It’s Friday! You made it! It was a long, weird, cold week, and at one point you got locked out of your house in pajamas and snow boots for six hours, even though it wasn’t snowing but was in fact very cold, and so you hung out at the laundromat across the street watching telenovas and bought a bagel with some quarters. Or maybe that was just me. Anyway. The point is, you made it.
This week’s Fan Fiction Friday is all about the endlessly teenage Pretty Little Liars from Rosewood, Pennsylvania and the lesbonic hijinks they get up to on the internet. I’ve written more about PLL than anything else in history ever, and I’ve always felt like I had a really solid grasp of the show — but no. Searching out sexy fan fictions made me realize how very, very little I know. (About Pretty Little Liars, not about sex. I KNOW PLENTY ABOUT SEX, OKAY.)
Luckily, I had Rachel to guide me through my confusions.
Heather: according to fanfic, the order of sexual prowess for the liars is: paige, hanna, spencer, mona, emily, maya, ali …………………. aria.
Rachel: spencer? really? i would have ranked her lower, i feel
Heather: i think it’s because she has that hermione thing about studying something until it’s perfect?
Heather: i feel like hanna and paige as the top two makes sense, though.
Heather: mona would be next level good at sex due to her ability to be everywhere and nowhere at once, and also read minds, and also bend time.
Rachel: i think mona is an expert at everything she could ever want to do
like she could pilot an expedition to mars
or cure lupus
Grounded in Mona forever.
Here are the top five things I learned while putting together this week’s post: 1) There are some sizzling GIFs of Spencer and Paige doing scissor/spoon stuff on Tumblr. How? I don’t even know. Magics, I guess. 2) No one will give me any Emaya fic, which is actually really upsetting. 3) OT4 is when you ship all four Liars together. 4) OT5 is when you ship all four Liars, plus OG Ali D together. 5) Aria and Paige doing it? Not as weird as you’d think, actually.
And now, here are 7 Pretty Little Fan Fictions to set your pants aflame.
Sirens by XenaLives
Pairing: Emily and Paige
Plot: Paige is a pirate boat captain who rescues Emily from the sea!
Hotness Level: Shiver ye timbers.
“Take this off.” Emily demanded, breathlessly, as the pulled at the strap of her scabbard across her chest.
Paige lifted it over her head, letting it fall to the floor as she moved over Emily pushing her back to the bed, their lips meeting again in a clash of tongue and teeth. Emily’s fingers fumbled with the buttons on Paige’s shirt, eventually giving up on the last few and ripping it open, her hands snaking across her taut belly and the strong muscles of her back as she worked her way down to encourage her out of her pants.
Paige groaned at the touch. Her nerve endings crackled and spots danced in front of her eyes as her hands stroked down Emily’s breasts, belly and sides. Emily’s back arched in pleasure at the Captain’s strong hands on her, kneading her breasts and teasing her nipples.
Paige was wild with need as Emily responded to her with abandon sending her heart racing and her breath coming fast and quick. Heat coiled in her belly and fanned out through her core as Emily threw her head back, exposing her neck and chest to her touch.
Mermaid by MysticalGoddessOfWords
Pairing: Emily and Alison
Plot: Emily and Alison have somehow managed to graduate from high school and escape Rosewood and now attend different colleges, so they’re hard up for some finger-banging every time they see each other.
Hotness level: You know how sometimes it’s so good just to skip the foreplay and get down to business? This is that.
With the blonde sufficiently distracted by her kiss, Emily flipped them, pushing Alison back slowly until her back was pressed against the mattress. Alison’s thighs fell open and Emily hiked them up over her thighs before leaning down and kissing Alison until they were both breathless.
Emily’s hand cupped Alison’s breast through the thin fabric of her dress, her thumb gently caressing the hard nub of her nipple. Ali arched her back, pressing herself into Emily’s palm.
