FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Brag About Your Besties!

Another week almost over, another Friday Open Thread to help the hours till the weekend go by a little faster! I’ve been in the habit of having really difficult emotionally draining weeks for the last year or so (HAHAHA IT’S FINE) and as a result spend a lot of time thinking about my support system, and more specifically my best friends. They are amazing! They keep me afloat, buy me pizza, play with my hair AND they take my best Instagram pictures. I’m so super grateful to have best friends, but I also constantly feel like I don’t express my love and admiration for them often enough. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, so today I want to change that. I wanna talk about the millions of things my besties do that make my heart soar, and I wanna hear you shout from the rooftops about your best friends too!

Tell me your favorite stories about them! Tell me how you met! Brag about all the things that make them the best friend to you of all the friends! Let’s fill this thread with nostalgia and love in a full on appreciation fest. Don’t have a best friend? Talk about the one you hope to find. Maybe you’ll even meet them today in the thread! Is your best friend a celebrity or television character that doesn’t know you’re besties because you haven’t met in person yet but you know in your heart that the minute you do it’s ON? Write a love letter about them so when the day you meet and fall in friend love finally arrives you’ll be fully prepared. Obviously if your best friend is your partner or spouse I wanna hear you gush about them too and see some adorable photos. Bonus: If you and your bestie both read Autostraddle, you can both get in here and have a compliment war! Taking a moment to express gratitude feels good for everyone involved, so come lift up the beautiful people that keep you lifted as well.

I can’t wait to hear all about your incredible best friends, and love on mine too!

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Reneice Charles

Reneice Charles is a just another queer, liberal, woman of color using the Internet to escape from reality and failing miserably. She received her MSW from New York University and is an Entrepreneur and Vocalist living in Los Angeles. She spends her spare time wishing she didn't have to use her spare time convincing people that everyone deserves the same basic human rights.

Reneice has written 104 articles for us.


  1. Happy Friday, Reneice! :)

    I love my best friends; I also wish we lived closer together. The epic movie / mini-golf / dance party / game night marathons we could have if we all lived in the same city (the same state, even)! I’m new-ish to my current city and building up a wonderful friend group here, too. I’ve been lucky to meet some amazing people, lately — so while it’s definitely much harder to make new friends now than it was when I was younger, it can still happen.

    This week I came home from a long business trip to my puppies (my bestest best friends), and it’s been so good to spoil them and take them for walks and snuggle. Also since I’ve been home I’ve been binge-watching “One Day at a Time” (after reading so many good things about it here) and OMG it is AMAZING. I’ve made it to the beginning of S2 basically crying the whole way. My mom’s family is Ecuadorian-American, not Cuban-American, but so much about the Alvarez family feels familiar to me. I love how the dialogue fluidly includes Spanish, and how the show is so much about women getting sh*t done! Also Elena’s coming out storyline really got me; my dad stopped speaking to me when I came out, so the father-daughter part of that plot thread was a lot to watch. But I loved it all! I’m so glad I have more of S2 to watch, and that a S3 will be happening!

    Also, I am working up my courage to go shopping for some men’s shirts this weekend as I move my wardrobe further toward MoC. I don’t enjoy shopping to begin with, and looking for clothes that won’t necessarily fit me well is even worse. Please wish me luck! I’m going to start at Goodwill (I’m on a tiny, tiny budget), but other suggestions for places to try are welcome (I’m in the Seattle area, if you’re also a local).

    Have a great weekend, everyone!

    • Hey Katrina! Totally relate to the wanting your best friends to be in the same city, mine all live far away too and I often think about how epic it would be if we were in the same city. Where do they live?

      Also SO excited that you love ODAAT! I did a victory jump when it got renewed for a third season. The family is so relatable and it warms my heart to see a show like that doing well.

      In terms of clothes I’d totally suggest checking out Ross if it’s in your budget. My girlfriend started buying more MoC clothing this year too and HATED shopping her whole life but we always find things she loves at Ross and now she actually asks to go shopping! I hope your experience goes well too!

