Friday Open Thread: It’s Gonna Be Okay (No, Really)

Hey hello and welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread, your weekly hangout for whatever dreams and wishes and hopes you want to bring to the table, and also for bragging about your life, because you’re hanging in there and doing great.

image by Rory Midhani

Did you know that the more you think you’re going to be okay, the more likely it is that you’ll actually be okay? Science says so. Since the last time we checked in, I’ve been going around telling everyone that I’m actually doing really great right now and things are pretty okay and today is pretty awesome actually, and even though objectively speaking that probably couldn’t be further from the truth, in my heart I’m actually starting to believe it. Today is a pretty good day actually and my dog is cute and my hair is cuter and in the cult-y exercise classes I can’t believe I keep going to they keep yelling at me that I’ve always been this brave and I’m starting to believe that, too.

(I mean everything is fucked forever but also maybe okay. Be right here.)

Anyway what’s new, what’s up with you? Show us your pets, guerrilla gardens, partners, mood boards, that one weird flower you saw this morning, that gif that made you want to die but in a good way. What are you doing for dinner tonight? What are you up to this weekend? (I hate to bring it up but) what are your plans for the summer we have left?

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Ryan Yates

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. I’m going through a completely heart-shattering breakup (and still holding out hope for a reconciliation) that involves an impending move back to my parents house, so I’m trying to be okay by planning how I’m going to make my room at home totally zen and amazing, and how I’m going to put a TV in there (because my parents would never let me have one when I was little). Today I’m going to try to clean out my closet and do some rearranging, and maybe pick out some new paint for the walls this weekend.

    • It sounds like you are trying hard to take care of yourself, which is definitely important. Sending you positive thoughts during this rough patch.

    • I’m also dealing with a recent breakup, also still holding on to hope and, I swear, just moved at the beginning of this month.

      Good luck picking paint?

    • I’m also dealing with a recent breakup, also still holding on to hope and, I swear, just moved at the beginning of this month.

      Good luck picking paint!


      Let us know if you need to workshop some paint samples, obvs.

    • Keep on taking care of yourself. This time will pass soon enough. Sending you hope and care.

  2. Everything is okay! I always try to remind myself of that when things feel like they are going wrong.

    All my summer plans are pretty much done, but I do need to get to Tahoe before summer is over. I’m going to see Melissa Etheridge at the CA state fair on Sunday and I am super excited for that. It’s also apparently “Out at the Fair” night, which I had never heard of, but I guess is a thing? So double the gay, yay! My cat fell into the shower last night, which was both hilarious and tragic. And I’m wearing my Wonder Woman tee shirt today, so that guarantees it will be a good day.

    In closing, exhausted cat (this was earlier in the week, not post-shower mishap):

      • Oh haha! Just a feather toy. They’re actually both toys and I thought it was funny that she lay down right between the two for a nap.

    • Poor thing. Miss Kitty Fantastico had a similarly traumatic experience last week when we had visitors. At our house we always close the toilet lid, but our visitors did not… so, yes, unexpected toilet bath followed by sink and shampoo bath. ?

      • Oh no!!! I always have to tell people to close the lid because Callie uses it to jump onto the bathroom sink. I’m sure Callie will have a similar experience someday, though!

        • Oh, that’s smart. Miss Kitty Fantastico wishes her humans were smart enough to warn guests of her toilet-sitting habit.

    • Out at the fair sounds interesting. I wonder if any of the local fairs out here in SoCal do that. Also, I feel like we are too big of a state to have just one state fair. It’s in Sacto right?

      • Yep, it’s in Sac and Sunday is the last day. It looks like they do the state fair as well as the San Diego Fair: I wish I had known about it beforehand, because they have a promo code that will donate $1 from fair tickets to the Sacramento LGBT Community Center.

  3. This week has been a really tough week for me. Like really tough. But its okay atm because Im having a Kelly Clarkson/Natasha Bedingfield/Anastacia dance party with my 15yo sister. Feel free to sing with us.

  4. Just over here being brown, queer, and undetermined. Looking up scholarships for masters programs, trying to go hard, but only able to go softish. Attempting to write, wishing I could date. About to get software on my conputer so I can design layouts and stuff. Someone please talk to me and be super gay with me….

    • internally screaming at “looking up scholarships for masters programs”. not looking forward to doing the same. (Any luck so far?)

      • Yea, the problem is I’ve never won one. I’m trying again now that I am almost done with my four year debtfree. Masters here I come. is an okay site. Converse college actually has a great list of scholarship resources. If you have any sources please post

        • I wish- only just recently hit me that I’ll need to undergo a masters scholarship search :(

    • I just saw the name “St. Lezin” on the data entry sheet I’m working on. Doesn’t get much gayer than that. (It probably isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled, but it made me giggle.)

    • I feel this comment on so many levels. “Brown, queer, and undetermined.” Check! “Trying to go hard, but only able to go softish.” Check! “Attempting to write, wishing I could date.” CHECK!

      Best of luck in the scholarship hunt. Wish I had any insight to offer!

      • InDesign. Hoping to buy the suite in the next few weeks so I can start building my portfolio and learning how to properly edit videos. I can’t wait to gain a deeper practice. I already know the basics and a bit beyond.

    • Same here, pal :( I’ve applied for a bunch, but I’m not seeing any money come through

  5. I found a quote quite a few years ago- “I’m an optimist against my better judgement.” Sometimes I think the world is going to hell in a hand-basket but we might as well enjoy the ride. My wife had an interview for a job yesterday and another one next Tuesday. So hopefully after 2 months unemployed and depressed she will get a job and we will no longer be surviving on just the income from my part time jobs. I’m hoping for a somewhat better work/life balance once she’s working again. Doing all of the paid employment and most of the child care and most of the housework just isn’t working for me. As Mary Lambert says, “I’m over it.” I love my wife, but goodness I’m tired and stressed. I want the time and energy to enjoy the kids and to be able to help out my family and friends. I may possibly have a job lead for myself, which would be another change, but if it meant earning a bit more and working a bit less than it would probably be worth it. We’ll see.

    On a more uplifting note, I’ve been enjoying eating the peaches from our peach tree and watching the squirrels and rabbits eat the peaches, too! Also there are some cardinals that have been snacking on our grapes, which is pretty cute!

    • What a great quote! I’m going to try to keep that one in mind for when my inner cynic is feeling too loud.

      Wishing you and your wife luck with the potential jobs. And I’m happy for you about the peaches and the critters :)

    • Eating homegrown peaches and watching squirrels and rabbits sounds so lovely. Sorry you’re under so much stress though, that sounds really rough. Wishing you the best of luck with the potential job lead!

    • You’re doing so well – it’s super hard to deal with a partner’s unemployment. And unfortunately it is almost always paired with depression and money stress. I very much hope there will be good job news soon, and that in the meantime you can continue to find joy in many small ways! Good luck ?

