We then return to Chez Fawcett, where Farrah’s chatting up some Party Down extras brought in for the big day when Lauren, Amy and Karma arrive with what appears to be a bunch of donut holes smashed together in the shape of an enormous Bugle. Enough about cream puffs, Amy’s got a score to settle:
Amy: “You made Lauren your maid of honor.”
Farrah: “Oh honey, I was gonna tell you. I know how you hate doing these girly things. Lauren loves it!”
![Explain to me again](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-001261.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Explain to me again what you don’t like about this hat
Amy insists that very recently, Lauren hated Farrah. Farrah insists that she thought relieving Amy of maid-of-honor’s duty was doing her a favor because have you seen that movie Bridesmaids? That is a lot of work. Plus, Farrah wants Lauren to feel like a “member of the family.” Lauren fetches Farrah, leaving Karmy alone with a Tower of Krispy Kreme Power and a sad, sad Amy.
Amy: “Lauren may have won this battle, but I will win this war.”
Karma tells Amy to simmer down lest this play out like when that guy stole that thing and they toilet-papered his house only to learn it was in foreclosure. Plus, Lauren’s not really the problem, says Karma, it’s Farrah’s inability to convince the audience that she’s actually Amy’s mother in the first place!
Amy: “What would I do without you?”
Karma: “Lucky for you, we never have to find out.”
Then Lauren comes in to tell them to get a room so she can put a white chair with ribbon on it on the floor. Girls are weird.
![Who wants to suck my fingers](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-001421.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Yup that’s right bitches, I’m an actual bird
Back at Twain, Shane and Liam are hitting on the twins, but the twins basically just wanna talk about how the other twin is super perfect and amazing and well-read with great faces, strong hair and nice birthing thighs.
![Talk to me about hair gel](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00153.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Talk to me about hair gel
When Shane leans down to pick up a gram of heroin he dropped on the floor (jk I forget what he dropped on the floor, don’t worry, this isn’t Degrassi After Dark), he notices that Petra and Peter are um, holding hands. Shane desperately ripcords towards Liam, who doesn’t respond because last night I sucked his brains out of his skull with a straw and replaced it with a jello mold.
Back At the Big Bridal Party Afternoon Celebration of Love, Amy’s wearing dress and Lauren’s leading a trivia game of some kind related to how little Farrah’s new hubbie has been paying attention to what kind of chili she likes to eat.
![This is the largest item I've ever fit inside my vagina!](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00165.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
This is the largest item I’ve ever fit inside my vagina!
![and these are the items that always give me yeast infections](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00173.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
and these are the items that always give me yeast infections
A question about Farrah’s favorite meal turns into Lauren and Farrah relaying an anecdote about that HILARIOUS time they went to Luke’s and Dumb ‘Ol Dad ordered PASTA WITH BUTTER!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! That’s a very popular dish amongst toddlers, BTW. I worked at The Olive Garden so I’m very up on these things in general.
![Oh crap I forgot to take my Wellbutrin](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00171.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Ugh this is definitely a vodka-tonic rather than the VODKA VODKA (tonic) I requested
Amy is clearly bothered by this news, however, probs due to her affection for unlimited Soup & Salad. Then uh, Amy drops her glass on the floor. Oops.
Amy: (incredulous) “I just got so excited you went to Luke’s. It’s my favorite restaurant. What did everybody order?”
Karma:” Okay, we’re just gonna get a broom real fast and clean that up!”
Back at Twain: The Afternoon, Liam and Shane are still stuck in a flirtation situation with The Peppermint Twins. Specifically, Peter’s sharing cell phone pics from previous Halloweens.
Peter: “This is Halloween 2010. Petra is Harry Potter from the books, and I’m Harry Potter from the movies.”
Shane: “Wow, looks like even more fun than Halloween 2009!”
Peter: “Nothing was more fun than Halloween 2009.”
![What do you mean you don't like The Indigo Girls](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00181.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
What do you mean you don’t like death metal
Hark! Shane spots some cops across the crowded room, checking IDs and making sure everybody’s wearing three items of appropriately gendered attire. Shane seizes this potentially legally uncomfortable moment to bust this pop stand, but Liam puts up a fight — he was eagerly anticipating a fantastic evening dressing up like Petra and Doing The Wild Donkey Dance with Petra’s hair.