      • Two are in SoCal, one is in Philly, two more are in New York City, and one is in New Orleans. I get to visit my L.A. friends in a few weeks (yay!) and my east-coast friends this summer. Visiting my New Orleans bestie is the most difficult because of cost, but hopefully I can get down there soon, too. Where are your faraway friends? Do you plan reunions?

        And thank you for the Ross tip! I’ll see if any are nearby that I can add to my shopping route. :)

        • Wow! Those are all great cities! One of my best friends is in New York, two are in Philadelphia, one in Chicago, and one is in Seattle. We’re pretty spread out like your group is. We do plan yearly trips together to see each other and always spend time together around the holidays when we all go back to Pennsylvania where we met. I was really worried when I moved away that we wouldn’t maintain a strong bond but we’ve done really well, just took a while to adjust.

          • That’s great you can plan yearly trips to see each other! That’s what I try to do with my faraway friends & some of my friendships are going strong 10 years in. It does make the time we do get to spend together extra special.

    • Wow, so much of this resonates with me. I’m also new-ish to my city and slowly making good friends here, but definitely missing my besties in other cities; I also love One Day at a Time (who doesn’t?); and I am also struggling with gender-y wardrobe-y complicated stuff. Sending you positive energy as you continue building friendships in your new home, and wishing you the very best of luck in your clothing search! <3

  2. A year and a half ago I wrote in the open thread about being a lonely gay in a scary new country – through that post I met two of the best queer gal friends a girl could ask for!

    They helped me feel so much more at home in this less liberal country, hunting out all the queer events and drag shows we could find. Our friendship has recently reached new heights, we have started watching classic gay/girl films whilst baking then eating delicious foods (D.E.B.S. + pancakes, legally blonde + doughnuts). So thanks autostraddle for making this beautiful series of events happen, this big move of mine would not have been so nice without you!

    (Hi Laura and Zsuzsa if you’re reading :D)

    • Oh my goodness this made my heart burst into a million tiny pieces of rainbow heart confetti!! I’m so glad you all found each other and this is also an amazing testament to the Friday open threads and what they do to build community. Your friends sound amazing and I am absolutely stealing your baking + gay girl movie nights idea!!

  3. Me and my best friend met during fresher’s week at university.We both had our IT induction in the same room and so we walked there together. After we introduced ourselves, the conversation flowed like we had known each other for years. She’s the kind of best friend who I can chat to for hours, but can also sit in comfortable silence with. She’s hardworking, kind and has the patience of a saint (sometimes I have to remind her not to deal with other people’s bullshit :P). Also, she’s a stunner; tall af, dark skinned black woman whose basically a pro at doing her own hair and make up. She’s out here doing a Master’s in a completely different field to her undergrad because she realised she’d gone as far as she could with it. Didn’t even think I could call anyone my best friend until I met her.

    Gushing aside, there’s nothing much to report on my end. Went to Good Friday mass, and now I’m trying to finish (and currently procrastinating on writing) this short story I want to submit for a competition.

    • Yes black friendship!!!!! Your best friend sounds like an amazing woman, and so do you! I know the exact feeling of meeting someone and feeling like you’ve known them for ages. I call those people my soul family, so glad you found one of yours!

  4. I have multiple best friends but I’m gonna start off talking about my friend Nathalie. She’s an incredibly talented Haitian Singer/Songwriter, runs both an online magazine and a podcast related to Haitian Culture, makes the best eggs in the world, and has been my most consistent place of support, truth, laughter, and love for over a decade. Her family is also amazing and has always made me feel welcome and accepted. I’m super lucky to have her.

  5. I love my bestie, she is my favourite person and I am going to see her tomorrow for the rest of the weekend. She has moved further away, which was the right thing for her, but meh.

    We met online, through (unusually) shipping the same m/f couple (and both being attracted to the woman).

    We have fun, being with her feels warm and comfortable. I went to stay with her when I split up with my wife and she came to stay with me after she split up with a boyfriend.

