Christina Aguilera Gets Divorced, Likes Girls After All, is Not Dating Samantha Ronson

Christina Aguilera has filed for divorce from her husband Jordan Bratman, with whom she has a son. Bratman, it would seem, is a producer and enjoys sporting varying levels of facial hair from day-to-day. They had an open marriage allowing for sexual activities with all genders. It has taken us three days to write this post due to vacillating peaks of interest/disinterest.

You may remember Christina Aguilera due to her being a famous talented superstar, as well as from such “bisexual” events as her music video for Not Myself Tonight and the Great Madonna-Britney-Christina Kiss and for being one of the best vocalists of her generation. She came out as bisexual at the height of her career.

Furthermore, Aguilera was honored by GLAAD for using gay & transgender images in the video for her song “Beautiful” and has spoken out against Prop 8 and supported other LGBT causes.

The divorce, according to heaps of totally unreliable sources like Radar Online, is somehow related to Christina’s lesbionic tendencies. Within the context of an open marriage, this makes only remote sense and therefore unreliable sources encourage us to speculate that perhaps [insert something random here]. It has been said that the divorce “got ugly.” Also there is the suggestion of irreconciable differences, which is the official reason for the divorce and also a relatively vague, meaningless term that could defo mean “Christina is a homo.”

Other sources have reported that the divorce was spurred forward by Christina’s all-girl vaycay in Mexico a few weeks back with Samantha Ronson and Nicole Richie. Many other sources report that Christina Aguilera is now dating Samantha Ronson. Furthermore, additional sources report that Christina Aguilera is NOT dating Samantha Ronson. Also, according to the United Nations, a child dies every 6 seconds from malnutrition. Check out freerice.com to learn how you can help be a part of the solution.

Here’s Radar with their anonymous unnamed Abbey-crawling source:

Christina Aguilera and hubby Jordan Bratman are getting a divorce but RadarOnline.com has learned the couple had an open marriage when it came to Christina’s lust for women.

“I was at The Abbey one night when Christina’s bodyguard approached me,” a woman who wishes to remain anonymous told RadarOnline.com.

“He said, ‘My boss would really like you’ and pointed over to Christina.”

“I met Christina in the bathroom and she told me she liked to play with girls.

“I ended up not pursuing anything with it because the situation just seemed so weird to me, but Christina was definitely looking to hook up.”

According to the source, Christina has been known to frequently approach women while out at gay bars in Los Angeles.

Huh. Well. What the hell. We’re not sure if this is supposed to annoy us or not. But you know what it DOES make us think of? Back in May Christina Aguilera said the following for her OUT magazine cover story:

“I don’t get to kiss all the girls and the boys,” she says. “But my husband knows that I get into girls. I think it’s fun to be open and play.”

Nevertheless, Aguilera knows what this girl wants. “I don’t think I could ever really be with a woman because that’s a lot of…” Aguilera pauses. “Yeah, there’s a lot of estrogen and I’m a lot to deal with when it’s that time of the month, so I can’t imagine it times two.” She then shakes her head and adds, “And you know, I love dick. To be honest, that I cannot live without.”

… Sia explains, “I feel like Christina’s probably supporting the majority of the lesbian scene in Los Angeles because she really only works with gaylords, like her dog walker, her personal trainer, her cowriters.” As Stein puts it, “Bisexual or not, Aguilera is queer in the word’s most literal sense.”

We found this maddening because we’ve heard it so many times and anyhow let me just copy-paste that this is what we had to say about that:

Seriously. Seriously now. [“I love dick”] is just the most annoying thing in the world to say. You can buy a penis if that’s your primary concern. And although wearing a strap-on does not feel like being a man with a penis, being fucked by one does not feel all that incredibly different so JUST STOP SAYING THAT THING.

Remember last year when Pink was asked about her bisexuality, and she said, “I never said I haven’t [been with a woman]. I just said, going forward, I like penis.” That was annoying too.

