FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: The Sunset Is a Lesbian

Hey kiddos and adult-os(?)! Welcome to Friday Open Thread, your weekly opportunity to talk about what ails you, what makes you feel good, to get advice from your friends, or to post picture of your pets. It’s whatever you want it to be. Like Beyoncé always says, be the thread you want to see in the world.

Anyway, what a week we’ve had all had! I’m assuming. This week for me was really about hunkering down and solidifying my summer schedule. It’s also the second time this year I’ve had to take my phone out of my bedroom completely because it was really fucking with my sleep hygiene. I have a really hot (and to be honest, kinda toppy) doctor and every time I go for a refill of Wellbutrin, she’s always like “Alaina, you have very bad sleep hygiene and you need to take this seriously.” So because I thrive on making slightly dominant people proud of me, I’m trying. I still use my laptop in bed though, but it’s really been fucking with my carpal tunnel so who knows, one day my bedroom might only be for sleeping! (Also, I will take any and all suggestions for wrist braces because I said I would get one a year ago, but never did)

The best part of really getting into a schedule though, was figuring out the perfect time to take a walk and not melt in the heat each day. I don’t know if you know this, but the heat index in Austin, TX has not been below 101 F during the daytime since June 1st, at least. So, I try really, really, hard not to leave the house between the hours of 8am and 8pm if I can manage. I don’t do well in the heat. But once 8pm rolls around something amazing starts to happen. The sun begins setting, there are these wispy clouds everywhere, and all of sudden, you can feel this perfect light breeze? I’m obsessed with it. The sky at 8pm is my favorite lesbian. I love her and she loves me.

I also went to Target twice this week and both times I left only with the items I went into Target to buy! Friends, I walked straight through the dollar section without looking back. I feel invigorated by my determination, but also like there’s definitely something I’m missing out on. That’s capitalism for ya!

Also, I rediscovered this video this week and it’s really great, and I want you to have it. Warning: you will probably tear up because it’s perfect.

Well that’s all I got for you. How was your week? How are your wrists doing? How’s your sleep hygiene? I hope you’re doing swimmingly (and are swimming!) and I want to hear all about it in the comments!

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Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.


  1. Wish I knew how to uncatch the feelings I caught for a straight girl is the main theme of the week. I don’t know how to stop feeling happy whenever I successfully make her laugh.

    In other news I hope everyone else is having a much better week in the mid of all the heat! Resist becoming a puddle!

    • oh no! straight girl crushes are indeed debilitating. but eventually she’ll start talking about man problems and you’ll get over it real quick i bet.

      • I hope so too! Not that I am particularly keen to hear her go on about man problems, but the getting over it real quick and getting my head out of my ass about her. They are SO debilitating.

      • This is amazingly insightful and provided a new perspective I never thought about – something to reflect on. I agree with the closer to the mark part too. Thank you for sharing the link!

  2. This weeks has been pretty stressful; I started a new part-time job and a new volunteering gig and my schedule is taking a long time to even back out. But! I went to a Seattle Storm basketball game with my girlfriend this week, and next week we are going to see “Fun Home”!! So excited! Trying to do fun stuff for summer even though life is hectic.

  3. This has been another slow work week. I’m not the greatest at pretending to have work to do, so I actually volunteered to help with data entry. I regret it. But at least it’s better than nothing, I guess? I’ve also been feeling off this whole week and I can’t figure out why. I’m having insomnia and waking up before my alarm goes off and generally feeling pretty down. BUT I bought my cat a tiny sofa, which she actually used for two days. Now, of course, she is ignoring it, but it’s still damn cute.

    • WOW WHAT A GREAT PICTURE!! i always want to buy my cats furniture, but they like to sleep in my pantry shelves/inside an unused suitcase/under my covers and i feel like it’d just be something cute that they would ignore forever. they have cheap taste and i’m ok with that.

