Riese’s Team Pick: This Is Why I’ll Never Be an Adult

This is from June, and has like a bajillion comments on it, plus I have already raved about it on twitter, so MAYBE you’ve already seen it but if you haven’t — seriously folks, nothing has ever described my feelings more precisely than Hyperbole & a Half’s blog post entitled This is Why I’ll Never Be an Adult. READ IT RIGHT NOW. Did you laugh your face off? Do you still have a face? You don’t need it anyway, this is all you need.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3211 articles for us.


  1. 100% true especially because I try and go to the bank like a motherf*cking adult all the time and fail.

  2. I love that blog. I often find myself re-reading her entries months later. AND LAUGHING SO HARD (again) THAT I CAN’T BREATHE.


    Ps I’m a toys-r-us kid too, Riese.

  3. “I did three things yesterday! Now I’m supposed to keep doing things? It’s like the things never end!” Amazing

  4. I have so much love for hyperboleandahalf and this blog entry! I can never exceed my capacity for being an adult and Allie hit it right on the mark.
    I found this blog a month ago and read every entry in three days. Yes I am unemployed.

  5. It’s things like this that scare me about moving out. I do the same kind of thing but on a much smaller scale due to my lack of responsibilty. So I’m probably gonna starve to death or something if I ever live on my own.

    • Don’t worry, I’m one of those PCP-squirrel people and I’ve managed to not burn my house down, go into debt (aside from my student loans, which I somehow managed to pay off), or die of starvation. And I’ve been living on my own since I was 18 – so almost 10 years now! You can do it! *cheerleader pom-poms*

    • Just keep reminding yourself: “Stupid people do this stuff every day and don’t die.”

      You can totally do this.

    • i am in debt, haven’t bought groceries in month, been to the bank in months, or cleaned the things. oh wait. i did clean the things i think, like before everyone came to my apartment to stay with me. i am a bad example at life for everyone in the world for real

      • You and I went to the bank, sort of! Followed immediately by the grocery store. But maybe those trips only count for half though, considering what we purchased.

  6. I swear to god Allie Brosh has like a direct pipeline to my brain.

    My girlfriend read this, turned to me, and said, “Is this what it’s like in your brain?” Haha oh dear.

  7. Sweet Jesus, that is my LIFE.

    On the one hand: beautiful! I am not alone!

    On the other hand: this means I’m not special, and my struggles with life are not the unique and quirky fairytale adventure I’d been imagining.

    Comforted or saddened? Allie has broken my feelings.

  8. This is so my life. Every time I try and be responsible and be an adult I fail miserably. I think it’s actually impossible for me to go to the bank like a motherf*cking adult.

  9. Although I adore this post, my favorite of Allie’s is, and forever will be, the alot post.

    Because nothing is more annoying than someone who loves this alot, or hears that alot.

  10. definitely laughed so hard i needed my inhaler. :)

    also…for me there’s one square or tile or caption missing

    “started day, ready to do all grown up things, smoked weed, fell back to sleep.”

  11. this made me laugh for hours…i showed my girlfriend, all my roommates…i even emailed it to my mom. in retrospect, that last one was possibly a mistake.

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