Let’s refresh. These things are boring, and we are over hearing them:

1. Girls are crazy and have so many feelings!
2. I love penis!

Can’t you just say, “I’m straight! But kissing girls is fun!” Because you know, that’s fine. It is fun! Some lesbians like to kiss boys too for fun. Kissing is fun! We should all kiss each other a lot!

Essentially, “I love dick” is dumb. It’s a dumb argument and it doesn’t make sense and it’s unlikely to be true. “I love the male body” certainly makes sense. But you know, this seems to be a standard-issue answer when a lady doth protest too much.

Maybe if it was true — that she’s not truly open to relationships with ladies — she’d have a better reason why or wouldn’t feel the  need to explain. Maybe I’m just saying this because “girls are so crazy with all their estrogen I can’t imagine ever dating one” is something many of us said once to deny accusations of our homogayness.

If anyone wants to go try and hook up with Xtina and get back to us that would be great.

Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2754 articles for us.

90 Comments

  1. “Also, according to the United Nations, a child dies every 6 seconds from malnutrition. Check out freerice.org to learn how you can help be a part of the solution.”

    Social awareness product placement. Flipping genius/LOL

    • I agree, I have doubts about Gaga’s bisexuality, with her Catholic upbringing and all. What does “male sexuality” mean anyway? There are girls with a masculine sexuality and (straight) men who are sexually feminine!

      These girls are just confused and are trying to find some clarity in their heads. Weren’t we all, at some point.

      • Also, these women remind me of those 19th century housewives who, in response to activists for women rights, said / thought things like “you know what, it’s so easy being a housewife! What would we do without a husband’s financial support? Sure, it’s fun fantasizing about having a job and a life of our own, but at the end of the day the world is so mean!”. Just saying.

      • I’m so confused by what you mean when you talk about her Catholic upbringing. Do you mean a Catholic upbringing makes it easier to id as bi rather than gay? Because I, uh, I dunno about that.

        IDK, I dislike the way parts of both the queer and straight communities seek to identify bi people as “really” gay or “really” straight. It feels like, as a bi person, I have to come out to all my friends (especially my gay ones!) and family all over again every time I start dating someone of a different gender, which is just so TIME CONSUMING. And I think this attitude is part of it.

        Yeah, people obviously do ID as bisexual as a transition state, but doesn’t this usually happen when they’re 15? (= why I had no trouble dating bisexuals when I was in HS, but find it impossible now.) Can’t we give adults the credit of the ability to accurately define their sexuality? And if what they’re giving the media isn’t an accurate description, it’s not necessarily because they’re too dumb to figure it out, maybe they just don’t want to?

        • I mean, since Catholics (together with some Protestant groups but not the majority) view man-woman intercourse as the only “right” expression of sexuality, it might be harder for them to distance themselves from it completely. Being bisexual somehow means you’re not so far from it as a lesbian would be.

          • Uh, I was raised Catholic and I’m a homosexual lesbian. Never even slept with a man. LOL, Rachel Maddow was raised Catholic too.

            I think this convo just jumped the shark.

          • Ah I dont know though, I was raised Catholic, and my parents are incredibly Catholic, my dad even said he probably would have become a priest if he hadnt met my mother and become a doctor (there was 4 options for respectable career choices when my dad was young-priest, doctor, teacher or farmer) and im the gayest person I know. Everyone I know was raised Catholic too, this being (once) obsessed Catholic Ireland and all. I distanced myself from straightness as soon as I grew legs that could walk me the eff away from straight men. Though I do see your point, Catholic guilt is rampant, even though we dont like to admit it and even though the vast vast majority of us left the church ages ago, it’s something we never seem to be able to escape. And im sure it does affect people’s opinions on their homogayness, especially when the church says horrible things about us, which they do on regular occasions which is really sad.

          • my cathoclicness went out the window as soon as i had lady sex… i saw the light and she was fucking awesome in bed

          • All I can think of right now is that there is a picture of me playing basketball in my fluffy white dress after my First Communion. Gay.

          • I was hanging from the monkey bars in my communion dress, showing the entire world my pink undies. Also gay.

