Glee Episode 408 Recap: Thanksgiving Is A Place For Friends And Turkey Lurkeys

Cut back to Fine Fine McKinley High, where Real Quinn is counseling Fake Quinn on how to wink at judges and remind them of youth.

now kiss

Then Santana busts in looking like she’s about to give Janet Jackson cunnilingus, and immediately gives Fake Quinn a proverbial bitchslap –

Santana: “That bitch is pure evil.”
Real Quinn: “I think she’s sweet.”
Santana: “Well, then why is she giving my girl laxatives?”

dun dun DUN. Turns out Santana went through Marley-Kate’s bag and found the laxatives, which’ll come in handy if Marley-Kate ever eats anything again, ever.

sorry, no, i’m not a sheep and therefore declined to participate in “everybody wear red” day

Santana: “Your pretty little liar gave them to her, I can sense it thanks to my psychic Mexican third eye.”

OMG, PLL REFERENCE!

Real Quinn: “See, this is what my psych professor calls projecting. You’re projecting Kitty onto me. Santana, we’ve graduated, it’s really time to get over this?”
Santana: “Get over what?”
Real Quinn: “You being jealous of me.”
Santana: “And why would I be jealous of you? And please don’t tell me because you’re in some lame Nazi sorority.”

Because you can always count on Santana to never flinch and always dish it out. Har.

hello quinn, this is what we call lesbian executive realness

Real Quinn: “Look, homecoming weekend, I went to Jodie Foster’s clambake, and that professor that I was talking about earlier? Well, he’s 35, smokes a pipe. Well, he’s divorcing his wife who hasn’t touched him for three years. I’m dating him.”

WHAT? Real Quinn went to Jodie Foster’s clambake? That’s so lame!

You know what would make Jodie Foster’s clambake AWESOME, though?

much better

Santana: “Wow, Twitter update! Quinn is so excited about another guy defining her life!”
Real Quinn: “And what are you excited about? Shaking pom-poms in Kentucky? I mean, you want everybody to think that you’re such a badass, but really you’re just a scared little girl with low self-esteem who’s too frightened to chase her dreams.”
Santana: “Did Professor Patches teach you that one in between quickies on his office couch? Does he get so turned on by teen moms who barely visit their kid?”

Then Quinn slaps Santana and then Santana slaps Quinn!

and then shit got dark

And then Brittany shows up, confused at why they’re having sex without her!

wait gimme a sec and i’ll take off my shirt too!

Sidenote; what the fuck is Quinn talking about? She’s reaching, it feels like empty insults for insults sake. Which isn’t to say it wasn’t entertaining, but um, going to college on a cheerleading scholarship is pretty awesome. So.


Smear to the auditorium, where Ryder Bieber-Strong is clomping around like a horse on crystal meth, practicing for his big debut as a go-go boy at Babylon.

dude how did you get those pecs

They have a super gay conversation about how you have to “just let yourself go” to get into Gangham Style and New Puck lets on that he’s actually a really good dancer who takes ballet and just let Ryder Bieber-Strong have the dance solo because of Marley-Kate. Ryder Bieber-Strong isn’t so sure this is a good idea but New Puck promises to teach him to dance! First step?

watching one direction

Becoming the ten billionth viewer of the “Gangham Style” music video.


Then we sashay back to the Easterly Coast to the Barbie Dreamhouse Bushwick Loft, where Geyerdean’s making The New Rachel sexually molest a turkey even though she’s’ s vegetarian and also a human being.

let’s just order a pizza

The New Rachel starts waxing poetic about her first sectionals, which segues us neatly into Sad Marley-Kate giving herself a mirror pep talk about how she looks good and her voice is strong.

Sad Marley-Kate: “It’s time to make a little girl’s dream come true. I’m so hungry, but at least my dress fits.”

Sad Marley-Kate pops a tic-tac and pops into the hallway, where she spots Unique in a dress, looking good with a strong voice. Yay! Also, though, Unique is still referring to herself in third person which is almost as insufferable as the fact that her name is Unique.

Unique: “She is ready for her close-up!”

[She’s talking about herself!]

she is almost ready to stop referring to herself in third person

Apparently Unique’s parents have had a change-of-heart and at least allowed their daughter to present as female when performing:

Unique: “They’re trying to protect me. But what they need to understand is if I’m not being true to myself at least when I’m performing, then there won’t be anything left inside me to protect. So they can keep talking about sending me to a camp for little boys who like to wear dresses, but I will not and cannot be ashamed of who I am, or how I look.”
Sad Marley-Kate: “You look beautiful. I think it’s inspiring how brave and proud you are. I wish I was more like that.”