    • So glad that you had each other to lean on in those difficult times. Breakups are awful to go through alone. Also, so cool that you met online! I’ve never made a friend online but all of you have such awesome stories of meeting online that it makes me jealous!

      • Thank you. It sounds like you have lots of good friends you bet face to face.
        I met my next closest friend on jury service, which I think is an interesting way to meet, but no one ever reacts when I tell them.

        • “I met my next closest friend on jury service, which I think is an interesting way to meet, but no one ever reacts when I tell them.”

          I must admit that’s a pretty amazing way to make friends !

  6. My best friends are so amazing! I’ve been having a rough year, and my close friends have been so wonderfully supportive and truly kept me afloat. They listen when I need to talk something through or vent (which is a lot), they’ve brought me food when I’ve been too sick to cook, they spontaneously send encouraging text messages, they help me find humor… I’m incredibly grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.

    On an unrelated note, this week I had the chance to go to a talk by Sonya Renee Taylor! Not sure if other people here are familiar with her, but she founded the website and writes awesome poems and is so amazing… I bought her new book at the event and can’t wait to read it.

      • The talk was so amazing! Her ability and willingness to just say things how they are, to not shy away from difficult truths, and to cut right to the heart of a question really blew me away. I especially liked what she said about how she didn’t write her book to help us feel good about ourselves, she wrote it because she wants to live in a different kind of world. Like, this idea that radical self-love isn’t about seeking individual comfort, it’s about transforming our perspectives on our bodies, both individually and on a cultural scale, to build a world where we see all bodies as worthy. So hearing her talk just made me feel all like, “Yes! I want to live in that kind of world too! Let’s do this!”

  7. My best friend for years has been a cis-het mixed-raced Jewish guy I’ve known for close to 18 years. His family is a great and he’s just very friendly and nice. Still taking him to come around to my pronouns, and is now in a different state, but I feel among community around him(Jews who aren’t republican leaning and try to be an ally to the lgbtq people) and that’s a positive. I had recently had a woman from Tinder try to bff me up, but it didn’t work out. She’s a bit too misogynistic, and slut shames all her exes ugh. Then earlier in the month another friend texted me, “how is my bestie doing.” I didn’t know I was her bff, but I’d be glad to be her bff.

    How’s everyone’s week going? It’s Passover tonight and kind of not looking forward to it as I will be spending time with relatives who voted for the wrong person. Think sheep who voted for the wolf because the wolf said two things they really support. I’ll probably be reading the AS holiday help guides on how to deal. Hopefully, we don’t talk about it. Saturday should be better as the other side of the family is more sensible and reasonable. Then Sunday I’ll be hanging with friends at Cuties, which is great.

    I need a little help from those who are non-monogamous/polyam. I am not I’m not non-monogamous/polyam(thought thinking about it), but the woman I am seeing is. Any advice or tips on how to be more supportive and understanding, but also less jealous? Spent a little time last night and she mentioned like u-hauling with her back to her home state again(cost of living is lower there). I don’t think I can? I am too into California to move to another state(plus next year I can have an X/nonbinary on my ID, which is excellent news). I do plan to enjoy all the time I have while she’s here. I am also worried I won’t find another queer who is cute, respects my pronouns, is Jewish(partially for safety reasons tbh), and actually into me. It’s normal to feel this way right?

    Had a nice vegan brunch with a friend last Sunday that included a Prosecco-CBD mixed drink and loads of tasty food. The ice-cream topped churro-waffle like desert, it was really decadent and good.

    Also saw this recently and thought it was appropriate with the new nominee talking about starting another pointless & costly war.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend and holidays!

    • My wife has a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I have no desire at this point to have other partners, but find it actually helpful that my wife has others. I strongly believe that no one person can be everything for another person. It is asking too much. I have my parents who live close by. We get coffee every weekend with my dad and my mom is the best helper when there’s a project to get done. I have other friends and important people in my life. For my wife having other partners helps give her validation and some other things sexually that I am not interested in. It’s still important that she and I talk about making sure that we spend time together so our relationship doesn’t get neglected, but polyamory and monogamy can work together!