        • OMG!!! I was raised in the unification church (arranged marriages/mass weddings) and sometimes I feel like I’m the ONLY QUEER IN THE WORLD who could possibly feel all my feelings but then I read your comment and I had this moment of OMG I’M REALLY NOT THE ONLY ONE (and I hope this isn’t offensive because I totally meant it as a compliment, and also, you’re awesome.)

  2. “Many other sources report that Christina Aguilera is now dating Samantha Ronson. Furthermore, additional sources report that Christina Aguilera is NOT dating Samantha Ronson. Also, according to the United Nations, a child dies every 6 seconds from malnutrition. Check out freerice.org to learn how you can help be a part of the solution.”

    THIS WEBSITE IS UNBEATABLE

    • You should come to school with me. My calc teacher is crazy and fun and very, very gay. I have never had a single boring class with her. Last week our extra credit assignment was to find a series of equations that would graph our school’s mascot, put it on butcher paper, and stick it in the foyer. GO LIONS. :)

  3. thanks for reminding me of freerice! I love word games and I love feeling like I’m altruistic while doing the bare minimum! Off to the Hunger Site and then I’ll join some facebook groups about donating money to things!

    (I could give a shit about Aguliera, obviously, but I am amused at the image of her using her bodyguard as a human craigslist)

  4. personally, i identify as bi- but i definitely have more of a preference for the girly persuasion. while i admire male bodies and sometimes think about what it would be like to date a dude, for the most part i’m really just emotionally attracted to women.

    i think saying “i like dick/penis/cock” is just the really blunt/over-sexualized version of saying “i prefer men even though i sometimes like women too”. meh.

    i don’t necessarily agree with or approve of all the society-created baggage that can go along with- “if i’m with a girl i won’t get my picket fence and 2.3 children” or “i won’t be able to have children at all” or “i don’t want to be gay for life oh noes, this is just for fun”

    ….wait, where was i going with this? i don’t even know. latest DADT news is overriding my brain i don’t even.

  5. I don’t really get the problem with someone saying I love penis.

    I mean I would say I like boobs as a response to why don’t you go for this lovely guy. I don’t just like boobs but its basically me saying look guy lovely as you are this just aint gunna work for me.

    Plus maybe she means she actually loves penis like doing things with a penis beyond just being fucked by one. I feel kinda queasy now. I’m going back to thinking about how she’s potentially a big lady lover.

  6. Admitting that one likes to “play around” with girls while still sticking to the phrase “I love penis” is sooooooooooo being LOCKED IN THE CLOSET!!!!

    First step is to just come out as queer!

  7. Seems to be that Christina has a bit of a problem with monogamous relationships in general. Perhaps what she’s getting at when she says “I can’t live without dick” is more about her saying that she wants lots of sex with lots of people ( and genders ).

    While straight men don’t generally view their girlfriend making out with another girl as a problem, I’m guessing the average gay girl wouldn’t feel the same way about the reverse situation which from Christina’s point of view would make a girl/girl relationship a little too restricting.

    The whole “I like dick” thing is maybe just a very inarticulate way of these girls saying “I like making out with the girls, but when it comes to long-term relationships, I prefer men”. That’s fine too.

  8. hellooooooo judgementalism.
    i love dick.
    i love sucking dick and its responsiveness, i love watching it hang out like a funny elephant trunk, and i love having sex with it.
    i *also* love pussy.
    i love flicking a clit and watching it respond, i love investigating all the depth and varriance, and i love having sex with it.

    when i’m talking to my ladygays, i will mention that i love dick.
    when i’m talking to my gentleman callers, i will mention that i love pussy.
    and she was quoted within the context of talking to fellow queers.

    i also find it SIGNIFICANTLY harder, as a person who admits to loving all sorts of genitals (and the people attached to them!) to get ladygays to understand where i’m coming from than to get the gentleman callers to comprendre.
    obvi, this is just my experience- but i’ve heard similar stories echoed from other queer/bi/pan/yaddayadda peoplies.

