Orange Is The New Black 207: Comic Sans

Sophia is in a scene for like a half a second and it’s almost not cool for the OITNB writers to give us that half a second since everybody so clearly wants her to be in all of the scenes for all of the seconds. They did gift us with this exchange though, for which I am eternally grateful:

MAL_OITNB10

Sophia: I think a nice faux hawk will give that “don’t fuck with me” vibe, you know.
Gloria: I mostly use my face for that.


Elsewhere, the first ciga-tampon sales are underway! Everybody is really excited about ciga-tampons, ciga-tampon sales abound!

ciga-tampon sales abound!

Ciga-tampon sales abound!

ciga-tampon sales abound!

Ciga-tampon sales abound!


Meanwhile, Gloria is not happy with the state of the rice in the kitchen and deems the spice selection unsatisfactory. Bennett enters the kitchen with unapproved items for Flaca, Ruiz and Flores. You may recall that he is being blackmailed because several inmates know about Daya’s pregnancy and you get the feeling that maybe he is about to snap.

hi, there is a 95% chance that I am going to snap at any moment

hi, there is a 95% chance that I am going to snap at any moment

This is another Lorraine Toussaint moment (wherein there is this thing called acting that makes you feel confusing things), because I did something with this actor one time for like two hours and in those two hours I decided that I genuinely liked him. He let me name-drop him for something once and asked for consent to touch my knee in this picture. Basically, I think he is great. Endorsed.

luv at 1st knee grab. Photo and doodle credit vance barber.

luv at 1st knee grab. Photo and doodle credit vance barber.

So, I hate that his character is this corrections officer in this storyline that is depicted as a love story, but is actually legally sexual assault. Which adds a really creepy subtext to all of his and Daya’s interactions, especially now that we are starting to see cracks in his whole “nice guy” demeanor.


Anyway, now it’s lunch time and/or dinner time. Soso is on the cafeteria line with Piper, who is trying to convince Soso to forego her vegetarianism while at Litchfield, given the circumstances. Soso assesses the salad bar: “It’s just frozen peas and iceberg lettuce! I need nuts! I need legumes!” Soso would have a great time at A-Camp.

nightshade sensitivities, this line!

nightshade sensitivities, this line!

Soso starts talking about the “agro-business complex” and Poussey interrupts her to point out the fact that they are currently in the “prison-complex business.” I’m glad to see Poussey. I assume that you are excited as well given this website’s collective obsession with Samira Wiley. Seriously, “our cats would play together and we’d write poetry by the moonlight”? I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, so I will let Usher do it.

U got, u got it bad when you’re on the phone, hang up and you call right back.

U got, u got it bad when you’re on the phone, hang up and you call right back.


Sister Mary Eunice tries to sneak a piece of cornbread out of the cafeteria because of her low blood sugar. Fischer, the “nice CO” has let her do this before but because of the shot quota, Litchfield is like SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY. So, Fischer gives her a shot but offers a “please don’t hate me” because she is the “nice CO.” Piper sits down with Jimmy and offers to cut her food for her. It is a sweet moment. Jimmy is still talking about things that aren’t entirely real, but she seems to be happy that Piper is sitting with her and Piper is doing something nice for somebody else.

Low [eternally damned] blood sugar

Low [eternally damned] blood sugar

"I'm not possessed by the devil, that's an entirely different storyline from another tv show!" "Suuuuuuuuure"

“I’m not possessed by the devil, that’s an entirely different storyline from another tv show!” “Suuuuuuuuure”


Back in the sleeping area, Cindy is trading cigarettes for personal favors. This was not Vee’s intention with the selling-cigarettes-for-stamps business model. VEE ASKED FOR STAMPS, CINDY. STAMPS ARE THE ONLY CURRENCY ACCEPTED FOR CIGA-TAMPONS. VEE HAS A LOT OF LETTERS TO WRITE.

ciga-tampons for daysssssss

ciga-tampons for daysssssss


Flashback number two! Past Cindy is visiting for her little sister’s birthday. She gifts her little sister with an iPad she stole from somebody’s luggage and offers to take her on an ice cream date for the occasion. Cindy’s mom is weirdly hesitant, but reluctantly agrees to let Cindy take her sister. After they leave, Cindy’s mom realizes that the iPad is stolen because Cindy has forgotten to delete the original owner’s photos off of it. Oops.

Oh boy, a new social anxiety tears machine!

Oh boy, a new social anxiety tears machine!


At present day Litchfield, Piper is starting a newsletter riot grrrl zine. So far Daya and Morello both want to contribute to it. Morello verbalizes trying to “keep busy,” and “stay away from romance,” which seem to be euphemisms for “keep from losing it.” I love that self-awareness seems to be creeping into Morello’s character. They decide that she will write a beauty column and then she says “Chapman” all cutely and shit (and like, slightly creepily) and leaves.

