Orphan Black Episode 305 Recap: Sestra, Sestra

At Ms. S’s house, Gracie is feeling blue, so S comforts her with a story about how she, too, once lost her husband at a young age, and she didn’t let that stop her from growing up and moving to the United States to escape the militant scientists who were trying to wreck her foster daughter’s life, or grandmothering a magical unicorn child, or raising the glory that is Felix Dawkins. I mean, yeah. Sometimes a person gets stabbed to death in her basement. And sometimes people get kidnapped through the windows of this very bedroom. And yes, on occasion, a manic clone trooper will creep in and beat the shit out of her while demanding information about the demented genetic engineer she used to keep chained to the kitchen table, but like, it’s been a pretty good life. Felix listens from the doorway and feels such an affection for his mama.

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Sarah looks so happy when she’s not being relentlessly stalked like a deer.

Cosima and Shay have retired to Felix’s loft for massages and talk of novels, teacups, and skirts that trail along the floor. They’re listening to some sex music about “I don’t know what I should do! I’ve got a fever!” And that about sums it up for Cosima, whose pants are on fire right here in Toronto, but whose heart is 4,000 miles away sipping on a Bordeaux and snacking on some cheese and making science sound like foreplay.

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What? Friends light a hundred candles and listen to scissoring playlists in the dark.

Shay: Should I go?
Cosima: I … don’t know.
Shay: Do you want to talk about your ex?
Cosima: I … don’t know that, either.
Shay: I’ll go.
Cosima: Cool, yeah, whatever.
Shay: [gathers her purse and giant hat and whatever else. crystals. tarot cards. love potion.]
Cosima: Okay, look, her name is Delphine and she’s like — you think femme fatale, right? The hair, the skin, she’s fucking French, okay. But then, like, she’s warm. Her touch is warm. The way she smells is warm. 324B21, you know?
Shay: What’s 324B21?
Cosima: Exactly.
Shay: Should we kiss real hot on the lips anyway, a little tongue, while this sex music plays on?
Cosima: Yeah, for sure.

And they do.

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Found, girl.

Guh! I’m like Cosima, y’all. I know who owns my heart, but I’m also not blind!

GUHHHHH.

Okay. At Castor HQ, Sarah drops her prickly armor and tells Helena the whole truth about how she had to let Kira go this time, but that she walked out on her once before, to be with Vick, and it was to try to prove something to herself or to Ms. S, she can’t even remember what it was anymore, but what she does know is that she lost a year of her life with Kira that she’ll never get back, and now she might die in this stupid cell in the middle of the Canadian desert. Helena goes from joking that Sarah can be her sandwich when she escapes, to telling her the plan for getting out of here.

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How are those Timbits, Sestra? Are the cherry cake ones delicious?

First thing is, Sarah has to incite the guards to punch her in the face so she can go to the infirmity and steal anything sharp. Next thing is, she sneaks the sharp thing to Helena with the old “shoelace pendulum” trick. Then, Helena — not even kidding — removes a loose brick from her wall and lathers herself up in the little butter packets she’s been collecting from her lunch tray. She knocks one of the bars loose on her door, and contorts her way through there, all slicked up, while Sarah keeps a lookout. After she’s out, Helena takes out one of cameras and then kills one of the guards. And then. AND THEN. She leaves Sarah behind! She says it makes them even! She leaves Sarah behind while Sarah cries and smashes herself against her door!

Helena! Heeelllleeennna! Nooooo!

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Kristen Stewart and Alicia Cargill are only friends.

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You’re just trying to hurt me.

Once she’s parkoured her way to the top of the fort, Helena thinks about going back for Sarah. She tells Pupok Sarah tugs at her heart. But that jerko scorpion convinces her to run out into the night alone and let Sarah rot. PUPOK, YOU DEVIOUS BASTARD! I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU! I will never give you any of my mangoes, Pupok! Never!