    • “i also find it SIGNIFICANTLY harder, as a person who admits to loving all sorts of genitals (and the people attached to them!) to get ladygays to understand where i’m coming from than to get the gentleman callers to comprendre.”

      And why do you think that is?

      • The expectation by family and friends is that you, as a woman, will marry a man someday. Most persons want acceptance. A man, in most cases, hearing you talk about how hot women are sees a fantasy. A woman, in most cases, hearing you talk about how hot men are sees a woman, that even if she leans far more towards women in terms of whom she is sexually attracted to, had a great likelihood to choose a man regardless because it is the easy way. The easy way is why LUG’s exist and explains all those lesbians and bisexual women who marry men only to come out in their 40’s and 50’s.

        I’m bi but I get that and am not offended by it. I have seen too many bisexual women dump women and then inform me later that they dumped the woman they love because they knew their family would never fully accept them or because it makes it easier to have children. So here’s a clue. Don’t spend your time talking about men’s genitalia to the women you are seeing. It only makes it sound more and more like you will ultimately dump them when it comes down to it for the easier path.

        • So what you’re saying is, all the worst stereotypes about bisexual women are totally justified, bisexual women should not expect to have their partners believe or trust them when they talk about their sexuality, and if by some strange chance a partner *is* accepting of their sexuality, it’s only because their partner is ignorant or has compatible sexual fantasies?

          Right then!

          • No they shouldn’t. I have been with the same woman for years. I have never felt any need to say I want some penis or how incredible penis is. She knows I am bisexual and she trusts me. If I was constantly talking about penis I would not blame her for being uncomfortable.

            Right then!

        • I think the “easier path” thing is a bit disingenious. Keep in mind that a bisexual/pansexual/queer-but-likes-dudes woman’s dating pool is actually going to be weighted more towards men because there are more bisexual/straight men out there than there are bisexual/lesbian/queer women.

          Also there’s the fact that a woman might tell her partner she’s leaving her because it’s more socially acceptable to date men but actually have a completely different reason that they don’t say, either to somehow spare their partner’s feelings or because they’re cowardly.

          Also also, it may be that some women assume that’s why their non-lesbian partners leave them when that’s not the case.

          (And for the record, I’m equally attracted to men and women, but I’ve been with my female partner for almost 10 years now.)

          • sheesh. there’s nothing wrong with saying “i love dick.” i think the point is that saying you’re bisexual but would never date a woman because you “love dick” seems a bit disingenuous. She’s not saying that she’s bisexual in that interview, she’s saying that she is heterosexual but enjoys making out with women but would never date one or love one. if we hadn’t heard it 100 times already we wouldn’t even notice, but it seems standard-issue amongst women grappling for an excuse, along with “girls have too many feelings.” Also, I’m bi.

          • Reise, if you have a girlfriend do you spend time telling her how awesome dick is? Really? Some how I doubt that.

        • So, I’d just like to pop in to say that I’m a 15 year old pansexual (I say bisexual to people that I know who don’t know what pansexual is), and I came out to my mom (and later my dad) as soon as I could. I did this in part because I wanted her to get her picture of me getting married to a man out of her head ASAP. So, I find the idea of LUGS, etc. kind of absurd.

      • BTW, that does not mean lying about being bisexual. It just means that telling a woman you are sleeping with about how you love men’s genitals is rude and sort of is saying I can’t wait to sleep with a man. The same is true when you tell a man how you love women’s genitals but in that case the man doesn’t mind. After all he is not worrying if you will dump him when it comes down to it so you can be better accepted by family or friends, because it will be easier to have kids, because your life will be easier. He is just thinking can I watch the transitory sex between my girlfriend and a woman or can I participcate.

        • Well that’s awfully simplistic.

          How about putting it as “respect your partner’s boundaries.” Which might include not talking about sleeping with men with your female partner. But might not. And might also include not talking about sleeping with *women* with your *male* partner.

          • Actually your comments are simplistic because they don’t delve into why there should be those boundaries. This may sound rough but no use tiptoeing around it.

