In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rory Midhani
Hi friends, I’m not Austen! Usually it is our darling whiskey enthusiast and cocktail mixer extraordinaire who leads you through this regular column, but I requested to take over for a hot second even though I’m a total lightweight because I feel like a genius for whipping up some homemade boozy popsicles last month and I wanted to brag about it. So here we are! It’s not really officially summer anymore (at least not where I am) and the weather isn’t as sweltering as it was in August when I actually made these, but they’re still delicious and I still want to gift this treat to you and your loved ones. The recipe is based on the French 75, a timeless cocktail, so I don’t see why these boozy popsicles can’t be timeless, too. Drunk frozen fun for everyone, all year round!
Let me tell you some things about these popsicles. They are super easy to make yet the end result is very impressive. If you play your cards right and eat them with a cute girl on a rooftop in Brooklyn you will probably end up drunkenly making out while the moon hides behind the clouds in embarrassment because yes, these popsicles will actually get you drunk. There’s not that much booze in them but you’ve gotta eat ’em fast or else they’ll melt, and they’re also delicious so you’ll probably eat a couple of ’em, and next thing you know you’re tipsy and sticky and making out. Boom. Let’s make this scenario happen for you because trust me, it’s really great.
Homemade French 75 Boozy Popsicles
You Will Need:
4 oz. of simple syrup
12 oz. of champagne
4 oz. of gin
3 oz. of fresh lemon juice
What The Heck Do You Do:
1. Make the simple syrup! It’s so easy. Equal parts sugar and water. I always do one cup of each and store any syrup I have left over in a sealed jar in the fridge. Austen has addressed making simple syrup before. You can do it.
2. Combine all the ingredients into a container. Mix.
3. Pour the drink into popsicle molds. Or an ice cube tray. Or any mold that can be stuck in the freezer. You have options, is what I’m saying, even if you didn’t run out and buy popsicle molds on the first day of summer in a desperate attempt to reclaim your childhood (which can obviously be easily done via boozy homemade popsicles, right?).
4. Stick your molds, whatever they may be, in the freezer, and leave them alone for a long time. Like 24 hours. It is probably scientifically not necessary to leave them in for a whole day, but 24 hours seems like a safe recommendation, ya know? Also do not ask me how the alcohol manages to freeze, I am not a science major! It’s magic. Actually it’s probably science but this is my story and I’m sticking to it.
5. After you’ve filled all your molds with mixture, if you’ve got any left feel free to drink it. It’s a plain old French 75 cocktail and it is so, so good. Oh yeah, and once your boozy homemade popsicles are frozen, you should eat them. Preferably with another human. Ideally on a roof. Makeout session optional, but strongly recommended.
Congratulations, you are a hero or something. Enjoy.