      • I’m sure I mostly bought it for myself! But I have hope Callie will start using it again in a few weeks. She likes to take her time with new items. But otherwise, yeah, she either sleeps on/under my bed, in her scratching post, or on a bookshelf.

    • I thought that was a normal sized couch at first. Lol. I was like “that’s a big azz cat!”

  4. This week, someone at my internship asked me if I knew about Ellen’s sitcom and had ever seen it (ha!). She said I reminded her of Ellen’s sense of humor on that show, which is probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!

  5. That kitten video – OMG. I turn into mush over cute animals. I must snuggle my dog now. <3

    It's hot in NYC. Hot and humid. I don't have central air in my apartment, and my room's AC unit isn't that strong, but it's very loud. We didn't have AC at work one day last week (when it was in the 90s), and I still haven't recovered. It's been in the mid 90s all week this week. I'm always hot and have a very hard time dealing with heat, so this week hasn't been fun. I'm dreaming of autumn. I can't wait!

    • i’m currently planning fall/winter weddings as a way to escape this awful heat. and isn’t ricky the CUTEST!!! i love him.

  6. I started NerdFitness this week because I felt that I needed some structure to turn my life around.
    Besides better food this also means less internet (sorry, crew) and more walks, which I now spend listening to Armistead Maupin’s “Tales of the City” read by Frances McDormand.
    Very much recommended in case any of you need an audiobook recommendation.
    In other news, I’m on my icu rotation and had to put in central lines today, something I’m legitimately terrified of, but thankfully there are a lot of people on this planet who are infinitely more patient than I am and they happen to be around when I take forever to do something.
    Thank you, universe, for the quiet and kind ones.

    I hope y’all have a wonderful weekend! Enjoy the sunshine!

    • Good luck with NerdFitness! They have some great resources and are a supportive community. <3

      • They are! Right now I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the information.

        • The Beginner Bodyweight Workout is a great place to start! I adapted it for training and had good results. Have fun! (P.S. The “Firefly” squad sounds awesome.)

    • I had never heard of Nerd Fitness, but glad you mentioned it! Looks like SO much fun!!! Please keep us updated on your journey ^_^

      • Well, yesterday I joined “The Big Damn Heroes”(Firefly) Squad and today my butt hurts from my new work out program.:-)

  7. I also went to Target this week. Bought shirts for adult-ing from the men’s department and saw a tank top that made me think of you Alaina.

      • It was navy blue, with airplanes with a rainbow exhaust tail.

        I took a picture of it >_>

        Could of made an instragram post of it but that felt weirdly intrusive.

  8. I traveled up to Mt. Shasta this week for a last family vacation before grad school and found a little slice of heaven in this beautiful backyard fully stocked with flowers, a thriving garden, and gorgeous sunset views. Here’s to hoping I make it through the week with some alone time and not too much pestering from my mom about moving details.
    Hope everyone had a nice week as well (and if not that you have a great weekend to make up for it ^.^)

  9. Trying to avoid cute cat things, sorta, cause I’m heartbroken about losing my best friend and soulmate Zaboo two days ago :( here’s a pic of him when he was just a few months old :

    He was the sweetest bestest kitty ever! 18 years of immense love and purrs (such loud purrs)!
    On top of being emotionally just wiped out, I’m having to deal with the carpets being replaced in my apartment, and I’m moving in like three weeks. So I basically have to pack up all my stuff, take down all my art by Monday, and I just have to live in boxes for a couple of weeks cause that’s the most practical thing. But emotionally I’m not really handling this disturbance of my home space too well. I’m not sure how to still feel ok and at home once things are packed up.

    • Jay I’m so sorry ☹️ i hope you get some time to be still and take care of yourself even within all this stuff you’ve gotta do. i’m holding you in my heart!!

      • Thanks <3 Currently spending all morning/afternoon hanging in the library reading AS and Fannie Flagg because they are doing the living room carpet today. It's helping a bit to have calm down time between everything else going on.