  6. I’m taking my cat to the vet tomorrow & I already know they’re going to tell me he has to be put down. But I’ve been trying to tell myself all week that it’s going to be okay because we’ve had 19 years together and, honestly, he’s had a pretty awesome life. But it still makes me enormously sad to lose him

    • I’m sorry to hear that *offers hugs*. Have you made any preparations for things to do whilst grieving and/or celebrate their life?

    • That’s so sad :( But at least he had a good life.
      I don’t want to lecture other ppl on different spiritual beliefs but something that helps me with cats is believing in the ‘nine lives’ thing in a literal manner, so you’re helping him onto the next life.

    • oh no :( I’m so sorry. I dont know if this will help, but I had to put one of my dogs down earlier this year, and while it was very sad, it was so dignified. I knew she was slowing down, and her time had come. It was so hard but also comforting that she went peacefully and painlessly. You and your kitty had a wonderful long time together. *hugs* for you if you need them

    • This happened to me in March 2015 and it is the hardest thing. Sending lots and lots of love. <3

    • 19 years is so beautiful. Make sure to take care of and be gentle with yourself tomorrow. ?

    • I’m so sad to hear that, Liz :(

      I recently had to put my dog down. The only thing I could think of doing was holding his paw while I stroked his head and told him about all the great times we had together. I still miss him. I think I’ve finally come to a point where I can give the love he helped me nurture to another best friend.

      Damn, now I’m crying at work again…

  7. Getting ready for a long-weekend vacation! I’m looking forward to it but I’m also in charge of booking, planning activities, and my mother will be there which always involves some emotional exhaustion. Can’t wait to get away from my office!

    • Have a fun vacation! My mom just left after visiting, and it was also emotionally exhausting so I feel that. Sending some positive thoughts your way!

  8. Next Saturday I will be starting my 10-day road trip across the 60th Parallel and to Yellowknife. I am getting pretty excited and nervous that I am going to forget something.

      • I’m driving from Vancouver to Edmonton where I will hop in my parents RV and from there we are got to take 3 days to get to Yellowknife so we can stop and hike different trails along the way. Then we have 3 days actually in Yellowknife to explore and 2 days to get back to Edmonton and 2 days for me to get back to Vancouver. It is going to get a lot of time locked up with my parents but it should be fun.

        • Sounds incredible!

          What about the wildfires? Is your route supposed to be clear? Stay safe!!

      • I have a playlist that I have labeled pop music but it is really just up beat (or what I think is up beat) alt rock music and when I get tired of that I have downloaded a few seasons of the No Sleep podcast to listen too.

    • I really enjoyed Yellowknife and the other places around there that we visited. One of my strongest impressions was how amazing the sky was — we were there around the same time of year. Have a great trip!

  9. Hi peeps!

    I’ve been riding a nostalgia music train, what with all my teenage musicians coming back and releasing new music (and Tegan and Sara anniversary)… the latest to announce a coming single/potential album are Aly & AJ. It’s funny how I can sing along to a lot of music from my teenage years, because back then I was not fluent in English and could barely understand the lyrics, but they all come back to me now. Brains are weird things, huh?

    this is to avoid talking about real things, which I don’t really feel like ?

    My weekend plans are to maybe get some plants? I don’t know yet… I’ve been wanting to get a cat for forever, but I don’t feel like taking care of it, so I thought maybe a plant would be an option? I don’t know, I feel alone and weird right now, and a plant isn’t something I would hurt with my impulse decisions…

    • I think getting a plant sounds like a really good idea! I use to have plants and fishes. Now I just have kids. :)

    • Brains are super weird. Also your brain is awesome! Also plants are cool and also maybe fish? Fish are pretty low maintenance.

    • What kind of plants are you thinking? I’d like to do something similar but I’m afraid that they will become a bug home? I am not sure that this is a reasonable fear.

      • get a plant that you want to take care of & would really like to have in your home, even if it’s labeled as “difficult to grow” or “not for beginners” or something like that. even the most ~indestructible plant is gonna die if watering it feels like a horrible chore.

        … that being said, succulents ARE pretty forgiving so long as you have a sunny window and a pot with good drainage, and there’s so much variety in shape & color & texture that you’re bound to find something that appeals to you. around here you can find a pretty decent selection in the outdoor garden areas of the big-name hardware stores, small plants for about $3-$4.

        i’ve been growing plants indoors for a few years now, as a way to help me through a bout of depression, and i’ve only had a bug problem once. one of my pots picked up some ants, i laid out a couple traps and they were gone within a week.

  10. My loving mother always tells me to “think positive” as means for every stressful occurrence in my life and to help control my anxiety. Love her, she means well and to an extent she’s got a point….

    …However, I’m pretty sure that’s what she would say to me if I were lying on the ground bleeding from an axe to the head, so grain of salt. ?

    In other news, I’m happy to get to spend Friday of this terrisucky week with you gems! ?

    • Yeah I got a book pretty much saying ‘think positive’ from a doctor at the same time as I was having anxiety issues to the point of not trusting ppl in my family, let alone wanting to go out. I think it’s good advice if you’re mentally well & actually nothing major is going on but not generally…

  11. Chips & pickled egg from my hometown which is the best in the world. I have
    fish and chips every week but it’s so much nicer tasting.

    Can I be honest about yesterday? Yesterday was really sexually charged for me lol. If wasn’t looking at the pretty boys, I was being flirted w by 2 girls & a guy (separate incidents) from different countries (not sure why that’s relevant lol). Wasn’t even bothered by someone saying they recognised me cos I’m ‘[my ex]’s’ lol (their words).

    Oh and really sweet stuff like someone sat next to me with a dog at the match :) And the woman was crocheting or something. He was my height as an adult then he had a weird growth spurt in his 20s and reached 5″4. I love hearing about cis guys who’re short cos the one body insecurity I really have is my height (I know, typical masc body image issue)

    I did have other incidents though. Some guy walked down the street saw me said ‘oh my god’ and turned and walked the other way. Lol. And I saw some angry guy doing a fascist salute, should have angered me but I just thought ‘idiot’ & moved on. If he wants to lower himself to being a fascist then that’s his look-out (there was only me and him on the street, I’m not Jewish/a POC, I don’t know if I look visibly queer or what…). Oh and some (younger, teenage) lads can’t control themselves & think it’s fun to throw bags of what looked like dog poo at other fans at football matches… I would take it more seriously but it’s not like they actually hit someone. Maybe I’m taking it too lightly?

    Went to local town from here. Went book shopping which is my favourite kind of shopping. Bought a book called ‘This Book is Gay’ which I promised myself in Feb if nobody had bought it (it’s YA non-fiction so I wanted to give teens a chance to buy it first) and a football book. Bought beautiful notepads, one for drawing & one for notes (which I feel a bit guilty over as it’s too good for that but I needed one).

