Pretty Little Liars Recap 417: Bite Your Tongue

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Spencer hated my Mad Libs version apparently.

Spencer and her new bff Adderall are typing up Alison’s diary. Here’s what we learn from the entry, in a flashback thing that has Spencer’s voice instead of the dude’s and it’s actually kind of hot:

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Weird, your OkCupid profile said nothing about you being intangible.

Alison is at a bar with someone – EZRA? They are talking about literature, naturally. He tells her, “All great literature boils down to two things. Love and death.”

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guh-ross

She teases him for eating boysenberry pie and beer. She leans over and kisses the mystery dude and we learn that they’re at The Hart and the Huntsman, which is a bar near, yep you guessed it, Hollis College.


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You can’t knock?! I was just having some magical Magic Wand time.

Spencer busts into Hanna’s room in the middle of the night and starts yelling, “I’M SO EXCITED I’M SO EXCITED I’M SO… SCARED” and Zach Morris grabs her hand and takes the bottle of pills from her hands and then she breaks down.

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Wait.

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That’s right girl, you channel your inner Jesse Spano.

Nah, just playing, she bursts into Hanna’s room and tries to explain to Hanna about the journal, but Hanna’s more interested in telling Spence about the dental details. Hanna figures someone switched dental x-rays so that the girl in the plot would be identified as Ali, which is genius. Hanna’s going to go to the dentist the next day and try to snoop.

New tagline of this show:

“Should we tell the others?” “Nah.”

And how do they justify this mindset? “Once we find out who A is, all will be forgiven.” – Hanna. Uh huh.


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Sorry, your “flower pants or something and what even is on that purse” search returned no results.

What is Aria wearing? If this were a fashion cap, I’d find this jacket by googling “uhhh grommets.” So she’s in her grommet-jacket and she sees Alex Mack. I hate it when girls get catty against their boyfriend’s exes. Come on. Someday you’ll bond over what a jerk that guy is.

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You clearly didn’t know me as a element-morphing teen.

Aria is being a badass to Alex Mack, making some pretty big threats. Shit gets real, and Aria and Alex Mack start fighting, and then the box AM was carrying drops and out comes a broken framed picture of Malcolm. Ouch. Awkward.


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Guy in the background just wants you to understand his feelings on breasts.

Emily explains to Aria that she has to help Ezra now with the after school play. They’re just walking along, chatting, when suddenly they are interrupted by the horrific sight of:

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Deleted scenes from “Pleasantville”

Mona and Mike makin’ out. Ewwww.


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Uhhh ham? Is that what cooked deer looks like?

Spencer goes to visit the real life bar from Ali’s diary: The Hart and the Huntsman, which I think is a great name for a bar. Guess who else is there?

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Ezra still frequents the bro bars of his college days, is anyone surprised?

YEP. We called it. I’m kind of excited for Spencer to figure out EzrA this episode, and this is convenient, because Ezra is eating boysenberry pie and beer, just like the guy in Ali’s diary. He gets really weird and runs out of the bar super quick as soon as he sees Spencer.


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Forever Intern Grace read my mind and made this for me before I could even request it.

Grown men talking to teenage girls in the coffee shop Pt. 2 of this episode consists of Jesse cornering Aria at the Brew. Let’s all take a moment to imagine Aria as a Jammer. I think it could work.

Can Aria not fall in love with another adult male teaching role model in her life? Jesse is overly excited about Aria joining the counseling group.

The last time the Liars had a therapist, the therapist was kidnapped and threatened? So I can understand the hesitation on wanting to open up to a professional at this point.


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I’m glad it’s so easy to steal medical records in this show.

Hanna is so genius, getting locked into the dentist right now in the file room. The woman notices Hanna isn’t in her room and assumes she couldn’t wait, so she leaves. Hanna is all alone in the filing room. She rips out a few pages from a file.

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Black nitrile gloves? Nice touch, A.

However, the flaw in this plan is that Hanna got her herself locked in the dentist’s office alone. But not alone because A is fucking everywhere, as usual.

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Let’s numb this already unconscious girl without studying the exact location of where I should put this needle so I don’t give her permanent nerve damage!

A gasses Hanna and injects her with some Novocain. If she’s already passed out, why bother with the Novocain? For reals, though. I think it’s just because syringes are terrifying.


The waitress gives Spencer a beer, playing this off as something Ezra had ordered but left before getting. This is questionable. Ezra is now the mystery man in the flashback. It’s suddenly clear to Spence. Thank goodness, it took them long enough

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Gotta say I preferred this scene when I had Spencer’s voice in for Ezra.

Guess what beer Ezra ordered? THE BEER WAS BOARD SHORTS ALE. OF COURSE IT WAS.

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Here’s a list of beers I’d be hesitant to drink: 1. Board Shorts Ale 2. Flip Flops Porter 3. Sand In The Vag Lager

At this point, my sister and I became skeptical. She says, “Not that I’m unhappy that they’re figuring things out, but at the same time, does this seem way too convenient to you and overly simplified?” He stole the journal back, he clearly knows that the story is about him and that bar and that beer. Did he want to get caught?


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All I was doing was hanging out in this dark school all alone at night, where did I go wrong here?

Really Emily? At school in the complete dark? And guess what? There’s strange noisesssssss! Ooh, something new and different for PLL! She yells out, “Mr. Fitz is that you?” Ha, well, probably but not in the way you think.

Why are none of the lights on? The door suddenly closes, seriously, with nothing around it, I’m creeped out really bad and clutching my sister because I can’t handle the world right now. And then metal music starts playing over the loudspeaker. Of course it does.

