shows Grandmother her ring and then Grandmother shows Sarahara her wedding ring and you know, rings rings rings fingers slipping into things. All’s well.
Whitney: “This whole time I’m sitting there creating this response or this fear in myself of what Grandma is gonna say and what she’s gonna think about our engagement, and when it finally came up there was nothing weird. I feel silly for creating it into something that it isn’t.”
Never underestimate Grandmother, I’m telling you.
Back at The House of Sad and Slowly Clearing Fog, Cori and Kacy are prepping physically and emotionally for their appointment at Seattle Grace for another insemination.
Kacy: “It’s the craziest combination between happy and sad ever.”
Kacy & Cori keep Charlie’s ashes in a tiny heart-shaped box, and they decide to bring the box with them to the doctor.
Cori: “I definitely think that Charlie — I know that she’s the reason that I’m pushing. I know she would be so upset if we gave up, and I know that she’s up there picking out the perfect little sibling, I know it.”
Cut back to Connecticut, where Whitney and Sarahara are visiting a cafè to pretend like they’d been living in isolation cells ever since Telling Grandma and have gathered here to discuss it like it’s brand-new news.
Whitney notes that due to the seductive legality of gay marriage in Connecticut, perhaps it’d benefit them to get legally hitched while they’re in town and then have the Big Wedding in California with Everybody in June.
Whitney interviews:
Whitney: “Honestly, a legal ceremony, it’s important in the sense that I want the same rights as a heterosexual couple would have, for sure, and it’s not like gay couples can just wake up one morning and say, “Hey, let’s go to Vegas and get married!” In a spiritual sense, it doesn’t matter, the legality of things, I would go through the ceremony if it wasn’t legal, but in a human rights sense, absolutely the legality part matters.”
But seriously, who the fuck needs Vegas anyhow when you’ve got Connecticut’s own Mohegan Sun?
Amirite?
We now travel to what I believe is the deepest, darkest, swampiest murky bits of hell to meet up with Dusty Ray, The Passionate Artist Musician Sensitive Soul Genius.
Romi, wrapped in a delightful  headscarf, wearing a t-shirt with her own face on it and carting two gigantic hoola hoops on her ears, implores Dusty Ray to help her not make a fool of herself. Dusty Ray’s not worried about that:
Laneia: “i don’t wanna look like a fool”
too late
me: i already hate him
i hate him more than romi
Romi interviews that Dusty ALMOST got signed when he was 18, just like I almost got into Columbia, almost got hit by a car, almost got my book published and almost didn’t binge drink throughout this episode. Furthermore, he’s opened “for a lot of big artists” and been on Warped Tour!
Laneia: megan whispered “warped tour” and rolled her eyes
this is my feeling
the whispering of warped tour
god he looks like such a douchebag riese
me: oh my g-d
Laneia: i will die of douchebag
me: this is worse than warped tour
no wait warped tour was worse than this
it was just beer and heat
Laneia: he looks like he’s dressing like he thinks a a rock star would dress in a movie
a movie about a rockstar
me: “how is it that she is both simultaneously sharp and flat” – marni
Following her first go at it, Dusty inquires:
Dusty: “Are you gonna have anyone sing with you?”
Romi: “Nope.”
Dusty: “I mean you should.”
Romi: “But I’m not.”
Dusty: “You’re not though?”
Romi: “You can.”
Dusty: “Let’s do it.”
Romi: “Will you do it with me?”
Dusty: “Of course I will!”
Romi: “Really?”
Dusty:“Yeah.”
I think we all know where this is going. Romi interviews:
Romi: “I felt so much safer having him do it with me and I could feel it when I was singing with him and like, looking at him, that I could pretty much zone out what was going on as long as he was with me… I think he felt the same thing. I’ve wanted to do this like my whole life, and why not try it with somebody who has so much experience and can really work with me and believes in me.”
Dusty interviews:
Dusty: “Romi’s so natural at everything. You’ve just gotta get the artist in tune with themselves and once they do that, they can do anything. It’s about having fun on the mike… she’s just so good at being her, that it’s just interesting to hear.”
Laneia: the key here is that he believes in her
she is really good at being her, that’s true
me: they’re perfect for each other
that’s true
Romi’s invited Kelsey to drop by the studio to assess her competition:
Kelsey: “At first I was a little weary about Romi making music with her ex-boyfriend but I met him and you know, Dusty has a girlfriend so he doesn’t seem like a threat at all, I actually thought he was on my team and gay, but apparently he’s not gay.”
Laneia and I typed “!!!!” at the same time when Kelsey said that, sidenote.
Kelsey notes that Dusty is a “cuter version of Jay.” He’s sort of a pocket Jay. Like a pocket Gay. That’s the most clever idea I’ve had all recap.
Anyhow, Queer Pomp + Mercado arrive to snatch footage for the upcoming music video.
Kelsey: “Romi’s an entertainer and she loves to entertain and her making pop music is what she wants to do, she should definitely do it. But is it good? I don’t know. Listen to it and tell me what you think.”
Oh, I thought you’d never ask! Readers, take a gander:
Back in New York City, Amanda’s hot-rigged a motorcycle and is zooming around the city like she owns the place.
