“Carmilla” Returns To Kiss The 2016 TV Blues Away

Carmilla and Laura have returned to kiss the 2016 blues away, y’all. KindaTV dropped the first 17 episodes last night (act one of three) and I haven’t stopped thinking about them since. When we last left our Scooby Squad, Laura, Carmilla, and LaFontaine were trapped in the library, which is sentient but also like the TARDIS in that it isn’t contained to one place or time. They’ve been hiding in there for two months. Laura is crafting in the extreme, including embroidering Firefly dialogue on curtains and taping drawings of Harry, Ron and Hermione on mason jars so she can play the theme song. It’s pretty hilarious.

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“It’s Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa.”

Meanwhile, the Dean (in Perry’s body) has been excavating the campus, opening the seven seals to hell because she’s an ancient god and she’s tired of people this year. Understandable. And let me just say, the Dean looks good. Yes, the Dean is evil but this could be Perry’s final form too. Her sharp blazers, no-nonsense attitude, and condescension make her so formidable. I love her.

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Slytherin Head Girl Election 2016

However, Laura doesn’t feel like saving the campus, let alone the world. After Danny, Kirsch, and Mattie were “killed” (they’re alive), she’s certain this will only end in failure too. This time, Laura is the one fantasizing about running away to Paris with Carmilla. But in the real world, things are complicated.

So, Carmilla and LaF have teamed up to stop the apocalypse. Carmilla wants to finally put an end to the Dean and LaF wants to save Perry and JP. With help from a magical pair of glasses, they figure out the Dean can be stopped by building a cage with four talismans. Of course these talismans are obscurely named, hidden, and require clues to find, much like horcruxes. They manage to find two of them: the Book of Lives, a sort of index of gods and spells; and the sword of Hastur. What they don’t know is that Mattie has the third Talisman, her locket, and she’s disappeared.

Unfortunately, they’re running out of time and they aren’t so safe in the library like they thought. Danny, who’s definitely now a vampire, and Theo show up to take the Book of Lives. But before Danny can force Carmilla to give it to her, Laura’s dad — aka Keith Mars(!) — barges in and incapacitates them with bear spray.

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Okay, but Gossip Girl wasn’t Veronica at all; it was DAN HUMPHREY.

After Papa Hollis saw some of Laura’s videos, he traversed the Styrian mountains to grab Laura and take her home. Carmilla thinks it’s a good idea since Laura isn’t exactly being helpful. But Laura decides she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she left, and it’s not like she’ll be safe from hell on earth. Dad allows her to stay as long as he’s kept in the loop. And he kind of likes LaF and Carmilla anyway. I hope he’s stopped watching Laura’s videos, though, because things are about to get real steamy.

I’m talking about Laura and Carmilla. They aren’t together but they can’t just be friends either. Carmilla hasn’t forgiven Laura for the events of season two and Laura can’t forgive herself either. But she was angry that Carmilla told her to leave. They argue and call each other names but they have too many damned feelings so they go in for the kiss anyway. And what a kiss.

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Slither in, head girl.

Later, since they still can’t find Mattie’s locket, Carmilla and Laura decide to summon the Dean’s sister, another ancient god who has the power to stop the Dean. Laura is happy she and Carmilla have stopped fighting and appreciates their problem-solving like good ol’ platonic buddies. Which lasts for about a second. Laura grabs and kisses Carmilla and they jump on the desk right before the screen blacks out due to “technical difficulties.” I screamed out loud.

Afterward Laura freaks out about it a little bit and decides to focus on the matter at hand: summoning the ancient god. But their summoning circle doesn’t work (they should have watched The Craft) (or read Witch Hunt). Carmilla looks discouraged when everybody else falls asleep. Mattie appears and asks who are they waiting for. And that’s the end of Act I.

I’m so happy to have Carmilla back. I hope 17 episodes can sustain you until Act II drops on September 29.

Karly has written 9 articles for us.

14 Comments

  1. It was amazing to settle in last night and watch 17 episodes I a row! I love this season so much so far! It’s maybe the funniest season yet and right up there with season one in terms of quality. So many FEELS! Also Laura’s a top? OMG

    • Yes to all of these things! I’m so happy about this release schedule because it really does work much better for pacing and such, and it was such a special feeling to get to turn all the lights off, light a scented candle and settle in for an hour plus of Carmilla!

      It’s clear that everyone on the crew really went all out and gave it everything. The writing, the acting, the set, props etc. all take what the show already has and just enhances it that much more. I’m so sad to be saying goodbye!

    • L: Danny, just sit down. There’s no one else here. It’s not a trick.
      (Danny sits down. Laura suddenly sits in her lap.)
      L: You see. I’m placing myself in your power completely. I want you to know that what I’m saying, I mean. Danny, I wasn’t just using you. I did care that you died.
      D: NO, YOU DIDN’T. AS SOON AS I WAS GONE YOU ABANDONED THE CAMPUS TO RUN AWAY WITH HER.
      L: I left because your death broke me, Danny. I gave up. You died, and I gave up. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t let anybody else that I cared about die. It didn’t work. Vordenburg took over and he was going to kill Carmilla. Yes, I saved her. I would have done the same for anybody else that was right there as well. The Dean arranged it that way. She knew that if that happened I would stop him. Killing him was something I would have never done before you died. Please, Danny, look at me. I did cry when you died. I cried once I could cry again. Once I was no longer numb.

  2. Rewatch Act I with the captions on. They had far too much fun with Mattie’s [dramatic “poof”] entrances. Laura’s extreme denial of Hollsteins gal pal status [desperate kissing with lusty sexual undertones]. Soooooo much snark.

    Last thing, the yoga scene is an example of masterful writing and stage direction #GatesOfHell

  3. Soooo I watched this using spotty signal on my mobile phone whilst on a train -well 2 trains, one outbound one return. My signal dropped out on the technical difficulties screen. I about died in my seat. So happy to have this show back.

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