Back at The Bridal Shower, Amy’s given her Mom a mix CD of all the songs they used to listen to on car rides! I hope the Indigo Girls are in there and also “On the Road Again” and maybe “Same Love.” Before Farrah can effectively gush over this thoughtful gift, Lauren butts in to remind her that they’re running eight minutes behind schedule.
![caption](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00190.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
It’s got five vibration patterns and intensities and rabbit ears that flutter along the clitoris!
Amy wants to strangle Lauren in a non-sexual way but Karma assures Amy that in merely one hour, they’ll be blissfully hate-watching Twilight and that she shouldn’t stress over whateverthefuck Lauren’s got in her box for Farrah. But even the promise of seven hours of Kristen Stewart isn’t enough to quell the fire in Amy’s gut. Anyhow, Lauren got her mom some comb with jewels on it. What is this, Downton Abbey?
Lauren: “It’s something old, so now you just need to find something new.”
Farrah: “Aw, you’re my something new!”
BARF. Amy starts slow-capping and Karma, realizing she has no control over this situation anymore, declares “Here we go!”
![Yup, that's right, we double-fisted all night long](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00200.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Yup, that’s right, we double-fisted all night long
Amy: “Wow, Lauren. Bravo. What a touching speech. Oscar-worthy, really.”
Farrah: “Amy, what are you doing?”
Amy: “This has gone on long enough mother, there’s something you need to know. Something you ALL need to know. What you just saw is an act.”
Karma: “Sweetums, can I just see you in the kitchen?”
Amy: “Lauren is not the doting stepdaughter to be she wants you to think she is. She hates my Mom. She did all of this to get to me. She’s a sociopath.”
Lauren: “I am not! She’s the crazy one.”
Then Amy starts rambling about ALLLLL the fancy things that Lauren put into this phony shower, like lovely decorations and a giant phallus made of corn syrup, sugar and flour, and how it’s all a big cover-up for Lauren’s actual hatred for Farrah and desire to ruin Amy’s life. This is like that time that Joey Potter got drunk and yelled at everybody except Amy’s not drunk.
![Let's be real ladies this looks like a really pale pile of cow manure](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00208.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Let’s be real ladies, this looks like a really pale pile of cow manure
For Amy’s grand finale, she snatches a hole from the cake situation and thus, the whole thing comes crashing down like Jenga. Then Amy and Lauren start throwing food at each other’s faces but not in a sexy way and Karma tries to pull Amy away and Farrah tries to intervene and ends up with cake in her face and then everybody is sent to their rooms.
![SUCH BALLS!!!](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00216.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
OH MY LORD IT’S A THUNDERSTORM OF COW TESTICLES
In the bathroom, the ladies have decided to try and get cake out of their hair with paper towels, which isn’t working because you can’t get cake out of your hair with paper towels. Lauren’s a genius:
Lauren: “This isn’t gonna come out of my hair til I shower.”
Amy: “That’s what she said.”
Amy is also a genius.
![Well maybe if you didn't keep a tube of cake frosting next to your bed, we never would've mixed it up with lube in the first place](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00226.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Well maybe if you didn’t keep a tube of cake frosting next to your bed, this never would’ve happened
![BUT FROSTING IS SO MUCH YUMMIER THAN VEGAN LUBE](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00227.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
BUT FROSTING IS SO MUCH YUMMIER THAN VEGAN LUBE
Lauren says that although she hated Farrah at first, now she loves her, ’cause they have so much in common, like yogilates, and that Farrah’s her best best friend in this terrible town! HER BEST FRIEND HOW DARE YOU.
Amy’s back in her room with Karma when Farrah comes in, obviously upset, and tells Karma she has to go home. Then she asks Amy if she’s just trying to get revenge on her for having a hard time with Amy being a lesbian.
![I just can't believe you'd put dairy products up Lauren's vagina right after she told everybody in the room that she had an allergy.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00233.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
I just can’t believe you’d put dairy products up Lauren’s vagina right after she told everybody in the room that she had an allergy.
Then she says this, which is awful but also a thing lots of moms feel towards their teenage daughters and maybe pointing it out is just sort of mean, especially when your daughter has just come out:
Farrah: “I don’t know who you are anymore.”
You guys one day Amy is gonna be so relieved that she already came out.
