NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Likes It Rough

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Feature image of Tanisha Harper.

+ Rough sex is “back,” as if it ever went anywhere:

“One would think that, considering that more and more people of age have grown up with insta-access to a variety of kinky porn, an admission of rough sex wouldn’t be a big to-do. Yet apparently it is. One of Knox’s disparagers commented, ‘So being choked, spit on, and degraded is now empowering?’

Amanda thinks it is: ‘I do find it empowering, both as a top and a bottom—I think that power is not something that people, especially women, are super accustomed to either feeling purposefully or are encouraged to savor as such.’

Kate, a theater director, agrees. ‘I think any act of the body that is chosen, not coerced, is inherently empowering. I’m exercising my own agency, my power over my own body. And there the power is in choosing to lose myself in the moment, to yield. There’s something very fulfilling in trusting [my dominant partner] to push me farther than I can go myself.'”

+ But vanilla is fine too, really, if that’s what you’re into:

“No one’s sex life is exactly like anyone else’s, and as such, to try to classify one type of sex as standard or basic is ridiculous. The frustration of vanilla—this constant quest to kinkify normative sexual relationships—seems to be the result of people’s actual sexual practices and desires butting up against the idea that there is one unified, normative way that “most” people have sex. If I’m supposed to be the default, the married man wonders, why do I want my wife to peg me sometimes? If I’m not kinky, a 22- year-old straight woman who only watches lesbian porn asks, why am I so interested in the idea of a threesome? The danger of vanilla is seeing it as “default” when it’s as amorphous as any individual kinky person’s sexual preferences. Tying someone up with some cheap handcuffs might seem turbo-vanilla, but to the 60-year-old married couple who haven’t had sex with the lights on in 12 years, it’s kinky as hell.”

violetvixsinn via suicidegirls

violetvixsinn via suicidegirls

+ The Red Umbrella Diaries is a documentary about queer sex workers. Executive producer Audacia Ray says:

“The Red Umbrella Diaries is different from other explorations of sex work because its driven by first person stories and though we collaborated with filmmakers who are not sex workers, we had the final say about the content and representations in the film. It’s also unique in the spectrum of sex worker media representations because of the variety of people in the film – all are LGBTQ identified, three are women of color (one of whom is trans), and two are men. Most conversations about sex work focus on cis women, so it was important to us to broaden the scope of perspectives.”

+ Kegels can help you come harder.

+ Do you just want to know, What is love? (With brain scans.)

+ Sometimes it’s fun to (consensually) watch other people have sex:

“Monica identifies as polyamorous, but has been interested in voyeurism for as long as she can remember. ‘It just seems fun — another sexy thing you can do with your partner, like bondage or threesomes. My sex motto is probably ‘Let’s try everything, and if there’s something we don’t like, we don’t have to do it again.” Kink-friendly counselor Jamie, based in Toronto, says, ‘Adding another person can stimulate your primary relationship.’ Plenty of steamy sex with your partner can follow a voyeuristic experience.

Monica’s partners are usually interested in sexual exploration, and she has had many dates that ended in group sex or ‘surprise’ threesomes. As for voyeurism, it has an unexpected plus side: Sometimes, Monica is simply too tired to participate directly in sex. If that’s the case, she encourages her partner to have sex while she watches. ‘So, I still get to feel turned on and part of the fun, but I can lie around and be lazy and drink wine.'”

+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen discussed FetLife.

+ Hollywood sex scandals: they are numerous.

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Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Consultant, and was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor, for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 940 articles for us.

14 Comments

  1. Well on one hand have you seen straight porn? It’s terrible.

    If as a woman you want to see a woman pleasured rather than pile drive’d queer lady porn is it.

    Nevermind all the weird screaming in straight main stream.

    My brain thinks straight girl who sees something that looks greener than what’s on her side so to speak. But eh her life, her choices not ours.

    • But at the same time when you’re a bi person you can get in this place where you see closets and get irritated cause so many bi folk are closeted which is considered a contributing factor by some as to why people treat bisexuals like we’re not real or deserve consideration.

      Plus closets are stuffy and uncomfortable. Who wants to watch a possible compadre suffer when they could be free?

  2. Also I think that although people’s porn lives can have an impact on their sex lives, porn lives can also be totally divorced from your actual sex life. I for one watch the kind of porn that I would LITERALLY NEVER want to occur in my actual sex life.

    • I find that weird since some of the criticism of straight porn is there in gay porn, with the only difference being it’s two men(which some of the time is a person doing it for the money as gay porn pays better for men). That and many lesbians/queer women don’t know about porn made by the lesbian/queer community for us.

  3. I’m glad that Erika Moen had a good experience of FetLife! I found it to be super heteronormative (lots of assumptions made about who & what I’m into), but maybe that was just the specific communities that I found myself in. There’s certainly a great conversation going on in that world about consent and power, which I loved being a part of for the little bit of time I was on FetLife.

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