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yes good advice thanks A

Emily runs out into the hallway and sees the LED scrolling sign which now says, “Act normal, bitch!” Okay, that’s really scary actually. Normal, how? What would be a normal reaction to metal playing over the loudspeaker and the doors closing on their own and being locked in your school at night?


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Uhh Hanna you got a lil somethin’, no, to your right, no your other right.

Meanwhile on this show that’s going to give me nightmares, Hanna wakes up with blood on her lip because of course she does. A HAS STOLEN HER FUCKING TOOTH WHAT HAS THIS SHOW BECOME.


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Office Supplies: How and When They Could Save Your Life, Make You Look Ridiculous While Doing So

Emily calls her dad, which is smart, and barricades herself in a room with the epic weapon choice of a three-hole-punch, just going down the list of office supplies that would potentially really hurt a person.

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Dad, what are you going to do? Shimmy up the drain pipe?

She breaks a window to yell for help.

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DAD IS SHIMMYING THE DRAIN PIPE

Her dad is scaling the fucking drain pipes while A is trying to bust in the door. This scene is so intense. The whole time, I was panicking about Emily’s dad’s safety.

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Inconvenient lighting, for sure.

We see the black hoodie face over the window ledge. Any guesses on how many As there are right now?

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Sorry Dad, I can’t exactly explain WHY I was panicking in that room.

What’s wrong with Mr. Fields?! There’s suddenly an ambulance. Why are they not having a convo about the person trying to bust into the room? Mr. Fields is ill? Not just on furlough. Something vague is wrong with Mr. Fields’ heart, but I still love him, he’s seriously so endearing. I love that he scaled that drain pipe.


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Contest: Caption this!

Emily is at Aria’s, freaking out, naturally. Then, a shadow crosses the window ugh PLL stop doing this to us.

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But it’s just Spencer! Emily and Spencer make up, finally.

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I find teeth problems/teeth pain to be extremely disconcerting, I can’t even explain to you how terrifying I found this storyline.

Hanna gets there and describes what happened at the dentist. Her mouth hurts, though, for some reason. Spencer sees something in Hanna’s tooth and grabs some tweezers.

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Hanna’s reactions 5ever

THERE IS A MESSAGE INSIDE OF HER TOOTH
SPENCER PULLS IT OUT

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Oh just another day in the life of the average teen girl.

Emily finds a handy magnifying glass nearby, of course, which makes this scene so Nancy Drew.

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Who just has a magnifying glass lying around?!

“I told you, dead girls can’t smile. Stop looking – A.” How did A fit a fucking note inside of a tooth?!


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A shreds the evidence to put in the bird’s cage. I see one name that rings a bell: Cavanaugh.

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“Hey board shorts, miss me?” is what the bird just said. So Ezra has the bird?

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And what is the significance of the map? I can see it says Wilden’s Yacht, but then what else? A&C – Ali and CeCe?

What did we learn?:
Spencer knows that Ezra is Board Shorts.
Mona and Mike are gettin’ it on.
The dental evidence was shredded.
A can perform complex dental work.
Ezra and Mona have something going on, as to what, we’re not sure.
Ezra has the bird.

What questions do we have?:
Where is Ali?
Who was Ezra texting/talking to?
How many As are there?
Was the same person tormenting Emily and Hanna at the same time?
What’s the significance of the Cape May map?

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saerrahh

Sarah Hansen lives in Colorado where she rides bikes and drinks beer. She is an MFA candidate in Creative Writing at Colorado State University in her free time. She is also the poetry editor of qu.ee/r magazine when she can get around to it.

Hansen has written 1 article for us.

12 Comments

  1. “Weird, your OkCupid profile said nothing about you being intangible.” lol seriously love your captions! ok, the first time i saw spencer i was like “what did i miss?” did she look so sleep deprived when she was in radley? genuine question i don’t remember. can’t say i blame her though, a lack of emily fields affections would have that effect on this girl

  2. It took me way too long to realize that Spencer isn’t sleeping because she’s obsessing over Mad Libs.

    And I don’t think A put the note in Hanna’s tooth – I’m guessing he shoved it tightly in the gap between two teeth.

    THIS WAS A SCARY EPISODE! Girlfriend and I genuinely freaked out when the Board Shorts Ale label came up.

  3. Having recently had my very first panic attack at the dentist’s office, this episode scared the shit out of me.

    I think maybe Wren was the one who knocked Hanna out since he seems to be an expert in every medical specialty mentioned on this show.

    Also, I loved the whole Board Shorts Ale explanation because I feel like ever since Ezra was revealed as a potential ‘A’ I’ve read all of these angry posts (elsewhere, not on Autostraddle) about how he can’t possibly be ‘A’ because “Ezra Fitzgerald would NEVER wear board shorts!”

  4. Verner Yorsten was such a specifically obscure name, I looked up anagrams hoping it would be a wink to one of the show’s writers’ names.
    It was not.
    But “Onset Nervy Err” was, which I feel is how they coach the girls to act every episode. Scared. Confused. Shifty-eyed. Constipated. Now confused again!

    I genuinely love these recaps so much. Thank you for keeping them going in Lizz’s absence!

  5. I actually feel like they’re purposely dressing Jesse poorly and making him a really good guy to eliminate any possible sexual overtones. I think he’s one of two adult men living in Rosewood that do not have relationships with high school girls.

    I must agree, I also like Andrew way better than Toby. Spencer should get with him.

    Most important line of the Hannah/Spencer bedroom scene: I’m not wearing underwear!

    I just don’t understand…why can’t the liars figure out that A is more than one person?!?!?! Or at least that more than one person can do A’s bidding (i.e. Mona, Toby, etc.)?

    I don’t think you can assume that any scene where we see gloves/don’t see a face is Ezra. That’s what I love/hate about this show. So I wouldn’t assume Ezra has the bird.

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