  10. Today I am home sick from work because a miracle – no more hormone migraines!! – turned out to actually be a curse: hormone migraines that turned into the kind of migraine where your stomach hurts instead of your head, and then you throw up a lot?? I can’t work under these conditions.

    Last Friday, I got to hang out with some of the kids from my old two’s class (I am now the assistant in the one year olds class), and my fav lil boo had that accident on the potty that happens when tiny amab humans use the tiny afab potty seats and end up peeing on their shoes.

    I told him “S, I am SO PROUD of you for being in big kid underwear!” and gave him a big hug and he called me Mickey Mouse and I melted.

    Then, on Monday, his mom stopped me in the hall to say:

    “When I drove S home from school on Friday, I told him how proud I was of him for going on the potty, and he just said ‘No, Mom. MICKEY is proud of me.'”

    And then I melted anew

    • Stories like these is why I am still in early childhood after a decade of poop-filled insanity. So happy to hear you’re loving it, Michou ^__^

  11. “So because I thrive on making slightly dominant people proud of me, I’m trying.”

    This is me and my manager at the moment. I am most sensitive to female dominant people. Reminds me of Jane (the Virgin) when she figures out she almost exclusivly accepts women in positions of authority.

    • god bless powerful women, you know??? my doc is also a lesbian, so i’m like DEFINITELY into making her proud of me.

  12. Hello precious friendship bracelets!

    I’m still in a depression slump thanks to Bipolar, but I’ve been doing really well in accepting limitations and working with what I’ve got. Like I knew actually doing all of the dishes in one swoop wasn’t happening, but I got some soaking, and over the course of three days got all of the dishes clean. Adulting! Breaking “daunting” tasks like dishes and laundry into small manageable tasks has been successful even though I feel like a little gray rain cloud.

    I mentioned in Mondays “Also x3” that I broke off a 17 year friendship because my friends behavior was becoming increasingly and alarmingly right wing and anti gay/trans, and declared that she still loved me even though I was gay (yaaaayy??). Alas the friendship has been jettisoned because I deserve better. But I am still very sad, and working through the grief cycles.

    I used to have severe wrist strain because of my job (building engineer always on computer) and I found that a brace by Wellgate (find on amazon) that was marketed for “women” (*side eye*) worked well. I hate gendered products, but this one truly does fit better as its made for smaller wrists. What actually helped the most was ART therapy (active release technique). I had three 15 minute sessions with the physical therapist and wow. I have no problems anymore.

    I ordered myself a very snuggly cardigan from Abercrombie (their mens clearance is really good right now, for reals), and a long sleeved tee from Vineyard Vines because I’ve accepted that I should forever be a Prepster who summers in Nantucket and watches sailing or some shit. Call me Muffy from now on.

    • i will check out this womanly wrist brace and look into ART therapy! thanks muffy (i too love vineyard vines and nantucket, it’s okay)!!

      also, might i suggest using dawn dish soap if you don’t already? i used to hate doing dishes, but switching to dawn has made everything easier. soak for 20 minutes in hot water and you basically have clean dishes. it’s been a lifesaver for me.

    • Congrats on getting rid of that ‘friend’. Friendship breakups can be just as serious/needed/hard to deal w as relationship ones, so give yourself as much time as you need to heal.

  13. Why do videos like that make us tear up? Worth it. This week has been a weird one. Not really sure where to/how to vent about it, and that’s stressful too! Also struggling pretty hard with deciding (deep breath) where I identify on the gender spectrum, but definitely not identifying as female 100% of the time. Oh my, hi, hello, yep. Is this considered coming out of the (gender) closet? Sitting here in a mild panic even while I just type this!!
    Hitting submit before I lose my nerve weeeeee!

    • I know those feeling, and one of the great this is is autostraddle is really accepting and understanding! So you never really feel alone.

    • I realized I don’t feel 100% comfortable saying I’m a woman (but I do love my boobs lololol). So I’m learning to just flow with all the genders. A guy called me sir a month back and I was like “wat up.”