![I'm sorry please don't take it personally I think maybe it was just hard to get off after masturbating all morning](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00236.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
I’m sorry, please don’t take it personally, I think maybe it was just hard to get off with you tonight after spending the entire morning masturbating to Rihanna videos
Elsewhere in this charming village, Shane’s chewing Liam out for risking their spotless criminal records in favor of his relentless pursuit of tail. Liam admits his relentless pursuit of tail was inspired by his relentless crush on this special lady who’s ignoring him even though she’s all he can think about. At first Shane teases him for having real feelings and then when Liam mentions that this Mystery Gal has a girlfriend, Shane knows the score.
Shane: “I knew Karma had a crush on you, but I didn’t know it had gotten that far. This is bad.”
Liam: “They have an open relationship, it’s fine!”
Shane: “Really? So if Amy knew about this you honestly think she’d be okay with it? I don’t get it, you never hook up with girls with boyfriends? Why would a girl with a girlfriend be any different?”
THANK YOU SHANE.
![Okay okay you're right, it was way more fun to do it in a public place](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00242.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Okay okay you’re right, going to that bathhouse was super-fun
Liam: “That must be why it felt wrong. I have too much integrity.”
Shane: “Uh-huh, which is why you should end this.”
Liam: “Good call, thank you.”
Damn.
Back in Lauren’s bedroom, Lauren’s berating herself for ruining girl’s weekend, but Karma says she still had fun!
Amy: “Yeah, what was more fun? The five hours of traffic or hand-scrubbing cream puffs out of the rug.”
Karma: “I always have fun with you.”
Um, “hand-scrubbing cream puffs out of the rug” is code for “having lesbian sex,” right? Because if it isn’t, it should be.
![Yup, that's the spot](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00259.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
C’mon a little Icy-Hot between the thighs never hurt anybody
Karma says Farrah’s a dumbnut for not making Amy her maid of honor and that when Karma gets married, Amy will be her maid of honor and vice versa!
Karma: “And then we’ll get houses next door to each other and we’ll grow old together, and when we’re old ladies in our rockers will be like remember that broken bouche.”
Amy: “Maybe we should just marry each other. My mom would love that.”
Karma: “Who cares what your mom thinks? I’m your family.”
Amy: “I know. I’m so lucky.”
![Let's just stay like this forever except naked](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00265.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
Let’s just stay like this forever except naked
They hug and Amy is like, you’re DYING to talk about Liam, aren’t ya? And she is, so then she starts talking about Liam and how they were hooking up but then he pulled away and she thinks it’s probs ’cause he’s not attracted to her anymore.
Karma’s walking back to her house when who should be standing there but Bryan Krakow!?!?! I mean Liam Booker. Liam’s there to tell Karma that he has feelings but Karma tells him it’s okay if he’s not attracted to her, he can totally just go out into the world and be free.
Liam: “Karma!”
Karma: “I said be free!”
Liam: “Karma you’ve got this all wrong.”
Karma: “I do?”
Liam: “Of course I’m attracted to you. How could I not be?”
Karma: “I do have one leg that’s shorter than the other.”
![OMG I think I just stepped on a chipmunk](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/FI105-00280.jpg?resize=640%2C359)
OMG I think I just stepped on a chipmunk
Liam: “It’s Amy.”
Karma: “Amy? Oh, right Amy, my girlfriend.”
Liam: “Look, maybe you two are okay with this sneaking around thing but I’m not. I tried to be, but it’s just not who I am.”
Karma: “I understand.”
Liam: “I wish there was a way that we could do this. Trust me.”
Karma starts walking away, and then she comes up with a terrible idea that won’t solve anybody’s problems: “We could have a threesome?”
I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT
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The absolute best line of this article is “You guys one day Amy is gonna be so relieved that she already came out.”
Thinking the exact same thing
Can we send Liam with Kim and Kanye (that picture was pure gold btw) and take that croquembouche? That‘s a threesome I’d rather watch.
Also, I think that my bunny has a crush on Amy too (you and me both, bunny, you and me both)
![](http://i.imgur.com/szm4T2D.jpg?2)
OMG i think i just stepped on a chipmunk <– this caption was the highlight of my week. (clearly i didn't go to A camp.)
HA!
