Becky’s Team Pick: Straight White Dudes Showing Support The Right Way

After all of those lesbians turned out to be skeevy skeevy sons of privileged assbutts, I started lamenting to myself: where are all the straight white dudes who are not trying to deny me my rights, insult my community, ban rainbows, etc.?

I mean, I know there are some really great ones out there, but sometimes it’s hard to find them. Luckily this whole mess reminded me that I KNOW OF SOME!

In the  parish town of Holbeton, England, there exist a lot of straight white boys. For such a small town, a disproportionate number of these boys have serious musical tendencies. I know this because I dated one of them.

One of these chaps, New Jersey born, UK artist Cosmo Jarvis, made a song he titled “Gay Pirates” (although youtube will only finish typing it for you if you leave out the gay) *cough cough* part of the problem *cough*:


Anyway–the song is an upbeat but sad shanty about two pirate lads in love, stuck on a ship that doesn’t understand them. A seriously catchy hit, Cosmo, his band, their friends, parents, friends’ parents, and basically the whole town of Holbeton got together to produce this music video in their community theater:

When I talked to my ex-boyfriend about the song’s creation, he said that his friends wanted to make a really catchy song with a gay theme so that they could send this message: “gay straight whatever it’s all cool let’s go get a drink.”  From what I gathered about where he’s from, going out to pubs is actually a really big thing, so to hear that they all go out together to get pissed and sing songs (and this song in particular as a local favorite)  is just kind of heartwarming and more on the right track than, uh, other attempts from…um..allies?

Also maybe it’s just me but I’m about ready for “We deserve much better than we’ve had” to be the new “It get’s better”; because while the latter is a strong possibility, the former is a cold hard fact. Sing on, boys.

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I'm Becky. I write about style because I think anybody can look great and I think everybody usually does. I'm into self-expression. I'm into being expressive. When I'm not writing about style for Autostraddle I'm usually trying to make a film. I'm also a dancer, so I will Gahu with you anytime, anywhere.

Becky has written 23 articles for us.


  1. I think we should just start a website specifically for the SWDs we know who get it right. All this shit about GGID and LezGetReal just makes me want to go up to my best guy friend and give him a hug for being a good ally.

    • my first though on hearing that was, “does Autostraddle resident hottie/our boyfriend Sebastian know we have a song for him?” and then i went into a whole mental battle about whether sebastian has replaced our boyfriend adam lambert. eventually, i went with, “whatever it’s time for oreos” and then realized that 4am oversharing is currently happening.

  2. wow. i cried from the 30sec mark til when it ended. this was f*cking lovely. thank you so much for sharing this. i really needed it.

    the type of validation that comes from a sweet love song is immeasurable.

    tell cosmo, he is love.

  3. I love the chorus, but the verses seem a little creepily intent on describing each and every horrific physical blow dealt to the gay pirates in question, to the point where it gets nearly pornographic. It’s also a little weird, because while one can find circumstantial evidence of homosexual behavior among pirate populations via Google, there’s no trace of any record of anti-gay violence in the same groups. (Indeed, considering that pirates were already lawbreakers, they seem the most likely to disregard sodomy laws and accept their queer brethren.)

    • There’s this: ‘Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition’ For summer reading, maybe?

      “In ‘Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition’, historian B. R. Burg investigates the social and sexual world of these sea rovers, a tightly bound brotherhood of men engaged in almost constant warfare. What, he asks, did these men, often on the high seas for years at a time, do for sexual fulfillment? Buccaneer sexuality differed widely from that of other all- male institutions such as prisons, for it existed not within a regimented structure of rule, regulations, and oppressive supervision, but instead operated in a society in which widespread toleration of homosexuality was the norm and conditions encouraged its practice.”

    • I think the lyrics themselves fit more with a 17th-18th cen. Navy ship setting. The military wasn’t exactly a friend to the gays, and British Naval ships were notoriously strict. But doesn’t the phrase “gay pirates” sound so much more badass? Plus the costumes are way cooler. I suggest we let it slide.

  4. YOU DATED COSMO JARVIS????? I am beside myself with glee. I loved Pirates and also “Sure as hell not Jesus.” I’m a little surprised it hasn’t been on autostraddle already though- this video was all over my facebook newsfeed a few months ago.

    • hahah no, I dated Dom Helson (where the link leads). He’s a different artist entirely, I should have been more clear!

      and yes! i’ve been meaning to write about this for a while i’ve just been having #lifefail .

  5. Everything about this is perfect and wonderful and wow!!

    Thanks for informing me of this video because I think my evening is a little better now because of it. Also, your last few lines is this article = accurate. I hope “we deserve much better than we’ve had” becomes a thing as well.

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