          • But I think we all agree that in some cases those boundaries actually shouldn’t be there to begin with. Straight men shouldn’t be into their girlfriends being bisexual because they think it might mean they fuck a lesbian, gay girls shouldn’t mistrust their bisexual girlfriends (more than they mistrust anyone, at least). There shouldn’t be a double-standard: bisexual women should be able to talk about their sexuality to whatever level they and their partner are comfortable with, regardless of the gender of their partner.

            All your solution does is say: don’t talk about it. Don’t talk about being bisexual, you’ll just upset your girlfriend. Don’t talk about being bisexual, your boyfriend will just fetishize it. Don’t talk about being bisexual, everyone will expect you to end up with a man and you probably will anyway because it’s the path of least resistance so why not just accept you’re straight anyway?

            Lesbian women won’t start to trust bisexual women until they see that bisexual women can be trusted, which will never happen if bisexual women can’t talk about their sexuality. I’m not talking about loving descriptions of dick, or anything (I mean, unless your partner’s into that.) But a reasonable amount of discussion about it, yeah.

          • Sorry but I don’t live in a fantasy world. The person asked why men she is with don’t mind her talking about how hot pussy is but women she is with do mind her talking about how hot dick is. I gave the answer. Whether one likes it or not, women, for the most part, who are with bisexual women don’t want to listen to those women go on and on about the wonders of a dick. Men are not bothered, in most cases, by women talking about the wonders of pussy. Just the way it goes. It may not be politically correct but there is no way getting around that. With my gold star girlfriend, I know she was a bit hesitant dating me at first due to being burned in a past romance by a bisexual woman. I have also had plenty of bisexual friends who have revealed they dumped the woman they love because it was easier to be with a man in terms of acceptance. Some stereotypes do occur sometimes. So why the heck would I need to advise my girlfriend how I occasionally think of dick. I am never going to cheat on her and she is the one I love. But I’d be a jerk to prey on her insecurities, ones which I understand because she has been burned before as have many of my friends.

          • I SO agree with everything Chris H.D. has said so far. I recently tried to make the same point in another thread but I was attacked just because I was pointing out this huge slice of reality. It might not be ALL reality, but it happens in so many cases while the opposite (bi woman not caring about societal acceptance) is still so fucking rare, unfortunately.

          • Honestly, does it even matter? If it makes someone uncomfortable, you shouldn’t do it, regardless of the reasons.

          • If it makes someone uncomfortable, you shouldn’t do it, regardless of the reasons.

            But that’s not true at all. I mean, yes, on a basic level: don’t make your partner insecure and uncomfortable. Don’t be a shit. That should go without saying and that means knowing where your partner’s boundaries are and respecting them.

            But I do think it can be worth examining why something makes someone uncomfortable. If I hate mushrooms and it grosses me out to see my girlfriend eat them, is it OK for me just to say, whoa, no mushrooms for you ever again? No, because my feelings about mushrooms aren’t rational, they just gross me out, and if my girlfriend really loves mushrooms then I just have to get over it. And make her brush her teeth. (ugh, fucking seriously, mushrooms?) (NB mushrooms are not a metaphor for dick here. Obviously if you’re dating a girl and you’re both monogamous it’s not OK to eat dick.)

    • Here’s something though:
      My ladygays, they can strap on a dick and let me enjoy it.
      Gentleman callers, on the other hand, have quite a difficult time creating a fake cunt.

      I’ve been with a SWM for a year now and he’s FAR more insecure regarding his lack of ability to fulfill my interest in vag than any ladygay I’ve ever been with has been about her lack-of-bornwithit-dick.