    Went to pub, had Guinness, met up w ppl & sang. Someone stuck our football flag up flagpole in place of a less good one :) Restaurant for some awful chips & Irn Bru (is it weird to have personal connections with drinks cos I do with that one). Then match which was obvious focus. I love football in the way only an aspie can love a non-human thing but don’t get to go to matches very often at all. We did lose but was worth it & know now we have a local supporters club in this town which is something I could’ve done with knowing about 16 years ago but whatever.

    Today woke up feeling weird which always happens to me when I have a rushed feeling of excitement the day before.

    I’ll catch up on other days of week later but yesterday was huge for me & needed its own honest comment in order for me to get everything out.

    • “I love football in the way only an aspie can love a non-human thing” all the love from a fellow aspie (who doesn’t love football but knows exactly what you mean) for that.

  12. Hello chocolate covered peanut butter Girl Scout cookies! (What are they actually called? Tagalongs?)

    Depression veil is finally starting to lift, thank jeebus.

    I’m suddenly obsessed with books. I need all of the books. ALL OF THEM. I ordered 5 on amazon (through the AS affiliate link, heyyo!) But I have 12 more on my wishlist. I’m trying to hold off because I’ll be moving apartments in the next month, and moving books is so heavy. But I need them!

    I leave you with this, which was a caption on a bork bork doggo picture on Tumblr:

    “Being alive is heckin swell”

  13. I moved across the country with my partner 6 months ago, we took this huge step and if you told me when we left that we’d be here today going through a breakup in a new city thousands of miles from anything or anyone familiar id have laughed and kissed my girlfriend to prove you wrong. I mean that’s crazy to move across the freaking country and then break up right? But hey things change and if I’ve learned anything from this experience is you never know what tf is gonna happen so try and see the good, even if it feels like nothing is good, things are going to be ok! Tell yourself! And repeat it! Things will he ok. This month has sucked but this weekend I’m going to Portland with my best friend and we’re going to drink champagne and see Brandi Carlile. Brandi will sing all our troubles away ?

    • So sorry to hear about your breakup :( I also moved for a relationship last summer and then ended up breaking up. I don’t know if it helps you at all to hear, for me it’s been about a year since the break-up, and even though there are a lot of things that are hard in my life right now, I love the city I’m living in and I’m so happy to be here. Whether you decide to stay where you’ve moved to, or move back to where you were before, or go somewhere entirely new, I believe you’ll find good things out of the situation! Even though that sounds cheesy.

      Have fun seeing Brandi Carlile! She’s so great!

  14. When my parents were visiting, last week, they dropped off some ring binders full of drawings I made as a child, and every childhood postcard or birthday card I ever got.

    Wow, did I draw a LOT of almost nude women as a child. Like, a LOT. I thought that phase started in third grade when my older brother’s girlfriend, who was studying to be a fashion designer, taught me to do draw design concept art, but nope, apparently that and space ships and my dog and biblical stories was all I drew before that too. My favourite is this woman in a bikini top and hot pants on a chair under a disco ball, surrounded by stars, stars and more stars, which I apparently drew at age six. ?

    The only non-space pirate non-biblical men to figure in my childhood drawings are my older brothers, who were basically God to me anyway.

    • You were a really good artist at the age of 6! I was (and still am) terrible at drawing.

  15. I’ve tried that everything is okay method for a while, but dysphoria and now the political climate strong armed me into a weird down mood. But, thankfully Autostraddle, and my local trans woman inclusive LBTQ exists which helps a lot.

    Speaking of which, last Sunday I hosted an LGBTQ beach day, and it went very good. Like soo good that I am organizing another beach day for Labor Day. I made new friends, got to talk to some cute trans and queer people, and just be visible as a group at the beach. We even got treated to a cool fire show from one of the cool dudes who showed up. It was a very affirming and safe space as there were women helping other women, trans people sharing their experiences to people who just started HRT. Part of the reason why I am organizing another event. I just may do something like this every other month as Southern California doesn’t have a real winter and can start in March, and end in October and the rest of the time we can do a picnic at the park.

    A few of us trans & queer folks came to the conclusion that we as a community need to send a strongly worded letter to Caitlyn Jenner to drop out the Senate race against Dianne Feinstein. State already had too many Republican celebs in office(Reagan & Arnold, looking at you) & we don’t need another one fucking it up. If she wins it’s bad cause she’s a rich, white, Republican. If she loses she may blame the community for not supporting her. Anti-trans & LGBTQ groups could use her loss against us anyway they can. I also learned that one of the departments in the LA LGBTQ center(Ed Gould building), is run by a cis-het white guy who is transphobic, & lesphobic. Learned is from an ex-employee, and wasn’t sure how that happened. Ugh. Also, learned the center is hiring more gbtq men of color to promote hiv/aid health in the community, which is always positive to hear.

    I have a small gripe. I went to Target to buy wood for the beach day and they told me summer season is over and that it’s now school season. I don’t get it as it was near the end of July in Southern California. I was like but summer ends in October in LA and people bbq year round. He had no answer & just said sorry. Their loss.

    Also this week got another they/them pin to support my local queer coffee shop, Cuties coffee, which is an awesome safe space! It now pinned next to my Autostraddle they/them pin.

    Beach day images we had gay and trans flags up and visibly lgbtq people.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • Glad your beach day was a success! Makes me wish I still lived in So. Cal.

      I work for a company that works with school districts and most schools start up in two weeks. But really, shouldn’t firewood be available all year round?

      • School also starts in about 2 weeks here for most districts(in fact it’s a problem as some school are scrambling to get their air conditioning working properly). I thought that too, but they said it’s only available for bbq season. You’d think they set aside space for both seeing as it’s still summer. I guess they assume people won’t be bbq for labor day?

        • Labor Day is the unofficial end of summer, so they should keep firewood out at least until then. And it’s not like Target is lacking in space lol.

          I sure don’t miss going to school while it’s still 100 degrees outside. My boss was in our Pasadena office for a few days this week and she said it was really warm and muggy down there.

          • Yeah it’s been muggy for a while, not fun. I’ve had done PE as a kid in 90 degree dry weather and it’s not fun. Nor is broken A/C. I’m thankful I’m not in the valley, cause it’s easily close or over 100 during end of the school year and beginning of the year. Yeah target really should, super odd to be honest.

          • I wish I didn’t remember PE at all, but I do, and the summer was the worst. My air conditioning actually isn’t working right now lol! I had it serviced this morning, then when I got home it wasn’t working :( BUT the repair guy is coming right now, so hopefully I’ll have air again soon.