      • That’s positive to know. Any advice on how I can start talking to the person I am seeing where we stand in terms of our relationship?

    • Don’t move with your partner just because you’re scared you won’t meet someone else. You probably will, but living somewhere you don’t want to be with someone it sounds like you have doubts about is not going to make you happy.

      • My doubts are more about where the future of this relationship is going if she has to move. She also wants marriage, but I just want to live happily(I don’t need a legal document to prove I of love someone. I very much have strong, generally positive feelings about her. She makes me feel accepted & that my transness and queerness and positive traits to be loved.

  8. My bestie is great- we met at a predrinks where she insisted on grilling me about whether I’d slept with a mutual friend (I hadn’t, but it took some time to establish this). She loves gossip so since I’ve learnt this is fairly normal. We hang out all the time and she’s the only person I know who I can have a blast with even when we do nothing.
    Her friendship has made me learn so much about Gilmore Girls, trashy magazines, cults and veganism, and we share loves of reading, feminism, and murder podcasts. She’s the best!

      • The best is All Killa No Filla, a podcast about serial killers hosted by two hilarious comedians Rachel and Kiri. When we’ve not got a new episode of that, we listen to Casefile which is an Aussie one covering all crime – not funny, creepy and interesting.

  9. I have an awesome crew of friends. I have always been a “quality over quantity” person, so my closest friend group is 5 gals who have been bffs since early high school. 4/5 of us were recently together for a birthday party and even though we don’t see each other as often as we’d like, when we get together it’s like nothing has changed. Granted, things are constantly changing, we’re all around 30, but the core of it all stays the same and it’s awesome.

    I also have 2 college bffs and I am SO EXCITED because after living in Seattle (and a couple other places) for 5 years, one friend is finally moving back to Chicago. It’ll be so awesome to have her around.

    I’d probably get into trouble if I didn’t also mention my sister here, so Em, YEAH YOU’RE MY BFF OBVIOUSLY. Can’t wait to hang tonight and tomorrow and probably Sunday too.

  10. Friendship is so sweet! I love your idea of laying down some appreciation for one of life’s greatest pleasures… sharing it with your people :)

    It is hard to put in to words how magnificent I think my friends are.

    My girlfriend is one of my best friends! One of our mutual friends told me that my gf is one of those people who plays along with virtually anything you want to try out before we even started dating. You want to sing? She’ll jump in with a harmony (and she has a fantastic voice). You want to begin talking to one another as completely different characters from another dimension? She’s your girl! Want to go outside and look at the stars? She’ll lay right beside you. She’s a yes person. She’s loyal and she is able to add a layer of playfulness to nearly any situation! She has an ability to pull me out of my thought cloud from time to time and bring me in to the present moment. <3 Plus she's been my best adventure buddy for nearly 3 years!

    Our best friends are a gay male couple who are individually two of the best friends I have ever had. One of them is stubborn and creative, he is always able to add thoughtful and honest critique (the kind that I think everyone needs from time to time, he plays for the symphony in town and has introduced me to a love of classical music. My other friend is tender and always has a word of affirmation,yet he also takes no bullshit, he appreciates beauty and loves to plant flowers (especially for his bees), he was raised Catholic (so was I) and because of that we understand each other in a way that only other gay former Catholics can understand!

    I have another good friend who has been my partner in crime since we were in college. She has this incredible servants heart and is currently in the middle of a four year lay missioner placement in Brazil. I have never in my life met another person like her… she is absolutely bizarre, but in the best possible way. She is also one of the most fun people to dance with because she isn't the best at it, but man does she GO.FOR.IT. I also don't want to understate how good she is about staying in touch and makes an effort to share life no matter where she is on the planet… Which has made her one of my truest and oldest friends (8 years and counting).

    Also, I've recently been excited by a new friendship that has the the feeling of a life-long friendship in the making!I have a new coworker and we instantly hit it off. I think we kind of recognized something in each other that we were both super relieved to find in Alabama in our mid-twenties!