    • Weeeeeee! Yay Ruby! So happy for you ^__^ I second what Kayla said – just go with the flow. Gender is a beautiful limitless rainbow, and so much fun to explore. I came out a while ago, and still am learning new things :)

  14. This week has been almost entirely about wrestling with my computer. Word of advice: If you switch to some Linux distribution but you also like playing pc games, make sure you select setting up Linux alongside Windows during the Linux install (some will try to sell you on Wine or PlayOnLinux, but those don’t work perfectly and can’t help you if you have to use the open source gpu drivers [advice: anyone who says the open source ‘radeon’ driver is just as good as the proprietary AMD driver is a liar and should be trusted as much as the orange idiot in the Oval Office]). Setting up my computer to dual boot from the Linux side has been a titanic pain for me this week (and I still haven’t gotten things right just yet). Aside from what it’s done to my gaming I do love Linux, and it is definitely my main OS from now on. But enough of my computer issues.

    I actually checked my online dating email folder this week for the first time in months, and found that I had gotten a message on OkCupid in early June. Now I’m debating if I should bother replying (leaning yes) despite the fact that it’s been a month and a half since the message came in (yes, I am making excuses).

    • i understood zero of your linux talk, but i’m adding a yes vote to replying to that okc message! and thanks for reminding me to check tinder!

    • I would reply, I recently got a reply from someone i messaged 3 weeks ago so it never hurts.

      My media center pc is Linux(Ubuntu gnome edition, was never a fan of unity interface). The last game I played was Gone Home(on medium-low settings), which has linux version. If I have to run Windows stuff, I either use my Surface 3 or use the installed version of Windows in a Virtual Machine.

    • If you really, really care about running the latest games or certain genres of games (Japanese visual novels tend to use an engine or engines that only runs on Windows and isn’t supported well by Wine), dual-booting or running a VM is usually the way to go. I prefer a VM myself, mainly because when I’m gaming I’m also usually writing notes, doing calculations, or planning, all of which are easier for me on Linux, and don’t want to have to shut down all my *other* stuff (chat clients, browsers, email, etc.) just to play a game. VMs of course do take more work to set up and better hardware. Wine and PlayOnLinux work fairly well for games that are a couple of years old, so the Wine people have had a chance to catch up with DirectX, and are popular, since obscure games sadly don’t get the attention needed to make them well-supported in Wine. One other route you can go, if you’re playing games that were released on consoles, is trying something like Retroarch for emulation.

  15. My sleep was for part of the week last week was not the best due to jet lag, but this week I am back to my normal up until 12:30am browsing the web(usually queer tumblr) on my Surface. Unrelated side note, with the pen and that new night feature windows brought out my Surface really nice to use at night, though I am not sure that night feature does much to help. Neither does having street cleaning done at or after midnight Wednesday turning Thursday(no street parking after 1am on my block), and having all the windows open cause it’s hot and dry at night.

    How else is everyone’s week going. I came to realization I am interested in this woman solely cause she’s a queer Jew who made out with me and that’s she’s not the right person. So, I am thinking about ghosting the person who kind of ghosted me, but said she didn’t? The plus side is I doubt we run in the same queer circles so I doubt I’d run into her.

    In other queer news, I spent a good portion of my Sunday at venues that are either LGBTQ spaces, or LGBTQ owned. It was great, because I was able to spend it it with a cool friend who really helped out for the project I helping on. If you ever catch yourself in Long Beach, Rainbow Juices & the raw vegan restaurant Under the Sun(next door) are owned by same queer lady couple(didn’t meet them, but they sound awesome). We also came to the conclusion we don’t know many places owned by LGBTQ women & non-men IDing people. I also need to get rich just to have a second home in LBC as the gayborhood is more queer & more friendly to non-binary people than WeHo. In fact a cute lady complimented me on my lipstick as I was walking down the street. Eeep, really made my day.