          • Been there, my car has a leaky air conditioning so it always needs to be recharged, and in classrooms with broken a/c. No good, I hope yours gets fixed quickly and cools your place super fast.

          • All fixed now, thank goodness! Turns out the guy who came to service the aircon in the morning and the fan running backwards so no air was coming out of the vents. All taken care of in 30 minutes. Although the house was 88 at that point, so it took all night to cool down to a normal temp. But it’s working so I’m happy :)

    • I’m so glad it was a success Al ^__^
      I remember you saying you were worried about how many people RSVPed – did as many as you thought show up? If I’m ever in Cali, I’d love to do a beach day together!

      • Around 45 came during the day. Some stayed for a most of the day, and others were there only for a few hours or closer to the water. Some even said they wouldn’t have been at the beach if this event didn’t occur.

  16. Y’all I went to a psychic the other day and she told me I used to be a viking warrior! So whenever life gets to be too much (like, all the time) I just imagine those battle drums pushing me and my righteous axe towards the halls of Valhalla!

    It helps.

  17. I want summer to go on forever, but also we’re getting to the point in the year where Target has school supplies out and there is very little in this world I love more than shiny new pens and pencils, and notebooks that haven’t been written in, and highlighters with coordinating post it colors because I am Hermione always and forever.

    I finally started watching Buffy (I KNOW Y’ALL I KNOW) and I’ve taken the Kristin Russo approach and started with season 2 (season 1 is just. so. bad. y’all.) and am also listening to Buffering the Vampire Slayer as I go and I feel like this is maybe the best coping strategy for our fucked up world I have ever encountered. I know everyone I’ve ever met has told me I would love Buffy but somehow I missed the part where the entire series is about smashing the patriarchy and it’s pretty fucking inspirational.

    • Hello, fellow school-supplies-lover/Hermione here, also watching Buffy and listening to Buffering the Vampire Slayer as a coping strategy! Season 1 of Buffy is definitely more enjoyable once you already know and love the characters, so good call starting on season 2 :) Hooray for smashing the patriarchy!

      • I also love school supplies, and this post gives me hope (and ideas) because I still haven’t watched any Buffy and kept thinking maybe it’s too late to dive in…

        • It’s not too late!! I resisted for so long and I’m totally invested now.

    • So excited for you to experience Buffy! Also, Buffering is so good, and it makes the show even better :D If have too many feelings about it, feel free to message me!

    • Yay Team School Supplies! I saw this Buzzfeed article on Which Backpack Fits Your Personality, or something, and made me want to buy a backpack so bad, but then I remember I 1) Already have a perfectly good one -and- 2) I am an adult who is sadly, not a student anymore. Boo.

      Re. Season 1, I feel it’s a good-bad, like, really ripe for riffing on. Or maybe I’m just nostalgic?

      • I’ve been told I’m gonna love it once I’ve watched more of the rest of the show and I can see that happening.

  18. Yeah yeah yeah still terrible at touchscreens.

    So this week has been ridiculous. This weekend I think I’m just going to go ahead and buy a cheap violin and a cigarette lighter and mail them off to President Old Velveeta Face because I figure we might as well get this Death-Of-The-Republic party started before Chump hires the ACTUAL ZODIAC KILLER as his new Attorney General.

    Things that are good:

    1) No health care repeal, which is good for people who like the simple things in life. Like life.

    2) I wore a cute dress to work today that I bought last year and forgot about until I moved earlier this month.

    3) Mitch McConnell still looks like a human turkey-vulture.

    My new housemates and I are having an actual frickin’ party this weekend, which is something I don’t do very often on account of I’m old as Fred Flintstone’s petrified boogers.

    Things that I am pretending are good so I don’t gnaw my wrists off:

    1) The woman who recently broke up with me that I work in the same room with is transferring to the same department of the agency that I am transferring to at exactly the same time. So we’ll get to spend lots of time together in the close quarters of a two month long training where we learn the intricacies and idiosyncrasies of determining eligibility for Medicaid-funded nursing home care and in-home services with a guy who I’m pretty sure is actually a mad scientist in hiding that was trying to make super soldiers out of skunks. Hooray?

    2) After over three and half years of fighting, I and others have finally made agency compliance with the Gender Transition Guidelines a priority for our Union, which is actually good. However, at the chapter meeting last night the response from other members was either a resounding “meh” or, in one case, “Well, what about trying these totally obvious things that are the first things I thought of after hearing about this for the first time? Did you think of any of these really obvious things in the four years you’ve been working on this?” Again, silver lining, I did not actually tear my head off and throw it at her so I could bite her nose off without having to get up. Full disclosure: I did consider it.

    3) Mitch McConnell still looks like a human turkey-vulture.

    4) The result of the local liquor control board’s pre-pride sweep of the queer bars has temporarily caused my bar to become non-smoking. Which makes me really want a cigarette.

    • I always thought Mitch McConnell looked like a turtle without a shell, but turkey-vulture is on point as well

    • Wow. Good luck with all of that. #1 is one of those things that sounds like it would make a great film, except that’s all tainted by me saying this from third person and not first person. In first person, it sounds like several months of awkward hell. I hope that room at least has windows that you can look out of when the awkwardness gets out of hand.

  19. Hey all, this is my first time posting in the Friday Open Thread. I rarely comment on Autostraddle, and don’t use social media, because the idea of having an internet presence is pretty anxiety-provoking for me. But chronic illness has me barely leaving my apartment lately, and I find myself wanting more social interaction than I’m up for doing in person right now, and Autostraddle feels like a less-scary place to interact with other humans online, so here I am I guess?

    I’m really grateful to the staff and other readers/commenters for making this feel like a welcoming place. And also thank you Carolyn for hosting today’s open thread! I will try to think of “hanging in there” as something worth bragging about :)

    It’s been a pretty crappy week in general, but I was able to go for a really nice walk the other day and see some beautiful gardens!

    • hi Lee! I’m so sorry it’s been a crappy week but I’m so happy to see your comment. it’s great to hear from you! i went for a great walk this week too; it doesn’t fix everything but i’m grateful for what it does help with. hope to hear from you more!

    • Hey! Welcome! Fellow CI warrior here (endometrios-ish), and Autostraddle is definitely a great place to hang out when you don’t feel up to more strenuous social interaction. Glad you decided to join us :)

      • Hi Kay, thanks for the warm welcome. I’m sorry to hear that you also have to deal with CI, but I appreciate the solidarity :)

    • Hello Lee, I’m sorry that chronic illness has you down at the moment.

      I hope things improve soon. I was pretty well housebound all of last year and a part of this one with my medical nasties, but thankfully life’s looking up a bit and so things improve. Glad that you got out for a walk too, I hope it’s the first of many for you.
      This is certainly a good place to comment and share a few words. Nice to meet you.

