Glee Episode 515 Recap: Bash Me In The Belly

Cut to the hospital room, where Kurt is stable but has bruises/cuts on his face and has taken shit-tons of oxy. Sam says he wants to kill whoever did this to him, and Rachel feels responsible ’cause everything is about her, and Blaine wishes Kurt could hear him.

Come on Rachel, it's not polite to tell somebody they just had an ugly baby

Come on Rachel, it’s not polite to tell somebody who just had a baby that you think babies are ugly

Then Blaine starts singing to Kurt and it’s really sweet and thus we transition into his Midwinter Showcase Piece and here that is:

http://youtu.be/vvnBOoUkQ9A

Then they curl up together in the hospital bed:

Glee515-00175


Starsweep to Mercedes’ Superstar Recording Studio, where she’s taken Sam to show him her cool outfit.

No, Sam, Quinn and I only went to second base, I think you're mixing me up with one of your other girlfriends

No, Sam, Quinn and I only went to second base, I think you’re mixing me up with one of your other ex-girlfriends

Mercedes says that not dating a man because he’s white is like not being friends with somebody because they’re gay. It’s actually not like that at all? Like not really at all it isn’t. I think not dating a man because he’s white is like not dating a man because he’s white. But um, anyhow! So they’re gonna get back together and now Mercedes is going to sing a song!

http://youtu.be/kcYMAUhtlEA

The best most important thing about this whole situation is Amber Riley.


Cut to the hospital, where Mr. Kurt Burt Hummel has rolled in to yell at Kurt for going to protect somebody in a dank alley even though he doesn’t know how to play football!

Yeah the makeup guy asked me out on a date yesterday, so

You should’ve seen the other guy

Burt: “You could’ve called the cops, you could’ve gotten help. Now look, I’m proud of what you did but come on man, use your head!”
Kurt: “I’ve been fighting these guys for a really long time.”
Burt: “I’ve been fighting too, okay? I don’t know man I mean, it’s just uh, I can’t believe that this happened here. You know? I mean, this is New York City. I mean come on this isn’t Kansas. Am I an idiot because I thought you would be safe here? Safe-er?”

Then Burt tells Kurt that he is sad that somebody bashed up Kurt’s beautiful face. They are really lovely, these two.

And honestly, I can't believe that you did this knowing I only have 500 more frequent flier miles on our Teleportation account

And honestly, I can’t believe that you did this knowing I only have 500 more frequent flier miles on our Teleportation account


Cut to that charming New York City street where the episode opened, where the vigil has really gotten next-level with floral arrangements and candles. Blaine exposits that Kurt got out of the hospital yesterday and that the guy the vigil is for is going to be okay.

C'mon nobody will notice if you just slip that little beanie baby in to your pocket Kurt stop being such a prude

C’mon nobody will notice if you just slip that little beanie baby in to your pocket Kurt stop being such a prude


Starsweep to the Barbie Bushwick Dreamhouse Loft, where Kurt is at home with his sad face talking to Rachel about feelings. Rachel apologizes for being bitchy at the restaurant and says Kurt is the most talented human EVER OF ALL TIME and that he’s taken more risks in his life than she ever has. I think she’s talking about this outfit.

It just only seems fair like, that if you get to have loud sex on Wednesdays and Thursdays, that I should get to have loud sex at least on Monday mornings?

It just only seems fair like, that if you get to have loud sex on Wednesdays and Thursdays, that I should get to have loud sex at least on Monday mornings?

That wasn't loud sex, Rachel, that was us trying to build a BRUSALI 3-drawer chest from IKEA

That wasn’t loud sex, Rachel, that was us trying to build a BRUSALI 3-drawer chest from IKEA

Rachel and Kurt decide to be best best friends again and will probably get a Best Friends necklace and I think probs Rachel will get BE FRI and Kurt will get ST ENDS.  You know, I feel like we rarely get any info on what Kurt and Rachel’s relationship is like when we’re not around. They talk about being best friends, but they so infrequently reference experiences they shared that we didn’t see on the show — and their relationship certainly isn’t the only relationship in which this happens — which ends up making the characters feel really flimsy and hollow sometimes. Or maybe I’m just not paying attention.

Ok so what do you think though when I tip my head a little to the side like this? How does my hair look now?

Ok so what do you think though when I tip my head a little to the side like this? How does my hair look now?

Anyhow, now it’s time for the Monday Potluck! I hope somebody brought vegan macaroni salad.

Um, I thought we made it pretty clear that takeout from Bubba Gump Shrimp Company doesn't count as a potluck dish

Um, I thought we made it pretty clear that takeout from Bubba Gump Shrimp Company doesn’t count as a potluck dish

Well, nice to see our friends are still elitist foodies

Well, nice to see our friends are still elitist foodies

Sam and Mercedes have an announcement to make:

Mercedes: “Well, Sam and I…”
Sam: “We are officially dating again.”
Blaine: “Wait. Were you guys ever really dating?”
Sam: “Mmm… yeah?”
Mercedes: “Not really.”
Artie: “Your relationship has always been kind of weird.”
Sam: “Okay, that’s racist.”

caption

Woah Mercedes why is everybody but us dressed up for a vicars & tarts party?