Aw. I like Unique’s strength, too.

Anyhow, thus we segue into a “group prayer” because whatever, it’s Finn, and Teen Jesus leads them in some psalm or something that my girlfriend says is wrong in some way, like the words he’s saying aren’t the verse he said he was gonna say or something? IDK, I’m a Jew, somebody burn a bush for me and I’ll tell you what it means. Also look, Darren Criss is there!

Baruch atah Adonai elohaynu melech ha’olam asher kidshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu l’hadlik ner shel Sectionals

Just as the children have almost touched Jesus’s dimples with their lips, the Holiday Vegetable Loaf in the corner lumbers to life to deliver a spirited speech in the style of Bloaty The Gravy Clown:

Finn: “This is our house. Look into the faces of these graduates. They’ve been to the mountaintop. This is just the first step in your climb to meet them there.”

Oh gross. Now Sad Marley-Kate and pretty much the entire Glee Club wanna hurl. I mean, cheer!

this is also how all our editorial meetings end


The Warblers proceed to submerge my entire body in yogurt, free wild monkeys from cages, and permit said monkeys to chew away my earlobes while playing a capella versions of crappy pop songs I’ve never heard before and hopefully will never hear again.

gahhhh

I can’t talk about it.


So we cut on back to New York, New York, home of DJ Carlytron, The New York Yankees and Bring It On: The Musical, where The New Rachel and Kurt are talking about their holiday music feelings and missing Ohio in whispery voices even though Geyerdean’s like, two feet away, which isn’t realistic because in an actual affordable New York city loft, there wouldn’t even be a kitchen, it’d just be a bucket next to an icebox, and then everybody would get shot in the face and die.

Anyhoo, just as Tommy The Turkey is ready for Geyerdean to eat the whole thing, there’s a knock at the door!

omg it’s julie newmar!

The staff of Lucky Chengs has descended upon the Barbie Dreamhouse Bushwick Loft Orphan Thanskgiving Party, and they’re fabulous! Carrie Bradshaw told them about it. Probably in her column.

please tell me there are doritos at this party

Just then, Carrie Bradshaw finally gets in touch with Kurt as she is emerging from the Montrose L delivering this super melodramatic Carrie Bradshaw-meets-Miranda-Priestly-meets-Parker-Posey-in-Party-Girl speech about heels and the train and the rain, which falls mainly on the plain. [ETA: This monologue is from the Scisssor Sisters song they’re about to mash up]

“So maybe it won’t look like you thought it would in high school, but it’s important to remember that love is possible. Anything is possible. This is New York. “

Her monologue leads her directly to Kurt’s Orphan Thanksgiving Party and thus we enter into the gayest thing to happen on Glee since the episode where everybody wore flannel the entire time — a mashup of “Turkey Lurkey” and “Let’s Have a Kiki” starring a bunch of drag queens and other New Yorkers and it’s just glorious!

It’s super fun and campy and it’s cool to see The New Rachel and Kurt having fun and being happy!

 


Cut back through Pennsylvania back to the fabulous state of Ohio, the heartland of America, where Mr. Schuester is dipping in to catch the New Directions taking a New Direction towards Sucktown under the supervision of Finn Tater-Tot Hudson.

this is the way is the way we watch glee

We’re then treated to this year’s Gag Band, The Mennonites, because they’re the only group this show can mock without offending anybody because Mennonites don’t have electricity and therefore can’t watch television and be offended.

breaking mennonites

Backstage, Blaine’s thinking about his hair when Kurt pops up on his mobile ’cause they just had a Kiki and now Kurt has feelings.

should probably say “do not answer it will only make you sad”

 

Kurt: “Look, you… you’ve said you’re sorry a million times. And I believe you. And I’m trying to forgive you, but I’m just not there yet. But, it’s Thanksgiving and it’s sectionals, and I miss you like crazy. and i can’t stand not talking to you even though I’m mad at you. Because you’re still my best friend.”
Blaine: “You’re mine, too.”
Kurt: “At Christmas, we need to have a mature heart-to-heart, and maybe if it’s cold enough we can go ice skating on the Auglaize River and get hot chocolate anywhere besides the Lima Bean because when I was working there I saw a mouse.”

somewhere out there

By the way I was obviously tearing up by this point.

