Jane Lynch & Julie Goldman Duet at VH1 “DO Something Awards,” Bring World Peace

It was tough out there for a television viewer tonight, Monday July 19th. We had “The Client List,” a Lifetime Movie starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and featuring Phyllis from The L Word and Haviland Stillwell (from Broadway, your Teevee, and most importantly The Haviland & Riese Vlogs). We had, I believe, heroin-addicted twins of some sort on Intervention, I’m guessing.

But most importantly (though really, it’s a close call with seeing Haviland lead the housewives to ask the call girl for sex advice in a Lifetime movie) — yes, more important than the kid saving the massively-unemployed town of Wilmington Ohio which JUST SO HAPPENS to be the location of the nearest Wal-Mart, movie theater and Gold Star Chili to most of my family, or the girl who set up the School for Girls in Africa and like turned children into fairies or the kid that fed all the hungry children of the entire Western Hemisphere with just his own two hands and a box of Hamburger Helper — two of the 10 men & women honored in Autostraddle’s “People Who Can Do No Wrong” list performed a duet on stage together for a period of significant time, Jane Lynch and Julie Goldman.

Julie Goldman is connected to us through sister goddesses of lightness and togetherness/connection but also via Autostraddle.com’s webseries Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office, which is pretty awesome and also they wrote our favorite movie that hasn’t been made yet, The Nicest Thing. Jane Lynch is connected to us because we invented the term “The Lynch can do no wrong.” It’s true, no need to look it up, we have accomplished overall very little in the world, let us have these small things.

Julie Goldman & Jane Lynch perform together at the 2010 VH1 DO Something Awards. We’re going to change our motto to “Visibility Matters” since it’s not taken anymore, so that we can hold our hearts at moments like this and say “Look, it’s visibility! mattering!” I really hope this video works, we’ve had so many issues uploading ’cause Viacom is the evil empire. I hope it’s just up on VH1’s site tonight so we can swap that in.

Song file in case the video stops working: Julie-Goldman-Jane-Lynch

Also, to be extra-sure, a trasncript!

Jane Lynch: You might remember a little song I wrote that night with my little partner in musical crime, the Art Garfunkel to my Carly Simon — Julie Goldman!

[crowd cheers, Julie is like “it’s alright, no applause necessary”]

Jane Lynch: And if we remember correctly, it goes a little something like this:

Jane: I watch the news, it’s so depressing. I don’t like what I see.
So much greed and oppression, civil war and poverty
So you sit there and you WONDER what CAN ONE PERSON DOOOOO?
Well I’m just one in six billion —

Jane Lynch: Really Jules, when you think about it, the planet’s got six billion people, I’m one person, what do people expect??
Julie Goldman: Jane. You do too much.

Julie & Jane: Uh- 1 -2-3-4 you’ve got a choice you’ve got a voice you’re in a rut get off your butt and doooooooooooo something! You’ve got a choice you’ve got a voice you’re in a rut get off your butt!

Jane: Now volunteering don’t make you a weirdo
Julie Goldman: Well, it’s a little lame not to get paid for your work, don’t you think?
Jane: Well just ask nominees Lady Gaga or Alyssa Milano–
Julie Goldman: They dress good, they’re nice–


Jane: So if a prime time star like me can get up and sing —
Julie Goldman: [loud whisper] Jane Lynch!
Jane: Can get up and sing-
Jane & Julie: Then you little bastards you better do your thing!

Jane: Sing with me, you little bastards!
Both: 1-2-3 You’ve got a choice you’ve got a voice you’re in a rut get off your butt. You’ve got a choice, you’re in a rut, get off your butt. And do do do something. And dooooooooo somethhinggggggggggg.

Are they bros now? Can Jane Lynch be a lezbro or is she like in another universe? Probs both.

Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2714 articles for us.

14 Comments

  1. True story: My parents live in Wilmington OH, as did both sets of my grandparents before them. My parents do not have cable TV or own a computer. Everytime I go to visit them they are watching marathons of NCIS and CSI that they have on DVD, two shows that I never watch and don’t really care for. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

    Gold Star Chili = YUM

    • that’s crazy! my grandparents & one set of aunt/uncle/cousins live in east clinton and have been there as far back as i know? my family had a farm there for a few generations up until like 15 years ago or something, so nobody worked at DHL. my grandparents have satellite tv where you literally have to rotate the dish to get different stations and each one is named something else, like star/outer space imagery names and nothing is ever on. also there’s no wireless internet for sure. whenever i was upset when i was younger they’d try to talk me into moving to wilmington and going to “the college.” my grandpa loves gold star chili like in a very serious way.

      • No one in my family worked at DHL, but they have neighbors who did. I remember when the Cincy Bengals held their training camp at Wilmington College every summer, but now they hold it somewhere in Kentucky.

        There is so little to do at my parent’s house that sometimes my sister and I drive into Wilmington proper to eat at gold star chili or buffalo wild wings just for something to do. It’s that bad. You don’t realize how badly you miss cable tv and the internet until you don’t have it.

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