    This Sunday I am hosting a LBTQ beach day & it has me a bit nervous. So far about 1.5k people say they are interested with 140+ said they are going. That a lot of people(even if 10% show up), and I was excepting no more than 30 people to come. On the plus side if 100+ mostly lgbtq people show up the beach and is visible that would be awesome. Anyone have any words of advice for me?
    Also link to the event if anyone in the SoCal area is interested.

    Most of the images I took Sunday will more than likely be shown here in the future as part of a guide so I will share more from my trip to Japan. This was the view for breakfast from the Ryokan we were staying at in Kyoto. It was a really peaceful inn.

    I think that went a little to long. Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

  16. hello friends! i’m addicted to the headspace app. changed my life, no lie.
    i’m halfway through season two of the l word and it’s… A Lot™. my brain can barely process this much drama.
    i’m thinking about spending a week-ish in berlin in late march to visit a friend who’s studying abroad? hmu with recs for local music venues/gay bars/artsy shit/food n drink for a lez on a college budget if you have em!!

    • headspace is so good! and the l word only gets good when papi and tasha arrive. some will disagree with me, they are wrong.

      • i feel like we’re all supposed to hate her for being such a colossal asshole but I REALLY HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR BETTE, OKAY.

        • Are we supposed to hate Bette? She is certainly flawed but I always thought Tina was worse…

          • idk if it’s the show that makes her out to be the villain in the beginning or if i’m just expecting that because the bossy career-success woman is always the one you’re supposed to hate but i always love them.

    • I’ve (shamefully) never gotten into The L Word. The comercials awakened my inner gay as a child, but that was that. Congrats on being able to travel!

    • I’m watching The L Word right now, too! I used to watch it when it was still on the air, but had stopped at the end of season 3. I was never the biggest fan of the show and was hoping that my (slightly more) adult self could appreciate it. But, nope, it is as ridiculous as I remembered. I’m going to power through, though, because lesbians.

    • Roses bar was where I met the first German girl I dated a few years ago… hopefully it’s still good! I also really liked dancing at cake bar

      • thanks for the rec! roses came up on a few different travel forums and stuff too so i’ll have to give it a look-see

  17. This week has involved less screaming and crying, but not much less racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia and invalidation. But now my parents are going back home and I’m going back to work and some semblance of routine and normalcy.

    It has been a productive visit, though. They’ve helped us with some renovation tasks, which has been nice. We had a nice wine tasting. I just wish we could do all that without someone constantly trying to put me down. I wish they could get through a single sentence without putting someone else down or assuming that only their own limited lived experiences are real.

    The least offensive thing I’ve been badgered to agree with this week is the assertion that insomnia is nothing to complain about because if you don’t sleep today, then you sleep tomorrow and that’s that. The least offensive repeated put down has been the constant smirking question “how is [my partner] going to survive when [my parents] leave?” because apparently going back to the vegetarian/mostly vegan diet we’ve chosen together, and plan and cook together, is an unbearable punishment that is inflicted by me, as the one wearing the skirt in the relationship.

    • I’m thinking eating the Vegan Chocolate Icebox Pie that Reneice posted would be a damn good way to start recovering from their visit.

      Hope sleeping (and everything else) gets easier – all the best to you ?

  18. I biked to work! I am so damn proud of myself. It takes me about 50ish minutes each way, but about half of my ride is by the ocean:

    I’ve been struggling with health the last couple of years, so this feels like a really big deal. At the moment I still get walk up one part of a hill, but I’m going to get stronger!

    I saw a fantastic movie last night:

    Hopefully that worked; it’s a First Nations musical documentary, and it’s beautiful! I had the immense privilege of attending a workshop by one of the featured musicians earlier this year, and loved being able to watch him in collaboration with other artists.
    I highly recommend seeing this for anyone who has the opportunity!

    Love to you all and have a glorious weekend!

      • Also I categorically believe it is impossible to watch that trailer and not instantly want to see this movie.

        I really loved this, can you tell?

