Emily Dickinson At Last Call, and Other Delightful Drunk Texts

Rachel’s Team Pick:

Everyone likes to exclaim over the tales of the canon’s hard-drinking authors, because it’s true that some of the best literature we enjoy today was brought to us thanks to some pretty serious bar tabs. But many of literature’s greats passed on before they ever got to experience the best/worst/most revelatory part of heavy drinking: drunk texting! What would the best writers in history write if they were drunk and also using a keypad, whether T9 or Swype? Luckily, thanks to Jessie Gaynor, a poet at the Iowa Writer’s Workshop, you can find out. (Also, this comes to us via the Paris Review. Which means that the Paris Review now publishes fictional drunk texts. Bless their hearts.)

Fantastic, right? Mostly it serves to arouse curiosity. What would Borges be? Faulkner? Virginia Woolf? Ten points to Gryffindor for the first person who can do a passable Judith Butler!

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Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. I may be drunk. Indeed, confused by many things… even myself. Indeed, drunk.


    • I love him. “Last time it was a melancholy hillock.” Wordsworth and his sister used to lie in ditches and imagine they were dead. To keep this tradition alive, on his death day my friends and I lay in graveyards and imagine we are dead.

  2. I must confess. I am a drunk text fool. However, far worse things have come to pass. :p

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