      • Hello Deloraine, it’s good to meet you too. Thank you for the words of encouragement. My symptoms usually tend to fluctuate week to week, so I’m trying to stay hopeful that this past few weeks isn’t becoming my new norm. I’m happy for you that your health is improving a bit lately!

      • Thanks! I am sorry you are going through some difficult things. But I’m glad that you have a cute dog! In my experience, cute dogs are great at helping to make things better. It’s gonna be okay!

  20. Good things!
    1. I’m having some good days after a bout of depression. I haven’t cried in several days! I finally did some damn laundry! Go me!
    2. I just (like, yesterday) started learning ASL. m
    3. My cat, who is a senior citizen, is putting on weight after being worryingly thin.
    4. I’M SEEING TnS SOON. WHAT!? I never have before, but I’ve watched a ton of banter videos.
    5. I recently learned that the Morse code for “victory” is DUN DUN DUNNNNN (short short long) and I find that really funny for some reason.
    6. I had a really good cup of tea this morning, and I’m currently eating a bowl of brownie batter.
    7. Some misogynistic asshat in a comments section said Kesha was a “dumb whore” and that the “new” her was an act. He got shouted down.
    8. I wrote a little more of the Thing I’ve been avoiding for two months. I didn’t die.
    9. After identifying as bi for several years, I’ve realized I’m actually not all that attracted to dudes, so I’m kinda trying out “lesbian” to see how it fits?
    10. My sister is moving soon, and while I’ll miss her a bunch, I’m really happy for her.

    • Your #9 is me right now. I clung to Pan for awhile, but I can count the number of guys I’m sexually attracted to on one finger, the rest being women, so… pretty sure I’m a lesbian! Sometimes I like to say I’m Kinsey 5 (primarily homosexual with situational heterosexuality).

      Like, if Captain America Chris Evans was dtf, thats my one situation.

      • I’m kinda in the same boat as Elle… at some point, I just had to admit that it was like 99% women and the occasional guy.

    • Thank you for the Morse code thingo. That has significantly improved my day.

  21. I think the happiest thing that’s happened to me recently is that I was out shopping for a dress to wear to a relative’s wedding, and I found a very basic black suit, and tried it on for fun. As well as a plum pencil-skirt dress that made me feel fabulous and reeeal gay. And for whatever reason, thinking about wearing either of those on a fancy date with a pretty girl someday… just put a big smile on my face? I haven’t smiled like that in a long time? I’m not even at a place where I want to put energy into looking for someone to date… it was weird but I’ll take whatever sliver of happiness I can get.

    Neither were appropriate for the wedding, unfortunately, so… the search for a dress I don’t hate for this wedding continues.

    Otherwise: Still depressed, still recently graduated and unemployed, still recently broken up with someone I care a lot about and it makes me happy to see her succeeding and doing really well, but also… it still makes me really really sad! Breakups suck even when it was on good terms and it was for the best.

    Seeing therapist #4 for the first time this weekend (first 3 were duds and/or homophobic). So I really hope this one goes okay; I’m so over therapist shopping.

    • Good luck on the therapist shopping! I really struggled to believe therapy was effective at all until I found one that I clicked with. Also, the dress sounds fab.

      • Yep.

        A lady’s suit originally was a skirt and jacket. Which is why the term “pantsuit” is or was a thing.

        People of a certain age still headcanon the skirted edition lady suit

  22. This week has been a mix of good and bad.

    I was going to visit a dear friend of mine via an epic road trip; but I cross-threaded a wheel stud when rotating the tires for pre-road trip prep annnnnnnd yeah, road trip cancelled and three days of car work ensued. BUT, I have LEARNED A LOT ABOUT CAR REPAIRS THIS WEEK. Oh yes, indeedy.

    At one point there was propane torches involved and I even got to use a sawzall to cut off the ball joint [turns out it had gone bad and needed to be replaced]. It was a glorious moment, taking out my building frustrating via power tools on the offending metal.

    So, missing out on a visiting friend and going on an epic road trip: SUCKS
    Having a friend willing to teach me how to fix my own car and play with power tools: AWESOME

    • Sorry about your trip! but also the tools and learning and car skills sound incredibly gay and immensely powerful.

  23. super stressful beginning to my week (was one of many taking the bar exam this past Tues/Wed), so i should feel like a load has been lifted, but honestly i just feel drained. i’ve been considering taking a break from social media (facebook, twitter, instagram–the works) and might do that just to see if it helps get me out of my funk.

    perhaps will also try repeating to myself that’s it’s gonna be okay.

  24. I just want to curl up in bed in a trump-free ball and stay there. I feel physically and emotionally exhausted from all the shit that man has said, from poisoning the minds of children (Boy Scout jamboree) to saying such dehumanizing things about trans people like me. Ugh. Can we go back to 2015?

  25. I’m in the process of breaking up with my therapist (coincidentally due to her repeatedly making the assumption that I’m a negative person and have negative thought patterns haha). I found a really awesome therapist today at a local low-income clinic. This week I also quit my second job, got an ear infection, recovered from a UTI / yeast infection double whammy, began my post-summer-fellowship job search, and have an all-day event for my full-time organizing job that I have mixed feelings about.

  26. Hi!! So I am headed to Cuba with my girlfriend next week and wondered if any Autostraddle queers have been there and have any recommendations for traveling there as a lesbian couple? (As a side note my girlfriend is MOC) I have read a lot that says lgbt travelers should not do public displays of affection but otherwise no issues. I am super excited and think that all should be fine. I would love to hear from any straddlers about their experiences there in Cuba though so please reply if you’ve been there. Hope everyone has a great weekend! :)

    • Hi lb! I’ve been to Cuba last may with my girlfriend and we had no issues at all as a visible couple. My gf looks quite femme-y and I’m a bit more on the MOC side. Yes, we got chatted up quite a bit in Havanna and Trinidad but that’s because as a tourist you’re supposed to have money and can buy drinks and so on. A firm “no” always worked and we never felt unsafe. Most people were really, really friendly and helpful. Have wonderful holidays and feel free to ask if you have more questions.

  27. Ok so I found out today that I’m going to be mentored by someone from Hachette for 6 months??? I’m still in shock (and ngl had a moment of ‘do I deserve this?’)

    I applied for the programme originally for the chance to get a funded place on a week long publishing course at UCL (among other publishing career helpful things). I didn’t get the course but the application lady emailed me personally to say that someone from the Hachette wanted to talk to me. She called me and said I didn’t get onto the course because my CV was so good she didn’t feel like I’d benefit, and that what I needed was one of the 15 mentorships. Massive ego boost much, lol. So in a few weeks that’ll be starting!