    • you will get stronger!! there’s nothing as fulfilling as the first time you make it up a hill without walking your bike at all. you’ll feel like you conquered the world. and that ocean view is beautiful!

    • oh that is lovely! I cannot fathom biking 50 minutes to work in the summer where I am right now; I’d arrive literally drenched in sweat.

    • Well done! It’s such an amazing feeling when your body will do something it previously couldn’t. And don’t worry about that hill, because not only will you get stronger with time, but even super-healthy, sporty people struggle under new conditions.

  19. I have been having minor health issues, but it is clearing up. It just makes it hard to focus so no writing… and I think I am kind of depressed atm, but I’m not sure… just laying around the house…
    on another note;;
    I cut SO MANY CORDS recently and I feel disgustingly good, like omg so good about the decision. I decided to stop forcing friendships and if the people I am socializing with at the moment are not black, brown, &/or queer that is quite alright. Yes I want to be around black/brown queer people who get me, but that is not in my cards right now and I got to let it go.
    annndd last but not least;;
    I am struggling with my gayness. Wanting to be 100 % out, but without conflict. I’m tired of having to explain things to people, google exists. Beibg brown is hard enough, being brown and queer is exhausting at times.

    • cutting cords feels so good, i feel you!

      also, don’t be down on yourself about out-ness! you do you, as we say here.

  20. As a result of the ACA repeal attempts I started actually using my health insurance and now this week I’ve got more medical stuff to deal with than I expected.

    Also I now have to write letters to my Republican senators and representative thanking them for threatening so hard to take away my health insurance that I chose a specific treatment plan that was the only reason some of this was discovered, and if they hadn’t been trying to do the country dirty I never would have known.

    The world works in mysterious ways. (I didn’t want to start my commenting career here with vague medical stuff but it’s the most exciting thing to happen this week. I hung out with a puppy last weekend though! A+ puppy.)

  21. So health things are still mysterious and solid food is still mostly disagreeing with me and I’m still living off of ensure and ice cream and soup. I feel like I’m coping with things better than I have been though? (or maybe I’m still p hypomanic so it FEELS like I’m coping better and once that changes the energy will go with it and I will feel Awful again, who knows!)

    I’ve been doing a lot of knitting while I watch through Star Trek: The Next Generation though bc that’s low-energy stuff and I haven’t watched TNG all the way through ever and my cat Win has spent a lot of time chilling with me for those activities. Here she is next to the yarn that will hopefully become a Fun Blanket

    • you and your cats and your knitting look real good together. happy you’re coping well!

  22. I’m having a shitty week. After almost 3 years of slow motion train wreck, my wife and I finally decided to get a divorce. It’s for the best but it still sucks.

    I feel like somehow being married with a kid disconnected me big time from the cultural parts of being a lesbian. Like we lived this perfect suburban existence. And now that I am facing being a single parent and rebuilding what I thought my life would be like, I am craving lesbian culture like mad. I’ve been reading old autostraddle articles and recaps and it’s like brain candy for me.

    So thanks for existing!

    • glad we’re here for ya! and i doubt this will make the divorce easier, but my time with my single mom is literally the best moments of my life, so like if it’s good for you, it’s gonna be good for your kid.

  23. Hey guys! Mixed emotions as I learned that a week from today my trump loving lawyer boss is replacing me with his granddaughter two months before we agreed.
    Pros: I no longer have to live a lie for 8 hours a day to get paid, also he’ll write me that recommendation letter I sold my soul for (and the reason I’m not putting up a fight).
    Cons: I now have to find a new job, fast. Hopefully something that pays close to what I was making without forcing me to be silent and listen to someone trample on my values and community everyday.

    On the bright side I’ll be donating part of my last pay check from him to Autostraddle because secretly reading their articles was the only thing that kept me sane.

    Have a great weekend!

