feature image via shutterstock
It’s morning. You know this because of the birds, who are mocking you. You’ve never so much as looked sideways at a bird, yet here they are again, laughing. Your body aches and your mind searches for meaning. Suddenly you remember:
The last La Croix.
You drag your limp body as penance from the bed into the kitchen to pray at its effervescent, sodium-free altar – but the gods are not pleased. The last La Croix is gone. Someone’s taken it, or worse, you forgot to throw out the box. With everyone or no one else to blame, you experience a cycle of uncontrolled emotions like a pop of static electricity. The only thing that remains is a timeline of the crime in the form of this playlist.
The Last La Croix is Gone
SCREAM – Grimes, Aristophanes
My Hatred is Magnificent – John Maus
Killing Spree – Chromatics
Moral Panic – Y La Bamba
Strange Emotion – Jessy Lanza
After Laughter (Comes Tears) – Wendy Rene
Send the Pain Below – Chevelle
Problemz – Birdcloud
It Is What It Is – Blood Orange
Dreaming Of You – Selena
No Other Love – Jo Stafford
Come to Me – Bjork
Precious Moments – Sister Rosetta Tharpe
When Your Lover Has Gone – Ben Webster, Oscar Peterson
Blue Train – Cibo Matto
Great Divide – The Cardigans
How Do I Live – LeAnn Rimes
I’d Die Without You – P.M. Dawn
http://open.spotify.com/user/autostraddle/playlist/4WVAaELFrolcYDvPQwNLR2
OMG I was so confused at first because La Croix in France is a catholic newspaper.
when print is really dead play this#
Also a fashion designer which was where my brain went…
I was confused too because I know it is french for the cross and how could there be a last one. Are all lines just gunna be parallel from now on?
Nope just name for fancy water.
Ahahah that would be the weirdest dystopia YA novel:
“In a world where everything is parallel she will cross the line”
I’m still trying to figure out how.
Like no human to human touching is allowed?
Well, this was educational because La Croix is not a thing here in Britishland, also I now have the Pet Shop Boys Ab Fab song stuck in my head.
Also, I understand that La Croix is not defunct, but Erin if you ever wanted to write a post about my joint second-favourite wikipedia list, Defunct Consumer Brands, highlighting the soft drinks section, or not, as you see fit, then this is something I would totally support.
LOL @ A SODA NAMED ‘BING’
diet chanandler bong
what’s your first-favorite list?
There isn’t a first-favourite, I have too many commitment issues to imbue just one list with this honour.
The crescendo leading up to LeAnn Rimes really makes this feel True.
audrey this is 100% Real
I’ve never related to a playlist so much. The pain is real. Thank you
too real
it’s like, when i think of all the lacroix i have wasted. fallen asleep drunk, left in a friend’s car, let sit idle in the sand, getting too warm to drink. we take it all for granted.
the two sip la croix.
That’s sacrilege tbh
It’s like you know my life, my suffering.
U R SEEN
You put Dreaming of You in the playlist! It gave me the giggles until I went to my fridge and well…..the last La Croix was gone.
(ಥ﹏ಥ)
Now I understand.
omg
Now we just need the companion playlist “The First Sip.”
*shoves over a bunch of shelves and people to get to my computer*
Sad as hell…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwWBJ3U3THs
noooooo
what b decided to take the lemon and the the coconut
what b decided to take the lemon and leave the coconut
my mom PREFERS the coconut it’s wild
This is my life but with Klarbrunn (basically the same thing).
this playlist is such a journey. i felt so many emotions.
how did no one mention chevelle’s send the pain below is on here
Accurate to my life. Thank you for supporting me in difficult and painful times.
I’ve been trying to understand the la croix thing but seeing as I’m a diet coke drinker I’ll probably never get it.
Maybe it I found a place that sold it in singles I could actually try some.
i send the pain below