Deplorables, Ranked

Feature image via Shutterstock

10. Jacked 3D Bacon Cheddar Ranch Doritos

doritos

Nope.

9. Vanilla Tootsie Rolls

tootsie

Nay.

8. Bud Light

budlight

Nah.

7. Bud Light with Lime

budlightlime

Nu uh.

7. Candy Corn

candycorn

Absolutely not.

6. Oreo Thins

oreo

Shannot!

5. Cappuccino Lay’s

lays

Never.

4. Jimmy Dean Pancake and Sausage on a Stick

jimmydean

No way.

3.  The McLobster

mclobster

Nothing doing.

2. Life Savers Holes

lifesaversholes

Nix.

1. Skins Fire

skinsfire

NO.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Heather has written 1718 articles for us.

65 Comments

  4. Why do you keep making up this thing called Skins Fire which does not actually exist in any civilized, coherent universe?

    • Well, you are correct! That is why we make them in Texas! Besides, we couldn’t figure out what to do with the skin of a pig except fry it and coat it with cayenne pepper so some fool would eat it!?

  6. I’m all for this, except I’ve had those pancake-sausage corndog monstrosities and they are FANTASTIC. Mostly because I am far too lazy to actually make pancakes and sausage individually.

  10. I could not make up a Cappuccino-Lays-ier name than “Chad Scott.”

    Of course they were submitted by “Chad Scott.”

  13. I don’t understand Vanilla Tootsie Rolls. All of the other Flavor Rolls are fruit flavors (Cherry, Orange, Lemon, and Lime), so why Vanilla?

    • I counter with – why chocolate? it’s equally not a fruit flavor… I think it’s just in keeping with taffy-ish flavors, which is why I actually like vanilla quite a bit.

  14. Vanilla Flavored Tootsie Roll *FRUIT* Rolls???……..What country produces the Vanilla Fruit???….. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?

  15. That’s the worst idea since Doritos meet Mountain Dew. Gah. Next there’ll be Doritos toothpaste.

    Ah, shit, I’ve said it online now it’ll come true…

      • The flavors like Chicken and Waffles, Gyros, and Cappuccino were part of a contest for new flavors Lay’s was running. People would submit ideas, Lay’s would make them, get people to buy full sized bags of these chips, and then vote on the new flavors.

  20. Personally, I feel all Doritos could have made the list (if only because that bloody flavoring dust gets everywhere and resists all attempts to clean it). Now, out of personal (and admittedly morbid) curiosity, I wish they would sell the contest trial flavors of Lays chips in smaller bags. Do the cappuccino ones sound vile? Yes, but you never know (I was kind of sad that I never got to try the Gyros flavored ones). Sometimes I’m too curious for my own good (back when Jones Soda Company did Thanksgiving flavors, I wanted to try those too).

    No idea what Skins Fire even is (TV show?).

    • In Australia for a while we had Caesar Salad flavoured potato chips, and it was so weird, biting into one and feeling the texture of chip, but tasting lettuce and salad dressing. I was impressed with how well they managed to get the flavour right.

    • My local Subway has been selling the smaller bags of contest flavor Lays. I’ve never tried them myself but I see them lined up in there whenever I go in. I don’t know if they are doing that all over the country or just in my area but you can check at your local Subway to see if they do.

    • Okay I DID try the Jones Soda Thanksgiving flavors though and mostly wish I didn’t!!!!!!!! I remember kind of liking the pepto-bismol flavor, but mashed potato, turkey and gravy, and green pea were atrocious!!!! I had to PAY my brother to chug the green pea one.

  21. This list had a very Ortbergian feel to it, and I sincerely thank you for that, for I am still mourning the toast.

  23. Skins fire DOES NOT EXIST. It never has, it never will.

    my steadfast belief in this fact allows me to go about my day to day life; without it I would be reduced to a useless shell of my former self, much like an oreo thin, a cappucino chip or a beer with less beer in it

    • “Queer Women and Skins Fire: A Case Study in Collective Forgetting”

      The MA thesis proposal I should have written.

  25. I always wondered what happened to the centers of LifeSavers. And now I know! Well, at least they don’t go to waste. =)

  26. Wait, why is there just a blank entry at #1? There’s just nothing. Unintentional? Some kind of comment on the vast emptiness of the universe? I feel disturbed looking at it. Like there’s some eldritch horror lurking beneath the white pixels…

  29. Heather, I’m right there with you on Vanilla Tootsie Rolls, but one time I was on a date slightly before halloween. I was lamenting my slowly-draining-of-every-color-but-effing-vanilla fruity tootsie roll bag when my date said she loved them,and would take all mine. Now, I could not think of a worse thing to ever do to a human being than give them a bag of just Vanilla Tootsie Rolls, so I hiked over to Joannes to pick up some convincingly flower-stem green wire, wrapped each roll with paper, and made the worlds most disappointing bouquet. This went over very well, and would not have been possible without Vanilla Tootsie Rolls inherent awfulness

  32. Vanilla tootsie rolls aka something I could have most blessedly gone the rest of my live not knowing existed.
    Thanks Heather.

  33. Well, after reading the disparaging comments about the Pork Skin Delicacies so enjoyed in Texas, I felt it only right to share some valuable information with y’all, including a candid photo of the fine animal source of these products!








Comments are closed.