    Last, but not least… my cat and dog are two really wonderful friends. Charlie (the dog) is so full of unconditional love. He is also a great mix… both a perfect cuddle monster and down for an adventure 100% of the time. Macaroon (the cat) loves to play with bubbles and she likes to sit on your chest and purr, on her own damn time thank you very much. I've attached a photo of each of them for any who would like that!

    All of these friends make me feel so incredibly present and appreciative of the time I get to spend with them in my life! Plus, I carry the sincere belief that we make each other better! So anyways if Gabby, Richard, Zachary, Claire or Molly end up seeing this… I love you <3

    • Thanks for introducing your friends, they sound awesome, and that cat !! That dog !!! So effin cute it hurts

  11. Mornin’ sunshines ^__^

    Like getting perfect poaches eggs, friends are tricky things. Not only do I take seemingly forever to build them, but I have this awful habit of somehow jumping from friendship to romance — EVERY SINGLE TIME

    1. My best childhood friend? We somehow went from target shooting and DnD nights to coffee and movie dates. I don’t want to hang out anymore because the whole time I’m thinking, “Is this a date? Does he think this is a date? Do other people see us as a couple?” Why can’t I just have guy friends? Because I can’t stop staring at his butt – that’s why.

    2. While on foreign exchange, this random French guy and I got into the same taxi. We ended up being neighbors, then best friends, and a year later I’m finding myself moved in together cuddling on the sofa. Where did my friendship go?

    3. This woman I met at work recently is a blast to hang with. We’ve been kids at the zoo, done laser tag, and movie nights. But then just when I think I’ve found a friend, we are suddenly laying on top of each other staring into each other’s eyes. This is not what friends do!

    Men, women – it doesn’t make a difference. Is this my fault? Am I just a really horrible friend? Where can I meet those coffee date / girls night out friends other women have?

    Problems aside, it’s gardening season!!! I’m living in outdoor landscaping magazines and want to design an outdoor library of sorts to do some reading under the stars. I promise pictures!

    • Omg, you are hilarious! I am your opposite, I’ve never had feelings for ormhooked up with a friend and everyone says that’s weird and I need to learn how hahaha. We need to find someone that’s the perfect blend of us both!

    • Dear Saga, it is certainly not ‘ your fault’ because there is no fault at all, at least none that I could discern. But, I realize, I am being far too serious …I am laughing so hard the neighbours probably think I’ m crazy, but considering I am the only trans woman in the area what does it matter? And, you got me thinking …why does this never happen to me? I’ ve got an idea …maybe it does if I practice purring, like the smaller cats do? Whether it works or not, trying will be fun.

      And, happy gardening!

  12. My bestie is a boss bringing emotional intelligence to business leadership (and my life, tbh)–and she looks damn good doing it. She IS NOT HERE for that femme bi-erasure, and when she’s not project-managing the shit out of your local tech start-ups, she’s volunteering her time as the board chair of the state’s only queer-youth serving non-profit.

    All of that would have me hiding under the covers on the regular, but NOT MEG. She’s taking her down time being present for friends and family. Baby’s first “Future Lesbro” onesie? Aunty Meg’s on it. Post-Hell Week cocktails? She’ll be right over. She’s a woman supporting women, loving women, complicating what woman means. Love her.

    • one time my best friend and i didn’t talk for four months bc she thought i was mad at her but i thought SHE was mad at ME (just bc we hadn’t spoken in a while) so we’re a perfect match, socially speaking

  13. My besties are the best and most supportive people ever, and literally all also bi, and also all in/have been through grad school, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t still exist without them.

    That’s part of why i jumped on the chance to get this bag as soon as I discovered it exists, because it’s just so perfect:
    (Tote bag, with the phrase “my communities sustain me”).

    In unfortunate for my bank account news I finally made an order from TomboyX and holy shit I kind of cannot believe how comfortable I am right now.