      Further, at least in my (admittedly personal) experience, it’s not particularly *easier* to be with a man. There are certainly more of them, but I come from a very queer family. My two mothers would much rather see me with a lady-type-person, generally.
      So perhaps that whole ‘being with a man is easier’ stereotype isn’t true for everyone.
      and perhaps that whole ‘men get off thinking about their gfs liking vaginas’ thing isn’t so simple either. yes, my boyfriend and i have a common interest in VAGINAS. but also, we both like them, and i’m the only one who has one. and let’s just be honest, it can be difficult to go spelunking in your own (especially when you’d rather visit someone else’s cavern) and while a girl can easily strap a dick on for a ladyfriend, guys don’t seem to have the same ability.

      i agree full heartedly with what i took from what riese was saying:
      basically, it’s easier for celebrities to publically come out and say ‘im a lady who likes to kiss ladies but also (all these stereotypes to appease a straight audience.)’

      but perhaps we shouldn’t call out their stereotyping of lady-on-lady love without recognizing our own. and bi visibility is important, *especially* internally.

      • “My ladygays, they can strap on a dick and let me enjoy it.
        Gentleman callers, on the other hand, have quite a difficult time creating a fake cunt.”

        This is an interesting viewpoint, thanks for sharing. Real cunt FTW.

  9. The title is odd. It says Christina Aguilera is not dating Samantha Ronson. In the article, you then state additional sources for both. As far as I can see the only source for them dating is an X17 article and the only source for them not dating is a Gossip Cop article. The X17 article is correct about certain elements which include Aguilera attending one of Ronson’s DJ events at the Roxy and Aguilera visiting Empire West, a place with several apartments though. That information could come from several locations so X17 hardly has exclusive information. Gossip Cop would not lie about having a source but the reality is unless the person is Ronson or Aguilera or maybe someone exceptionally close to them they probably would not know. Celebrities know how quickly rumors form and I see it as highly unlikely either Christina or Samantha is blabbing.

    More interesting is a picture of Ronson photographed either entering or exiting Aguilera’s house in the dark. She is by herself and the picture was taken hours before Ronson left for a short DJ trip abroad. Then there is the question of denial. This is information that typically would receive an immediate denial from Aguilera’s people. However there has been a no comment on both her seeing women while in the marriage and being in a relationship with Ronson. As for Ronson she has not denied the rumors despite a ton of twitter messages posted to her. In the past, Ronson has immediately denied both dating rumors, including a recent one involving Liat Baruch. Oddly enough, even a “no” would not be concrete enough.

    So while X17 and Gossip Cop talk, the reality is no one knows for sure either way. The likelihood, based on that photo and the lack of any denial by both parties, is that they are seeing each other. Still it is a guess.

    So maybe the title should state — is or is not dating Samantha.

    • Yep – me too. Verbatim. Years later (i.e. a few weeks ago) I was told that I was both “too butch” and looked just like Samantha Ronson (I don’t see it) – all in one evening. Oh, how times change.

  10. ““i also find it SIGNIFICANTLY harder, as a person who admits to loving all sorts of genitals (and the people attached to them!) to get ladygays to understand where i’m coming from than to get the gentleman callers to comprendre.”

    Haha, maybe that’s because STRAIGHT MEN LIKE WOMEN but GAY GIRLS DON’T LIKE GUYS. Hmmmm. Yah, I think that’s it.

    But I additionally agree with the fact that it’s so much more hurtful for a girl who loves girls to see her girl with a guy or talk about a guy because it is def. the “easy way out.” It’s definitely the more socially acceptable role, easier to have kids, gain the support/glowing congrats from your family and friends and coworkers. To a girl a guy is a threat because of the way heterosexual relationships have power in this society. To a guy, his girl having a girl is just a joke/hot/fantasy. So a little sensitivity to the pressures of a heteronormative society when it comes to that with your girls would be nice ya know.

    My bi girlfriend is a dick (lol, no pun intended) in the exact same way, how she is fairly regularly talking about how she likes dick. And it’s like, hey, seriously, chill the f out. Recognize that there is a difference between telling your bf you like pussy and telling your girl about fucking a man, just because of the way society is so stacked against girl/girl loving to begin with. And she knows my straight best friend is constantly talkin about how lesbian sex isn’t “Real” sex because there’s no penis, and all this other bs. Sex with men on the other hand is never seen as “less than” sex with a woman or less valid.