Cheeahhpmun

Cheeahhpmun

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Mal Blum is a New Yorker and a musician who has released five albums, tours nationally and mostly sticks to writing songs, but also sometimes writes other things that aren't songs (like the preceding piece and also secret poetry that nobody is allowed to read). Website. Albums. Twitter. Facebook. Tumblr.

Mal has written 3 articles for us.

27 Comments

  1. ok, NZ doesn’t have OITNB and I am not illegally scamming Netflix here…. so far….

    so I am getting my fix on recaps alone. Yes, going on the smell of an entertaining fortnightly fix of an oily rag..

    So what has prompted me to write in here as I haven’t seen the show and it is bugging me, people, is this

    “Vee is talking long-game strategy while playing chess with Suzanne when Cindy walks in. Vee has gotten into Cindy’s head and she’s ready to sort through used tampons and work at the bottom of Vee’s hierarchy”.

    Ok, this disturbs me as a human because used tampons, and cigatampons. Are we talking tampax here with applicators? Is the used applicator going into some lucky punters mouth?? Please no, but please clarify, because I am getting worried about future sub plots involving diminished quality of life scenarios because of vaginally (used tampon) orally transmitted (ciga tampon) stds in the future for Litchfields smoking population. Just a thought.

    • I watched the show and I can’t figure this one out and I’ve been wondering how they would make sure that there was no blood on the applicator. Maybe I’m just bad at using tampons, but I always get blood on the applicators (before I switched to non-applicator tampons, which I’m also bad at using).

    • They sort of just store the cigs inside the applicators, inside the wrappers, to disguise them because (in theory) COs aren’t going to be checking individual tampons for contraband. And if I recall correctly Vee was asking Cindy to get to work on cleaning applicators for that purpose. Still very icky, but at least you’re not, you know, putting the applicator itself in your mouth, and hopefully as part of the cleaning staff they have access to disinfectant and stuff.

      • thank god, I was worried, and although I am still grossed out, I am relieved there is some attention to infection control measures. In NZ the tampon applicator comes in two options: shiny soft cardboard, and plastic. There is so much in the way of flora and fauna living on a used tampon, though its probably more of a jungle on the cardboard option.

  2. I love Soso and I have celiac so the scene when she was told “prison is gluten” for laughs I was pretty disturbed. The show has pointed out how unfairly prisoners are treated in terms of getting appropriate medical care, and making a joke out of someone not being able to have a potentially medically necessary diet bothered me. I mean, I know many people these days think gluten free food is hilarious but wow, it really made me think about yet another way in which people who are incarcerated can be abused by the PIC.

  3. cindy is my favourite (she’s just so blunt), and although her backstory re: her daughter bummed me out, i still loved the montage of her being The Actual Worst in the airport, stealing a payday and giving zero fucks.

  4. YOU GUYS. A few hours ago I was sitting in an airport waiting for a connecting flight reading this recap and thinking about Black Cindy and her back story and riding through the airport being the worst. AND THEN I GOT ON MY FLIGHT AND LEGIT ADRIENNE C MOORE WAS SITTING ACROSS THE ISLE FROM ME AND I TOTALLY CREEPED ON HER.
    And then I got her signature and she was totally awesome and sweet and I died of happiness and my ghost came back to write this comment.

  5. Thank you so much for the Bennett rant. To be honest I prefer Daya when she’s with her mom and want that relationship to be explored more. The power dynamics between Bennett and Daya prevent me from shipping it. They kind of ignored it in season 1 and treated their relationship as more romantic so I’m glad that they touched upon it more in season 2 however I felt like they kind of brushed it under the rug towards the end. I will say that I find the actor who plays Bennett to be attractive, also Black Cindy’s antics as a PSA agent were hilarious. It sucks that she ‘s distant from her daughter though.

  6. That compassionate release thing…i think thats how we get a lot of our dementia patients tbh. Have you guys ever given an 80y.o lady you dont know from Adam a bath? When they think youre stealing house keys they dont have in the stockings they are wearing that have roaches cause no one cared or looked after them. Guys. Its sad. So sad.

    • honestly, bc I don’t live in the US, what does “compassionate release” mean? When I was reading Mal’s comment I thought that the woman was released from prison, but then who cares for her if she is mentally incompetent? Surely a social worker has sorted some care out for her so that she can get the level of care she needs for quality of life and safety. Or maybe not. Maybe she is released into the wild, at the nearest bus stop. This episode is bringing out all sorts of health concerns and questions.

  7. I so wanted that picture of nighttime creeping Vee to be captioned ‘I am the ghost of Christmas Past’!

    I love Vee, by the way. You know how some people have an absurd love for Cruella DeVille even though she wants to skin a hundred puppies? I have that with Vee, that glorious sociopath.

    • I actually enjoy season 2 Piper a bit better. I’ve been really enjoying her moments of toughness and sarcasm, like when she confronted Polly and Larry or that little speech she made to Brook. Granted she still has her flaws but it’s nice to see this new version of her. I also really enjoy the fact that she’s taken a backseat and we get to explore other characters a bit more, like Taystee and Gloria really shined this season and of course there’s Suzanne.

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