Welcome back, Bat Fam! It’s time for your recap of the mid-season finale (?!?!) of Batwoman, so let’s dive right in, shall we?

Previously on Batwoman, MARY IS POISON IVY!! Ahem, sorry. Also, we learned that thanks to the OG Joker, Marquis has been on his way to a full-blown sociopathic Joker 2.0.

Speaking of Marquis, we open with him and Ryan (looking DOPE in a leather cap) meeting up in an abandoned parking garage, aka the place where nothing shady ever happens. Not only have the two been planning a covert merger behind their mother’s back, but they’ve also been working on a fly sibling handshake! They’re soon swarmed by vehicles, Marquis is apprehended, and out pops one Ms. Jada Mae (a nickname I learned this week and am OBSESSED with). Turns out, Jada promised Ryan a favor in exchange for her help going behind Marquis’ back.

“You better not screw me over, because Sophie will never let me hear the end of it.”

Like clockwork, as soon as I forget that Vesper Fairchild is a person, BAM! She shows up again. This time, she’s reporting on multiple Poison Ivy crime scenes throughout the city.

MORNING AFTER SOPHIE! I REPEAT, MORNING AFTER SOPHIE!! Our girl is nursing a bit of a hangover after what I can only imagine to be a…therapeutic…night with Renee Montoya. The only sign of Ray Ray though, is the note she left for Sophie giving her free reign over whatever she might find in the fridge. Can you imagine having SOPHIE MOORE in your bed and just…leaving? I love you Montoya, but it couldn’t be me. Soph blearily checks her phone and whatever she sees is enough for her to bolt out of bed.

“What do you mean Kristen Stewart is engaged?!”

She heads directly to Wayne Tower, flabbergasted that Mary is Poison Ivy. Sophie immediately asks about a cure as Ryan strolls in, again, looking FOINE, and tells them Jada’s working on it. Listen, I don’t know what they’re putting in the water up in Vancouver, but I swear everyone on this show just gets more attractive every week. At the mention of Jada, Sophie rolls her eyes and reiterates that there’s no way Jada’s doing this for nothing.

No jokes. Just Wildmoore eye contact.

And Soph isn’t wrong, because we see Marquis hooked up to a bunch of machines getting ready to begin the freezing process. While they wait, Jada’s scientists are switching gears to work on a cure for Mary’s infection.

Down in the Batcave, Ryan apologizes for not telling Luke and Sophie about Marquis sooner, but she just wanted to protect them from him. Sophie reminds Ryan that she doesn’t actually need to do this by herself; she has people (namely, Sophie) who are willing and able to help her.

Jada’s people think that Mary’s infection is doubling every 12 hours, so there’s a very good chance this is the last night Mary is going to remain the Mary they know and love. While there’s no digital trace of Mary anywhere, suddenly an alarm indicates Alice’s tracker is on the move. No problem! Sophie should know exactly where her roomie went off to, right? That’s Ryan’s thought anyway, until Soph fesses up to not spending the night at home. And Ryan’s face when she realizes the implications of that statement, punched me right in the gut. It’s almost like she surprised even herself by how hurt she is by Sophie’s apparent one night stand. But as quickly as the hurt crosses her face, it’s immediately replaced by concern over the possibility that Mary might be with Alice, lest Sophie sees just how impacted Ryan actually is.

WELP.

Meanwhile, Alice is driving an RV with Mary sitting shotgun because apparently they wrecked that fancy sports car from the end of the previous episode. Mary demands they pull over as Alice gives her a rundown of Poison Mary’s exploits. The idea of hurting her friends is enough to make Mary physically sick. She’s worried that she’ll be on the lam forever, but Alice won’t let that happen. That is, as long as a certain green-thumbed doctor helps remove the tracking nanobots swimming around in Alice’s bloodstream.

The ultimate, “I did WHAT last night?”

Sophie, Ryan, and a massive amount of sexual tension are cruising in the Batmobile trying to find Alice; a task made exponentially more difficult by the fact that they’re getting multiple tracker signals. They pull over the first person they can, and find Alice’s blood on the trunk. The clever girl left her nanobot-laden blood on multiple vehicles to confuse the rest of the team.

When the tension is terrifying.