Amanda: “I’ve never had like alone time or down time in any way with Kiyomi, so while i’m in New York I wanna figure out what her intentions are and what the hell is going on. I have every intention to call her out and talk to her.”
So Kiyomi invites Amanda to a dinner party Laura’s throwing.
Kiyomi is really putting on the ritz for Amanda:
Kiyomi: “The only thing that I can do is be myself and be authentic. if she likes me then she likes me and if she doesn’t then she doesn’t and there’s nothing that I can do about that.”
Cut to The Hospital, where Cori and Kacy are preparing for their new journey into The Miracle of Life.
Much like marijuana, the sperm vials are labeled with obscure symbols indicating particular strains and Kacy recognizes the one they’ve got:
Kacy: “It’s the same batch [that made Charlie].”
Cori: “Oh my gosh, that’s crazy.”
Kacy kisses the sperm vial for good luck.
Cori: “Did you ever think your mouth would be so close to some sperm?”
Kacy: “Really? Really? That’s what we’re doing with this? No, but if this is what I gotta do to make a baby, then yes.”
Really, they’re on a roll with the humor this scene:
Cori: “I hope my cervix isn’t being an asshole today. Ugh, why does this have to be so uncomfortable.”
Kacy: “It could be worse, you could have dude on top of you.”
Kacy kisses her and tells her it’s gonna be okay and they are so cute and I’m pretty sure Laneia cried a lot during this scene.
We zoom back over to the East Coast, where Whitney and Sarahara are visiting Uncle Mike to tell him they’re getting married. Let’s just do this forever! Whitney and Sara tell the mailman about their wedding! Whitney and Sara show the ring to their roommates from college! It could be a spinoff called “Whitney and Sara Tell People About Their Wedding!” and I wouldn’t have to recap it because it’d be a spinoff, duh, and I’m only recapping this show, not the inevitable spin-offs. I’d also like to pitch All Romi, All The Time as a potential breakout hit.
YAWN BRING BACK THE CREAMED CORN.
So basically, Whitney’s Dad isn’t coming to the wedding because he doesn’t wanna be on camera. I can’t believe that her father is both alive and supportive but she’d rather have it filmed than have him there, but my rant on this topic wasn’t well-received by my viewing companion so I’m probably totally wrong and should be mad at Mr. Whitney.
Whitney: “My Dad is not coming to the wedding because he feels uncomfortable being on camera, and I’d like him to be there for such a huge event in my life you know, that matters to me, it’s my one wedding, and so yeah it pisses me off that my Dad can’t put whatever shit he’s got going on in the back burner and make it there. ‘Cause the reality is he is supportive of me being married but he just can’t get over himself…”
Mom shows up and Whitney tells her that they’ve extended their vaycay, which means they’ve gotta go to TJ’s asap and get more Chicken Tacos, and also they “might” get technically married in Connecticut and “might actually go down and get like an actual license here.”
Whitney: “My mom’s reaction to hearing that we’re getting legally married is comparable to me telling my mom that we’re neared, she kinda has this pause and like—”
Sara: “A blank stare.”
Whitney: “She just needs process time, it varies between 10 and 25 seconds.”
Mom says of course she’ll be there tomorrow for their impromptu ceremony, which’s excellent ’cause I think it’s happening in her backyard. LITERALLY.
We zip northwards to Brooklyn, where Laura is femmed out and full of love and food, throwing a dinner party for her friends ’cause her Mom is in town and Mom nixed the “go to Cubbyhole” plan and they love to cook. They just LOVE to cook! And eat! And cook and eat and drink with friends!
Look at all these friends, all dressed in black like the busboys at The Olive Garden!
Somer’s unavailable so Donna has arrived in her stead.
Also present?
Amanda has to step out for her scheduled call with Lauren while everybody else witnesses the final plating and delivery of the evening meal. Lauren’s jealous of Amanda’s geographical situation and they miss each other so Lauren decides to hop a plane. Will Kiyomi pee/come in her pants in excitement, or will she yell “you can’t just hop a a plane and come and visit me again?” Let’s find out!
Amanda: “I was just on the phone with Lauren. She’s gonna come out. Do you think that’s scary?”
Kiyomi:Â “[makes weird noises, laughs] I’m surprised, i mean, I’m not — that’s awesome, that’s great! That’s good!”
Amanda: “You seem a little nervous, not gonna lie. Where are these reservations coming from?”
Kiyomi: “No, not reservations, I’m just surprised –”
Amanda: “Why? Explain.”
Kiyomi: “Can we talk about this not in front of everybody?”
Amanda: “Yeah.”
Kiyomi: “Thank you.”
Amanda: “I sense a lesbian freakout!”
But really Vero and her girlfriend steal the scene:
Amanda’s underwhelmed by Kiyomi’s reaction and shuffles her into another room for her interrogation, during which she points out that Kiyomi & Lauren have never been on a date before and so Kiyomi better start thinking of ideas. I suggest Chuckie Cheese’s. Just throwing it out there.
Amanda: “You’re like, I put rose petals all over the house, and then I put cats all over the bed, I covered the bed in cats and kittens—”
Kiyomi: “I actually maybe have put rose petals — not rose petals — not too long ago —”
Amanda: “Keep that to yourself forever.”
