Faking It Episode 306 Recap: This Is Where The Kissing Usually Happens

Welcome to the sixth recap of the third season of Faking It, a show about a 34-year-old weirdo who isn’t sure where all the wasps are coming from from the same network that brought you Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, a reality show I should’ve won, but did not. I didn’t even enter!

So, I just watched the mid-season trailer for Faking It. I have hope. I have seen it and I have hope! Heather watched it three times in a row.


We open — where else? — on the resplendent, sunny, shiny, brilliantly radiant lawns of Hester High for Hooligans and Former Employees Of Houlihans. Amy’s experiencing sharp pains of annoyance and regret towards Lauren, who’s giving her world’s coldest shoulder. Probably even colder than a Penguin shoulder or a Polar Bear shoulder or the side-of-the-road shoulder that didn’t save my brother and I from careening off a slick winter highway in Bowling Green, Ohio in December of 2001, a situation we both survived, thank goddess.

What are the chances Lauren's sending my nudie pics into

Hm, I wonder what Lauren is doing with my phone…

I know what happened 2 ur mom. Bring the lair and u'll know 2. Kisses – A

I know what happened 2 ur mom. Bring the lair and u’ll know 2. Kisses – L

ADVERTISEMENT

Anyhow, Karma’s not that interested in Amy’s situation because she’s too busy watching Liam dump water over his burning hot man-bod. Amy says Karma’s gotta get over Liam since he’s dating Rachel Rabbiberg now, and maybe Karma should stop thinking about boyfriends and start thinking about boy friends with benefits. “I learned this summer that a steamy makeout session with a hot stranger can do wonders, it really reboots the hard drive,” says Amy, although this memory is unfortunately not accompanied with a flashback.

You know I really used to like Liam until I discovered how reckless he is with water

You know, I used to really like that guy until the drought hit and he refused to cut back on his water usage.

FI306-00005

Hey, you over there! Save some for the crops!

Hey, you over there! Save some for the crops!

Good news: this weekend is Hester’s Haunted Halloween Hemrrhoid party. Everybody who goes hooks up! Sounds like what everybody told me college was gonna be like (BUT IT WASN’T.) Karma’s not gonna dress up like a slutty nurse all by her damn self, though — she’s only going if Amy’s going with her, and Karma assumes she won’t want to ’cause she’s “saving herself for Felix.” Amy insists this is not the case: she kissed him once, and then he went to rehab. so she’s totally a free agent and definitely not going to ruin my life (yet).


Cut to Lauren’s Lair, a super-fancy apartment paid for by Daddy and patrolled by round-the-clock interns. Amy’s arrived with a muffin for her muffin (NOT THAT KIND OF MUFFIN) and begs Lauren to come to the Haunted Hoo-ha Party.

Hey I think the Easter Bunny called and wants their color scheme back

Hey Lauren I’m here on behalf of the Easter Bunny, who wants his color scheme back

Lauren is very stubborn and refuses to go, and also is reluctant to admit that it’s not just her social media presence she requires interns for — it’s ’cause she is a tiny teenage girl in a big apartment all by herself and she probably is having nightmares about being kidnapped by Willow, like I did.


So: Liam’s breakup with Rachel has helped Liam to see that he has no business being in this show anymore JUST KIDDING no business being in a relationship! Instead he just wants to dress up like a cave man and find a nice Betty Rubble to rock and roll with in a sexual way. Also, Shane’s Mom is chaperoning the dance wearing a Playboy bunny outfit and a wine bra. You ROCK IT, Shane’s Mom.

Liam I’m not sure if Shane told you this already but I’m not like other Moms, I’m a cool Mom


Brew and Chew with Lew: Amy’s picking up a hot beverage from her local indie coffee establishment when who should she bump into but Felix, who she invites to the Haunted Hester Party.

Then she squeezed my entire boob so hard I almost fainted!

What about a firm boob grab? Did you ever try just grabbing her boob and going “HONK HONK”?

Always my first move

Always my first move

Felix is surprised Amy’s attending this hook-up party when she should be sitting at home filling out Mad Libs with his name for every blank space and/or carving his name on her ankle with a needle. She insists she’s just being Karma’s Wing Man, which’s exactly what I’m gonna be for Halloween next year. Amy admits they’ve got a KILLER haunted house and that’s the real reason she’s going.


Haunted Hester Hook-up House Party: Amy’s dressed as Lesbian Icon / Certified Wing-Woman Amelia Earhart. Karma’s going as Cleopatra, but Penelope Delia Fisher makes her change into a pre-approved costume because Karma’s not Egyptian so it’s culturally appropriative.

OMG you ARE smuggling crystal meth in your bra, aren't you!?

No WAY are you serious that bowl of eyeballs was just peeled grapes??!!!