Back in the RV, Mary’s taking inventory of the blood collection supplies she stole from the hospital, and proving to Alice that she knows a thing or two about staying off the grid. She stopped for coffee, but paid in cash and didn’t use her real name. (Shout out to the incredible Daphne Miles, writer extraordinaire and provider of Mary Hamilton’s coffee alter ego!) The two need to find another O-negative donor, because even though Alice can donate to anyone, she can only receive O-negative blood.

Okay, I need to know if this is actually Daphne’s order though…

And what better place to troll for unsuspecting blood donors than a random pub?! This entire pub situation is giving both Wynonna Earp and The Vampire Diaries vibes, and I am HERE for both. Mary tries some super cringey blood-related pickup lines before the bartender asks them to leave. In trying to get the bartender to change her mind, Mary accidentally uses her new Ivy pheromones to compel her. It works, which is weird because 1) it’s nighttime and 2) Mary is still fully aware of who she is. Like the sweet bean she is, Mary tries her powers again, this time to get free shots for her and Alice. Drunk Nicole Haught would be so proud. Also proud, is Alice, who remarks offhandedly that people actually listen to this Mary. And that’s the shit of this whole thing, isn’t it? All Mary wants is for someone to hear her. Kate didn’t; her dad didn’t; Luke didn’t; Ryan didn’t. The only person giving Mary a chance is Alice. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I mean, would YOU question them?

Ryan and Sophie are on the side of the road while Luke tells them they might just need to wait for Alice’s blood to dry before they can find the real tracker. Since they’re all sharing bad news, Sophie informs Ryan that if Mary goes full Poison Ivy, Montoya said the city will do everything they can to bring her in. And it’s at that moment that Ryan realizes Sophie was with Montoya the night before.

“Ah, ya done fucked up, Moore”

Sophie immediately does that semi-defensive thing where she tells Ryan she didn’t realize she needed her permission to sleep with someone. Since, you know, it’s not like they’re together or anything. And sweet Ryan is hurt on multiple levels; she’s hurt that Sophie slept with someone else, and she’s hurt that that someone is the woman currently making Ryan’s life miserable. Do I think that’s why Sophie chose Montoya? Not consciously. The two found comfort in each other when they couldn’t find it with the women they actually wanted. I said it once and I’ll say it again — GIVE ME THE ANGST.

Ryan sarcastically tells Sophie that she’s glad she and Renee found each other, before they head off to Jeturian Industries.

“This is my ‘you can’t hurt me if I’m pissed’ face, is it working?”

The freeze process has begun with Marquis, and he asks why his mother is doing this to him. Jada’s just trying to help before someone gets to him first. As she gets closer to her son, he breaks free and attacks her.

Ryan and Sophie burst into the room and find Jada on the ground, reeling from Marquis’ attack. Apparently Marquis is gone and out looking for his sister.

Well this is cozy.

At Wayne Tower, Marquis shows up looking for Ryan and is instead met by Luke. While Marquis messes with a pen gifted by Lucius Fox, he tells Luke that he actually knew his father and he came by the Jet house often. (My wonderful friend, Jeanna, texted me with a theory last week that Lucius Fox could be Ryan’s father, and after this episode, I’m getting more and more convinced.) Marquis continues to bait Luke until security shows up, and Marquis stabs the guy in the throat. Luke punches him, and the two fight until Marquis eventually knocks him out.

Back at the bar, Mary’s using her new compulsion skills to check blood types. Even while doing evil deeds, Mary still reminds people to donate blood and I love her so much. Alice brings over another guy, and they finally have a winner!

“Men…am I right?”

While Ryan heads to Wayne Tower, Jada and Sophie go get the antidote for Mary’s infection. Jada knows very well that Sophie still doesn’t trust her, but before they can get into it, they find the doctor, murdered by Marquis.

Ryan makes it to Wayne Tower and finds Luke passed out after Marquis’ attack. She tells her brother that he has every right to be mad at her, but Luke didn’t deserve this. Ryan barely holds back tears as she tries to appeal to whatever emotions might be buried deep within Marquis, but her brother just laughs in her face. Nick Creegan, sir. How are you so deliciously creepy?!

Damn, Javicia. Damn.

