Welcome back to No Filter, your weekly dose of queer celebrity Instagram. It’s been a pretty weird week for celebrity gossip but pretty much all of it is incredibly upsetting so here, read this great article about Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli’s married life.
Here’s Stella Maxwell with a person named Barbara Palvin and apparently they are just very good friends! However, someone commented “Kristen is jealous” and then someone wrote an article as though Instagram comments from strangers counted as sources. Journalism is wild.
Every selfie Lena Waithe takes is headline news.
Listen, Stephanie Beatriz is engaged and it’s not to Gaby Dunn and I don’t know what to tell you, these two are really fucking up my flow this week.
She also got to be in the general vicinity of this cake, so Stephanie Beatriz is having quite a week.
This is good gossip, if only to read the comments and see who everyone chose as their enemies.
At this point it doesn’t matter at all if Mallory Ortberg sounds absolutely nothing like Anna Wintour OR Joan Didion, this is one of my favorite bits on the whole internet.
Jen Richards posts so rarely and when she does it’s almost always triumphant red carpet-esque situations.
OKAY GUYS YOU’RE PERFECT WE GET IT.
Evan Rachel Wood has traced her root, and it’s Chloe Sevigny. I traced mine, and I think it’s Sarah Jessica Parker but only in Hocus Pocus. How about you?
Look, I don’t know why this is happening but I do know we’re going to document this weird, terrifying thing that’s happening between these two wildly public feral teenagers.
Join us next week, when we trace Joan Didion’s root and it’s almost definitely a large pile of bracelets.
Anna Chlumsky in Gold Diggers
Such a great movie
Also Jemima Rooper as George in the Famous Five 1995 tv show……..
Yes I had (have) a thing for soft butches.
omg yes
YUP
Also Christina Ricci in Gold Diggers
Also Christina Ricci in everything
My grade five teacher in Cans I Can’t Not Look At.
Angelina Jolie in Gia.
Then Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted.
And basically all things Angelina Jolie right through Mr. & Mrs. Smith (which I still enjoyed, but maintain would have been a better movie if she left Brad Pitt at the end and ran away with a young Kerry Washington who played her assistant instead).
Hmmm
Tomb Raider
Tomb Raider 1&2. Such bad films, but dear god, Anjelina as Lara Croft. So. Damn. Gay.
Angelina in Original Sin the directors cut. Also the bedroom scene commentary was kind of funny.
Also: “Every selfie Lena Waithe takes is headline news.”
Thank you, Stef. You get me.
Dottie Hinson catching the fly ball behind her back.
Sarah Connor pumping the shotgun with one hand in Terminator 2
good one.
Everyone’s fave Russian fake lesbians, t.A.T.u. Also Christina Aguilera in the video for Dirrty.
Miss. Honey.
YES. Miss Honey is my teacher crush root.
Yes yes yes
Brody Dalle in the music video for City of Angels.
omg brodyyyyy (i feel like i was always terrified of her in the best way? that explains… a lot about me lolol)
Kate Winslet in the entirety of Titanic, but most especially in the “draw me like one of your French girls” scene. As a 9 yr old I became (very publicly) obsessed with Leo, but thinking on it years later I’m 100% sure that was just my brain using him as a cover because I couldn’t yet reconcile my feelings.
Well, he did look like a baby dyke. Specially in Romeo + Juliet
YES. I was 17 when Titanic came out. I proclaimed to be in love with Leo like every other tween/teen girl at the time, but really Kate (and specifically her boobs) had flipped a switch in my adolescent brain and made me realize that – DUH – I liked girls. I still remember being on the phone with a friend I’d made online who was also a Titanic/Kate fan, and admitting for the first time out loud that I would *definitely* kiss Kate and no one had to pay me to do it. (We were playing ‘what would you do for a million dollars?’ We are also still friends, 20 years later.)
I was already a fan of Kate Winslet after seeing Sense & Sensibility, but before Titanic came out I discovered Heavenly Creatures and it was life changing. Although Kate Winslet isn’t my root, she was a very big part of my baby gay years.
This was my bi root! I remember being obsessed with both Kate and Leo and thinking I needed to pick one to crush on. My 11 year old brain was tortured trying to do the math like…Leo…Kate…Leo…Kate. And then WAIT A MINUTE WHAT IF I COULD LIKE BOTH OF THEM?! Not going to lie, when I figured it out, I felt like the bi preteen version of Leo shouting “I’m the king of the world!!!” on the deck of the ship.
Lori Petty in “Tank Girl” which I realized recently REALLY EXPLAINS MY CURRENT HAIRCUT
YES gawd did I wish I could have been part of that snip snip scenario
Emmy Rossum in Phantom of the Opera awakened some things in me 12-year-old me really didn’t understand.
Emmy Rossum in Shameless left me in no doubt about what those feelings meant.
S A M E
The whole of Fried Green Tomatoes, plus Ruth saying that she loves Idgie during the trial. I was only 7 at the time, but it made a huge impact.
Yeah, that’s a good one. The book is even better imo.
It is. I didn’t read the book until I was in high school and had already come out. After reading it I realized that FGT was totally my root, having been obsessed with it when I was little.
You’re a bee charmer, Dr Caitlin Voodoo PhD
Stockard Channing as Rizzo in Grease. I had every line to every song in that movie memorized by the time I was 8 years old.
YES! Stockard Channing as Rizzo!! YES YES YES!
Bad Sandy was definitely my root!