  24. wrist recommendations: t-relief gel (formerly known as traumeel). you can get it at the health food store or online, it’s super helpful!
    when my wrists were hella fucked up about ten years ago, i got a bunch of books about carpal tunnel out of the library and learned some stretches to do, and would just do them whenever i was having pain, and that helped a lot too. and then i got mad about how literally all the carpal tunnel literature i could find was for middle-class cubicle-dwellers (i had gotten my pain from being a dishwasher) so i wrote my own zine for wrist health for working class peeps! i still have a few copies left if anybody wants one.

  25. I’m immature & the seventieth comment so don’t wanna lol but doing so anyway…
    My problem w sleep this week has been tinnitus & a bad case of waking up at 2am and googling what it could be even though it’s prob just wax. I need a solution that isn’t that vacuum thing to get rid of wax if drops don’t work.
    My suggestion w carpal tunnel if you’re a typist/writer is typing gloves. You can get them in small-medium one size fits all or medium-large one size fits all & you adjust them til they feel comfortable & you turn them upside down to fit the other hand. I use them for typing and for handwriting long bits of prose & have had fewer issues since i started using them. I also suggest aloe Vera for any joint ache.
    Ive started watching the UK Queer as Folk which I like. It first came out when I was 11 so obv I didn’t watch it then (it’s definitely one for the adults/teens not the kids).
    I drew some pics I’m actually proud of. I’m finding either very minimalist or very detailed works make me glad w a pic, not in between. Hopefully by the time I get a way to upload pics to pc/online, I’ll actually be really proud of all my work but I’m a perfectionist so I don’t think so.
    Reached 36k in camp nano, hopefully I’ll win although that has to be this week, i’m being conventional & aiming at 50k.
    Went to see Angels in America last night – an nt live thing, first time I’ve seen it at the ‘theatre’. First three act play I’ve seen in forever. It is my favourite though so worth it. I found that some acting was better & some was worse than the DVD which is obvious I guess. Nice to see it acted by someone else & how it would be performed on stage. Our cinema was pretty empty but ppl found funny lines funny. It seems a really timely play – I’ve come across it three times & under three US presidents now, one of the best things from my uni.
    Just finished a certain misogynistic book & not reading anything by him again, for a while at least. Id appreciate suggestions of slightly flippant, anecdotal poetic prose by women/non-binary ppl, esp something slightly shocking/transgressive.

    • 69 ayoooooo!

      thanks for the suggestions also, and shout out to you for 36k words damnnnnn!!!

  26. I’ve spent a lot of time talking about work here lately, so let me take the chance to talk about something else: doctors. I had to see two doctors today, an endrocrinologist and a physical therapist. The endocrinologist was pleasant, generally helpful, listened to my concerns, and at least so far hasn’t thrown up any barriers to my getting the care I need. I don’t feel it’s necessary to go to an endocrinologist for trans HRT, it’s not rocket science, and it took too long to drive there, but at least the appointment itself wasn’t terrible. The physical therapist wasted an hour of my life telling me that everything I was doing was wrong (sitting wrong, opening my mouth wrong, probably existing wrong) notwithstanding the weak evidence for posture being a problem (here, have a long article with citations to the published literature on this topic:, ordered me to go on a soft diet irrespective of how much money and work that is, and ignored everything I said and all my attempts to have a discussion about what I can *actually* fit into my life. I’ve had physical therapists before glibly suggest that I spend totally impractical amounts of time doing things that they didn’t bother to support with convincing evidence. I only undertake therapies expensive in time, money, pain, or all of the above if they have *extremely* strong evidence behind them. I will also note that by her high-handed approach, she totally failed to help me even if any of her advice was good. It’s stuff like this that makes me roll my eyes when they do studies that show high patient noncompliance rates: it’s not a fucking mystery why patients don’t comply. She made another appointment next Friday, but I’m not going back: I’m calling up on Monday and getting an appointment with another physical therapist.

  27. Hello all you shiny happy people,

    I’m also doing my best to stay smiling and positive this week. Lots to overcome, but I’m strong, like a Xena/Laura Croft/Rainbow Dash badass hybrid.

