Adam Lambert’s Idol Laser Light Lesbian Spectacular

Adam Lambert performed ‘Whaddya Want From Me” last night on American Idol with — at last! — our dear Uh Huh Her lesbian Camila Grey on keyboards! The show opened with Adam inside a giant cone-shaped screensaver/lavalamp/nightly newscast tornado graphic. He sang with lots of feeling before emerging from the Emerald Tempest into a laser light spectacular unlike anything I’ve seen since Captian E-O.

Anyhow, see for yourself, it was FUCKING AWESOME, obviously:

After the performance, The Los Angeles Times asked the contestants for their favorite Adam Lambert moment. Obviously you know mine – when Adam stuck that guy’s head in his crotch. Second best: Tonsil Hockey with Tommy. Third Best: Mad World.

Mangus said it was when Adam figuratively threw glitter at him, Lee said  ‘there’s too many performances to pick’ which means she didn’t see any of them.

Crystal Bowersox (omg, please someone take that as their porn star name) said it was cool for Adam to tell her not to change her song.

Katie THANKS KATIE FOR WATCHING liked “Feeling Good.”

Other answers from these random children include ‘he was a great mentor’ from Casey James, ‘my favorite is when he mentored me’ from Andrew Garcia and ‘having him as a mentor was really cool’ from Aaron Kelly. Someone named Big Mike actually said “My favorite Adam Lambert moment is hearing about his reputation from the crew and from our handlers.”

So, I’ve never seen these kids ’til last night when I tuned in for the two-episode Adam Lambert Guest Visit, but I think that everyone except Katie is the weakest link. Goodbye!

Oh also wasn’t there a Top Model Challenge like that Light Show?

The nominations for Logo’s 3rd Annual New Now Next Awards are out
and you can vote online. Who will win On the Brink of Fame this year?! Our vote goes to Liz Feldman, obvs! (@logo)

Does the gay media have a sex addiction?

Open up almost any LGBT newspaper or click on almost any gay blog and you are going to see a little sex. Whether it’s shirtless models posing in underwear (or less), ads for sex chat lines, escort classifieds, or just regular advertising that features guys busting out of their tight shirts or jeans, sex is everywhere.  And it helps keeps gay publications and blogs afloat.

Really? REALLY? Not on girl sites. Oh wait we tried to do that and everyone yelled at us. It’s okay, we’re not bitter. Let men objectify men! (@mediate)

The least shy woman in Hollywood will undergo a pap smear, poolside at the Palomar Hotel in Westwood, California on Friday. She will also decorate her vagina, a la Jennifer Love Hewitt, with a bedazzler, so she’ll be vagazzled. She’s also invited the press to come watch. It will naturally air as part of My Life on the D List this summer. (@huffpo)

If The Sarah Silverman Program isn’t saved by a Twitter campaign, it looks like this is the final season. (@nymag)

“She loves me no matter what. Whenever I feel bad about myself, or if I’m in a period where I’m not working out, she’s constantly telling me that she doesn’t notice, that I look beautiful. She’ll say, ‘I think you could gain 10 more pounds.’ She would rather have me heavier than thinner, and she really hates that I ever doubt myself. She loves how I look. She wants me to be happy and never think about it.”  –
Ellen on Portia (@justjared)

Also; wanna know Ellen’s diet secrets? Of course you do. “No cake, no cookies, no candy” (she’s on a sugar fast) and says her regular regime includes “no animals, no dairy, nothing processed; a lot of soup, veggies, rice, beans, legumes.” (@people)

The cast and crew discuss the new lesbian soccer film by writer/director, Mel Robertson, Queens of the World. The celesbian-studded cast includes Elizabeth Keener, Nat Garcia, Meghan Hall and Nicole Pacent.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3199 articles for us.


  1. Camille is a WHOLE PERSON not just a lesbian. And the title is undeserving of Adam’s fantastic performance.You minimalized it to a laser show lesbian set and it was a brillant beautifully beautifully performed work of art.It takes a beautiful soul to create a beautiful performance like that.And you didn’t have the eyes to see or the ears to hear it’s spirit flowing.
    I apologize for this, but I can’t help it, you disgust me.

    • Maybe it is because I’ve had to tell way too many adults to be nice to other adults in the last couple of days (I’ll trade jobs with anyone out there, FYI) that this bothers me as much as it does, but I think in general we should save “you disgust me” for situations that are actually appropriate for that type of remark. Like if I came across the Pope on the street it would be an appropriate time to say “you disgust me,” and he would be an appropriate person to say it to. Even though I probs still wouldn’t, b/c that would be rude and non-constructive. But anyway.

      Also, I don’t know Camila obvs but I think she is down with being mentioned as a lesbian on a queer female website, you know b/c she IS a lesbian and all. She’s also probably down with people calling her Camila not Camille, since that is her name and all.

    • jeezus, comment craziness is coming to straddletown

      (autotown doesn’t work, I just realized. this ain’t detroit or something.)

      • I think anyone poised to commit comment craziness should stop and think about what activities might go on in a place called Straddletown, at which point they will probably forget wha…hmm, what was I saying? Mmm…straddling…

    • Lesbians are whole people? I’m going to go check Wikipedia and see if this is true. Hang tight, Autostraddle. I’ll report back.

        • I’m sorry, what straddle were you straddle saying about straddlewiki, RachelwasStraddling?

