Poly Pocket: Making Relationships Up As We Go

Welcome to the first introduction to Poly Pocket, a new series about polyamory! Poly Pocket is opening with more than one post because I love getting meta; after today, look for this series twice a month.

I can’t remember a time when I knew polyamory existed and did not think it was for me, even if it took longer to practice it. But I've never really found a model that rang true for how I wanted to move through the world. The obvious ones, in books like The Ethical Slut (the one to beat when I was figuring things out), didn't fit the tone of how I wanted to approach my life; the less obvious ones, through literature and across the internet, were also unsatisfactory in tone or approach or detail or in that they mostly seemed to be about straight people.

When there aren’t any models for how you want to move through the world, it’s harder to move through the world. There’s no one right way to do ethical non-monogamy, just as there’s no one right way to do ethical monogamy, and no wa...

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Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1120 articles for us.