    Having a double standard is not convenient and sure, there are some cool things about dicks in the same way there are cool things about vaginas, but the double standard is unfortunately legit. ]

    • I agree with this. I’m also not bisexual so I feel like I don’t know what a bisexual woman goes through. But the having sensitivity about the double standard thing, I like that.

      I don’t like celebrities who claim to be bisexual stating that they need dick in their life as if it’s some kind of radical statement. It’s accepted. It’s “normal”. We get it already! For a woman in the mainstream public eye to state unashamed that she prefers pussy? That would be revolutionary.

      I also, for the record, don’t have any problems with Xtina. I grew up on that shit. I wish I had the opportunity to go hit on her and report back, because… well I don’t think I would actually have the guts. But I think she’s hot.

    • As I said upthread, it all comes down to respecting your partner’s boundaries. Which is only reasonable, and is applicable to far more things than just talking about desired sex partners.

      (Out of curiosity, have you expressed these feelings to your girlfriend the way you have here? It’s entirely possible she doesn’t realize that it makes you feel like shit and/or why. No one’s a mind reader, which is, again, good advice for ANY couple.)

    • Is your straight friend who doesn’t view lesbian sex as “real” sex a man or a woman? Also, with respect, why do you hang out with someone who “constantly” belittles your sexuality?

  11. Christina is a prime example. She has a movie coming out, she is already getting extremely hostile publicity, and she is now started a divorce rolling. So when we talk the easy way out, lets see how long it takes for her and a mystery man to be hanging out. Ronson better see something there that is sincere if she really is dating her. The Maria Schneider/Lindsay Lohan type, who does not hide that she is in a romance with a woman, is rare among young sex symbols. Most haul ass for the closet and tall dark and very male stranger the moment the rumors hit.

    Considering Christina has long been rumored to be a woman who married to kill sapphic rumors and long been rumored to have had an open marriage (The A List printed that back in 2002), I am not sure that she has even remotely the strength to come out in a romance. Her team is already probably looking for some man to be seen with. Poor Ronson may find out Lindsay Lohan is the exception to the rule.

  12. can someone please give Tui her own column??
    everything she’s said (for this bi lady) has been so on point and so perfectly articulated i’ve actually gotten a huge sense of confidence and camaraderie just from reading her entries.
    this is one of the many, countless reasons why autostraddle is so damn good for the soul.

  13. hello beauties. first time commenter, long time lurker (reeeaaally long, actually…not that it matters, of course)

    look, first off, I just want to say that I’m really flattered that some of you ladies love me so much. a lot of the time I love you right back. the rest of the time I’m either attached to those asexual or homo types, or I’m just not interested (don’t take it personally and so on)… or maybe someone’s been drinking too much, but that’s neither here nor there, really

    anyways, i’m going to cut right to the chase because sometimes I like to keep things short (size ain’t nothing but a number): if you really loved me, you wouldn’t exploit said ‘love,’ using it as an excuse not to examine yourselves and keep matters truthful. love me all you want, but don’t use me as the easy way out of an honest conversation…that’s not nice, you know, and I have feelings too!

    PS: listen to the hooligans that run this joint, often times they know what’s what

    • “if you really loved me, you wouldn’t exploit said ‘love,’ using it as an excuse not to examine yourselves and keep matters truthful. love me all you want, but don’t use me as the easy way out of an honest conversation…that’s not nice, you know, and I have feelings too!”

      If you can identify an actual man that has ever actually talked like this, I’ll . . . clap enthusiastically/give you a cookie/give you the valpak coupons I got in the mail today.

  14. No penis involved = not real sex, according to society. Proof of this: has anyone noticed how gay (male) sex is never referred to as not being “real” sex? Sure, it’s called gross, wrong etc. by some straight people, but it’s never been referred to as not being “real” sex because it doesn’t involve a vagina, whereas straight people frequently refuse to acknowledge lesbian sex as anything more than foreplay because it doesn’t involve a penis, even though it’s 2010 society is still very centered around male sexuality and often fails to see women and their sexuality as anything other than penis receptacles.

