Faking It Episode 303 Recap: I Love Everybody Being Totally Over Me!

Welcome to the third recap of the third season of Faking It, a YouTube tutorial series about how to achieve smoky bedroom eyes on a budget from the network that brought you Snooki & JWowww.


Once upon a time in a land far, far away, before Karma embarked on a musical career that included instrumental odes against free iPads and backyard ballads to win her best friend back, there was “Hump Day.”

Hello Ladies

Hello Ladies

Hump Day, a video clearly inspired by Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” is the video Amy and Lauren were talking about leaking last week. The video is full of fun ephemera: Karma with Marcia Clark curls, Karma crawling on a desk in a short skirt, Karma oozing about “Hump Day” in a belly-dancer costume in front of a giant plastic camel, Karma with braces, etc.

This camel is ALL MINE. And you can't have ANY!

This camel is ALL MINE. And you can’t have ANY!

It’s already a Viral Hit on the interwebs!

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I think there's a part in here where she does this hand motion that she thinks represents lesbian sex but actually doesn't?

I think there’s a part in here where she screams “fisting!!!” and does this hand motion that she thinks represents lesbian sex but actually doesn’t?

FI303-00013

Yup, that's the part.

Yup, that’s the part.

Liam feels sorry for Karma, which Shane thinks is ’cause Liam isn’t over Karma. Let’s just talk about who is or isn’t over Karma forever and ever and ever and ever and ever! Let’s never talk about anything else! (Except for how Amy slept with Liam that one time. Let’s make room to talk about that, too.)

FI303-00017

Holy shit, Shane…

Those are the worst fonts ever!

…those are the worst fonts ever!

The kids at school have lots to say about this video, ’cause even Yarn Arts enthusiasts who only eat twigs and gluten-free cornbread and believe in horticulture aren’t above some good old-fashioned totally un-funny bullying at Karma’s expense.

If Quinn could survive "Lucy Caboosey," I can certainly survive this!

If Quinn could survive “Lucy Caboosey,” I can certainly survive this!

Thanks to Karma’s morning meditation with Dylan, she’s able to say that she is completely Zen about the whole thing! She’s lying, of course, but Dylan believes her ’cause he’s a tool.

Is plotting Amy's death

Is plotting Amy’s death

Karma confronts Amy on the resplendent lawn of Hester High but it quickly becomes a Karma/Lauren battle rather than a Karma/Amy battle. Lauren says it’s impossible for Amy to get over Karma when Karma keeps luring her back in, like that time she kissed her in the pool! But Karma was drunk! Lauren wants to know why Karma thinks everything is somebody else’s fault! Karma wants everybody to know that obviously Lauren is just trying to make her the villain so she can keep Amy to herself! Amy is like, “No, you are the villian though.”

“You want a villian? You’re gonna get one,” says Karma, storming off in her tiny shorts.

something

Look, I only told you about the Kon Mari method because I wanted you to live your best life, okay? If you don’t wanna do it, that’s fine, but you don’t have to ridicule me about it.

making fun of

“Waaaaaa waaa I have too much stuffffff”

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“What am I gonna do with allll of my extra STUFFFF???”

Well guess who just added themselves to the "things that don't bring me joy" list.

Well guess who just added themselves to the “things that don’t bring me joy” list.

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What?

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WHO ARE WE GONNA FUCK WITH ALL OUR EXTRA DILDOS????!!!

WHO ARE WE GONNA FUCK WITH ALL OUR EXTRA DILDOS????!!!

None of this bothers Shane, though, ’cause Shane is Switzerland. He’s cool, neutral and very expensive. Therefore, he refuses to take sides, even when Karma attempts to bring him over to the dark side by feeding him trash Amy allegedly talked about him.

Who put a tampon in my butt?

Who put a tampon in my butt?

Cut to Sustainability Class, where Amy and Liam are so excited to be lab partners. However, this situation does provide Amy with a crucial bit of information: Karma was telling the truth about Zita! Zita kissed HER, not the other way around. Liam confirms it, so it must be true.

Come ON there's no way this thing could ever be a vibrator

Come ON there’s no way this thing could ever be a vibrator

Amy heads off to tell Karma she’s sorry, because love means having to say you’re sorry a lot. Lauren pleads with her to NOT apologize, I mean, don’t forget the pool kiss! But Amy knows that if she’s truly over Karma, the pool kiss shouldn’t matter. Am I right, ladies?

