If you’ve been reading Boobs on Your Tube regularly this summer, you’ve probably started wondering if this was some kind of record-breaking season for queer women of color relationships, and yes, actually! Our TV Team ran down all nine of them! Also, Valerie Anne reviewed your new favorite Canadian bingo show: Workin’ Moms. And Riese and Carly brought you an all-new To L and Back.
Some notes from the TV Team:
+ Mica Burton’s stint on Critical Role continued to be a delight to the very end. Reanie is a gift to us all, and also her ship name with Marisha’s character is “ReanBeau” and she already making a playlist for them because she’s my kind of dedicated queer nerd. — Valerie Anne
Bachelor in Paradise 607 & 608
Written by Meg Jones Wall
After spending so much of last week on Demi and Kristian’s rekindled romance, it’s no surprise that the pair barely appeared on this week’s episodes of Bachelor in Paradise – but the title sequence now features the two of them holding hands while everyone else continues to be introduced alone, which is…cute? Between both episodes we see some brief moments of them snuggling and kissing by the beach, a short conversation where Kristian expresses concerns about fitting in and hoping Demi is being sincere, and a rose ceremony where awkward wedding officiant Chris Harrison “changes the rules” so that Demi can give a rose to Kristian before the guys proceed, but that’s it. This week was dominated with tears, fights, and yelling by some very dramatic straight men, who managed to make a lot of women cry, disrupt a wedding, and scare off some tiny island creatures. A few particularly mediocre “fan favorites” proved they lack even the most basic listening comprehension, and at various points it seemed like the cast was competing over who could sob in the most hysterical fashion.
Frankly, if you’re watching Paradise for queer content, you can completely skip this week. The most entertaining bit is the last few moments of episode 8, where Demi offers some bad lip readings (complete with impersonations) of Conner, Caelynn, and Kristina, who are not very interesting on their own but seem to come alive under Demi’s deft vocal stylings – but alas, this is also not strictly queer content. Fingers crossed that we get more of Demi and Kristian next week, and that we get to see them doing more than just offering their thoughts on other relationships.
Why Women Kill 103: “I Killed Everyone He Did, But Backwards and in High Heels”
Written by Natalie
Watching a show like Why Women Kill, where the threat of death looms so large, can be a challenge. Through the show’s first two episodes, I was comforted by the belief that if either Taylor or Jade were driven to kill, they’d target a man and, at least, we wouldn’t end up with another buried gay. But this week, tables turned and it became easier to imagine a scenario where one queer woman dies at the hands of the other…and now I’m watching this show with a whole new level of anxiety.
Taylor returns home from a long day at work to find her husband strumming his newly acquired bass guitar. Jade offers her a respite — a night out dancing — and Taylor relishes the opportunity to spend some time together, alone. But before Jade and Taylor can cement their plans, Eli strolls in and invites himself along…and, surprisingly, he turns out to not be the most annoying interloper of the night.
Just as Taylor and Jade are about to make their way to the dance floor, two friends of Jade’s, Willow and Mischa, call out to her. They greet her warmly…too warmly for Taylor’s tastes and warmly enough to assure Eli that they definitely weren’t Jade’s first threesome. With every flirtatious touch, Taylor’s ire grows and when Wischa — who are every bit as ridiculous as their portmanteau suggests — invite Jade on their next Instagram Influencer adventure, Taylor can barely contain her emotions. She finally steals a moment alone with Jade and her hurt, jealousy and desperation comes out sounding like anger, fueled by alcohol, and Jade urges her to go home.
It’s not until she’s sobered up the next morning that Taylor realizes that she needs to find Jade and apologize. She tracks Jade using the Find My Friends app — no, that’s not creepy at all — and rushes to talk to her. Eli chases his wife down the stairs, encouraging her to just wait until Jade returns, but Taylor is desperate. Without Jade, she says, everything falls apart. Eli’s flummoxed by his wife’s admission and climbs atop her car to force a confrontation.
“This is too hard…my life is so hard,” an exasperated Taylor shrieks. For two years, she’s had to shoulder the burden of being the lone breadwinner and she can’t complain about it because, if she does, she’ll be considered a bitch. She admits, “Jade is the only thing in my life that is easy, ’cause she doesn’t take, she only gives. If she leaves, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
When Jade returns to the house, she announces her intention to go abroad with the “low-rent Kardashians.” Eli and Taylor’s house is starting to feel like home and Jade’s worried about being the one hurt in the end. Eli interjects and asks Jade to consider this her home, permanently. She accepts, taking Taylor’s outstretched hand, and our throuple becomes OFFICIAL….and my Bury your Gays PTSD has started to kick-in.
Killjoys 506: Three Mutineers
Written by Valerie Anne
Much to everyone’s delight (especially mine), Delle Seyah and Aneela are back together, traipsing through the woods together with their son, on an adventure, and all feels right in the world..
But as soon as they kiss Aneela can taste that Kendry isn’t hullen anymore. She’s human. She pulls back, and Kendry is just as surprised that Aneela is still hullen, since they destroyed all the green (I guess being in the cube spared her?), and they decide to just get back to their mission instead of getting it on after this new revelation.
PS. During her plot over on the prison ship, Dutch puts on the warden’s vest and tie and uses a boss butch voice and it almost killed me swifter than her fighting in the last episode did.