Bernadette Peters in every role she played but mostly as The Witch in Into The Woods, but also later on Katey Sagal as the house in Smart House, a Disney Classic, was the ultimate Mommi
Also The Unicorn in the Last Unicorn when she was a lady? That movie is the gayest bc she dumps her bf to be a sad immortal unicorn
OMG Yes. Another childhood obsession of mine was Into the Woods simply because of Bernadette Peters.
Maxine Shaw, attorney at law, I thought she was amazing. Also possibly, (the original) Vivian Banks. Child me clearly had a thing for high powered women.
Catherine Deneuve in Chanel No. 5 commercials made for pretty hot feelings, which contrasted nicely with the coldness of boarding school. Nuns during the week and Catherine on weekends. God how I loved television…
Helen Slater in The Legend of billie Jean.
Pre AND post haircut.
Miss Honey from Matilda
The cast of the L Word, including minor characters.
Michelle Pfeiffer as Cat Woman. So much latex…purrrrrrr.
Bernadette Peters in Into the Woods (high five @m1ch0u me too!!)- specifically when she turned young at the end of Act 1 and she had this dress and she did this pose and her boobS, y’all, they were SO OUT THERE AND SO GREAT.
Lady Abrelin, on Mister Rogers, when I was three.
Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice, Heathers, Mermaids, Edward Scissorhands… pretty much all of the 90s.
Jodie Foster as Clarice plus Idgie & Ruth
Excellent trio
And yes to Jodie
Agreed on bracelets for Joan Didion. Other potential roots may include: Linda Kasabian’s eyelashes, Jane Fonda’s tour of North Vietnam in the year nineteen and seventy-two, or a very fine pair of silk Palazzo pants. Thank you for your continuing coverage of this important series.
My root is a little different since I used to think I was a straight boy. But my trans root was Lee Pace in Soldier’s Girl. These days I’m not really into cis men playing trans women, but I was 16 or 17 when I saw that movie and I just thought he was so beautiful.
My very first was Madonna in the Material Girl video when I was 5 or 6. I was so obsessed with Madonna at that age that I convinced my parents to take me to see “Who’s That Girl” in the movie theater. I was 7.
Next up goes to Michelle Pfieffer in Grease 2, then Michelle Pfieffer as Catwoman. I was 12 when the latter came out and I was VERY interested in her for reasons I didn’t understand.
Cher. It was the late 80s, I was prepubescent, her songs hit me *right in the heart*, ya’know? And her movies *wipes away a tear*…
Agent Dana Scully, Medical Doctor ALL. THE. WAY.
Same!
YEAH. I still don’t know how I made it through the 90s without noticing the big flashing ‘u gay’ signs going off all around me.
This is what I came here to say.
Gwen Stefani, No Doubt era – my first CD of my very own and also soooo many feelings
Don’t speak video. The pushups. Yep.
Xena!
Daisy Duke (yes, adult me is appalled – there are a LOT of big problems with that show
– ) 11 yo me just thought Catherine Bach was really pretty and I loved how she looked in those high heels and tight jeans and I spent hours brushing my hair trying to get it to look like her beautiful, wind blown hair. And I had no idea why I was so annoyed when she dated some dumb guy one episode and wore a dress to impress him. Ugh!!!
Also, Kate Jackson in Charlie’s Angels. I didn’t understand why no one else seemed to realize that Sabrina was the best angel.
This is so random but anyone remember Liz Phair? Her voice. I got obsessed.
I love her voice! That sexy alto semi-growl thing.
Jo from The Facts of Life
yesssss
Probably Sailor Neptune on Sailor Moon and Mia Sara in Legend. Around the same time I was also obsessed with musicals, so I have memories of Vanessa Redgrave in Camelot and Barbara Cook as Marion on Music Man (I have video of myself singing a very rousing rendition of “Marion the Librarian” at, like, 6.)
I can trace my roots back to being a really little kid, but somehow had no idea about my sexuality until I was 18. Poor baby Launa and her intense feelings about princesses and warrior women.
Ice Box from Little Giants, haha
Julie Andrews from that very first twirl in The Sound of Music, and then Midori Ito, the figure skater in the 1988 Olympics. Those were some awkward moments, sitting with my whole family, for my little baby bi self.
Patti Smith about the time Horses came out. Then Joan Jett when she formed the Blackhearts. And Freddie Mercury and Joe Perry. What do all of them have in common? My parents could not tell the girls from the boys and knew there was “something up” with me from a young age.
Amelia Earhart in general but also in movie portrayals (played by Hilary Swank in 2009’s Amelia and by Amy Adams also in 2009 in Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian).
Princess Leia, of course. I was 5 years old and she was the most amazing human I had ever seen.
Idgie was my Ring of Keys root. Ruth Mary Louise Parker was my root root. Fun fact re-watched that movie recently had forgotten that it was made before the aughts and therefore both characters don’t make it to the end alive.
Sharon Stone on Basic Instinct. I woke up in the middle of the night, turned on the TV and saw that scene where she makes out with another woman. That did somenthing to me that I didn’t understand at the time. I must have been 7 or 8 years old.
Later on there was Xena, and then there were Michelle Pfeiffer, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman (that scene where Nicole licks Bullock’s face in Practical Magic was so hot and wrong that I’ve felt very conflicted by the fact that they were sisters in the movie but it also made me very obssessed with them for a very long time).
As a child of the 80s, I think my first was probably Winona Ryder. So much queer girl ‘want to be her or want her?’ experienced in my life.
Dani Campbell on A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. As problematic as that show was it was the first time I’d ever heard someone use the term bisexual and the first time my little bi heart felt a flutter.
Larisa Oleynik in The Secret World of Alex Mack. That flannel shirt/backwards cap combo was overwhelming for my poor seven-year-old heart.