    I had great jerk chicken today, I got my hair done. And tomorrow, I’m going to see Summer in London , the first play in the UK to be played by an all trans cast! And then Turkish food for my dad’s birthday in the evening. So yea, pretending that the world isn’t on fire? Going well.

      • Thanks! I found out about it through one of those FB adverts. It was the second time paying attention to adverts led to a good thing (and both times ,they were to do with queer things lol).

    • Had to look up what Hachette is (sorry, ignorant American here ;) but holy crap! Congratulations!

  28. I had one of the scariest anxiety episodes I’ve ever had this week. I’ve had two others in the past that were more intense, but I knew what was causing them. This came out of nowhere and lasted all day (and I felt on edge / wound up for the next two days as well). My chest was in a tight painful grip and I was having constant adrenaline spurts for literally no reason. I really felt like I was losing my mind. Has anyone else had this kind of experience before?

    • Hi Chandra, I have had a couple anxiety episodes that sound similar to what you’re describing – seemingly out of nowhere, lasting all day, and affecting me for days after. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m not sure I have any advice (not that you really asked, I just wish I could help). I mostly coped by staying home, talking with a couple close friends when I could, distracting myself if/when possible with Netflix (Bob Ross can be very calming), and talking about it at my next therapy appointment. I hope you’re finding some good support to help you through. If you’d like some e-hugs, I’m sending them your way <3

      • @leee Thank you so much for your reply. Even just knowing that I’m not the only one who has had this experience is helpful. Can I ask, is it something that has happened often for you, or only infrequently? I’m feeling a lot calmer today, but not knowing why it happened or if it might come back makes it hard for me to feel safe.

        I haven’t been to see my therapist in a while but I made a doctor’s appointment on Monday and am going to ask for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist.

        • @chandra hi! I’m so sorry you’re anxious!

          I get anxiety attacks about having anxiety attacks. Like, out of nowhere, I’ll get that nervous chest feeling, which will make me nervous, which will make my heart beat fast, which will make me more nervous, which will make my heart beat faster, and on and on

          It’s a bummer!

          I downloaded the headspace app and am planning to try it next time this happens, just to avoid hyperventilating

          • @m1ch0u YES, that’s exactly what it feels like, like my brain is freaking itself out for no reason. It’s so frustrating and awful. I’ve tried meditation and various other things for other anxiety issues I’ve had, and they help sometimes, but it depends on the intensity. I hope the headspace app is helpful for you.

        • Good for you for making a doctor’s appointment and seeking out the health/mental health care support you need!

          For me, unexpected day(s)-long episodes of intense anxiety have happened more than once, but have been very rare. I’m glad you’re feeling calmer today, and will keep my fingers crossed for you and hope that the calm stays.

  29. Today I woke up, put on my imperator furiousa tee, and immediately upon walking out my front door my sister asked if I would serve papers to a child abuser to take his kids away. (He’s her husband’s nephew, kids have been with her mother in law for months.) My response can be summed up as hell fucking yeah. I helped a little when the kids were first moved, and it killed me. I grew up with this guy and I wanted to beat him, frankly. Felt like an avenging angel doing this – powerful, right, effective, and something like healing too. My childhood was emotionally, not physically, abusive, but doing this still – well, I’m sure you all understand. And then I stood on the porch with my sister’s mother in law for 2 hours and we vented about how my sister is an ass, selfish, crazy, an addict, and a shit parent herself. She has carried on our parents’ habits – and I am carrying on my tradition of subverting my sisters effects on their children as best I can (which I am better at now, my other sister’s kids were much closer in age to me.)

    And I needed that. All of it. I feel so much better.

    And it’s Wynonna Earp night. And I’ve planned a trip to visit one of my best friends who is actually a good mom.

  30. New character for the thing in my head was born this week her name is Mariah but friends call her Ri and her mama probably called her Ri-Ri. She’s that big soft butch farmboi type. Also lost an arm and some of her face in the war and now counts as a cyborg I think.

    Um the thing in my head is a post earth space age dealio and I find myself questioning the make up of humanity in a thousand years.
    What kind of racism or colorism would exist then? Or if we have non-human species to interact with would that create an “us” that’s less divided?
    Classism would still be a thing I don’t doubt, but white people I doubt the future existence of.


  31. We’re all going to get through this. I don’t know if it was reassuring to read all the folks above who are also going through tough times and breakups, or depressing. Or are we the only ones here for Friday Open Thread?

    I’m in the midst of a divorce with children involved. It’s complicated. It’s taking forever. I wish it was the kind of break up where I could just draw a line with my ex and not talk to her for a few years and then maybe we can be friends. But instead we text, talk and see each other near daily because of the kids – and their wonky summer schedules. We still have 4-5 weeks before everyone is in school and on a school drop off pick up schedule.

    So, I guess, I’m doing great. And getting better all the time. Tonight I plan to catch up on The Bold Type and I’m still working through season one of Queen Sugar – so I have some amazing weekend plans.

  32. Soooo I got my rank promotion at work (which basically means leveling up at the job I already have) — and I’m really relieved, excited, and happy. It was mandatory for me to file for promotion this year, and if I’d failed it, I would’ve been let go. I’m really stoked. I was fairly certain I’d be fine, but that bit of doubt is not fun to have in the back of one’s head. Now I can plan for the fall semester with SHEER GUSTO.

    ALSO. RUSSIA. There is someone from Russia who has been listening to my queer fiction podcast, and le disappeared for several weeks from my stats — but now a Russian listener is BACK. I’m so relieved because my head-canon is that I am bringing light to someone in dire need of queer content, and I like feeling like a contributor to others’ sanity.

    Also this is my cat. She is the cutest.

  33. Hello, crunchy dill pickles and sweet round peaches! Another long long week over here. Still in lots of pain…spent so much time napping this week. Had a mini surgery yesterday and my left wrist is out of commission for a weekend. But there’s been lots of good! We had a friend over for veggie burgers yesterday and we just hung and listened to music and talked about kinks and got stoned. My sister has been sending me so many pictures of my new nephew and ahhh so much cute. My girlfriend’s 14 year old sister is visiting this weekend she she’s a riot. Cat cuddles! Our neighbor’s peach tree is dropping beautiful round peaches into our yard! I’m dog sitting the cutest pup for a whole week starting Monday! I had the best vegan pizza for dinner! And brownies are in the oven! Happy weekend!!

  34. Just really not having a great week. I crashed p hard from doing like 2 things and having a dysautonomia crash from that/the heat/resurgence of GI stuff harcore and also the Saga Of The Sewer Pump which has been…intermittently functional, which is one of the few down sides of living at the bottom of a hill on the lake–you need a pump to pump the waste water back up to the sewer, and if that breaks, you can’t run water except to drink it or like water the plants. Not being able to bathe or wash dishes or clothing is not great, but it’s super not great to not be able to flush toilets. We had a new one installed today but…it broke and the plumber who installed it is on vacation.