Marquis has the Poison Ivy cure, but will only give it to Ryan if she resigns as CEO. And Ryan does it. For Mary. Before Marquis leaves, Ryan tells him that she wishes she could have known the real him before the Joker got to him. Marquis doesn’t get why everyone thinks the Joker was such a bad guy since he was the only one who looked like he was having fun.

Ryan’s back in the Batmobile with no idea where to go since there are still multiple trackers on the map. As Sophie bandages Luke, he gives Ryan the “good news” that they’re down to 4 trackers. Luke is frustrated with himself for not listening to Mary until it was too late. He knows she would say something wise and somehow also painful like, “things can’t heal unless you let them.” Luke isn’t alone in his guilt party though, because Sophie feels like it’s her fault Alice got away. She makes sure to let Luke (and us) know that she and Renee aren’t a thing, they just had a thing. When Sophie mentions that Montoya lives above a GC Jitters (CWDCTVLGBT’S greatest franchise), Luke realizes they can track Mary through her Jitters reward card since there’s no way she’d last this long without caffeine.

“Turns out, Ryan DOES care. Can you believe?”

Meanwhile, Mary and Alice are reminiscing over Alice’s last transfusion, ya know, when Alice put herself first and Mary ended up suffering? Alice starts to get nervous as Mary remembers how much she used to want Alice gone, but that feeling doesn’t last long because now, that’s exactly what Mary’s afraid of. They’re the two sisters that no one wanted or paid attention to, and now they have each other. Alice might be a serial killer, but she’s never abandoned or questioned Mary. And that’s all Mary’s wanted.

How are they all so good at holding tears in their eyes, though??

Jada’s having herself a contemplative solo CEO moment when Marquis calls and tells her to make sure to watch literally any channel the next day because he’s going to make her proud.

Back in the RV, Mary starts Alice’s transfusion as they throw some major Kate shade. It’s a hilarious moment of levity in an otherwise tense and serious episode and I loved every second of it. The moment is short-lived though, because a cop knocks on the door, so naturally, Alice hops in the driver’s seat and runs the guy over.

Mary runs out to check on the cop and wants to take him to the hospital. You can almost see Old Mary and New Mary fighting over who will win, but New Mary takes this round. They drive away, but don’t get very far before Batwoman grapples the RV.

“Conceal, don’t feel.”

Ryan presents Mary with the cure for the infection and pleads with her friend to take it; to get back to the Old Mary. But Alice reminds her exactly how they treated that Mary. She uses compulsion to get Ryan to admit that if Mary doesn’t take the cure, they’ll have to lock her up so no one gets hurt. This Mary doesn’t want to be saved; she just wants her friends to listen, and they still refuse to. My favorite kind of villain is the one that makes me say, “well, they’re not WRONG” (cough, Killmonger, cough), so I am LIVING for Poison Mary right now. Before they leave, Mary conjures vines to entangle Batwoman and trap her where she stands.

It’s a bit dark, but I love this shot.

At the clinic, Ryan meets Sophie and tells her that Mary isn’t Mary anymore; it’s not that the Bat Team is giving up on her, it’s that Mary has given up on them.

The sun starts to come up over Gotham, and with it, Mary looks at peace with her inevitable transformation.

The next morning, our girl Dana Dewitt is broadcasting live from Marquis’ press conference at Wayne Tower, while the Bat Team watches from Mary’s clinic. Y’all, am I the only one who finds the rate at which the clinic has become overrun with plants, hysterical? Like, how do they even walk around in there??? Anyway, they’ve been completely locked out of Wayne, but they did manage to lock down the Batcave. All they have is the Batsuit and the Batmobile, and Ryan apologizes for losing everything they’ve worked for. Luke knows she did it all for Mary, and that’s nothing to apologize for.

“We failed our friend.”

Marquis has gone full Joker, complete with orange suit and purple hair, and promises more fun as the new CEO of Wayne Enterprises. Surely, this will be fine.

Meanwhile, Alice is at a motel hungover thanks to the BAC of her blood donor, when Mary saunters out in FULL POISON IVY ATTIRE and NICOLE KANG HOW VERY DARE YOU?!?! Much like our new Joker, Poison Mary is ready to have some fun.

DAYUM.

After the hiatus, we’ll be back with a masquerade party! I can’t wait to see where this show takes these villains and how much longer Wildmoore will continue to attack my angst-ridden heart. Until January, friends!

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