Then Rachel has an announcement to make! Her announcement is that Kurt’s Midwinter Spectacular Spectacular is tomorrow and she hopes they’ll all be there because otherwise they are terrible friends who will die in a fire. Mercedes said she wouldn’t miss it for the world! Another thing Mercedes won’t miss for the world: Sam’s tonsils.

That poor vase of flowers just kept wondering when it would have its turn to be belle of the ball

That poor vase of flowers just kept wondering when it would have its turn to be belle of the ball


Then before we can finish our hot dogs, we’re zoomed off to the Midwinter Fairyland Ballscape, where Kurt is performing “I’m Still Here” from the musical Follies, an inspirational Broadway ballad about still being here.

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This was an interesting song choice because it’s usually sung by an older human, but I guess it’s like Kurt is an old soul because people have been trying to kick his ass since Season One.

Here’s the whole thing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsyc-9DebJU


And that’s all, folks! What did you think about the handling of the gay-bashing thing? I was happy that they didn’t overdo it, and I thought the “getting the call” montage was well-done, but it also ended up feeling a little half-baked? I can’t decide. It’s really hard to know how to feel about this show these days! Did you hear about Naya and Big Sean? Anyhow.

Next week on Glee, Santana and Brittany will STILL be out of town, and this will happen:

When the boys get tested for STDs, Artie tests positive for a disease and he’s forced to tell his sexual partners. Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine have relationship issues when Blaine puts on his “freshman fifteen” in the all-new “Tested” episode of GLEE airing Tuesday, April 15 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. (GLE-516) (TV-14 D, L)

:-(

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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2781 articles for us.

10 Comments

  1. This episode gave me a lot of feelings and I totes agree that the hate crime felt half-baked. A) Everyone has different reactions to trauma, but Kurt seemed so fine about being beaten up that it wrang false. Like he didn’t have one emotion about being physically and verbally assaulted? Just happy to “still be here”? They showed people holding posters from “Anti Violence Voice” at the vigil, which I thought as a reference to the Anti Violence Project (avp.org), but then there was no discussion of Kurt potentially reaching out and seeking counseling or reporting the assault to that organization or relying on the community for support. I wish Glee would engage seriously with effects of trauma that young LGBTQ people experience, if they are going to have a storyline about it. B) The people most at risk in NYC are not young white cis gay men, but young trans women of color. Of course people like Kurt still are at risk for violence but not in the same way. But now that Glee has kicked off all it’s other characters they don’t have a trans woman of color on the show so I guess they will not be talking about trans issues anymore. Not that they did it well anyways. C) I was a little surprised there was no PSA or trigger warning type thing about the violence. So many of us either have been or know people who have been assaulted like that and it was rough to watch. The assault was pretty intense and I wanted to be more prepared for it.

    Also, I just want to point out that Degrassi just had two really great episodes exploring institutional racism, specifically how young men of color are targeted by the police and how hard it is to deal with that, and omg Glee like can you work with the Degrassi writers to learn how to handle discussing oppression on TV already or what.

  2. This recap reminded me that I still haven’t found my lost copy of Lorrie Moore’s new collection, so now I’m about to tear my room apart for the third time in as many days looking for it OR text my ex asking if I lent it to her (probably not, and hopefully I won’t) so thank you for that.

    On the bright side, captions are on point as always. I haven’t watched glee since season two but these recaps are solid gold.

  3. My first comment!

    I absolutely love your Glee-caps, Riese! They are some of the best out there – just the right balance of humorous and thoughtful.

    Why did they make an episode about gay bashing without having Santana, their leading lesbian, in it? I would really like to have seen how she reacted to what happened to Kurt, since this hits so close to home for her. Missed opportunity.

    • Aw thank you! And yeah, I wish that Santana had been in this episode (and all the episodes), although Glee seems oddly resistant to ever giving Kurt, Santana, Blaine, Brittany or Unique any moments of solidarity with one another. It’s like only one person or couple gets to be LGBT per episode.

  4. 1) I really wanted Sam and Mercedes to get busted for littering.
    2) While I appreciate the effort, gay-bashing isn’t the same as tried to stop a robbery and got the sh*t kicked out of him while happening to be gay. This it what it came off as to me. Not every violent crime is automatically a hate crime.
    3) The whole thing with Mercedes and Sam was handled very badly because first she decides not to date him because he’s white, then decides to date him for the same reason. All the while his racist behavior has been given a complete pass!
    4) Rachel. She doesn’t have time to do the show, the diner, and school. Okay, that’s valid. Why is she still working the diner? And she throws a hissy fit about having to show up again the following week, but then she does anyway to support Kurt. If she could take time for other people’s performances, why can’t she just sing after Kurt?
    5) I don’t know why I get frustrated by all the stupid plot holes because it’s Glee and I should already expect them.

    • I wanted to yell at her, “MERCEDES, YOU JUST ENDORSED LITTERING! AND THAT WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD COAT TOO!”

      And where was the “You can’t just throw things in the river” lady when Mercedes was dumping her coat in there?

  5. I watched Glee for the first time in forever and I spent most of the show wondering if the rainbow “Get Better” balloon at the memorial was a reference to the “It Gets Better” movement and what this show has come to.

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