Amen.
Kiyomi interviews that she’s got a SUPERCRUSH on Lauren, which’s like Superfreak, but for lesbians, and that she’s nervous about Lauren coming out ’cause of some abstract emotional reason involving question marks that I don’t really give a fuck about.
Amanda: “I know that inside you’re like a little 13 year old girl and you’re like ‘yes i’m so excited’ and you’re gonna go home and change your outfit 14 times before you go meet her.”
Kiyomi: “That might be true.”
Bye Mrs. Laura, we’ll see you again when/if Laura has some potentially upsetting but ultimately heartwarming news to share!
We smear on back to Connecticut, Whitney’s home and native land. I went to Connecticut earlier this year, I believe, to talk to the Yale Children about Sex & Writing. It was way awesomer than this teevee show. Anyhow, I found “Connecticut” quite challenging to spell when I was learning to spell, didn’t you? So in my head it’s still “Connect – I – cut.” Like it connects with a cut. Anyhow, speaking of cunts, Sarahara has one and is gonna call her Mom.
She’s gotta tell Mom that the wedding’s still in June but they’re gonna handle some paperwork today in Connect-i-cut. Surprise! Mom says “let me have a seat,” and there are some awkward pauses and then Mom lays the smack down:
Mrs.Sara: “Sara, let me tell you this. How can you just think of you? You’re not thinking of us! In such short time. I’m too old for so much news at the same time. It’s too much!”
Mom says this situation seems “like a Russian salad” which Sara explains means “it has a lot of confusing components.” Mom asks to speak to Whitney.
Whitney asks Mrs.Sara what she thinks about The Connecticut Plan:
Mrs. Sara: “Well everything is so fast for me. I’m old . I’m not work that fast. But I just wanna tell you we with you guys 120, for sure… I want you to know you take Sara, she’s the most important thing we have. her and my other daughter. Please be happy.”
Whitney promises to take care of Sara and I got a little teary.
Cut to another Insufferable Minute in Los Angeles, California, where Romi $linger is launching her career at a coffee shop with her ex-boyfriend and that fur coat.
Dusty Ray opens his mouth and words come out of it:
Dusty Ray: “I’m gonna make the best track that I can for you. and then we’re gonna put your voice on it and that’s what pop needs, and that’s what music needs and that’s what you need, is just to be real.”
In response, Romi says: “sometimes I just stare at you.”
Dusty: “Really, why?”
Romi: “I don’t know. I stare at you sometimes… it’s a weird like… hmmmmm — “
Romi interviews about how much she loves Dusty Ray and feels this deep connection with him:
Romi: “It’s kinda weird, like it trips me out sometimes, like sometimes I look at him and he looks at me and I’m like did you happen in a dream? Did you happen in my past?”
 
I bet you’re wondering how these two lovebirds met!
Well, here’s the story:
Romi: “My friend introduced me to Dusty in San Jose and we started dating that day. Literally shook hands, fell in love, we were on the balcony that night already making out and then we dated for four months of just being together every single day, we would just drink wine and talk about music and listen to music, it was amazing, like I was in love with him. Dusty left me, so it wasn’t my call. That was one of the only people who really broke my heart and then six years later I get a call that he lives in LA and is working on music.”
There’s some mumbo jumbo between them about their energy being cut short the last time they orbited each other’s moons and now it’s “immediate” reconnection which Dusty Ray notes is “just like plugging it back in.” So to speak.
Laneia: oh
oh
oh
WAIT
Riese: her favorite thing is people who remind her of her
Laneia: FOUR MONTHS
i;dgfaegio;egijregijoraejow
Riese: she was in love with him
Laneia: it was wine and talking about music
riese
it was so pure
it was like
immediate
like
Riese: music and love and life
Laneia: like
Riese:Â free love
Laneia: like
like
Riese: free city
like
it was so LIKE
like amazing
Laneia: i know
i know
like
Riese: they just LOOK at each other
Laneia: i know
Riese: right
i know
i know you know
Laneia: lol like i know
egroieiot4;ijlr3
Romi says Dusty Ray makes her feel sixteen again!
Riese: thinking i liked boys reminds me of being 16 too
Laneia: being 16 again would make me want to die
So I guess the internet gave Romi shit for what’s coming next in this storyline, which I assume is Romi leaving Kelsey for Dusty and, I guess, cheating on Kelsey? I assume this based on this blog post she wrote in response to apparent hate she’s getting about cheating on a woman with a man? (Sidenote: she cheated on a man with a woman like three episodes ago, so). The jist of the blog post is, “you all think it’s okay when girls cheat on girls with girls, but suddenly because it’s a boy, it’s not okay,” which’s a stupid thing to say because nobody here thinks it’s okay for girls to cheat on girls with other girls! That’s crazy! I mean, yes, there is a double standard in the lesbian community where bisexuals dating boys is concerned, and there are so many examples of that out there in the world but honey — this is not an example of that.
She ends the post by saying you can’t get mad at people for following their hearts, and then I ran into traffic and died.