“Em.” It was Alison’s turn to whimper now as Emily pushed her dress up to her waist, revealing the red lace panties beneath. Emily’s fingers skimmed along the edge, teasing Alison. Emily sucked softly at the skin beneath Alison’s jaw and didn’t hesitate as her fingertips dipped beneath the fabric and found Alison hot and wet.
“Yes,” Alison hissed her eyes fluttering with pleasure, as she felt Emily finally touch her. She had been missing and craving Emily’s touch for weeks, months, really. Alison lifted her hips to meet Emily’s fingers as she gripped Emily’s hair again.
Emily’s touch started out gentle. She flicked her fingertips against Alison’s clit until the blonde was whimpering incoherently. Emily buried her face between Alison’s breasts, pressing soft kisses on the soft flesh, over the top of her dress. Emily swirled her tongue over what she’d discovered was one of Alison’s most sensitive spots before her lips traveled up. Emily sucked softly at the hollow of Alison’s throat.
“Don’t leave a mark,” Alison murmured against Emily’s ear as she buried her face in the dark silky strands of Emily’s hair. “I didn’t bring any turtlenecks with me.”
The Week it Rained by Joseph Dougherty
Pairing: Paige and Emily
Plot: This is one of the novellas in PLL writer/producer/mastermind Joseph Dougherty’s The Yellow Sweater series, which you can purchase from Amazon Worlds.
Hotness Level: Oh, the longing! Oh, the payoff! Oh, the impeccable grammar and punctuation! Five stars for the story; plus, a bonus star for sexy, sexy semicolons.
This was not like kissing Alison. Whatever it was to kiss Alison, this was another matter altogether. This was about Paige and Emily. This was certainty. There was a hungry energy between the two girls that hadn’t surfaced before in their short time together. Something different would come of this. Paige reached into Emily’s open shirt, reached around to the belt of the foolishly oversized trousers, and took hold, pulling Emily’s hips against hers.
Emily looked past Paige to the bedspread on the old davenport and tried to nudge Paige backwards toward the sofa. Paige brought her right hand around to the front of the uniform pants, grabbed the end of the belt and held on to it like a lifeline. Emily was no longer pinned against the washer and turned inside Paige’s embrace to reach toward the davenport. She got hold of one corner of the bedspread and pulled it off. In that moment, Paige lost her grip on the belt and the pants came loose and fell around Emily’s ankles, like something in a farce.
It was a farce. A beautiful farce.
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1) Spencer is latently queer. Just watch the way she treats Aria. She doesn’t treat any of the other liars that way. I have head canon that Spencer has had sex with Aria. Aria told Ali, and she used it to taunt Spencer. That’s why Spencer broke from Ali.
2) The hottest non-canon couple is Hanna & Mona (PinkDrink).
3) I’m personally offended by the fact that you didn’t include any PinkDrink fanfics.
Come on now! Hanna and Mona are at LEAST half-canon, right?
(No one sent me and PinkDrink fics! Link me!)
I clicked this specifically because I wanted some Hanna/Mona love in my life. Sad day. Otherwise great job Heather!
The only PLL story I’ve gotten into so far is “The Queen has been Overthrown” which is a Paige/Emily/Spencer thing, and I don’t even know who to root for anymore. Very recommendable.
On a side note, I misread the last line regarding the “Lost Girl” ff comment due to bad uh, computer screen resolution as “down” instead of “drown”.Doccubus FTW, either way.
Can’t wait for the Swanqueen recs, those should get rather interesting.
And, uhum, may I use this space to recommend the pairings of Ivanova/Winters and a special section for Star Wars and Star Trek or just nerdsbians in space? Disney Princesses? Werewolves/Witches?
In that vein, after the smutty recs have fizzled out, could we go the epic storytelling route? Or the most creative/crossover/poetic/AU, whatever?
YES I was hoping that the next one of these would be PLL!!! Team #Sparia forever
I’d love to read a really good Sparia fic.