Gracie decides she’s going to become a real person who isn’t in a cult, so she suits up in something Sarah bought from Hot Topic when she was 16 and announces her plan to hit the clubs. Felix thinks it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen in his life, but Ms. S talks Gracie into staying for a few cocktails and dancing with Felix in the living room. It’s all fun and gin and juice until Gracie doubles over with stomach pain and Ms. S tells Felix to call 911.

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It’s orange juice with a splash of Ambien.

The paramedics show up to examine her and while they’re doing that, Art calls on the woman Rudy and Seth raped. She’s been out of touch because she’s been sick. Her eyeballs are bright red. She says the doctors don’t know what it is, so maybe the Castors gave it to her. And at the same time, the paramedics open up Gracie’s eyes and hers are red like the fires of hell also.

And that is why misandry is the order of the day, children.

Next week: Delphine rushes home because she heard Sarah was kidnapped, and Cosima tries to play it cool because she’s been boning Shay, but: ha! I am so sure! Felix and Cosima tag team to extract information from Rachel. And Helena goes back to Castor HQ to rescue Sarah and murder Paul.

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heatherannehogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 1241 articles for us.

27 Comments

  1. Getting to see Cosima be a total dork on a date with Kenzi was such a delight. I’m also completely incapable of calling her Shay. Partly because Kenzi, but also because she is decidedly not Shane’s little brother.

  2. Delphine is so endgame. But I’m cool w Shay because Cosima should have somebody, and it opens it up for Delphine to do something super loyal and heroic down the line. I’m pretty sure Shay has other motives, but then again they already did that with season 1 Delphine.
    The next episode is really hyped, I’m pretty excited.

  3. Shay,Shaw,Shane,Kenzi, Bo, Cosima, puppies and Pupok.
    Gracie in Madonna’s Erotica outfit.
    And Helena battered in butter.
    You know, I’ve taken to watching Orphan Black twice.
    Once when it airs, and then another time, a couple months later, when I’ve stopped blinking and wrapped my head around everything that just happened to appreciate the plot.
    Paul reminds us,that Helena is a killer, and we’re graphically reminded of this.
    Maybe this isn’t a story about good or bad, but about brothers and sisters and family and the more threads they unravel, the more complex it gets.
    Maybe Paul is a brother to the Castors the same way Felix is to the girls?
    Maybe there is a difference,though, and the difference is unwavering loyalty and genuine affection, well, Love, to name it, because that is what drives Mrs.S and Delphine to protect and shelter and fight, while with the Castors…they follow the science.
    Without mercy.
    I can’t wait for Delphine to return and for Helena to go on a desert hike with her seestra.
    And I do love Art, but the love struck thing for Beth he had supposedly going on..I see how that works for the theme of the show, but I’m not really buying it,yet.

  4. – I was hoping that Sarah would see and hear Pupok.
    – Cosima and Shay. Two tiny people having fun together.
    – I think that Shay works for Delphine/Dyad. The photographer was just documenting their date. #MonitoringNeverEnds
    – Is it possible that “Mother” made their problem into an STD? That way the clones spread it. Any woman who survives may have a genetic cure,and the Castors have already collected a DNA sample.

  5. “And that about sums it up for Cosima, whose pants are on fire right here in Toronto, but whose heart is 4,000 miles away sipping on a Bordeaux and snacking on some cheese and making science sound like foreplay.”

    Ah, Heather, you always sum everything up so perfectly. This was my exact reaction whilst watching this scene. Ksenia Solo is brilliant and hot and I definitely would (if you know what I mean), but Delphine…is just, Delphine! The Frenchness and the science and the amazing chemistry. And the hair, did I mention the hair?

    I literally cannot wait for Saturday’s episode. I’m sure it won’t disappoint.

  6. I love this show on so many levels! SO. MANY. LEVELS. But one little consistency thing that bugs me is that we never see Helena’s angel wing scars anymore. I know, they were mostly on her back, I know, she’s got tank tops that largely cover them, but we’d see some of it. Those things were huge!

    I guess there’s only so much time one human can take sitting in the make-up chair, even if the human is a god like Tatiana Maslany.

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