Ultimately, it’s her life, we’ve all made terrible mistakes, I have too, I can’t judge her. But I can’t imagine ever in a million years writing a blog post imploring everybody to stop “putting me down” for cheating because I was only “following my heart and being totally honest.” No! When you’ve done something wrong, you deserve to be down, and when it was me, I knew I deserved to be down.
I’ve always liked Romi’s character but this season I really, really don’t. I don’t care about her sexual orientation and as aforementioned, am in no position to judge how she handles her relationships, but I just don’t like her character. That’s part of being on teevee — people will see your character and some will like it and some won’t!  So the only problem I see here is the unnecessary apostrophe used to pluralize “members.” Plural nouns don’t need apostrophes! #JustSaying.
It’s time for the unconventional wedding in the backyard in Connecticut, Whitney’s home and native land!
Whitney: “I’m dressed like an Amish man.”
Sarahara, on the other hand, is wearing a red dress, like that song “Lady in Red” and also like that song “Devil With a Red Dress On.”
Oh wait, whoops, wrong late-night Showtime drama about unconventional relationships that claims to be real and progressive and features a bunch of white people with significant sex drives and too many feelings!
Sarahara says it’s freezing, but luckily they’ve got their love to keep them warm, the Justice of the Peace, and at least one chair suitable for the outdoors. So it’s very sweet and everybody has the loveliest time!
Grandmother interviews:
Grandmother: “Oh, I’m happy to see them get married. It’s something I’ve got to get used to, too, but it’s still fine no matter how you look at it, I think they’re adorable together.”
Whitney: “IÂ don’t think I ever thought my grandma would be at the wedding. I love the fact that my Grandma’s at my wedding that happened to be a same-sex marriage, I don’t think I ever would have thought of that, I’m so grateful.
Whitney’s really emotional and teary and I think I got kinda teary, too. Not Laneia though. Also then the show ends and they show us scenes from next week, which is like being shown a video of a root canal before getting the root canal.
Laneia: well obvs we all agree that kelsey, korycasiekoorkdkckasie and grandma are the best things
i wish i knew how the insemination and the stress and the bills and the life affected korcaci
bc that is so real riese
girls getting drunk — even if they’re lesbians! — isn’t real. that is inherently fake and pointless
girls fighting and being beneath themselves and flying to other cities. i don’t care about that who would ever care about that
i wish they would show me something that i haven’t seen — an actual committed lesbian relationship, with problems and happiness and cats
Riese: i don’t think reality television can show that
Laneia: riese i refuse to believe that
Riese: we don’t trust it enough.
documentaries can
or scripted tv
but reality tv is inherently exploitative
it feels fake by definition
documentaries want to be honest
fiction wants to be honest
reality tv wants to be dishonest while pretending to be honest
that’s the genre
Laneia: i hate it
[12 minutes later]
Riese:Â do u watch the poly show
Comments
“IF ONLY WE HAD AN ENTIRE TUMBLR THAT WAS JUST PICTURES OF YOU OR THE BOTH OF US THAT I COULD STARE AT ALL THE TIME”
I fucking love you.
Also “Keep that to yourself forever.”
These are my highlights, I think.
ALSO ALSO ALSO I could not get through the song. Didn’t Romi already have a music career? I could’ve sworn I had a dream or something where she was telling me the best places to be gay.
It might have been LA.
yes “gay in LA”! i liked that one so much for real:
http://www.autostraddle.com/romi-klinger-the-real-l-word-presents-its-good-to-be-gay-in-la-117954/
It’s one of those things you don’t admit too often but yeah, I liked that one, too. :)
This other thing? I stopped it by about the 28 second mark.
Oh, wow. I didn’t even realize I’d stopped listening to it. I read this comment and went back to the tab. Sure enough, stopped at :24 seconds.
Glad I’m not the only one that liked “gay in LA”
I haven’t watched this episode yet… but thank you. thank you thank you thank you, for telling me exactly when i need to fast forward through certain people (i.e. Kiyomi/Lamanda & Rusty [yup i nicknamed them]) The hour-long episodes suddenly become about 30 minutes when you get through the junk.
also, Whit used to live in my town and also in the next town over… I wonder which town she was visiting during filming? (this is just me talking to myself)
i was asking thee same thing! stalker-ish? maybe. but i don’t care.
also mohegan sun hits a little close to home :/
Kelsey for the win!
“But is it good? I don’t know. Listen to it and tell me what you think.”
Even she knows it sucks.
YES. That line. I laughed. Hard.
LOL! That was the best line ever.
That Kelsey line was one of the most perfect things I’ve ever heard.
This was absolutely perfect! Her facial expression was absolutely hysterical. I even had to rewind and play it over again!
“i already hate him
i hate him more than romi”
my exact thoughts at that moment.
i wish i could just stop watching this show, honest.
Grandma at the wedding! I had something in my eye during that part.
Use the “I have allergies, and it’s stuffy in here” excuse. Works every time.
Good one, Jess. Making a mental note here.
Cause no way I got teary eyed watching TRLW
I sit through this season purely for the brief and beautiful glimpses of Vero. Even if ALMOST EVERY TIME WE SEE HOTTY McSENSUAL VOICE VERO she is sat with her cool face on while Kiyomi Irritating McMoans-a-lot Moans a Lot about all the sex she’s having and how complicated her emotions surrounding that are. Seriously, how do they pick which stories to focus on??