Shane is wearing something complicated and tells the ladies that the best way to party like they mean it at this particular event is to explore the Tunnel of Terror with a special somebody, make it through the rain, and then make out.


Back at Lauren’s Cinderella Castle Condo, our heroine is frightened to learn that a blonde-teenager-killing serial killer is on the loose and whoever just knocked at her door ran away before she could see them and even though she has a gun in her purse she’d probably feel safer at The Ball.

Okay, that's it, if the spotlight over my watercolor goes out one more time I'm calling the land-lord

Okay, that’s it, if the spotlight over my watercolor goes out one more time I’m calling a tenant’s meeting


Hester Hullaballoo: who should Karma run into in the quick-change room but Liam! Apparently his caveman attire was rejected for promoting domestic abuse, so now he must dress up as a gay sailor.

Me? At Posh during Fleet Week? I'd never!

Me? At Posh during Fleet Week? I’d never!

He informs Karma that he’s no longer betrothed to Rachel, and Karma informs him that if her Dad hadn’t had a heart attack, she would’ve been right there to talk to him about their future together! But they’re interrupted before Liam has a chance to respond. DANGIT.


If anybody is following along at home I have just murdered my SIXTH wasp of the day. Where are they coming from? If I die in my office today I want you to know it was the wasps. Anyhow, so, Shane introduces Amy — who’s sheepishly shoveling donut holes into her mouth — to Harper, a verified lady-loving lady who’d love to take Amy on a tour of the tunnel of terror! Not HER tunnel of terror, but THE tunnel of terror.

GIVE. HARPER. YOUR. DONUT. HOLE

GIVE. HARPER. YOUR. DONUT. HOLE

This?

This donut hole?

Too late.

Too late.

Pages: 1 2See entire article on one page

Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2847 articles for us.

29 Comments

  1. God!, I hope yr killing those wasps with some kind of trapping rather than just swatting at them, that sounds like a sure way to get stung.

    And I know there are like three hundred and sixty seven thousand reasons why Karma is a really terrible friend but I think reassuring Felix and trying to keep that whole thing alive almost certainly tops them all.

  2. Came for the lady kissing stayed for the wasps-
    I really hope you’re not squashing the wasps because apparently they release a smell when you do that attracts more wasps… I have seen wasps remove chunks of chicken breast from my plate and fly off with them. Fear is the only appropriate response to this. Fear and industrial amounts of Raid.

    • I worked as an EMT at an amusement park which had lots of problems with wasps, and I 100% agree with your assessment of wasps. I’ll never forget the day when we had eight people go into anaphylaxis…or the (subsequent) days when we were out of epi-pens. We used so much Raid and life was still a wasp-filled hell. WASPS ARE EVIL EVERYONE (also I totally believe that wasps can eat pieces of chicken breasts but please don’t tell me the details, I have enough problems sleeping right now).

  3. UGH GO AWAY FELIX YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE

    I’m pleased that Amy apparently will finally get a girlfriend, but still furious the show decided to make her ‘fluid’ just so they can throw boys at her when it suits them. Like, if I wanted to see Amy flirt with Felix, I could watch literally any other show for that.

  4. I don’t feel great about the whole “Noah’s hiding something” storyline in that preview, hopefully that handle that well.

    Not gonna lie, i may have cried a bit when i saw lauren in that princess costume. I just want her to be recognized as the princess she is!

    Also, thank you for letting me know she’s okay, i was worried. But still, i feel like she can do much better than Liam.

  5. Usually, the best thing to do if you see a wasp is to just be calm. They won’t sting you unless you provoke them. However, if they have built a nest nearby or even in your home it’s probably best to call an exterminator. They can be quite aggressive if you intrude on “their” home.

    • Second sentence is pretty much refuted by the following sentences.

      You have not seen the things I have seen.
      Wasps will build a nest anywhere that is at the moment they try to build said nest dry and is a surface near another surface. Source? My childhood.

      Fucking everywhere is potentially their home dude OnO
      There is no safe space when it comes to wasps.
      You can power walk/run, but can you hide? NOT AS WELL AS A WASP NEST MY FRIEND.

      • “You have not seen the things I have seen.”

        I guess I haven’t. I have encountered aggressive wasps, but usually they leave you alone if you leave them alone, it all depends on how close to their nest you are.

  6. But regarding the Faking It episode… If Lauren can keep Liam away from Karma, then I do think that’s a good thing. But I cannot for the life of me understand why Liam manages to attract pretty much every girl on the show…

  7. 1. Lauren would have been the best A!
    2. The only thing I like about Karma is her hair.
    3. The Manic Panic comment amewsed me fur too much.
    4. I refuse to acknowledge the Liam and Lauren thing.
    5. I think you put more effurt, whimsy and talent into these recaps than the writers put into the show.

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!