    The sewer pump situation will be okay. My health is ???????.

    • @hollisb I don’t think I’ve ever seen my name so close to a sewer before ;)

      Don’t sweat the sewage stuff. Running water and toilets are overrated anyway. In my more refined days, my life was a “dry” cabin in the Alaskan bush, collecting water and conversing with other oh so happy people like myself at the frozen pump station, doing laundry at the mat which doubled as a bar and daycare, and showering in the school bathroom after it’s weekly cleaning.

      Oh, but my favorite was enjoying a nice -40 degree spa day on my Styrofoam throne where I commanded my royal subjects whilst perched on the most sweet smelling outhouse you could imagine. It even had Christmas lights, which I kept on all year, day and night, just to top off my exquisite tastes (and fucked up sense of humor?)

  35. I’m listening to Ben Harper’s “Mama’s Got a Girlfriend Now.” He put that on his first big album back in 1994. Role model for solidarity – no excuses and have some fun.

  36. Hi all you beautiful sunshines ^___^

    This week has been rough, but I’m doing my best to keep smiling. A friend attempted suicide a few days ago and is in critical condition. We pulled together with our PFLAG group and made her the most beautiful giant get well card I have ever seen, and got to give it to her. I don’t handle these types of things well, but I’m trying my best.

    News yay!

    1# Apparently I’m going to be in a TV commercial for FitBit?

    2# I was told this commercial is maybe playing at the SuperBowl…

    3# I kinda shit my pants, and then realized that I am gonna be a public trans person for a brand, and then shit them all over again. I’ll probably be highly scrutinized and torn apart by my own community if I don’t say the right things, while cis-gender people will assume all trans people are represented by this one person they see on TV (because that has never happened before, right?)

    4# Tomorrow is our all trans pool party! I’ve been working my little bum off all year for this day, and am ready to be loud and proud. There may be a bikini, super soakers and licking frosting off Oreos involved… because I’m not going to grow up and you can’t make me!

    5# I’m pole dancing this Sunday (of my own free will) I’m terrified to do it, so that means I should. Because I’m all about logic. I also don’t do sexy well… So when my instructor (and friend) told me to bring “something sexy and erotic”, I’m like ??? Any ideas? Point me to inspiration please :(

    I was asked to pick a song that made me feel sexy and confident to dance to. And for some reason, this came to mind, probably because I saw them live in Japan once and crushed hard on the singer:

    • I hope your friend gets well soon. That sounds great about the commercial. Hopefully, everyone sees it and just swoons over how cool you are! And I hope you have a blast at your pool party. Just remember loads of sunblock. I got distracted and got burned in the face a bit.

      • P.S.I really like your song!The beat is pretty fast, though, I’d work with a chair or something and see if it fits for you!When you’re wrapping yourself around things, it usually takes a little longer and is more strenuous.
        And P.S: For technique: I’m a big fan of just hanging onto a pole with one hand and swing around it or hook myself in with a leg at the ankle or knee.You could always just grab it with your hands above your head and grind against it, or sth. if you’re not feeling super athletic. Be aware that sunscreen will make your skin slippery, which can be used to an advantage, but might also compromise your grip. There are probably a thousand pole dancing videos on yt, too. Remember, to have fun! Good luck!

    • Congratulations on your commercial! It sounds so exciting — and don’t let any of that get you down. Not everyone’s gonna like everything people do or the world would be full of pod people.

      And I hope your friend gets better soon. ?

  37. I bought plants

    I applied for other jobs that pay better

    I agreed to babysit and will survive cycling in potential flash floods on gravel roads to get to their house, dammit

    I got to snuggle my old twos class students today. They’re very huggy. The one who used to give me the most shit, behavior wise, sat in my lap and smooshed his whole face onto my face

    • But like at the same time thinking about the fact the name Donna Dulac exists and that there are real people named Donna Dulac out there and one of them is probably better at governing than what we in the US have right now.

      (FYI for non language geeks Donna= Lady, Dulac= the lake. Help me I’m almost to thinky to function)

      • The lack of millionaire con men is pretty darned appealing at the mo.

        Also the whole lack of tanks, and aerial warfare.

  38. 1)I ate half a bag of frozen broccoli and felt like a superhero for approximately 17 minutes

    2)I got a 50% tip at my restaurant

    3)I wrote letters to Senators Murkowski and Collins

    4)I wrote 2000+ words of fiction I don’t hate

    5)I found and deleted some of the saved non words I apparently drunkenly typed on my phone

    6)I listened to 2 different podcasts and a very good album

    Most pleasantly productive day I’ve had in ages tbh

    • 1) I really hope they were defrosted. Or am I missing out on a new type of popsicle?

      2) Huzzah!

      3) good going

      4) even more impressive

      5) ???

      6) what did you listen to?

      7) loving your list format!

      • 1) it was a steamable bag, so I popped in the microwave (although I have not tried the popsicle approach, so I won’t knock it just yet)

        6) Ctrl by Sza (going to be soundtrack to my life now)

        7) thanks! Lists are my only defense against accidentally writing long-winded paragraphs

  39. I’ve been listening to “Tales from the City” read by Frances McDormand all week and it’s really made me ache for my college days and my assortment of crazy and lovable friends.
    Most of us are still living in the same city, even, but our lives have diverged so much, we’ve drifted apart over the years.
    Growing up really comes with a few unexpected side effects.

    • Frances McDormand reading TotC!?! Well, I know what audiobook I’m getting next!

    • It’s funny how lives diverge. Over the years I’ve met up with and then lost touch with some of the people I was close to during my training days.

      Just a couple of years ago I was caught up with by the guy who was my closest friend back then. We had lost contact and hadn’t spoken in nearly thirty five years. It was just like we’d said ‘bye the day before. Now we catch up every month or so and chat and laugh for hours.

      I hope you find yourself bumping into the special ones at sometime later and just pick up again too. Not that you’re old yet, but it does give life again when you share those memories with the ones who helped you make them.

      • I am bumping into people from “earlier” once in a while, and it’s like we just saw each other last week with some and like we’re total strangers with others.
        I hope that in a few years, I’ll be able to hang on to those connections again.
        Honestly, I’ve only started to notice recently,what family means and that that’s what they meant to me, back then, when I needed one.

        • Ah family! With and of the ones who truly love and like us without judgement and with acceptance. Unlike those we love because of blood ties and duty.

  40. My Kid and I are on a plane, on our way to Salt Lake City to hang out with my parents for a week. It’ll be nice to see them, reacquaint myself with the place I was born, and take a break from, well, stuff. It’ll also be interesting so see how they react when we first meet up. It’s been a year since I saw them, and I’ve changed a lot, appearance- and presentation-wise, in that time.