  14. I don’t make (or keep) friendships easily, so I really treasure the ones that have lasted. Unfortunately, all of them are long-distance at this point—but, even as I write this comment, I am messaging a best friend all the way away in St. Petersburg, Russia, having a pun war about pastry.

    One of my other best friends lives only four hours from here, in Mobile. I went to visit him during spring break, and we drove out to Bamahenge to look at that and the giant fiberglass dinosaurs that are next to it. Highly recommend to anyone else in Alabama.

    • Mobilians unite!! Awesome that your friend also lives here. I’ve never seen another reference to the city on AS. Definitely adding Bamahenge to the summer stay-cation list.

      • Oh wow, nice coincidence!! What do you do in Mobile?

        The Roadside America article on Bamahenge is pretty thorough, and also has some links to the wild life story of the artist who built it:

        I’m a graduate student in Tuscaloosa, so not too far away. There should be an Alabama AS meetup!

        • I work for a non profit in town in their marketing/development department. But I’ve lived here my entire life. What are you studying at UA?

          I second the Alabama AS meet up. I bet there are more of us here that would welcome some community!

  15. What a great idea for a thread! My best friend is Maddy and she won’t be here because she is straight so you will all just have to trust me when I tell you how awesome she is. We met when I was 17 after I moved schools because my friendships had been terrible and she was the first person to show me what real, honest beautiful best friendship could be. She has always been so supportive of my sexuality,both when I came out as bi and now in my exploration of polyamory. She even knows my type better than me and will often point out that my gushing about a certain celebrity is not because they are ‘a really good actor/singer’. I can be my most myself around her than anyone else and I don’t know what I would do without her. Tomorrow I am going for dinner with her and her new boyfriend and she has been single for years so I am so happy she has found someone that makes her happy and to properly meet the person who makes her all glowy!

    • Aww this is so sweet! I hope meeting her new boyfriend goes well, im sure you’ll do a thorough job checking his qualifications. :-)

      • I am uber protective of my friends so I will be! We actually kind of met once when she brought him to see a play I was in, and it was a one woman show, so he has already seen more of me than me him! But didn’t have time to chat properly so this is our official meeting. It’s also handy for me as I live in a town pretty much centrally between her place and his so we get to go for Mexican 10 minutes from my house!

  16. Awesome theme for a post! My best friend Meg is a fierce queer femme who speaks truth to power, swaggers around Seattle in boots, and makes even mundane tasks into sexy adventures. She reminds me not to give a fuck what other people think as long as I’m true to myself. Our friendship is sassy and sweet and caring! We share both purring and the feral gene.

  17. My best friend growing up was a boy called Nick. We were both definitely straight.
    I’ve not finished ‘everything sucks’ yet (so don’t ruin it for me) but I think it must be based on a mixed up version of us, but where we are braver, and American, and less obsessed with Beck.

  18. You know, I have shitty taste in potential love interests/partners.
    Really,like The Worst.
    However, I have the great honor to run into the best people as friends and I get to actually keep a handful of them.
    Most of them are a little bit chipped and broken around the edges, but so am I, and we just keep each other very good company.
    Company is very important if you tend to feel melancholy and sad.It‘s also important, probably even more so, when you’re happy.
    That said, I‘d like to give a heartfelt virtual hug to the weirdos who‘ve been hanging out on the FOTs with me, and I‘d like to wish all of you a Happy Easter!

  19. I met my best friend on a camping trip freshman year of high school – our school let us run wild in a camp in the wilds of Maine for 3 or 4 days every fall and spring, and during my first fall trip I didn’t really know anyone yet so I sort of wedged myself into a group and stuck with them, and the first evening I went to hang out in their cabin and sat on her bed without realizing it, and she got back from the bathroom to find me sitting on her bed and according to her, her thought process was “there’s a person on my bed…this person is cool we should be friends.”
    So we’ve been friends ever since (just passed the 7 year mark a few months ago) and now she’s studying comparative human development at UChicago (graduating this spring!) and working on a really cool thesis on teenagers and mental health and she sings like an angel and her dog is THE BEST DOG and I love her so much.