Blaine: [laughs] “So, uh, we’re really gonna see each other at Christmas?”
Kurt: “Yeah… [emotional pause] well, don’t let any of those hideous Warblers win, alright? Break a leg. Happy Thanksgiving.”
Blaine: “Happy Thanksgiving, Kurt I love you so much.”
Kurt: “I love you, too.”

AW! I hope they get back together, it makes me feel excited for little gayboys out there in the world who want somebody to look up to. Speaking of getting back together, Santana and Brittany, anyone? Anyhow, Carrie Bradshaw gives Kurt a big hug since they’re totes besties having a Kiki.

bffs forever


Next up, The New Directions, starring Sad Sad Marley-Kate and The Thunder Down Under! But Sad Marley-Kate’s not feeling well and New Puck can tell because he’s got eyeballs. Two of ’em!

are there little birdies in the lightbulbs?

Marley’s shaking and weak and she tells New Puck that she’s sweating even though it isn’t hot, and New Puck tells her that she can do it, but before he gets to the heart of the matter, Ryder interrupts to ask if New Puck can take the dance lead.

dude how many times do i have to tell you that i’m not gay

New Puck tells Sad Marley-Kate that she’s gonna “kill this” which’s foreshadowing and anyhow, let’s cut to the weirdest performance ever!

Then Marley starts hallucinating and then she falls over and dies. Just kidding, I checked imdb, she’ll be fine! Stay tuned ’til next week, when Sam and Brittany get together, thus breaking all of our lesbian hearts in a permanent way!

 

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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2772 articles for us.

60 Comments

  1. Okay so they gotta quit it with the eating disorder storyline. Or at least, I don’t think it’s presented as awful enough. SERIOUSLY. If it goes on for more than an episode without somebody being like “okay we’re gonna help now” it may be more realistic, yeah, but I think it’s irresponsible to little kids who might be like “Marley is so great and wants to be skinny and doesn’t eat I can do that too.”

    Also I’m still confused as to why a couple episodes ago Marley’s mom was like ‘we’re gonna go on a strict new diet together!” No, honey, uhuh. Don’t make your very slender daughter go on a ‘strict’ diet. More fruits and vegetables and whatever, maybe, but it doesn’t look like she’s in any point where she needs to restrict her calories. Maybe INCREASE them, actually. merrrrrr.

    I just get mad when parents give their teenagers body issues. Mine were pretty good at that.

  2. Ok, I’m going to say it. Why is it ok to make fun of Finn almost constantly through jabs about his weight/appearance? Is it because he’s a man? Because his character is annoying? Because he is a character and not a real person? News flash, there is a real person playing that role. A real person who probably has feelings. His body is not part of the Finn costume he puts on. It’s beside the point that he looks like he’s at a perfectly healthy weight to me; even if he wasn’t, we are an accepting and loving community when it is a member of our community being, so can we please extend the same respect to those outside our community? I love gleecaps but I find the constant harping on Finn’s weight/physical appearance to be offensive. It seems so hypocritical.

    • …we make fun of finn because he’s a douche, not because of how he looks — i mean, yeah, hypothetically it would be different to make fun of a man b/c he’s a man and therefore there’s a power differential there, historically male criticism of female appearance has been used to oppress women and [insert the entire history of the world here] — but that’s not even relevant here, because i’ve never made fun of finn’s appearance. i mean, he’s a good-looking guy! he doesn’t look like gnocchi or any other kind of potato product. i feel like the words i use to describe him are words never used to describe human beings. also, i’m unsure what you’re referring to re: finn’s weight? finn is thin. he’s tall, but his body size is “small.” maybe you see something i don’t see? and regardless of historically oppressive paradigms between men/women, I’d never make fun of any person of any gender for their body size, because of the historically oppressive paradigms between thin people and not-thin people.

      • I suppose I’ve always pictured the potato comments as looks-wise, not personality-wise. Plus all the comments about him eating lots and eating ridiculous things seem body-image critical to me. But it looks like I’ve been misinterpreting your comments. I’m glad. I fully rescind my criticism.

    • In defense of Finn hating, I think most of the insults are meant as personality insults, because Finn as a character really does have the personality of a potato. Also, it’s funny because it’s hyperbole because Cory Monteith is definitely not overweight.

