It’s almost time for the Barbie movie, so obviously it’s time for all of us to start thinking about which Barbie we relate to the most. It’s probably been a long time since you played with Barbies — or, I don’t know, maybe not; I’ve got a shelf full of Lego Spaceman sitting right beside me — so I’m here to help with a very scientific quiz. Let’s go party!
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Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Heather has written 1718 articles for us.
Travel Barbie? I can live with that.
I love a good grilled cheese but not even I would eat any of those. Are they real sandwiches? haha. Wow!
😂 Yes, they’re from a grilled cheese place in my neighborhood! They’re honestly all surprisingly delicious!
I was also wondering, but because they sound so insanely good and luxurious, and i have never seen anything like it. I would eat all of them.
I also was thinking “wow, now I want a second lunch… maybe a grilled cheese with gruyere, cornichon….” To each their own!
World cup barbie okay but I read the bottom and it said “oh…so your like GAY gay” WHAT I’M NOT GAY 😡😡😡
This is a queer website, why are you here?
It wouldn’t tell me what I was
Life goals accomplished… World Cup Barbie 😍 Excellent.
Nature Barbie!
The Rachel Maddow doll made me snort laugh
I also loved Heather’s inspired inclusion of other figurines to flesh out Barbie’s Craigslist roommate or “roommate” universe
“Your Barbie is… Tomboy Barbie
Ah yes, the Jo Marches of the world, destined for queerness from the first time they turn a tree branch into a sword, or pretend to be sick so they can stay home and read! Classic!”
Yes I love it!
I know there are Much bigger issues at play and I assume the answer is they’re discontinued, but any official word on what’s happened with the crosswords?
Katie, hey! I don’t know all the details but I do know we’re working to bring them back!
Yay! Getting access to the full-sized crosswords was a big motivation for me to become an A+ member and I’ve been checking the crosswords page at periodic intervals hoping they were coming back, I’ve done ALL of them.
I will pass on this message first thing tomorrow! Thank you for being an A+ member! :)
I second this – I mostly got A+ membership for the large crosswords and A+ advice, I was learning so much about queer culture from the crosswords too :)
Of course I agree there’s bigger things going on, but just wanted to pass this on
Sarah, thank you also for being an A+ member! I’m sending y’all’s messages along right this second!
Yes, I love and miss the crosswords too! I’m happy to hear they’re coming back!
Thank you Heather!
I’m Cat Pal Barbie and I’m just happy to be here
Superhero Barbie: You don’t try to fit in because you were born to stand out. (Tell Lena Luthor I said hi.)
World Cup Barbie. Cheers.
…definitely GAY gay.
Took quiz with cat on lap, got cat pal Barbie. Correct.
World cup barbie okay but I read the bottom and it said “oh…so your like GAY gay” WHAT I’M NOT GAY 😡😡😡
I’m curious how you identify.
Ah, so sorry the quiz did not provide the correct answer of angry, defensive closeted Barbie for you!
Haha, very relatable! I took the quiz right after coming home from cat-sitting, so I can do nothing but gladly accept my fate.
Boss Barbie???
Tomboy Barbie!
Femme Fashion Barbie, despite changing my style recently I am high femme in my heart 😂
Only correct answer for those grilled cheeses: ALL of them IMMEDIATELY. How dare you make me choose! Your neighborhood is blessed, Heather.
I felt seen that there was one normal-sized house as an option (how would you CLEAN the others??), but chose the castle because I’d have The Best hide and seek or sardines games in there and be on the roof all the time!!
I got Boss Barbie – “As the one true Queen (Latifah) once said: Bosses sometimes have to stand alone, because bosses always stand for what they believe in.”
I’d say I’m actually a Tomboy Cat Pal Boss Barbie, but close enough 😉
I’m just here for my favorite Il Bambino panini.
I wonder who I will be
Hi!
I got cat lesbian, I mean cat Barbie. Isn’t there a dog lesbian/Barbie? I was very pleased to be able to choose Rachel Maddow as my roomate/“roomate”/life partner. If I can’t have her irl, I will have her in quizzes!
Femme Fashion Barbie? Why yes, that IS me! Wifey ~ please pass the lipstick….
Same. Illl take red today please ♥️🫶🏻
changing my style recently I am high femme in my heart