  20. Perfect!!! Just last weekend/early this week I took a trip to visit my friend-family!!!! They are all perfect and all have wonderful dogs and cats who are also the best! It was soo good to see all my best friends in one trip, they for the most part don’t know each other, so to have and see so many people who love me for me (and not just weird group connections which I’ve dealt with before) was just WOW!
    I got to spend a fair amount of quality time with them all, and they are doing great things and are so supportive of me I sometimes can’t believe how lucky I am. Especially spending time with my oldest friend and her fiance/very very soon to be spouse was great! I get to write a letter to her fiance for the ceremony and I’m nervous but so excited to write sappy, gushy, loving things about the two of them and how excited I am about their love!!!!!!
    Life note, I am not ready for my spring break to be over! I need more time before facing the reality of grad school and doing the proposal for my thesis.

  21. My best friend moved to town in forth grade. I think we met at church? and then grew up to be atheists/agnostics, but we do live in the bible belt. She moved to London and I moved back to our small hometown. Thankfully she comes back at least once a year. She had a girlfriend in high school back in the day, and both of them now have husbands. I was pretty asexual in high school, and now have a wife, helping to queer up our hometown.

    I also spent part of today prepping a house for new flooring with my first friend. Her mom babysat me and my brother when we were little, and their family continues to be an important part of my life.

    I keep thinking I should write out thank you notes to mail to random important people in my life.

    • “I keep thinking I should write out thank you notes to mail to random important people in my life.”

      I’ve had people from my past come up and thank me out of the blue, and it really gave me a boost to realize that I help others just by being true to myself. Your message could really help someone by arriving at just the right time !

  22. Last year I went to a Kenny Chesney concert with my two best buds. An incredibly straight warrior woman from Canada and an incredibly gay man from North Carolina. I don’t actually like country music but no way I was missing a road trip with them. I also saw Cher (again, not really a fan) with the guy and went to a hockey game (big fan) with the woman.

    I went to Asheville for a weekend of lounging and shopping with Brad. We drove two hours to pick up a dog for his mother. We binge watch Netflix together. We watch the same shows but he’s at his house and I’m at mine. We text constantly while watching. We talk about growing up gay in conservative Baptist families. We go to PRIDE together. We have the same sense of humor and we laugh all the time.

    My girl Sonia lives a block away. I take care of her pups when she’s out of town. I hang out at her pool in the summer. I teach her daughter how to bake. We hike trails and climb mountains together. We kayak lakes and oceans. We talk about our vastly different childhoods. She knows my whole family. I know hers. She lets me be me and I let her be her. We are different with different life experiences. It’s a very nurturing friendship. I even like her husband. She does say she doesn’t want me to get into a relationship because she doesn’t want to share me. Pretty sure she’s joking. She has a beach house in the outerbanks. We go there every summer with four other women we’re close to. We play on the beach, we kayak, jog on the beach, go to the light house, and visit parks. We get up in the morning and make pancakes together. We pack sandwiches for lunch and head out for our day of adventure. We get back to the house late afternoon, clean up, and then we cook dinner together. We laugh and dance and eat together. We play cards or board games. We talk and laugh. Sometimes we go for a quick paddle around the inlet after dinner. Or dig for oysters. It’s one of my favorite times of the year. We go to the mountains for hiking trips too. Hiking all day. Playing games at night in a cabin we’re all staying in. Cooking and eating together. We usually only take one of two cars so the drive consist of a lot of fun too. I have a good life with really good friends.

    All of my friends are in the same 12 step program. I’ve been in recovery for over 30 years. I’ve cultivated these relationships through the years. None of us have the same spiritual beliefs so it’s interesting to hear a devout Catholic’s view, Unitarian view, Christian view, Jewish view , and nothing in particular about different things.

    As I’m writing this I realize how lucky I am. I could write for hours about my awesome friends.