  3. The original cast reuniting only makes the new kids look worse. Also, my reasons to watch have dwindled to Naya Rivera and she’s not even on anymore. I HAVE TO QUIT THIS SHOW.

    • This is what I don’t understand why did they bring back the old cast and put them next to the new ones? Even making the original cast’s interactions focus largely on the new kid’s problems didn’t make me care about them. The only thing it did was make me miss the old cast and feel like they were being wasted.

  4. I really liked this episode? but maybe it’s just my love of naya rivera resurfacing. bc looking back the only parts i enjoyed were “come see about me” and “let’s have a kiki/turkey lurkey”

    • that’s how i felt too, like i wasn’t mad at the episode while i was watching it, i was enjoying myself, but then when looking back to write the recap it seemed less good but i really did like those numbers

  5. Riese didn’t hate this episode? Okay, I’ll bite and watch the damn episode. My heart gets all a-flutter seeing Quinn again, so I might as well.

    ALSO: As the token obsessive Faberrian here, I feel obligated to point out that Quinn bought the train tickets for Rachel, not the other way around. IT WAS LIKE 8 EPISODES AGO, GLEE. WHO THE FUCK IS WRITING THIS SHOW!?!?

  6. I have always thought Naya was hot but she looked so good in this episode and her butt was so distracting, in the best way.

    Beyond that, I liked the phone call between Kurt and Blaine and most of the ny stuff especially kiki/turkey and I loved seeing Shangela. The warblers performing whistle was disgusting and I won’t even comment on the glee club’s song choice.

  7. Okay, what am I missing with that Kiki/Turkey whatever song? I thought it was freaking horrendous and my ears were bleeding and I just wanted it to end and basically it was the worst thing ever. Is it a gay thing? Am I not gay enough? I’M PRETTY GAY.

    Gangham style: are you kidding me, show?

    Re: Rachel Berry. Where has she gone? I feel like we’re just watching Lea Michele hang out in New York.

    WHO COOKS A GIANT TURKEY FOR ONE PERSON TO EAT. That is the stupidest thing. Ffs.

    But I liked the Quinn and Santana and Klaine phone convo, so whatevs.

    Thanks for the recap! Marley-Kate Olsen made me lol irl.

  8. It was good seeing the old cast again, even though it seems like the writers have no idea what to do with them. I really liked the Kiki/Turkey Lurkey mash-up, and the Kurt/Blaine phone call made me tear up. A decent episode overall but after reading several recaps it makes me wonder if anyone at all cares about the new cast members. I know I don’t.

  9. My only character complaint is Quinn.

    So happy she finally appeared, but she’s still slightly deranged. Yale or a Jodi Foster clambake (reallllyy?? lezbehonest) or being tapped into an exclusive Nazi sorority didn’t seem to stop the crazy train either.

    She needs friends. I would say she needs Rachel, but Rachel idolized her too much to be effective. I honestly think Santana is the only one to fix her. And oddly enough, Quinn’s ambitions might have a good influence on Santana. They need to get over the BS and be friends because they both need it.

  10. “Just then, Carrie Bradshaw finally gets in touch with Kurt as she is emerging from the Montrose L delivering this super melodramatic Carrie Bradshaw-meets-Miranda-Priestly-meets-Parker-Posey-in-Party-Girl speech about heels and the train and the rain, which falls mainly on the plain.”

    Hey Riese, I thought it was kind of drab too, but… the monologue is almost verbatim from the Scissor Sisters song. Glee actually cut it short. It goes on forever…

  11. OH God I can’t. Glee the show where we fight for the bullied people while spouting racism from the blond bisexual and try to erase every minority voice until we need them to do something bad to make the white actress look good.

    Also what’s with not addressing sam and Mercedes relationship yet pushing so hard for sam and Britney? Did we just forget about relationship because it’s Mercedes and apparently no one cares?

    One last thing why was Marley such the focused of this episode? Tina was singing the lead and we got nothing from her.I don’t remember ever, when they had sections that weren’t centered around on the lead singer (i.e Rachel.) And damn in Tina they were suppose to give you more but it seems they treat you same onnly now they make jokes how they treat you the same. Maybe you should pull a rachel but since you are a WOC you’ll be demonized and called selfish.Not ambitious…. Uggghh Why do I watch this show?

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