Well… here, this one’s not bad: http://archiveofourown.org/works/323085
1. Spencer seems to be a favorite among queer ladies. Smart is sexy. Although, I also know a lot of women (myself included) who like Hanna. So… figure that one out. (Also Spencer/Hanna as a couple. Spanna.)
2. I really would like some Emily/Hanna recs. Anyone?
3. If we’re talking crossovers (please can there be a post about crossovers?), possibly the best idea I’ve ever heard is Spencer Hastings & Quinn Fabray. Fabrastings. Like, just think about that for a second.
4. There is some *seriously* steamy Lost Girl fic out there. Like, you might want to be near a cold shower while you read, just in case. And don’t just stick to Lauren/Bo. Check out other f/f pairings: Bo/Tamsin, Lauren/Tamsin, & Lauren/Evony are my favorites. There’s also Bo/Lauren/Tamsin threesome fic. Because of course.
Fabrastings is AMAAAAZING. Actually, I think it was Heather who first brought them to my attention. They just work so well together, I don’t even know why.
Fic recs for you:
– Life After Rosewood by CapeCodPheonix
– Her Silverlinning by ExpectationsAndDisappointment
– All Mine by HastingsxFields
– a sweet little bullet from a pretty blue gun by Possibilist
– Pangea, or The Entire Earth by Possibilist
Actually, pretty much just every Fabrastings fic Possibilist has written
I just love the idea of them as roommates (turned lovers) at Yale. I feel like Spencer would wear a lot of blazers and Quinn would be super into that.
This is not something i ever considered… but i’ll have to check it out. I love QFab in most incarnations, and the character in canon lends well to crossovers/ varied application, considering there was little to no consistency to her, ever.
Um… I’m gonna need links to those McHastings gifs Heather. Please.
And yeah McHastings is my favorite crackship ever! The screen sets on fire whenever they interact.
You only including one about a pairing that’s not officially canon on the show.
The fun of Fan fics to me is exploring what the writers don’t. I can see Emily and Paige or Emily and Ali be romantic with other on the show, I don’t need fan fic for that.
My favorite PLL ships are all ones that involve aria strangely enough. Sparia, Arison (or would Alia work better) Aria and Mona ect.
I’m just disappointed by the missed opportunity for “scissor me timbers” on that pirate fanfic.
Spencer and Aria, sparia is the cutest sexiest thing ever. Also spencer and Emily would be really interesting. Mona defs likes Hanna, not sure if it’s returned. Toby and Caleb for sure. I think Toby Emily spencer together which is already almost cannon.
Toby and Caleb have had some interesting storylines together.
Oh, and I really hope we get more cannon Emily and Aly cause they have chemistry
Oh aria and Hanna too
This column is just the best. I can pretty much ship anything with legs and boobs if the author is convincing but I just can’t ship Alison and Emily. I can ship Spencer and Ali even. I just can’t get down with Emison.
If you’re not currently wading in Lost Girl fiction, this Paily set at Hogwarts is quite good Heather: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9350136/1/On-the-Sly
“Implied Scissoring” is my new band name
Dance-pop, indie rock, or ska punk?
I’m still reading that one Glee fic about the evil trio where they just take turns screwing and angst-ing all over each other for like 15 chapters. I can’t even deal with Spencer and Paige right now. I imagine their sex would look like rolling down a hill. Just one constantly flipping the other over on her back.
….this is probably the best description of that fic, ever. I knew exactly which one you were talking about.
That horrible moment when you’re reading this column and a banner pops up on your phone to let you know your Mum txt. :|
Why does this feel so awkward.
Ok but whoever wrote that pirate Paily fic where they’re after each other’s booty took all their fics down and this is not the only time they’re listed in these lists, so the decent thing to do is to like, re-upload all their Paily stuff. Or edit the list and replace that story, and add a few more Paige ones cause the girl is just so shippable. It feels a crime there isn’t any Paige x Melissa Hastings.