NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Knows What Will Warm You Up

Feature image of Laura Cramer and LadyLuck278 via femmethings.

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Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

+ “Group sex is like reading an Apollinaire poem about a baby skunk WHILE guzzling a crispy Schweppes. That good.” At the Cut, Amy Rose Spiegel writes about threesomes, dealing with delicate personalities (mostly just avoid delicate personalities), addressing fears of jealousy and exclusion, advantages to different combinations of people and more:

“A note to special guest stars: The key to nailing your walk‑on role in someone else’s relationship: It’s best not to try and steal the show here. While this is a fun and light evening for YOU, people with whom you’re sleeping are going to maintain joint custody over this memory for the rest of the time they’re magnetized to each other. While it’s up to them how they approach your encounter — there’s no way to control other people’s feelings — you have some responsibility to contribute to its emotional tenor. How are these two treating each other? Are they looking at each other with great devotion and intensity? Don’t try to hop in on that. I’m thinking of the words “equal” and “equitable.” Wreathe both parties with affection and attention equally: Make all parties feel sexy, included, and accounted for.”

+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen reviewed a RodeOh harness.

+ Sometimes sex just needs to be wetter.

+ What should queer sex ed look like?

+ Artist Polly Penrose is really good at photographing herself naked, with a focus on how her body interacts with space and objects.

+ Are you kinky and a resident of the states? There’s a national kink survey to participate in!

+ At the Rumpus, Stoya discussed Coming Out Like A Porn Star, the internet and coming out to her grandma.

+ ” It’s no small feat to pose in your underwear on the internet, especially when you’re genderqueer (as Rose is) or over the age of 50 (as Elisabeth is).”

From left to right, Elisabeth in Harlow & Fox, Cora in Layla L’obatti for Between the Sheets, Sweets in Harlow & Fox and Between the Sheets, Rose in Evgenia Lingerie. via Not Your Mama's Tea Party

From left to right, Elisabeth in Harlow & Fox, Cora in Layla L’obatti for Between the Sheets, Sweets in Harlow & Fox and Between the Sheets, Rose in Evgenia Lingerie. via Not Your Mama’s Tea Party

+ Stop donating Fifty Shades of Grey.

+ “You should be able to smell a vagina from one foot away.”

via rodeoh

via rodeoh

+ Yes to Sex is a new app that helps people (unfortunately only those who identify as female or male) make sure consent is present and agree on safer sex procedures.

+ Lachrista Greco writes about disabilities, visible and invisible, and desire, noting:

“Desirability is often based on appearance. When I couldn’t visualize the entirety of my identities, I felt like my desirability sunk. At the intersections of these two ‘undesirable’ identities—STI-positive and learning disabled—is a feeling of isolation and invisibility in a society where visible ‘proof’ is always required to be taken seriously, and to be considered desirable.

These days I still worry about my level of desirability, but in a new way: Do I desire myself? Do I want myself? These questions are more important to me than the old ones.”

+ Want to buy a paddle and not sure where to start? Consider sensation, whether you want it to leave marks, what materials you find sexy, how easy it is to sterilize and more:

“The sensation a paddle can make varies quite a bit. Some paddles are going to leave more stingy sensations that most people consider painful. Other paddles will sound hollow and will only feel akin to being hit with a thick cereal box with virtually no pain. It’s up to you and your partner to talk about what type of sensation you both would like to experience. It can be hard to tell from a retailer’s description, but try to read through reviews to see what other people have mentioned.”

+ From the Autostraddle Lesbian Sex Archives: How do you have a good first date with someone?:

“A few basic first date ground rules:

1. Do a thing you both want to do. If one of you is bored out of your skull because of the activity, it will bomb.

2. Have an escape plan. Tell a friend where you are planning to be and ask them to be your emergency contact if you need to gtfo because the person is dangerous, a racist, or some other instant dealbreaker.

3. Don’t go into a first date looking for a ring. Just have fun and let things move naturally.

4. BE YOURSELF. Wear clothes that make you feel great and be prepared to talk about things you love. You are great, and this person wants to get to know you.”


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Ryan Yates

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.

8 Comments

  1. “but that is, in large part, because I would never become involved in a threesome that I foresaw was an emotional demolition derby disguised as the kind of agreeable fuckfest that I wondered about from pornography.” True that. Like, for example, if you see the same couple at several parties, one partner is the DD and the other is drunk-flirting HARD. This is still a weird bad thing if they alternate which of them is doing it. Luckily, I read a certain website that has taught me several times what unexploded ordinance looks like.

  2. wow–i am disgusted and scared that autostraddle is endorsing a consent contract/ app. it records *only* that you agreed to sex, and cannot record if/when you revoke that. come on?? these types of things actually do nothing other than provide a recorded defense for rapists.

    • I don’t think everything that winds up in these roundups should be seen as an endorsement and more as a sex-related topic that’s interesting and worth talking about. But I agree with you that that app could be a total disaster. Even beyond the issue you mentioned, there’s the fact that if someone is willing to rape someone or pressure them into having sex (which is also actually rape), I’m sure they’d have no qualms with forcing them or pressuring them into saying yes on the consent app as well.

      • fair point! i took it that way since it’s a link directly to the app, when it could (should, imo) have gone to any of the articles that discuss this app and its issues.

        and yeah, that too! there’s just so much opportunity for it to go wrong

    • I agree. This is why I find all the focus on enthusiastic consent to be very scary and bordering on antifeminist. Women are already on incredible pressure to say yes to things we don’t want and the focus on verbal & written consent is only going to work in favor of rapists. It doesn’t make it harder for men to rape, it actually makes it easier. Makes me think of the NCSF’s consent counts campaign which is basically a how to guide on how to stay on the right side of the law regardless of what you are actually doing.

      • i tend not to be attracted to the predator type of people, which is something i’m happy about. also i have good practice of information management and unless one is a long term partner she is put on a need-to-know policy where she is by default considered to have no need for anything whatsoever.

        I am still much more afraid from the sort of predator that tries to frame me (for attention, pity, blackmail) than a physical one. My body has healed and will heal again if needs be – but my if my life and strategic points i hold are gone then i am gone.

        I don’t think there is a scenario where a consent contract would actually help. even if considered legit it can be outweighed by good enough presentation. and conversely a good presentation would keep a contract i have revoked in power.

        Now omniveillance/blackbox devices are another story – and a true solution, as soon as that’s legal.

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