Anyway, Aneela is acting a little dodgy and only asks for two tickets of passage and her and Dellle Seyah start to argue until Jaq interrupts them by saying, “Mom?” and then they both respond, “Which one?” and it’s such a cute Jaq-has-two-mommies moment. They get attacked briefly but the moms shut that shit down right quick and Aneela says if they touch her family again she’ll feed them their own skin so obviously she still loves them fiercely, so what’s all this weirdness about? Kendry asks her, and assumes it’s because she looks down on her because she’s human, but she’s still a queen gods-dammit.
But then Aneela explains that it’s quite the opposite. She was afraid that now that Kendry was human, she would see her hullen girlfriend as a monster. Kendry physically relaxes, relieved, and assures Aneela that she’s still a terrible person and they can still be lean mean Green Queens together. Aneela is ready to rip Kendry’s clothes off right there in the woods, infant teenage son be damned, and frankly with that leather sleeveless archer outfit, I don’t blame her. But they have to tuck their kid into his safe little cube so they can go off and save the world together.
Ambitions 111: “A Change is Gonna Come”
Written by Natalie
When Ambitions picks up this week, things appear picturesque: the Lancaster family’s gathered around the table to enjoy breakfast together. Evan tells his daughter that he ran into Tony Award winning director Kenny Leon who’s spearheading a theatrical exchange program with the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. Though Stephanie’s quick to assume that the only reason Carly’s on Leon’s radar is because of who her father is, Evan clarifies: Leon saw Carly’s performance in For Colored Girls and was impressed. Still irritated by her mother’s involvement in her break-up, Carly snaps back at her mother. But before Evan can gain any clarity on the tension between mother and daughter, Stephanie’s father storms in, irate that a TMZ-esque site has posted a picture of his granddaughter kissing Lori Purifoy.
Carly sits quietly, stunned at being forced out of the closet in this way, as her grandfather foments one conspiracy theory after another about how the picture came to be. Finally, with tears streaking down her cheek, Carly speaks up, “Lori didn’t ambush me, we were together, we were in love. I’m gay.”
Her admission does little to placate her grandfather’s anger, if anything, it only inflames it more. But when her grandfather crosses the line — calling Carly’s actions “ungodly” and chastising Stephanie for letting it happen — Evan intercedes, kicking his father-in-law out of the house. Later, when Stephanie’s father shows up at her office to continue his homophobic, anti-Purifoy rant, she’s puts him in his place: she won’t allow anyone to make Carly feel bad about her sexuality, including him. It’s one of the few maternal moments we’ve gotten from Stephanie Carlisle Lancaster.
Meanwhile, over at Purifoy Pharmaceuticals, Carly alerts Lori that the photo of them has leaked and Lori rushes to tell her father about the photo before someone else can. To say he takes it well is a profound understatement; he’s positively giddy. But lest Hunter Purifoy be mistaken for a caring dad, he quickly reveals the reason behind his interest: a relationship between a Carlilse and a Purifoy undermines the negative publicity that the Carlisle family has drummed up with their lawsuit. He encourages his daughter to rekindle her relationship with Carly.
But will she have that chance? A spot’s opened up in the theatrical exchange program and she’s decided to take it. While her father begs his daughter to stay, Stephanie’s delighted that Carly will be able to follow her passion and that the exchange will put an ocean between her and Lori. But given that Ambitions‘ mid-season finale ends with Carly’s grandfather dead and her half-brother kidnapped, maybe she shouldn’t start packing those bags yet.
BN90210 104: “The Table Read”
Written by Carmen
BH90210 opens up this week with Gabrielle Cateris’ nightmare. We’re back in the ‘90s at the Peach Pit, and she’s back wearing all of her ’90s costume. Donna, Kelly, and Brenda are all having a milkshake in the corner and Emily (that’s Christine Elise’s character from the OG series, shout out to the readers who took time to let me know last week!) is behind the counter. She and Emily awkwardly exchange hellos and then the other girls start to bully Gabrielle! Then there’s some nightmare smoke and suddenly Gabrielle is in a Carrie style prom dress, wielding a weedwacker and screaming at the top of her lungs, “What do you people want from me???”
So yeah, that’s not great.
In real life, Gabrielle is nervously sucking down a martini at a fancy restaurant when Christine saunters in, upset about ongoing production troubles for the Beverly Hills reboot. Gabrielle tries to switch subjects, this is a first date after all, and ends up spilling Martini all over the table. Christine can’t help but laugh – Gab thought this was a date?? Oh no, she meant pinging her on fake!Tinder as a gesture of friendship. (People, don’t do this! It’s mean!)
Later, during a cast and crew get together, Gabrielle spots Christine alone swirling a shot glass in her hand. Once Christine sees her, she tries to cover it by looking “busy at work” on her phone – but it’s already too late. Gabrielle sits down with her and the tension between them is THIIIICK. They look at each other, then they look at each other’s lips, and it’s quiet, there’s a breath. I was giddy with anticipation! And then… it’s over. Gabrielle doesn’t want to do this until the time is right, and she’s certainly too tipsy for the time to be right now.
That same night after everyone has gone home, Gabrielle visits Christine at her office. (BTW real life Gabrielle Cateris looks HOT in this all white suit, and dear reader, you deserve to know that.) She barely says a word, sitting down and gathering Christine’s face in her hands. They start to make out, but Christine stops her. Didn’t Gabrielle want to wait until the time was right before she had sex with a woman for the first time?
Well, you know what? Life is short. And the time is right because she is with a person that she’s developing feelings for. It’s sweet and romantic and dammit, if you would have told me that BH90210 was going to end the summer by gifting us the sexiest queer couple over 45 I’ve ever seen (well, until The L Word comes back in December) – I never would have believed you! And yet, here we are.