10. Jacked 3D Bacon Cheddar Ranch Doritos
Nope.
9. Vanilla Tootsie Rolls
Nay.
8. Bud Light
Nah.
7. Bud Light with Lime
Nu uh.
7. Candy Corn
Absolutely not.
6. Oreo Thins
Shannot!
5. Cappuccino Lay’s
Never.
4. Jimmy Dean Pancake and Sausage on a Stick
No way.
3. The McLobster
Nothing doing.
2. Life Savers Holes
Nix.
1. Skins Fire
NO.
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Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Heather has written 1714 articles for us.
well played.
Excellent.
I shall decent candy corn to my last breath, tho
Lol. *Defend
correct list and ranking
Why do you keep making up this thing called Skins Fire which does not actually exist in any civilized, coherent universe?
Well, you are correct! That is why we make them in Texas! Besides, we couldn’t figure out what to do with the skin of a pig except fry it and coat it with cayenne pepper so some fool would eat it!?
could have been Skins Fire 1-10 tbh
I’m all for this, except I’ve had those pancake-sausage corndog monstrosities and they are FANTASTIC. Mostly because I am far too lazy to actually make pancakes and sausage individually.
They really are tasty!
Agreed. Yummy.
Lord, bless this list. For it is the light and the truth.
Wait, I thought the whole (hole) point of Lifesavers was that you can’t choke on them??
For the longest time, I thought I was the only one not into candy corn every October.
I could not make up a Cappuccino-Lays-ier name than “Chad Scott.”
Of course they were submitted by “Chad Scott.”
Someone needs to give Chad Scott a good talking-to.
I mean, at least they weren’t pumpkin-spice-latte lays.
To be fair this person probably did get free Lays chips(of their choice) for a year.
I am filled with joy.
Me: *stuffing Bud Light Limes in my purse* I’m sorry but I have to go
Ha!
I don’t understand Vanilla Tootsie Rolls. All of the other Flavor Rolls are fruit flavors (Cherry, Orange, Lemon, and Lime), so why Vanilla?
I counter with – why chocolate? it’s equally not a fruit flavor… I think it’s just in keeping with taffy-ish flavors, which is why I actually like vanilla quite a bit.
Vanilla Flavored Tootsie Roll *FRUIT* Rolls???……..What country produces the Vanilla Fruit???….. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
I don’t know, but I think it’s the same place you can get chocolate rabbit eggs.
Vanilla pods are the fruit of Vanilla Orchids, which is the only kind of Orchid that grows edible fruit, so they’re actually not wrong.
Hey, Kalamazoo, now you have me waiting for TOMATO flavored tootsie roll fruit rolls!! mmmmmm !
sorry kalamac, missed the auto correct mistake ?
Heh, all good. It made me laugh. :)
That’s the worst idea since Doritos meet Mountain Dew. Gah. Next there’ll be Doritos toothpaste.
Ah, shit, I’ve said it online now it’ll come true…
how dare you slander Oreo Thins, my precious cookie wife
lol!
Whaaaaaaaaaaat.
I heard you like Oreos, so I put some Oreos in your Oreos.
Actually I love that this exists. It’s an infinity cookie. It’s a commentary on the indulgent nature of our navel-gazing society. It’s art.
#ButisitArt
It’s like I’m at the nexus of the universe. One bite and I will time travel, to where? Eat one and find out?
I love it. (Where can I get those Oreo thins, though?)
well, as a non-American, this list is terrifying!
especially the cappuccino crisps, like, why
The flavors like Chicken and Waffles, Gyros, and Cappuccino were part of a contest for new flavors Lay’s was running. People would submit ideas, Lay’s would make them, get people to buy full sized bags of these chips, and then vote on the new flavors.
Personally, I feel all Doritos could have made the list (if only because that bloody flavoring dust gets everywhere and resists all attempts to clean it). Now, out of personal (and admittedly morbid) curiosity, I wish they would sell the contest trial flavors of Lays chips in smaller bags. Do the cappuccino ones sound vile? Yes, but you never know (I was kind of sad that I never got to try the Gyros flavored ones). Sometimes I’m too curious for my own good (back when Jones Soda Company did Thanksgiving flavors, I wanted to try those too).
No idea what Skins Fire even is (TV show?).
In Australia for a while we had Caesar Salad flavoured potato chips, and it was so weird, biting into one and feeling the texture of chip, but tasting lettuce and salad dressing. I was impressed with how well they managed to get the flavour right.
My local Subway has been selling the smaller bags of contest flavor Lays. I’ve never tried them myself but I see them lined up in there whenever I go in. I don’t know if they are doing that all over the country or just in my area but you can check at your local Subway to see if they do.
I’ve tried the cappuccino. Regrets.
The other ones were good tho.
Okay I DID try the Jones Soda Thanksgiving flavors though and mostly wish I didn’t!!!!!!!! I remember kind of liking the pepto-bismol flavor, but mashed potato, turkey and gravy, and green pea were atrocious!!!! I had to PAY my brother to chug the green pea one.
This list had a very Ortbergian feel to it, and I sincerely thank you for that, for I am still mourning the toast.
I really liked those Cappuccino Lay’s…
Skins fire DOES NOT EXIST. It never has, it never will.
my steadfast belief in this fact allows me to go about my day to day life; without it I would be reduced to a useless shell of my former self, much like an oreo thin, a cappucino chip or a beer with less beer in it
“Queer Women and Skins Fire: A Case Study in Collective Forgetting”
The MA thesis proposal I should have written.
it took me a second to realize what life saver holes were, but once i did, i gasped in horror.
I always wondered what happened to the centers of LifeSavers. And now I know! Well, at least they don’t go to waste. =)
Wait, why is there just a blank entry at #1? There’s just nothing. Unintentional? Some kind of comment on the vast emptiness of the universe? I feel disturbed looking at it. Like there’s some eldritch horror lurking beneath the white pixels…
I did not know Cappuccino Lay’s was a thing. I would totally. Just once.
Funny list! :P
I’ve never seen any of the Skins series, but I guess Fire is pretty bad eh? ;P
Heather, I’m right there with you on Vanilla Tootsie Rolls, but one time I was on a date slightly before halloween. I was lamenting my slowly-draining-of-every-color-but-effing-vanilla fruity tootsie roll bag when my date said she loved them,and would take all mine. Now, I could not think of a worse thing to ever do to a human being than give them a bag of just Vanilla Tootsie Rolls, so I hiked over to Joannes to pick up some convincingly flower-stem green wire, wrapped each roll with paper, and made the worlds most disappointing bouquet. This went over very well, and would not have been possible without Vanilla Tootsie Rolls inherent awfulness
Me too! I always pick them out of the mix (the rare times I encounter it).
#11: Bomb Girls: Facing the Enemy
Vanilla tootsie rolls aka something I could have most blessedly gone the rest of my live not knowing existed.
Thanks Heather.
Well, after reading the disparaging comments about the Pork Skin Delicacies so enjoyed in Texas, I felt it only right to share some valuable information with y’all, including a candid photo of the fine animal source of these products!
“Pork Soap – for when you smell like a pig!” ?
Or want to? A new fetish thing?
That also works. “It’s the only soap endorsed by Wilbur, Babe, and Piglet!”
I feel the need to point out pork has been a component of soap and candles for many years in the form of lard.
Still is sometimes. xD
I finally registered on AS so that I could agree with this comment. That’s how much I love them.