Dusty looks an awful lot like Luka Magnotta and it scares me. :-/
the instant he opened his mouth this was my thought. so alarming.
you win at all the things
Romi having her own song will be a nice addition to her Sunday evenings in between filming of rewatching her own parts of the show and wearing exclusively clothes that have her face on them. Now she has background music!
I’m confused, they say it was freezing and yet they’re both standing out there barefoot. Perhaps that might be a good time to wear some shoes.
I couldn’t figure this out either. Also…that blanket?! If I wanted great photos from a Lady Gaga concert bad enough to stand on the sidewalk half naked for 6 hours in February, I think Sarahara can ditch the afghan long enough to repeat a few sentences. #JustSaying
lmfao
Katie, I am not intimidated.
With each passing episode, Romi is starting to fit the profile of a sociopath. Like for real. She’s checking a lot of the boxes, not just one or two. I pray to God this show really is as scripted as I think it is and she is not actually as god awful as she seems to be but that blog post is not exactly helping.
Also, her wardrobe is atrocious and makes me wish their really was an actual fashion police to issue her a citation.
she strikes me as borderline, not a sociopath- the substance abuse issues and the unstable identity and the bouncing around from person to person… I kind of feel sad for her.
Agreed, re borderline although her mom mentioned once she was bipolar. I don’t dislike or harbor ill will toward her but I do worry that being on this show isn’t really good for her mental well-being.
This is the first season i’ve ever seen of the real L word (I came for the Hunter Valentine). I don’t understand how anyone could like Romi but from the recap it sounds like maybe at one time she was likable. My sister made a good point when she said that it seems like Romi just clings to whomever comes near that has something she needs.
I’m kinda bummed that Ali got a good amount of story time but Katie Murphy (Sick Of Sarah) & Tucky Willams (Girl/Girl Scene) got squat. Tucky & Laura were an adorable couple and as I understand Katie & Murphy still are one.
Also in that “making of” video was that the song, playing in the background, that Romi was recording in the episode? Sounds like Dusty or whoever auto-tuned the crap out of it and Romi was so bad that he relegated her to only a tiny bit of the chorus.
She’s coming off clingy like Saran Wrap this season, and maybe that’s what alcohol took the edge off, I wonder? Make the inside voices stop, etc. Is Romi our Cat Marnell, but sober? Or was that Rachel Rodriguez from Season Two? Does anyone care? God, I hope not.
her last name is klinger, so….
I wish they cut out more of the stalker Ali and added Tucky’s scenes. I had no idea she and Laura are (or were?) and item. I wonder what Tucky thought of Laura dropping trou to impress Pinkie. Then again, “scripted for cable” explains that…
Tucky isn’t with Laura now. She did a video chat a few weeks ago and said she’s single and ‘has been for a long time’.
final thoughts
1. vero&girlfriend scenes, grandma mixter, disapproving kelsey (in relation to the making of ear infection music), and confession time: the kiyoren story line got me through this episode. probably also the fact that i was watching girl/girl scene online
2. sara looks really cute in little to no make up on her face and fall layers, i think it also helped that she didn’t bring up romi once during this whole disaster. you know what else is cute, amanda’s little motorcycle!
oh and dusty reminds me of a douchey sonic the hedgehog
Amanda +motorcycle = HOT
I thought the same thing about Sara, she should go for that no makeup look more often. Or at least find some balance between that and what shes doing.
I’ve come to believe Charlie Monroe is the best big sister ever. She sacrificed her tiny self so that her parents would know what’s up about the very rare condition Cori has, and so her future siblings would survive. I love that kid for that. Also, she’s a tough little one, fighting to be be born so she could meet her moms, sharing a breath, her only breath, with them. Angel. God bless.
Cori: “I definitely think that Charlie — I know that she’s the reason that I’m pushing. I know she would be so upset if we gave up, and I know that she’s up there picking out the perfect little sibling, I know it.”
Maybe I just cried. It might have happened.
Um.. Romi is pretty much Jenny schecter..
Take that back!! NOW! :)
Seriously, you have to take that back. No one can touch Sarah Schuster.
Romi wishes.
ugh no. jenny was so much better than that. don’t even >:c
haha i think jenny actually had a heart
i love jenny schecter for real
(season six’s retcon has been erased from my memory because it was traumatic)
I loved Jenny too and Mia Kirshner is amazing.
Season 6 didn’t happen, we all had a collective hallucination. It was made by cylons and injected in our brains while we were sleeping.
Did anyone catch the lyrics to Romi’s song?
“….how you’re feeling is it better where it’s wetter and the weather’s inconsistent like your feelings…..”
I mean wow
Her lyrics remind me of when I’d use altavista to translate my Spanish homework into English.
Carrie, that comment made me laugh uncontrollably for like, three minutes. Still laughing just looking at it.
Same her. Awesome comment! :)
Same HERE! Gosh, I am so gay..
Sounds suspiciously like lyrics from “Under the Sea”- “it’s always better down where it’s wetter take it from me” – which honestly I’ve always viewed as Disney supporting the lesbians
BUT DID YOU KNOW THIS HAPPENED?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgdLM3wZ20A
i did also read your recap riese, and it was funny as always!
i just thought that we needed a moment of sanity after watching this show, and you know, before glee comes back and all..
