I Fixed My Acne With a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 Leatherface Killing Mask

There are so many exciting trends in dermatology this year, it’s hard to know where to begin when figuring out how to get rid of a pimple. There’s always the old standby of “putting a dot on it.” Nobody knows if dots work, but that never stopped me from putting a dot on it and thinking to myself, “well now that has been taken care of.” Then, there’s the scenario where you’re out and about and someone is like, “did you know that you have a dot on your chin?” That would be embarrassing normally, but not for me because actually I did know, and I don’t care.

Beyond dots you could also try a pepto-pink drying lotion, Salicylic Acid, retinol, Proactiv, an LED Mask, or just fucking with your face with your own two hands. But what do you do when you have tried everything? Well, I have the solution for you.

I was watching a horror movie in 56 parts on TikTok when I thought to myself, “you know one thing I haven’t tried?? Wearing a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 Leatherface Killing Mask.”

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 Leatherface Killing Mask

The first step to wearing a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 Leatherface Killing Mask is finding the mask online. Trick or Treat Studios makes a fantastic Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 Leatherface Killing Mask and it looks really authentic, like you could kill someone with a chainsaw, and nobody would even know it was you.

I got best results by soaking a stack of paper towels in diluted tea tree oil, and putting the towels on my face until I started to feel like something really bad was happening that I couldn’t control. Then I wiped off the tea tree oil and saturated my face with a gentle lotion. My favorite one to use is Kirkland Signature Body Lotion, because my Mom mailed me a big tub of it in my Passover snacks package. Once you feel really moist, that’s when you put on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 Leatherface Killing Mask.

You tie the mask around your face to make sure it stays in place. Then you should lie down on the floor for 25-45 minutes, thinking about your life and your choices. After that time, you can remove the mask. You don’t have to remove the mask, though, if you want to wear it around the block, be my guest.

At the end of the day, you’ll find yourself radiant and glowing and free of any unexpected blackheads, whiteheads or other pimples. If that doesn’t work, you can just saw your head off and your acne will fade naturally as your body decomposes under the earth.

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Riese

Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3178 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Leatherface = trans icon. she always prettied herself up for family dinner, right after he killed a bunch of dumb trespassers. plus, i’m sure, glowing skin as evidenced in this regimen.

  2. This is the only thing that has ever worked for me.

    For reference, I also tried the 1984 Nightmare on Elm Street Freddy Krueger mask but it somehow made my skin look worse???

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