“You know what I just realized that my parents are getting divorced and I no longer believe in love, please excuse me.”
This line killed me during the episode.
I’m mostly just glad that I don’t have to watch the show anymore to enjoy this amazing recap. So much more efficient!
I had never even heard of a croquembouche before this episode, they are not particularly appealing. I really don’t understand why annoying blond girl was so insistent on having one.
Yay! I love this show. And these recaps. I want more of Lauren, Amy, & Karma all hanging out together, that little scene in the car was great.
AND NOW ITS ALMOST TIME FOR THE NEXT EPISODE YAY!
“Um, ‘hand-scrubbing cream puffs out of the rug’ is code for ‘having lesbian sex,’ right?” Yes. Yes it is.
My girlfriend now wants a croquembouche at our wedding.
call me old but this show makes me weep. there is nothing funnay about this. I am old tho
Am I the only one who really likes Lauren? I feel like she hasn’t been 2D since like episode one and a lot of what she says holds a lot of truth. She’s definitely not as bad/evil to the core/bigoted as her character’s archetype could be. She’s just kind of fiery and adjusting to her new life I guess.
aNYwaYs,, the recap was worth the wait, so thanks! ^__^
Whoa, I had no idea that the croquembouche is a real thing! I thought it was just Faking It’s fictional version of the cronut or something. Clearly I’m not in the know about the trendiest pastries.
I would also like to point out that Lauren pushed Amy and Karma away by the boobs when she was moving the bridal shower white chair.
I have so many feelings about Amy and Karma. But I can’t yet put it all into words because, just like the characters, my feelings are still developing into full, understandable thoughts. I just know that I can relate to Amy so much, with all of her confusing feelings and the complicatedness that is female friendship.
“Hot damn we have some blurry lines in our lives. I mean let’s be real, it’s not just a thing that happens to gay people; a best friendship between two women can sometimes be just about every aspect of a relationship except the sex.” Yes, Riese, exactly this! Female friendship can be such a complex thing. How do I understand it?
I haven’t seen this show, my girlfriend seems to love it though.
I’m actually just really happy I got to literally see this article being written today. Back when I first started reading Autostraddle I wouldn’t have thought that I’d one day get to know the people behind this. <3
I'm going to watch this episode now~
I just want to say that I’m still shaking because of last night’s episode, seriously Karmy please get married. all the feels
Same! I can’t wait to hear Riese’s thoughts on it
I’ve given up watching the actual show because the recaps are just way better and if the storyline picks up I can go back to it without having to sit through the excruciating Liam scenes. Kind of difficult to follow it sometimes though when there are lots of name mistakes flying around. (There was a Nate/Shane/Liam situation back there were basically all the male names were everywhere!)
So is this show queerbaiting? Curious for your opinions. Amy’s queer. But if the show is just about a queer girl pining for her straight best friend…don’t have time for that. Suggestion of 3some? My eyes rolled out of my damn head when I read that.
Oh, and I don’t actually watch the show (no teevee) but every week I check AS for recap. I’m pretty sure these are better than anything the show would do anyway.
That massage could have gotten even hotter, which reminded of the time when Claire got an intense massage on Modern Family…
Funny video clip of the scene
I thought that I’d hate this show, but I actually kind of love it.
ALSO last year for my birthday my little sister made me a croquembouche and it was a gazillion times prettier than that one.
She filled the profiteroles with vanilla cream and chocolate custard and then she dipped them in toffee and rolled 1/2 in raw sugar and 1/2 in pink sugar and then she set them into the cone in a pink and gold spiral. And then she draped the whole thing in a spun sugar cloud.
She’s 16. And amazing. Yup.
“I mean let’s be real, it’s not just a thing that happens to gay people; a best friendship between two women can sometimes be just about every aspect of a relationship except the sex.” THIS IS SOMETHING I AM JUST LEARNING, and it is freaking amazing.
Also I wish you wrote for this show, but then it would probably be too good and get canceled because that’s what happens to really good shows it seems.
this recap is gold, as always (just mainlined all the eps, hence the ~week delay in posting, ha). also, i relate SO much to this: “Personally I never accomplished this, because rather than fitting neatly into a butch or femme box, I simply embody all the negative aspects of both stereotypes.”
love how you fold that super real stuff into hilarious recaps of a teen show.