Grease Bats: Homophobic Inheritance

Welcome to Saturday Morning Cartoons, a segment where four artists take turns delighting you with their whimsy, facts and punchlines on Saturday mornings! Grease Bats, today’s comic, is created by Archie!

If you like their work, check out their store!  Also check out Archie’s new book, A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns!

Gwen: Ari! What's that letter? Ari: My.. my grandma died... Gwen: OMG Ari! I am so sorry! Ari: It's okay Gwen. She was absolutely fucking terrible! Gwen: OH. Ari: But she also left me a bunch of money... Gwen: Is this one of those "everything contains multitudes" moments?

Ari: I hate this! I hate it! Scout: Ari! What's happening? Gwen: Ari's grandma died. Scout: Oh no! I'm so sorry Ari! Ari: Don't be sorry!! Everyone stop being sorry!! I'm angry! Scout: Of course you're angry! It's normal to be upset! Nothing feels FAIR in death! Ari: She was a transphobic and sexist asshole. So it feels pretty fair to me. Scout: Coolcoolcool... however you feel is valid, even if it's scary. Ari: My grandmother never used my correct pronouns, only called me by my birth name and said transphobic stuff to my face CONSTANTLY. She as rude, mean and abusive. And I'm not sorry she's dead. I was always an embarrassment to her. The money she left me after her death feels like her last attempt to throw money at a problem - the problem being ME. Gwen: That is so crummy, Ari. Scout: Whatever you need, just let us know. Ari: DESTROY THE MONEY! Gwen: YES! Scout: WHAT? WAIT!

Ari: I don't want money from someone who never once respected me! Gwen: Of course not! Scout: I hear you Ari, but you're broke! Ari: Very broke. Scout: I know this sucks, but wouldn't it be nice to be NOT BROKE for a bit? Ari: Oh my god. This is my worst nightmare. I have to choose between my principles and the reality of capitalism!

Gwen: Do you think she meant it as an apology? Ari: She addressed the letter "to my only grandson..." You'd think after someone dies, you wouldn't have to deal with their bullshit anymore... yet her hatred perseveres... Scout: What if you spent the money on the GAYEST stuff you can think of? Ari: Oh sure... you mean like rent, groceries, and that very overdue internet bill... Gwen: Sometimes thriving off a homophobe's money is the best we can do! Ari: Thanks for the emotional trauma and rent, dead grandma.

I'm a cartoonist living in Minneapolis. My book A Quick & Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns is out now! I don't own a car and enjoy winter biking. I drink a lot. I don't feel bad about it. If I'm not working I'm socializing. If I'm not out with friends I'm drawing. If I'm not doing any of those things I'm probably depressed. Support me using Patreon.

Archie has written 67 articles for us.

14 Comments

  1. Oof, too real. My step father (Who I cut off all contact with for years) is not dead, but he recently gave me the equivalent of half a year’s rent in an attempt to rewrite the narrative of himself as a father figure and my first instinct was also to burn it.

    But then I remembered that while he did spend my entire teen years trying to get my mother to disown me and joking about gay bashing, I’ve been the one living below the poverty line and paying for years of therapy, so I both earned and need that money and will also probably burn an effigy of him at some point anyway.

  2. This hits a nerve. My grandmother is still alive and I am not looking forward to the possibility of a similar problem. I always thought it would be fun if she leaves me any money to donate it to a gay charity so that some good can come of her hatred. She’d be furious!

  3. Not quite the same, but the uncle who I see the most in my hometown is very very homophobic, and every year he gives us each $100 for Christmas. Nothing makes me happier than spending at least half of that on round of drinks for me and my friends at our gay bar 😄

  4. Every time my partner’s parents tried to give us money my partner and I had two very different reactions: they would keep theirs and use it for, I don’t know, that same kind of gay rent and internet usage. I would donate it to Trans Lifeline and mail them a receipt.

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