Quiz: Who is Your Dream Women’s Soccer Wife?

It’s been a thrilling year in women’s soccer, on and off the field, and many fans have found themselves drawn to the pitch not simply for the love of the sport but also to witness their celebrity crushes at play. Ultimately, every single possible result for this quiz (except one — you know who) is absolutely already taken by someone else (usually another elite athlete), but we’re not here for real, we’re here for fun!

Who is Your Soccer Wife?

Pick an ideal way to unwind at home after a long day:(Required)
Pick a fictional queer jock wife:(Required)
Pick a food:(Required)
Pick a lesbian relationship cliche that feels most on-brand for you:(Required)
Pick your wife's wedding outfit:(Required)
Pick the words you'd love to hear from your partner:(Required)
Pick a vacation spot:(Required)
Pick a sport besides soccer:(Required)
Pick a soccer book:(Required)
Pick a core value:(Required)
Now that you're living together, it sure is nice that she:(Required)
And finally, pick a soccer friend:(Required)

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3212 articles for us.


  1. Christen Press!

    I’m ok with this. I will get a slight dig in about the US-centric-ness of this quiz in a year where women’s football has proved how much it’s moved beyond the USWNT.

    Overall I’m mostly relieved I did not get Abby Wambach (who I am not sure is an option) because when I was reading her memoir, all I could think about was what an utter nightmare she must have been to go out with!

    • I agree. I am not from the US and I am a big women’s football fan. This is a hot take, but while I like her stance in equality, in playing soccer, I find her quite smug. I’m talking about Megan Rapinoe and I can’t wait for people to move on from her.

      I agree with your comment about Wambach.

      I got Sam Kerr.

    • Yes fair point about the US!

      Don’t worry nobody besides Glennon Doyle will be saddled with that experience bc abby isn’t an option. 😎

      There’s just 6 possibilities and they’re all current players (incl two who just retired yesterday) who are gay and I knew enough about with my limited spheres of awareness or could learn about quickly to make this quiz bc I am obsessive and a very good time and quizzes take forever and needed favorite foods to be accurate

  2. I also got Christen Press! I was hoping for my newly-single dream woman Ali Krieger but Christen is very pretty so I’m not mad.

    I am curious who the rest of the options are though. You said there are 6 and so far we’ve got reports of Press and Sam Kerr, and you also said 2 of the 6 just retired so that would be Megan Rapinoe and Ali Krieger. And Wambach is not an option. WHO ARE THE LAST TWO? I need this information, lol.

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