    First the sad stuff:
    So, at work apparently during a meeting I missed, my team leader said this when taking attendance:
    “Oh, he wasn’t scheduled for a meeting”
    “You know, the guy who always wears a skirt and pees a lot”
    …. In front of EVERYONE preset mind you.

    The job isn’t going well :( And being poor is not fun – neither is trying to dig your way outta debt. Transition has taken most of everything I had. I’m tired of doing three jobs and having no social life, but the unemployment rate for trans people in my state is above 35%, and I need my meds and insurance to live, so I stop bitching and try to get by. And despite holding a master’s degree, part of me doesn’t want to go through the whole process again. Last time it was 2 months, 113 applications, 46 interviews, and wanting to kill myself by the end. I know I need all my confidence and strength before I go through it again, but I will, because I’m a rockstar and fuck the haters.

    Now for happy ^_^ An update on the Fitbit commercial: I’m not flying to Hollywood like I thought. Instead, THEY are coming HERE, to my hometown, to stalk me for three days. I’m not sweating bullets, promise. I’m also not at all working out 10000x as hard lately to make myself seem like more of a badass than I am… Anyone wanna be on TV with me?

    And the absolutely beautiful:
    My coming out anniversary was this week. So much to celebrate! And pleasant/scary surprises, too! So, I have been bisexual like my entire life. Then, lately my sexuality has been going back and forth — one week guys, the next girls. It’s been a nightmare for the dating scene, because I’ve had to tell people, “I’m sorry, but this week, I’m not into you”.

    Anyway, then this last month something AMAZING happened. That attraction to guys has completely vanished. It’s been 5 weeks, and nothing. So now I’m scared, confused, and happy all at once. Being bisexual was (is?) such a huge part of my identity. It feels empty inside not being able to look at guys like I did before. I’ve tried EVERYTHING to force that spark to rekindle, but I think I’m slowly coming to terms with the realization of: maybe I’m a lesbian now? Arghhh! I just don’t know what’s going on. Anyone know where I can find an instruction manual for this insane body of mine?

    Swimming (since you mentioned it). I read an article this morning on Facebook written by trans women on why they “couldn’t go to the beach or pool”. Body dysphoria, fear, anxiety. These are all real. But, something about it didn’t sit right with me. I had this intense sudden urge: I need to swim NOW. So, before work I got on my suit, and swam my heart out. I swim often, but this time was really cathartic.

    Letting the water gently caress my body, I was able to appreciate my journey, the courage it took to get here, and love myself all over again. When someone tells you “You can’t”, there is something very empowering in proving them wrong.

    Onwards to next week, I’m kinda starting pole-dancing. Considering I’ve never danced before, and am scared to explore the sexual aspect of who I am — this should lovely in every way.

  28. Hooray for summer schedules! I think I may have finally figured out how to arrange my time so I don’t come home from work and crash until bed; it’s been a bit of an adjustment but it seems to be working so much better than before.

    • niiiice! figuring out how to not have your whole life taken over by your job is honestly so life changing. go you!

  29. Sharing/Infecting y’all with this earworm

    White Flag by Delta Heavy

    The music video is a sprite video game looking thing of an angelic Satan trying to defeat God who appears to be a woman…I think.

    You can try to cure yourself with this

    Sad dramatic movie style videogame trailer with a fantastic lyric-less composition by Thomas Bergersen replacing the boring music it was made with.
    You might cry.

  30. If I get out of Target with just what I went in there for I feel like I have to reward myself with a trip to Target.

    I go to the Y and swim laps several times a week. I swim into the lane dividers. Then I crack myself up when I think about how I can’t even swim straight. I know it’s an old joke but I’m a dork.

    • L O L same with the swimming though.

      i remember my swim instructor last year was like “there are lines on the bottom of the pool to prevent you from running into lane dividers if you would just look down” and i thought it was so funny.

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