Can I just point out the unimpressed look on Erika’s face in the entire scene where they are talking about Romi making a song. It’s like she knows Romi is full of shit and doesn’t want to be there.
Also am I the only one who laughed through the whole scene of Whitney crying at the end just from pure shock that Whitney was actually showing human emotions? Like I wasn’t expecting it, Whitney crying.
Also. Also. That poly show that comes on after. I watch that show. It is WEIRD and like a train wreck due to that “pod” (the four people couple??) they are just…IDK. They are basically two married couples who have sex with the other couple and the dudes don’t even get it on. I’m just like… Why don’t the dudes get it on if you’re all in love?
Cuz a very small part of me wants to see some dude on dude but I think that even Showtime is too afraid to show something so “EXTREME” like two dudes getting it on cuz you know…No straight guy would want to see that so what’s the point???
this bothers me about the show too, i don’t like how all the women are bisexual and the men aren’t…
I just watched an episode online. One of the guys in that ‘pod’ is a mega douchebag.
So, his wife, a member of the pod has a girlfriend that she won’t share with anyone else and he thinks that breaks the rules of polyamory, so it’s more like a non-monogamous relationship. Funny how polyamory only applies when he wants sex with a hot young girl and definitely doesn’t require him crossing swords with the other man in the ‘pod’, hmm.
i do like the show mostly, it’s interesting, but tbh the part that makes me craziest is how that one guy still has that haircut from like the mid-90s? nobody has that haircut anymore. every time i look at him i want to scream WHY ARE TWO HOT WOMEN HAVING SEX WITH YOU, LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING HAIR!!!?!?!
http://www.sho.com/site/image-bin/images/85_0_0/85_0_0_c-9037_1024x512.jpg
I liked it, especially when they came out to their parents who were so cool about it all (and also since both families involved jewish families)
before even looking at that link i’m guessing you’re talking about nick carter and his curtains, yes?
his definition of what polyamory was and how it should play out in their relationship did seem to centre on what his penis wanted… even though his wife’s girlfriend told her she wasn’t really interested in that, and when he asked to kiss her she had to laugh it off… it’s probably difficult to tell someone you’re with who is polyamorous that you don’t think much of their husband.
In interesting news:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-19402508
check out Brazil!
just checked the link and yes it was indeed mr curtains.
his hair actually made me look up the series to make sure it wasn’t a 10-year-old show on a re-run.
omg, these are my exact same feeling about the same guy!!!!!!!! just thinking about that stupid hair makes my head hurt
i wish it made his head hurt as much as it makes our heads hurt
INFINITE JEST JOKE RIESE WINS FOREVER
“Katie, Vero’s Girlfriend” better watch her back, she has entered the realm of most hated lesbians along with IFC, Jenny Schecter and Romi Klinger.
We need to see more pics of this one. All that matters is that Vero the Hero is happy. This chick better not hurt her…or be a psycho.
Ladies and..ladies,
Here is Romi’s track masterized.
http://m.celebuzz.com/pl/2012-05-23/the-real-l-word’-star-romi-klinger-makes-musical-debut-—-listen-here-exclusive-audio/
This gotta be the most annoying track I have ever heard! And that’s just 30sec demo.
That makes me want to listen to Goldfrapp – Oh La La La, to clean up my ears.
There’s always the Freddy Krueger Q-tip, which is probably less painful than watching this show.
Congrats to Whitney and Sara! I wish them all the best.
What’s up with Romi having all these ex-boyfriends coming out of the woodwork? I thought Jay was her “only guy” (ok not really).
Next we’ll probably see her ex-husband next.
does romi exclusively date closeted gay men
yes.
You guys, did you see Dusty’s solo music video? Lets just say it’s equally special.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMWR5J_yIC8
Is that shit really called Dirty Knees? WTF
I couldn’t even watch the whole thing. How can Romi be a part of the Lesbian community but date such gross men that obviously have no love for women at all.
This is MORE GROSSER when you think back to all her daddy issues.
“I’ve been playing this game too long, playing on the other team way too long.”
YOU ADMITTED IT, DUSTY. Just go to the queer team.
firstly, it’s called “dirty knees” and they sing “she’s got dirty knees from all the other boys that she sees” — so is this about blow jobs? i can’t handle this song.
also:
“i was hurting like a heart attack”
“life is like an ipod, shake it and it shuffles”
Riese, I agree on all these points and would like to add:
1) Yes, I do believe this is some sort of slang for a girl who “gets around” as they say, and, yes, gives blow jobs. So basically, Dusty is the picture of class.
2) Although I am told heart attacks cause discomfort, I feel as though there would be better metaphor for being in pain. For instance… “I was hurting like someone punched me in the arm” or “I was hurting like someone who was forced to listen to a Romi Klinger song produced by and ft. Dusty Ray”
3) Ipods don’t shuffle when you shake them! This is not how metaphors work! The only way for that line to make sense would have been to say, “My life is like a SanDisk Sansa Shaker mp3 player….”, because that does, in fact, shuffle songs when you shake it. http://www.amazon.com/SanDisk-Sansa-Shaker-Player-Blue/dp/B000OVBSE2
Clarification: Dusty is the picture of class for writing a gross slut shame-y song, not for sleeping with women with aforementioned “dirty knees”.
