NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Will Stay Up With You All Night

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Feature image via models of color.

thegirlwithcaramelskin by spenser charles

thegirlwithcaramelskin by spenser charles

+ Just not talking to your partner when something’s wrong is a terrible idea:

“One study showed that it can bring about relationship dissatisfaction, and even divorce. Partners who engage in the silent treatment generally have worse communication than their non-silent treatment practicing counterparts and have less intimacy.

Why do we practice the silent treatment, anyway? ‘The silent treatment is caused by a combination of hurt feelings and an inability or unwillingness to talk about them,’ an Oregon counselor told the Chicago Tribune. Another therapist told the Tribune that ‘Ultimately, it has nothing to do with the argument but needing to feel like you are in control of something when everything else around you is spinning out of control.'”

Lauren Johnson via browngurl

Lauren Johnson via browngurl

+ I feel weird linking to Cosmo but this video of a dildo factory seems worth it. We’ve come a long way since prehistoric stone dildos (though now we have modern stone dildos).

+ Here is how to use a dental dam.

+ The maybe-forthcoming Thurst is “a dynamic hookup app for queer people of all gender expressions.”

+ “Hysterical Literature,” where women read literature aloud at a table while under it someone with a Hitachi tries to make them come, will appear in the Bibliotecaphilia exhibition at the Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art.

+ There is also an online collection of erotic exlibris at the Digital Exlibris Museum Project.

+ Vaginismus, when a vagina-having person’s pelvic floor muscles tighten to the point of not allowing penetration, can suck but can also be treated:

“‘I address beliefs about sexuality, what it means to them personally, and help them with understanding and expressing their sexual needs,’ Lappa said. ‘I also [give the client] psychoeducation about vaginismus and sexual anatomy and response. I structure a plan for treatment with the client. That includes relaxation, mindfulness, [and] often physical therapy—I coordinate care with [the physical therapists];—non-penetrative sexual touching and pleasure exercises, gradual use of dilators, [and] integration of their partner. Once intercourse is occurring, I continue to meet [with the client] and assess progress and work out any issues until the client feels ready to terminate.'”

via vogue

via vogue

+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen discussed yeast infections.

+ Abstinence-only sex ed is terrible.

+ Sleeping alone is better for you.

+ You are having great sex if you can ask for what you want, say no to stuff you don’t want, try new things and more. (One other way to tell if you’re having great sex is, I suppose, not needing a list to confirm it.)

Sierra McKenzie via plussizeispretty

Sierra McKenzie via plussizeispretty


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Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1127 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. I’ve heard those studies before about women sleeping better alone, but I’ve always wondered how orientation plays into it. If men toss and turn more (as per some studies), then that’s a good reason why women who sleep with men would sleep better alone; but what about women who sleep with women? Are we as bad for each other as men are for us? Or, for that matter, these sorts of studies also tend to show that men sleep better with women than alone; but what about when sleeping with other men?

    Unfortunately, all the articles I’ve read on the topic look exclusively at het couples (including the two linked in the article). If anyone here does sleep research, I know a great way to earn citations :)

  2. Hey, can I ask for ‘totally not for me just for a friend’ advice? Although I’ve tried with a variety of mediums (always with lube), vaginal penetration other than digital (and the small end of an Njoy wand) has only ever left me with an immediate and searing pain not tolerable for more than a couple seconds. I don’t really understand because I’ve sometimes been rough with digital penetration and never had that sensation nor a residual ache that pronounced. Is this an actual medical condition or am I doing something wrong?

    • hi! I’m not a doctor but I do work for one who specializes in female sexual dysfunction, and this sounds like it could maybe be insertional/secondary dyspareunia? which is basically a fancy medical way of saying, pain during sex, but is indeed a real medical condition.

      in any case, like the commenters above, I would encourage you to go to a gynecologist and talk to them about this. it can be hard to muster the chutzpah to talk to doctors about sex, especially if you identify with a sexual minority, but sex is an important part of health and if you’re bothered by something you deserve competent medical attention! there are a variety of treatments available, and one/some of them might work for you, but you won’t know until you figure out what’s going on.

      maybe this is weird because we’re strangers, but I’m proud of you for coming forward with this issue–sexuality, especially sexuality of non-cis/-het men, is an egregiously neglected field of medical and health research, so it’s an accomplishment in itself to even recognize and articulate problems you might be experiencing. I wish you the best of luck!

      • Hi!

        Thanks a lot to all three of you – I’ve only ever had rotten experiences with gynecologists (either clueless and unhelpful or dismissive and queerphobic) and so I’m really hesitant to go back and see one. I’ll try and work by elimination to see if I’m allergic to something, and if that’s not the case I’ll try to go through the doctor ordeal (they’re very difficult to get their hands on where I live). Again, thanks so much.

  3. As I see the WOC, and especially the QWOC, struggle for their equal rights, I think the Emancipation Proclamation, while correcting much racial in justice, has actually turned out to be an “emaciated proclamation” for WOC. Just an observation.

  4. Those vogue ladies. Yowzah.

    The prehistoric dildos remind me (lol), of reading something about missionaries in Siberia who related, in horrified terms, stories about 3rd gender and/or lesbian shamanic practitioneers who took wives and had conjugal relations with them via, essentially, prehistoric grade strap-ons. So that’s a thing. I have yet to find the original source material but shall seek it ardently in time.

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