BREAKING: Beyonce Drops Her Album Out of the Blue Ivy

Ring the alarm, Beyoncé just surprise released an album in the middle of the night. As if dropped off early by Santa himself, the self-titled Beyoncé has appeared on iTunes. So sneaky, B.

In a week full of Beyoncé breaking news, this is a glorious crowning achievement.

Fourteen new songs. Lyrics like “I’m in my penthouse half-naked. I cooked this meal for you naked.”

Collaborations: Jay-Z is there! Drake is there! Frank Ocean is there! BLUE IVY IS THERE. ON A COLLABORATION CALLED “BLUE”.


But not only is there new music, oh no. You know she went above and Beyoncé. It’s a “visual album.” SO THERE ARE 17 NEW MUSIC VIDEOS FOR YOU TO OGLE IN ADDITION.

Y’all, I previewed all the videos on iTunes just now and a girl straight up licks her in the one for Yoncé.

Will you remember where you were when this happened?

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Lauren is proud Alabamian aspiring filmmaker who is learning to stop saying “aspiring” and just say “filmmaker.” A recent graduate with a degrees in film, Tegan and Sara, and t-shirt collecting, she spent all of her college time organizing the queers down at the University of Alabama and turning every class assignment into a chance to talk about southern queer black woman identity. She likes football more now that she’s graduated.

Lauren has written 9 articles for us.


  1. I was supposed to be studying for my Roller Derby rules test. But then this happened.

    And she had skates.

    I can’t. Even.

  2. I have so much sorrow for those people at midnight releases for The Hobbit, unaware that the Beypocalypse has occurred.

  3. Cannot even deal with Yoncé. I’m on the fifth viewing and this is not ending any time in the forseeable future.

  4. I literally have ran out of places to say that this album is giving me life so I’m just going to say it here.

  5. Beyonce pretty much just slayed everyone before the new year even starts. This album is so good it is ridiculous. Like literally every song is perfect. All of your favorites are at home crying. I feel sorry for anybody who is just about to drop an album. Beyonce is laughing at you right now.

  6. “You know she went above and Beyoncé.”

    lauren i love you. beyoncé i love you. what a beautiful thing to wake up to. good morning, world. i love you all.

  7. This is the most genius thing she could have ever done. Ever. I just read an article about how B. Spears has lost her fan base to lady gaga and Miley. That would NEVER happen to the queen B.

    • this was indeed a super smart move. i saw someone commenting on facebook that it was “interesting that she chose to do it without any hype,” and I was like “oh no no no…this is the hype. the hype is right on time.” genius move. it’s all so very much like having a full season of a new shot to watch on netflix all at once. i think people consumed it the same way they did a show like orange is the new black. binge watch it all usually by yourself. live-tweet/live-text your feelings to someone. and then scream with glee in public to the strangest of strangers even :)


    • oh my goodness! whaaaat!?
      the strength of that woman. what restraint! how do you do that. how beyonce. how.
      (y’all what if she comes and comments to answer me. like what if.)

  9. This album has ripped open everything I thought I knew about 2013. I cannot deal. It makes me want to scream and laugh and cry and fuck and dance and fight and take to the streets and deconstruct kyriarchy and ahhhhhhh my heart my brain my soul.

  10. that i agreed to go into work 3 hours early today is KILLING ME because now there’s no way i can bask in this masterpiece all day/night

  11. I can’t handle myself today this album is making me fall apart into a mess of Beyonce admiration.
    (Also DRUNK IN LOVE holy sheeeeeet)

  12. I’ve only seen one video and I had my mouth open the entire time. If this is what the illuminati can do for us, sign me up.

    • bless everything about this comment

      Queen Bey made my week approximately 87234896516 times and 35 million feelings better

  13. Woo, a couple hours of my life just slipped into the Beyonce abyss.

    Just kidding, I’m still in here and I never want to climb out.

  14. This album!!! Flawless, is it Beyonce’s feminist declaration!??!?! In what was a horrible last day and half, I have a bright light!!! She can always be my halo 0:)

  15. I legit thought I was still dreaming when I woke up. The video for Flawless was unreal. My mouth is still hanging open. Like… is. this. happening.

  16. Perfect gifs… I knew I should’ve come straight to AS to join the convo but I was too busy going buckwild at work, breaking down and frightening my co-workers.

  17. I was at a Beyonce concert. The 100th one of her tour, in Louisville. And she didn’t even mention this. It’s like hanging out with a friend and then going home to see that they’ve announced a pregnancy on Facebook or something. Sneaky, sneaky Beyonce. (I love her.)

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