My life is like a SanDisk Sansa Shaker mp3 player
I stopped my celesbian girlfriend from getting any gayer
in dusty’s defence (oh god, never saying that ever again) my ipod does in fact shuffle when i shake it.
i’m just saying.
i just tried this…my ipod did not shuffle when i shook it, but it did break into pieces when i dropped it, which coincidently is the the same thing my eardrums want to do now
The lyrics + his cheesy hand gestures + his creepy facial expressions = vomit.
I mean, who is this guy, really? And how did he get so many people to be in his music video? He can’t have that many friends…
i imagine he put an ad on craigslist entitled ACTRESSES – MODELS – DANCERS NEEDED FOR MUSIC VIDEO – ESTABLISHED POP STAR – JUMPSTART YOUR CAREER!!!! and the body of it probably went like this:
UP-AND-COMING pop star DUSTY RAY is casting for his next music video
this WILL BE A HIT
See your face on MTV and VH1!
AMAZING opportunity!
Work with intuitive, passionate musician truly dedicated to showcasing talent
APPLY NOW – AUDITIONS WILL FILL UP FAST!
Looking for young FIT (17-24) WOMEN and MEN, edgy but beautiful rowdy teenager look
WHITES and ASIANS only please!
SAG/UNION ACTORS NEED NOT APPLY
Send headshot, full body shot, experience to guypretendingtobedustyrayspragentbutisactuallydustyray@dustyray.com
GOOD LUCK!!
OMG WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
Romi makes me want to drink like A LOT! She went from fun, mysterious attractive cute weirdo girl to obnoxious self absorbed delusional narcissic A-Hole at the minute she got sober!!
Cheers to that amazing transformation!
My guess is that she started to compensate with a lot of illegal substance and is abusing it way too much now.
If that’s the face of soberness, I wanna be drunk all day long.
Romi’s eyes scare me so I wouldn’t doubt that she is using something illegal. If not then she is using people instead to compensate for lack of drinking. She needs something to fill the void.
I saw on Twitter that she signed a contract with Rose from the first season for a show…I guess another reality show following them around? Lord help us, it IS the apocalypse.
It’s for internet radio based out LA. They were acting like it was the coup of the century.
RIESE!
Let’s have a poly show discussion. That show really does a good ob of showing that yes, reality show is sometimes obviously scripted, but it can really be honest and new and exciting. Though I’m sure that show could get old quick, hence it being aired as a special (maybe all the sex has something to do with it too). But there is so much to talk about on the poly show!
why, WHY did I watch that “Making Of..” video?
“You’re like, I put rose petals all over the house, and then I put cats all over the bed, I covered the bed in cats and kittens—”
is the most amazing thing anyone on TRLW has ever said (excepting “i love love so much you”)
also this seems like a good time to announce how obsessed i am with dustyandromi.tumblr.com. like in the same way i’m obsessed with watching planet earth. they’re like space aliens! how did they happen!
You just enabled me to follow it. ENABLER.
PS. Does Kelsey have a Tumblr? I’m asking for a friend, honest.
duh! it’s her poetry, but also there are things on it like Miranda July and Sylvia Plath!
http://kelseychavarria.com/
recent excerpt from a kelsey poem:
Now I understand
the downfall to having a fickle heart;
perpetual searching
eyes wandering
looking beyond the lips you kiss
fake moans for a camera and a show.
another:
The lives of silly girls;
I explored it, got bored with it.
Um. Yes. Thank you.
Amanda was killing it in this episode.
I dont see how “I love love so much you” will be topped. I wanted Francine to come back to this show just because of her mom…
I still hold that it’s Claire: “whatever. I look great. you all look fake and crazy. BYE!”
That one is hors concours
Everything Claire is hors concours.
‘I am not about to get insulted by non attractive women’ being my ultimate favorite.
I liked her hardcore too, ‘you can suck mine too, you fucking ugly bitch’.
“Everything Claire is hors concours”
Agreed. Even her side boob shirt. I had to watch that scene again because on the first viewing I couldn’t pay attention to anything else, I just kept going “WTF! Her shirt! WTF!”
Oh yeah the side boobs shirt! I was so happy AS kept this Claire trademark in the Parody video that everyone should watch by the way.
I liked Claire even tho her wardrobe was one of the most horrible ever featured in tv (let alone Romi’s), she seemed real to me, as crazy, weird, arrogant and fucked up she was, she seemed to just do whatever she was feeling like doing with or without cameras and that’s all I am asking for a show called the REAL L Word.
Romi looks like she’s high on cocaine or X.
i think she mainlines semen.
I’ll start paying attention to Romi’s music when she does a song with Francine’s mom.
This show is just getting boring. Like.
At least in the past seasons, the debauchery and sheer ridiculousness of it all (i.e. creamed corn wrestling, anything with Claire, LA Fashion Week) were entertaining in an I-can’t-stop-laughing-at-these-crazy-lesbians kind of way. Like.
