Queer Sex Coven: A Relationship Format Tarot Spread

Throuples and tarot, anyone? Relationship formats other than monogamy are becoming more and more accepted, however that doesn’t mean it’s an easy task to find which one works best for you. We can’t promise dating will get any easier, but we can offer some insight through this tarot exercise.

What relationship formats are there?

Monogamy means to be in a committed relationship with one person. Polyamory literally translates into many loves and refers to the capacity to have more than one relationship at a time. However, like most things, relationship formats are not binary. There is a relationship format for every person, couple, and polycule out there. Open relationships allow for various forms of sexual freedom while remaining emotionally monogamous with one person. Relationship anarchy views all partnerships on an equal playing field, holding platonic relationships equal to sexual and romantic relationships. Use this tarot spread to help figure out which relationship format is best for you.

How does tarot help?

Tarot is well-known as a divinatory tool, or way to look into the future. However, it’s more accurately a mirror. Each card represents an archetype, a snapshot of the human experience. When understood from this perspective, the death card is not scary, but simply an expression of rebirth, like a post-breakup makeover. When we pull cards for a situation weighing on our mind we usually know what the answer is going to be. Tarot cards act as a means of reflecting a situation back to us and can provide clarity as a result. For a guide to tarot readings, check out Queering the Tarot.

I have to do something from the Muggle world, like communicate, don’t I?

There’s no right way to love and fuck. For some people, relationship formats like polyamory feel like a built-in part of their sexuality, even like an orientation. For others, their desired relationship format is more fluid and changes depending on partner(s) and what is the best current set-up. You should without a doubt share your views on relationship format with the people you date, so you can date the best people for you.

Step-by-Step Breakdown:

1. Sit somewhere quiet with your tarot cards. Hold the deck in your hands while you meditate upon the question at hand: Which relationship format is best for you?
2. Begin shuffling. When you’re ready, pull a tarot card to represent you. Place it to the right. Hold up the card. How does it speak to you? Refer to a tarot book to better understand it’s meaning. Does it make sense for your feelings and desires towards relationship formats?
3. If reading for a partner as well, pull a card to represent them, and place it to the left. If you’re single, this card can represent a desired partner or partner(s). What does it speak to you?
4. Now let’s pull cards to represent both sides of the spectrum. To start, ask the deck, “How is my relationship with monogamy?” Pull a card and place it to the right. What does it invoke?
5. Pull a card and place it to the left. This represents your relationship with polyamory.
6. Finally, pull a fifth card and place it in the center of your square spread. This card represents what relationship format works best for you, your partner(s), while acknowledging the great room to experiment in between monogamy and polyamory.

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Sophie Saint Thomas

Sophie Saint Thomas is a freelance writer based in Brooklyn and is originally from the U.S. Virgin Islands. High Times named her one of their “100 Women in High Places” for her writing on cannabis, and Brooklyn Magazine has named her one of their "30 Under 30's" in their annual Envy List. She has been published in GQ, Playboy, VICE, Cosmopolitan, Forbes, Allure, Glamour, Marie Claire, High Times, Nylon, Refinery29, Complex, Harper’s Bazaar, PRIDE Magazine, SELF, and more. She currently lives in Greenpoint with her two marmalade tabby cats, Mama Cat and Major Tom Cat. She has more than one David Bowie tattoo. Follow Sophie on Twitter.

Sophie has written 14 articles for us.


  1. Thank you for this! It was really helpful in terms of clarifying some questions I’ve been asking myself for a while now.

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