    Aside from arriving at the airport an hour before I usually even wake up, it’s a good day so far. TSA screening was smoothe and easy (not something a lot of people say, much less transfolk).

    The company I work for is reorganizing and rearranging, including moving all of us out of the building I’ve worked in for 6 years. Yesterday was my last day in that building, and I had some feelings about that.

    But I also had a good chat with my boss that was really positive. I learned a bunch of good stuff: (a) even though there’s a lot of change going on, the future of my project team looks pretty bright; (b) yes, she’s noticed the (positive) change in my productivity since the beginning of the year; (c) she’s as pleased as I am with how smoothly everything’s gone with my transition at work; and (d) apparently, I’m “really easy to like.”

    And this ends my book-length FOT contribution for the week :-)

  41. Well, first off, I discharged a patient yesterday and she and her daughter gifted me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers… I’ve been listening to Waxahatchee’s amazing new album all week which has really kept me going… Lastly, I just finished working 12 days in a row and am finally off for 2! Everything Is going to be ok…

  42. This year sure has been a whirlwind of feelings and events! I’ve been doing the same thing as well, er…or trying at least to tell myself everything is okay, will be okay and that I’m worth it and deserving. Suddenly this week things have seemed more okay!

    I also finished summer school for the first time and I’m tellin’ ya! If you need something to boost your confidence and feel like you can do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING NOW – take summer school (and complete the classes) ;) Whew! it was a whole new kind of work out.

    Got through a productive week and now it’s Saturday morning and I’m sitting here with a fresh cup of coffee with a face mask on, reading autostraddle.

    Things are going to be okay. <3

    Yes. <3

    • Congrats on finishing a course! Coffee and a face mask sound heavenly! I now have a plan for tomorrow morning, so thanks for that gem of an idea!

      Noticed you live where I am moving to in November. Any tips on how to live a fulfilling queer life in Denver?

      • Awww thank you!! Hahah, yess! I’m so glad – did you end up having a lovely morning the next day as well?!

        Oh that’s so exciting! Moving here for work or for fun? Hmm…I’m actually kind of in the process of figuring that out myself. I’m not as immersed in the queer community here as I’d like to be, but you could say I’m trying to work on that? I’ll keep you updated when I get some good tips, haha. If you want someone to show you around/new denver friends & such though, let me know! :)

        • I did have a good morning, I think I may make it a Monday morning tradition.

          I’m moving for a bit of both. I will be working at the Denver Center as a wig assistant but the whole reason to apply was to get out of the small town i am in now. I’ve been missing the resources living a city can offer. I would love to take you up on your offer! I’m hoping to hit the ground running when I get to Denver. Let’s keep in touch, send me a private message anytime.

  43. I’m so excited! So. Excited. I tend to be a hoarder when it comes to certain things. Especially beauty products. I found a charity in Washington state that accepts gently used beauty products and sanitizes them and redistributes them to women in need. I have a ton of stuff to donate to them. I’m trying to minimize the amount of makeup I have because I just don’t use it often, so I’m thrilled to send it off for others to enjoy!

  44. This week has been a mixed bag of good and stressful. Last night I had game night with my coven and we started a Cthulhu D&D campaign which was super fun! Is it weird to feel like its exactly what I needed in all this chaos? Today Im announcing to my family I’m not moving back home or applying for a government job like they wanted for me.
    Job hunt is still going on and GRE studying seems to be getting nowhere but I’ll probably have more time now for both since I just left my other job.
    Monday I’m taking a friend of mine (who may be very straight and whom I might have a bit of a crush on) to have a spa day for her birthday, which is not the best financial decision for me right now. Hopefully the massage and facial were both getting will allow me to handle the stress of the bill later with ease. I’ve never had either one before so I’m looking at it from a “Treat Yo Self” perspective.
    Hope everyone has a great weekend and upcoming week! Even if things seem to be coming one after another at least were all in this together and the support were giving each other, I think, really does make a difference. Its the little things.

  45. I met a girl this summer… we had talked some in months previous but I feel like I got to actually know her this summer. We have to break up soon (moving away for school) but it’s ok.

    We have only been dating for just under two months and that’s what makes it the worst. I don’t feel justified for liking her so much and for feeling like I’m going to crave her voice for the rest of my life. It’s like I feel myself falling in love and then I have to snap myself out of it. But it will be ok. Because when she moves we will still be friends and I will still have had the pleasure of knowing her these past months… I’ll still have the memories. Some cheesy and nothing I would want differently. I can see her in my head. Singing to her favorite songs in the car. Her infectious laugh. Feeling like my true self with her when I leave a house that feels like a huge facade. In all honesty I’m not sure how she feels about me, but getting to know her has been incredible and I feel like its made me want to be a better person. There’s still so much more I crave to know about her and to share with her though.
    But I’ll hopefully be able to make sure she doesn’t marry a fuckass when she moves
    So it will be ok.

    I’m also wearing my favorite pair of jeans right now and my spotify mix is doing pretty great today! I’ve been working on self-improvement recently too. Trying to drink more water, read more books, be kinder, be more genuine. It’s been a summer of major changes and a couple steps back to look at whats really important. Things will be ok. My family, my love life. Your family, your love life. We’ll all get it together. Maybe it’ll be great…

  46. The headline of this FOT reminded me of something queer and musical I never would have encountered without Autostraddle.

    Beatrice Eli- Die Another Day

    Riding on a bicycle
    Looking at trees and stuff
    Got this good school feeling
    I don’t wanna die today
    All my friends got problems
    Going through all kinda stuff
    Got this good feeling
    Everything will be okay
    Everything is gonna be okay

    It’s gonna be okay
    Tell me it’s okay
    Die another day

    Old friend don’t give up on me
    I’m trying really hard
    Swimming in the ocean
    Looking at birds and planes
    I don’t wanna die today
    I just don’t wanna live
    Got this good feeling
    Everything will be okay
    Everything is gonna be okay

    It’s gonna be okay
    Tell me it’s okay
    Die another day

  47. Currently in week 2 of my first break-up. First relationship, first love. I’ve been deeply entrenched in grief. Sometimes I feel like I am closer to the healing stage but then I have days like this day. I seriously tried to deny my need for monogamy just so I could be poly with my ex. Thankfully, I stayed true to myself and remembered I am okay and will continue to be okay. This loneliness and heart-ache won’t last forever.

    This article and the comments have been really helpful. I currently live in a small town with a really small queer community. Knowing there are thousands of other lesbians outside my bubble who are also struggling with similar things helps. It gives me hope.

    • The sun does come out again eventually. Just do it a few minutes at a time or whatever you can manage really.

      Lots of happier things tend to come up once we’ve recognised important facts about ourselves.

      Sending long distance hugs if you’d like them. Good Luck.

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