    TV and films are full of depictions of male sexual pleasure e.g. blow jobs, hand jobs, but when was the last time you saw the acts of cunnilingus or fingering portrayed in heterosexual sex scenes?

  15. Yoh … lot’s was said so there’s hardly any room left for my 2 cents, but here goes. Saying “i love dick” is stupid, on top of being stupid it’s cheesy and has long since become an overly used cliche in silly bublegum “oversexed” teenage movies, and saying “i like kissing girls” but would never be with one or be in love with one because “girls have to many feelings/emotions” especially when aunt ruby is in town is double the stupidity because (excuse the cheesinness) but when you are in love with someone, all the emotions that feul the relationship good and upsetting are welcomed because then through these experiences you grow, together, building on the initial feelings that started with curiosity, attraction, uncomfortable conversation, confidence, a kiss and eventually love. I’m not quite sure of the direction of my arguement but I geuss what I’m trying to say is, Xtina, if you’re lesbo, you’re lesbo, if not you’re not and if you’re bi then you’re bi, just say it and save us all the trouble of reading horrible lines such as “i love dick”. Ja I think that’s what I was trying to say. P.S. I’m not attacking Xtina, I think she’s a coll chick for what it’s worth, she just needs to choose her word better.

    x

  16. Ok, so reading this, I have finally figured out what has bothered me so much about hearing one of my straight married friends end all discussions (that she starts) about her bi-curiosity with, “but I love dick. I just really need the dick.”
    Each subsequent time I’ve heard it, it’s grabbed my gut a little harder. Last week, she informed my girl and I that she had finally tested the waters with another lesbian friend of ours…and her end conclusion was that she still “loves the dick.”
    Now, I’m not really irked that she did indeed try some snatch scuba action and found she wasn’t into it…after all, she is married to a man. A man whose response to her daliance with, “Well, did you take pictures?”

    So NOW I get it, though, why that needles at me. It’s the dismissal. It’s not taking seriously the validity of what I am doing full-time. Her husband would not have been so endeared to it had she slept with another man. Lack of dick was her immediate reason as to why she didn’t get off and feel like she really enjoyed it.
    Now, for me, no, personally I don’t miss the penis, but for me, this isn’t about the avoidance of the cock. It’s the total package of being with another woman that keeps me in. As stated, a dick isn’t even technically needed for that dick-like sensation. I can’t be happy in a relationship with a dude – sex wasn’t near as much of a problem. Having her dismiss her lack of interest all because the wang isn’t in the picture – when there should be a whole slew of other reasons for her specific scenario to be true – really kind of makes me feel like what I do is being trivialized. Lack of pussy wasn’t my reason for my failed past with men. Lack of enduring and substantial connection beyond the physical was.

    • Exactly. If a woman you’re with likes dick so much, she can ask you to wear one. If she doesn’t, or fusses on about the real thing, that’s probably because she doesn’t love you, and for a different reason than dicklessness, which is likely used as an excuse.

  17. I just read the word ‘dick’ so much reading these comments it has stopped making sense as a word to me.

    I find it strange as a description for me, since I am a bisexual but more lesbian-leaning woman who likes many a fella but is still grossed out by penises. Ew.

  18. I really dont know why it is such a big deal to label people, one shouldn’t have to placed in a box. What they choose to do is their business and they shouldn’t have to explain it to anyone. While I find this interesting enough for me to read, I think Xtina has the right to be what she is regardless. After all she is the rich one and could care less of what anyone of us has to say!

  19. I kind if feel like ‘i like dick’ is a bit of a cop out and a way to end a discussion that is becoming uncomfortable/a bit too close to home. I am a bi femme w a fella too, and i have never in my entire life said, ‘i like/love/need dick’ plus, come on people, have a little class, even if you are famous. saying i love dick doesn’t make you seem cool, or even straight. to me, saying that is a major, ‘im trying to hide something’ move. or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part. :p the saying the lady doth protest too much was invented for a reason people!

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