    I spent the day with my twin sister which has it’s own kinds of awesomeness. I had physical therapy this morning. I have tennis elbow and I can’t hold a pastry bag, knead bread, grip a knife, swim, or play the piano. It sucks because those are my passions. I can’t even clean obsessively. But physical therapy followed by a road trip with my sister was a good way to end the week. So it’s all good.

    • Good and lovely morning to you, Denise!

      12 step friends can be the best ever. I’m also in a program (9 years) and have formed friendships in ways I never could outside of that environment. Sending hugs to you and hoping your day is filled with much sunshine and good books.

  23. Three cis women.

    Neither descriptions nor stories would really make it across the ocean so I put it like this: I met each of them while I was transitioning in a mixed homeless shelter. Some of you will understand what that implies, and I do not blame those who do not, or would rather not. They were doing internships there, but what happened between us had nothing to do with their professions.

    I am a very different woman now. I can laugh, I can trust, I even know what happiness is. Although they do not live in my city and we do not meet often they are with me always: their eyes, their faces, their smiles, their voices. Whichever new step I take in my life, they made it happen, they still do. In the process they became each others’ s friends as well, and I am very happy about this. And I am making absolutely sure that they realize, and never forget, that without them I would not be, and I would not be me, so they realize how wonderful they are, and what wonderful changes they can make in the world because they are who they are.

    My closest friends.

  24. Best friend is always and forever going to make me think of Charles Bradley’s cover of Changes by Black Sabbath.

    In case embed fails:

    His delivery just touches me every time, the combination of grief for my grandfather still and I guess grief for myself and the changes in my life. You can’t just BOOM decide you’re 100% okay with the way things have turned around on you and actually be okay.
    There’s going to be bad days, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at dealing with it.

  25. This is such a great read, so many good stories and wonderful people to virtually meet.

    I have a group of three friends from college, we’ve known each other for (cough) over forty years and we call ourselves, “The Four Girls” (of course we would). We’re very different but we just blend together really well. When we get together it’s like no time has passed at all and we’re still nutty teenagers.

    My absolute bestest friend is Lynn. I met her through my very first girlfriend. They were roommates so I got to know her by hanging out at their place, which I did a lot because I still lived at home at the time.

    Years later when I finally broke up for good with said girlfriend (after several tries), I cold-called Lynn and said I’d like for us to be friends, would she like that too ? And the rest, as they say, is history. That phone call was one of the bravest things I ever did. Lynn and I have shared so much over the years, she is my confidante, nothing I say or do will ever faze her, she accepts me wholeheartedly and I do the same for her. She is such a force for good in my life and I love her unconditionally.

    So many great things happened to me because of knowing her : finding a better job, rediscovering my spirituality without the icky catholic stuff, learning how to read Tarot, and most importantly discovering tai chi, a profound game changer in my life.

    Here’s to our friends, where would we be without them ? They make us great in every way and we return the favour I’m sure of it.

    • Thanks for sharing :)

      It’s so heartening to hear of female friendships that are able to stand the test of time!

      PS, if you or Lynn would be interested in sharing tips for rediscovering spirituality without all the icky catholic stuff (Love the way you phrased this by the way), I have open ears. Just started the journey a few years ago!

      • Hey @leluckie1

        Happy Foolish Easter !

        Of course everyone’s experience is different, but for me the real gamechanger was realizing that I was totally allergic to hypocrisy and there was no reason for me to put up with people who constantly degraded me. And I said a loud No to cognitive dissonance. I took what Jesus inspired in me and went with that. I looked at other traditions and found a common thread that speaks to me, namely to cultivate goodness and help others. We’re supposed to love one another dammit ! Ugh !

        There are so many wonderful ways that humanity has found to express goodness, but they’re all pretty much below the radar so you have to be attentive and find what’s right for you.

        You can forge your own path, which is what Lynn has admirably done by becoming a wonderful healer.

        For myself I was lucky to find a discipline that appealed to my no-nonsense material side and my spiritual side. Training my body over many years has helped me develop spiritually. But really, the absolute best advice comes from Carol of course :

        Use what feels good, throw away the rest.

        Amen to that !

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