KayCor = saving grace of this train wreck. Like.
I refuse to comment on anything Romi related because I may just try that running into traffic thing Riese mentioned earlier. Like, for real.
I’m gonna go Google that poly show now. Or watch PLL… yeah, PLL. Like.
I found Dusty to be extremely creepy looking, like he’s possessed or something. Of course, when he started talking I realized he was probably just high on something.
Also: I really liked “Gay in LA” – it wasn’t like a good song but it was hilarious and, I thought, showed that Romi didn’t take herself too seriously and could make fun of herself.
Obviously after reading her blogpost and confessions about bisexuality/love/music/following her heart/being herself etc I realized she’s actually certifiably insane.
Jesus, I feel so sorry for Kelsey when she says she doesnt see Dusty as a threat! Well, maybe it’s cause the threat is Romi herself? GAAAWD I used to like her in former seasons but now she’s just so annoying! And yeah, Dusty is creepy as hell.
Wow, Amanda rocks in this all black leather outfit she’s wearing. I need to steal that. Oh, and her motorbike as well.
PS: Vero, you broke my heart.
I kinda like Amanda and stuff,but I still don’t get how she manages to ride a motorbike with high heels…
When I saw that screen cap of Dana’s mom, I had a flashback of my mother telling me the same thing two months ago when I came out to her.. ha. ha.
aw. yeah that happened to me too. but 7 years ago? and it stops mattering.
I got something really similar to that too. Instead of caring that she said it to me I was like, “hold on… what are you really getting at here?!”
yeah I don’t really care anymore, I can’t change the way she thinks
Vero is FINE. FINE FINE FINE.
I’ll say it again. I’d watch the shit out of the Cori & Kaci show. No interest in the other stories at all – except Riese making fun of them.
The Cori & Kacy Show is a thing that should happen. TRLW is super super beneath them. They could have a reality show like the one Laneia wants to see. People would watch, I think.
I would watch the hell out of that show! And we barely know anything about them. I mean, what do they do for a living? What do they like to do in their spare time? How long have they had that cute ginger cat? Why are they not looking into adoption?
Owww!! My eyes hurt! Why did I go to the Dusty and Romi tumblr? Hideous… They are so Sid & Nancy. That mess will not end well. Kelsey better not go back there.
Loved the Connecticut stuff. I kindly refer to bitchy CT girls who like to judge NYC girls “Connecticunts”…there are several in the New Haven area. Oh, thanks for the Indigo Girls shout out. No, really. I had that song in my head for the rest of the day and had the urge to call my first girlfriend.
I think that “I wanna gouge my eyes out with a fork” might be another screencap for the ages, y’all. it and “this is crazy” could work pretty well as recaps on their own, though you’d have to write in a couple jokes at the end to make up for the ones we’d be missing from the long-form version.
TRUTH: “Oh wait, whoops, wrong late-night Showtime drama about unconventional relationships that claims to be real and progressive and features a bunch of white people with significant sex drives and too many feelings!”
I had half a beer left when the episode ended so yes, I did watch the poly show.
re: Romi – I almost feel bad for hating on her as hard as I do because she clearly has a personality disorder (I’d say borderline too). But hey – a girl needs her entertainment.
Anyone else noticed that she and Dusty started rocking rings in the last couple of months?
http://dustyandromi.tumblr.com/image/28848113096
You misspelled Drug Issues.
Amanda: “You’re like, I put rose petals all over the house, and then I put cats all over the bed, I covered the bed in cats and kittens—”
Amanda pulls no punches and she has some of my fave lines
so im curious as to why romi and dusty show up together in weho to promote lesbian events?! confused :/
It’s frightening this show. Romi has become a stepford wife. Amanda is totally evil. Kiyomi and lauren obviously have a connection, right people wrong timing maybe, and who is she to give any advice.
These bitches need to stop sniffing coke and and get some help!!!
At one point when sara and and whitney are talking at the cafe, i swear the camera angle showed whitneys nose getting bigger like pinochio. Stop the bullshit please Ilene and show us something interesting !!!
Romi $linger
Reise, everytime you caption a screen cap with an Ani/Indigo Girls lyric I want to adopt a foster kitten because it makes me so happy.
I don’t know what has happened to Romi, but shes just not the same person as she was in the last two seasons.
Shes just too self centered and absorbed and comes off as really fake. I dislike her more and more as the season progresses.
I think she really needs help because i def see some personality disorder going on. Hopefully im wrong and its just showtime that portrays her like that, but i dont think so.
And I don’t want to seem rude or mean but I really do not understand what Lauren sees in Kyomi, I really don’t. I just dont find Kyomi attractive at all. Lauren could totally do soo much better and get a girl who’s hot like her or even hotter.
this is gold lmao,
So cool that Adam Banks from the Mighty Ducks is shooting Romi’s video, I wonder how Charlie’s doing these days…
http://3fing3rs.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/259902168.jpg
well…not a lot of options for lesbian t.v.
Dusty must be in the closet, he’s jst so flaming gay. come oon romi -.-
Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you ever been blogging for? you made blogging glance easy. The whole glance of your website is wonderful, let alone the content!
Specifying your services and also target teams are a vital action in efficient advertising and marketing.