It’s Friday! You made it! It was a long, weird, cold week, and at one point you got locked out of your house in pajamas and snow boots for six hours, even though it wasn’t snowing but was in fact very cold, and so you hung out at the laundromat across the street watching telenovas and bought a bagel with some quarters. Or maybe that was just me. Anyway. The point is, you made it.
This week’s Fan Fiction Friday is all about the endlessly teenage Pretty Little Liars from Rosewood, Pennsylvania and the lesbonic hijinks they get up to on the internet. I’ve written more about PLL than anything else in history ever, and I’ve always felt like I had a really solid grasp of the show — but no. Searching out sexy fan fictions made me realize how very, very little I know. (About Pretty Little Liars, not about sex. I KNOW PLENTY ABOUT SEX, OKAY.)
Luckily, I had Rachel to guide me through my confusions.
Heather: according to fanfic, the order of sexual prowess for the liars is: paige, hanna, spencer, mona, emily, maya, ali …………………. aria.
Rachel: spencer? really? i would have ranked her lower, i feel
Heather: i think it’s because she has that hermione thing about studying something until it’s perfect?
Heather: i feel like hanna and paige as the top two makes sense, though.
Heather: mona would be next level good at sex due to her ability to be everywhere and nowhere at once, and also read minds, and also bend time.
Rachel: i think mona is an expert at everything she could ever want to do
like she could pilot an expedition to mars
or cure lupus
Grounded in Mona forever.
Here are the top five things I learned while putting together this week’s post: 1) There are some sizzling GIFs of Spencer and Paige doing scissor/spoon stuff on Tumblr. How? I don’t even know. Magics, I guess. 2) No one will give me any Emaya fic, which is actually really upsetting. 3) OT4 is when you ship all four Liars together. 4) OT5 is when you ship all four Liars, plus OG Ali D together. 5) Aria and Paige doing it? Not as weird as you’d think, actually.
And now, here are 7 Pretty Little Fan Fictions to set your pants aflame.
Sirens by XenaLives
Pairing: Emily and Paige
Plot: Paige is a pirate boat captain who rescues Emily from the sea!
Hotness Level: Shiver ye timbers.
“Take this off.” Emily demanded, breathlessly, as the pulled at the strap of her scabbard across her chest.
Paige lifted it over her head, letting it fall to the floor as she moved over Emily pushing her back to the bed, their lips meeting again in a clash of tongue and teeth. Emily’s fingers fumbled with the buttons on Paige’s shirt, eventually giving up on the last few and ripping it open, her hands snaking across her taut belly and the strong muscles of her back as she worked her way down to encourage her out of her pants.
Paige groaned at the touch. Her nerve endings crackled and spots danced in front of her eyes as her hands stroked down Emily’s breasts, belly and sides. Emily’s back arched in pleasure at the Captain’s strong hands on her, kneading her breasts and teasing her nipples.
Paige was wild with need as Emily responded to her with abandon sending her heart racing and her breath coming fast and quick. Heat coiled in her belly and fanned out through her core as Emily threw her head back, exposing her neck and chest to her touch.
Mermaid by MysticalGoddessOfWords
Pairing: Emily and Alison
Plot: Emily and Alison have somehow managed to graduate from high school and escape Rosewood and now attend different colleges, so they’re hard up for some finger-banging every time they see each other.
Hotness level: You know how sometimes it’s so good just to skip the foreplay and get down to business? This is that.
With the blonde sufficiently distracted by her kiss, Emily flipped them, pushing Alison back slowly until her back was pressed against the mattress. Alison’s thighs fell open and Emily hiked them up over her thighs before leaning down and kissing Alison until they were both breathless.
Emily’s hand cupped Alison’s breast through the thin fabric of her dress, her thumb gently caressing the hard nub of her nipple. Ali arched her back, pressing herself into Emily’s palm.
“Em.” It was Alison’s turn to whimper now as Emily pushed her dress up to her waist, revealing the red lace panties beneath. Emily’s fingers skimmed along the edge, teasing Alison. Emily sucked softly at the skin beneath Alison’s jaw and didn’t hesitate as her fingertips dipped beneath the fabric and found Alison hot and wet.
“Yes,” Alison hissed her eyes fluttering with pleasure, as she felt Emily finally touch her. She had been missing and craving Emily’s touch for weeks, months, really. Alison lifted her hips to meet Emily’s fingers as she gripped Emily’s hair again.
Emily’s touch started out gentle. She flicked her fingertips against Alison’s clit until the blonde was whimpering incoherently. Emily buried her face between Alison’s breasts, pressing soft kisses on the soft flesh, over the top of her dress. Emily swirled her tongue over what she’d discovered was one of Alison’s most sensitive spots before her lips traveled up. Emily sucked softly at the hollow of Alison’s throat.
“Don’t leave a mark,” Alison murmured against Emily’s ear as she buried her face in the dark silky strands of Emily’s hair. “I didn’t bring any turtlenecks with me.”
The Week it Rained by Joseph Dougherty
Pairing: Paige and Emily
Plot: This is one of the novellas in PLL writer/producer/mastermind Joseph Dougherty’s The Yellow Sweater series, which you can purchase from Amazon Worlds.
Hotness Level: Oh, the longing! Oh, the payoff! Oh, the impeccable grammar and punctuation! Five stars for the story; plus, a bonus star for sexy, sexy semicolons.
This was not like kissing Alison. Whatever it was to kiss Alison, this was another matter altogether. This was about Paige and Emily. This was certainty. There was a hungry energy between the two girls that hadn’t surfaced before in their short time together. Something different would come of this. Paige reached into Emily’s open shirt, reached around to the belt of the foolishly oversized trousers, and took hold, pulling Emily’s hips against hers.
Emily looked past Paige to the bedspread on the old davenport and tried to nudge Paige backwards toward the sofa. Paige brought her right hand around to the front of the uniform pants, grabbed the end of the belt and held on to it like a lifeline. Emily was no longer pinned against the washer and turned inside Paige’s embrace to reach toward the davenport. She got hold of one corner of the bedspread and pulled it off. In that moment, Paige lost her grip on the belt and the pants came loose and fell around Emily’s ankles, like something in a farce.
It was a farce. A beautiful farce.