Come on! It's just a hot smoothie. You can't even taste the kale!

Come on! It’s just a hot smoothie. You can’t even taste the kale!

Unfortunately, Amy’s plan is thwarted when she turns the corner and faces a hallway strewn with papers. It’s like everybody got their Hogwarts letter on the same day, which’d be a big blow to Hester, but I think that Penelope would be okay because she wants her children to follow their dreams. Turns out that these papers are pages Karma ripped out of Amy’s top-secret diary, chock-full with scenes like “sex dreams about Karma” and “motel stakeouts with Lo-Lo.” I think the only thing scarier to me than everybody reading my diary is not having all my diary pages in order in the diary itself in a drawer in my room for me to read and write in.

I've got 30 pages of Sparia fanfic. Who wants in?

I’ve got 30 pages of Sparia fanfic. Who wants in?

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Riese is the 38-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2838 articles for us.

22 Comments

  1. Oh wow, Amy is nice even in her diary. I’m kinda glad the diary didn’t really go anywhere, I’m over diary leaking as plot device.

    On an unrelated note, there is a bartender at my old “Cheers” who looks exactly like Rita Volk. I was sad to hear that she was totally straight, and I was the “15 millionth person” to tell her about Faking It. Womp womp.

    • Yeah I totally hate that as a plot device — because it usually ends up just being a farce where one person has to prove they didn’t really MEAN what they wrote, which is boring and gets us nowhere — but why use that instead of something that could go somewhere? or maybe have the diary reveal a secret that none of us knew about amy? or tell us something about that summer they’re not telling us about? you know?

    • I have to say, I find leaking someone’s diary and thus their innermost thoughts to be a major offense and in this case a horrible betrayal. Obviously, this hump day video was embarrassing but it was really tame in comparison to the diary.

      I am also glad that they let that go in the show, but wow, I would be furious.

  2. What gets me is that Dylan is the kind of character that Liam should have been. One that drives Karma and Amy’s story forward. Instead Carter Covington made him the third main character in (what’s supposed to be) a story about the relationship between two girls.

    • (what’s supposed to be) a story about the relationship between two girls

      I am glad to hear you say this, because I have seen a person complaining on another article that the show is “stuck on this boring friendship storyline that no one cares about”. But like, that’s the whole damn point of the show, isn’t it?

  3. It really is weird that a hippie school like Hester only has one out lesbian, one out gay male, and 1 out intersex person in its entire population. It’s like we’re tokens on a show that’s supposed to be about us….

  4. “I learned this in 9th grade when I read Kristyna’s diary and found out that she thought I followed her around like a “pathetic little sister” and wasn’t cool enough to hang out with Brad. Brad was a drug dealer, JUST FOR THE RECORD.”

    ^^This is SO REAL, last Christmas I found a 7th/8th grade diary I didn’t even know I still had and got to re-live how my best frenemy Emily and my (boy) crush MK and a bunch of other people I thought I was becoming friends with voted me down from getting invited to their Relay For Life team cause they thought my voice was annoying, among other shitty things. I only found out about this because my actual real BFF Carolyn let me have her private LIVEJOURNAL password and let me read the post I was blocked from.

    This has been the most middle school circa 2003 post ever.

  5. “If Quinn could survive “Lucy Caboosey,” I can certainly survive this!”

    I BEG TO DIFFER, MARIE LYNN BERNARD. Quinn’s coping mechanism to Lucy Caboosey was to become a cruel vindictive person until she finally felt accepted by the person whom she bullied endlessly as a way to project her own self-loathi- *muffled and then dragged off-stage*

  6. It irks me to no end that Karma is so ATTRACTIVE because she’s just the worst person and I hate that I can’t stop staring at her because she’s so pretty.

    Also – not sure if it was an intentional pun, but mentioning Zen alongside Dylan just reminded me how Karma’s brother would totally get along with Dylan because they’re both insufferable self-righteous jackasses.

  7. “Sometimes when you’re young and confused girls use that crush you have on them, or the fact that you’d probably be willing to make out even if you didn’t want to date them, as its own kind of pawn to keep you close to her for all the wrong reasons, even when it hurts.”

    This.

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