        • I’ve always had a great appreciation for AS, but now I enjoy it even more with the barely-there links to Richard Scarry’s world in the back of my head.

          Lesbians hopping around a colorful scene solving mysteries and having fun (read: straddling nearly everything in the city – apple helicopters, fedoras). This is Straddletown.

          //Hey! It’s time to laugh and play. So have a happy day.
          Come visit Straddletown. Lots of things to Straddle, see?!
          It’s so much fun to be a part of Straddletown.

          We’ll keep your spirits soaring while we’re exploring.
          Our straddly world… Let’s go!

          You can make a lot of friends.
          The good times never end… when you’re in Straddletown.
          Each adventure and surprise will open up your eyes!
          It’s such a straddly world in Straddletown.
          Everyday there’s something new to Straddle, and you’re invited too!

          Come visit Straddletown. It’s time to Straddle EVERYTHING!

    • *bing bong paging psych, paging psych to the Autostraddle ward* Ah here ianaleah, are you for real girl?! A.) It’s not art, nor is it beautiful, this is beautiful music-> Then again I know opinions differ! oh, and B.) Cool it with the you disgust me comment, this lady is giving up her free time (for free!) to write articles for our enjoyment, shes only appealing to the target audience of AS. And when we see things like LESBIANS! LASERS! and SPECTACULAR! in the same sentence we think YES!

      Camilla Gray is really lucky to be a whole person though, im nothing but a torso, nor do I have ears so I cant hear any spirit flowing, it’s sad and now im glum. :-(

        • Well seeing as im the only armless, legless, earless and as of a minute ago one eye less (it just fell out!) lesbian I know then I think id be perfect to represent the ignored minorities in the torso calender! Torso power!

          • I can’t believe you guys are fetishizing earless torsos like this. Surely Hot Torso Lou wants to be seen as more than a sexual object?

          • Dont forget semi eyeless. And yeah! no one wants to be objectified….actually wait a sec, yes I do, objectify away please! Maybe i’ll even get a few dates out of it, obv the person im on the date with will have to pay the bill as I cant hold a credit card….the fact that I can type quite well is, although suspicious, entirely beside the point! >:-(

        • I hate the torsos. Yea, I said it. Their lifestyle choices disgust me. All you torso-only people disgust me. You’re no better than drug addicts. Get some appendages!

          • Hey! Your blatant noarmorlegophobia disgusts me! In fact you all disgust me, im going to set up my own website called “CantStraddle because we have no appendages” and it will be amazing, the calender girls will be minorites you’ve never even heard of and it’ll have 68% more exclamation! points! and! lasers! than! this! website!

          • Good riddance.

            But please don’t take all the lasers. They look stupid on you torsos, anyway. TRUTH.

          • Torsos still have tits, and torso tits can still be LAZERTITS, and how can anything with lazertits look stupid, hmm? HMM?

            Your prejudice-based pseudo-truth defeated by unassailable laser-powered LOGIC.

          • Can we lay off the torso jokes? I know what you’re getting at, but in the end, we’re all here because we celebrate diversity. So let’s stick to that.


  2. I just want to give Ellen and Portia a hug and then make them a tasty vegan dinner. And then go outside and play with their dogs. Is that too much to ask? THEY ARE JUST TOO ADORABLE.

  3. So they’ve been split up for a while– Melissa and Tammy. Tammy keeps a blog online and it was very apparent from what she was writing a while back. Sucks and they made it through cancer together. But such is life. You love love love then you die.

    • Can you give us the gist of what she’s written lately with regard to breaking up? Would be much appreciated!


        I noticed in like January/early Feb. that she had removed “wife” in like the short blip about herself.

        So I just looked on the blog and she def. deleted some posts aka the ones about Melissa! Luckily my GF who reads the blog emailed me a line from it:

        From January 20th:

        “when i think of how you know me”
        that’s what i thought she wailed

        isn’t that what the speakers rang
        but the winds blow
        and she whispered low
        oh honey sometimes things change

        February 2nd:
        a few things i figured on out
        people treat you the way you treat yourself
        so if you are the type to put the oxygen mask on someone else, before yourself
        they won’t put the mask on you, they’ll take care of themselves first, taking their cue
        from you and your prior actions

        if you give and give and give and take care of someone
        until plenty spill-eth over-th
        then why should your partner give any more?
        you’ve given enough for both?”

        So, that’s two pretty clear instances of her seeming like things aren’t going particularly well. That’s too bad. I’m wondering if any of that will be reflected next album, we all know she sings well when she’s feeling a little tortured in love…of course, she sings well pretty much all the time, so yeah, I’m just curious about the next album.

        • oh hey girlfriend! im just gonna pretend that when i emailed you those quotes (which I dont actually remember doing) it was just so you could send them to autostraddle and get called intrepid! (jealous? what? noooo :))

  4. As usual, I will defer to Alex for a list of feelings regarding Adam Lambert. She puts them so eloquently when all I can seem to do is think “omg <3 omg <3"

  5. i LOVE mr lambert, and autostraddle too..please dont lump all the glamfans in with the loonytunes…some of us actually have a sense of humour

  6. I didn’t even stress out knowing I had class during the time American Idol aired because I knew I’d be able to see Adam’s performance on here today.

    I don’t know what I would do without Autostraddle.

    Ellen & Portia foreverzz

  7. Adam was fabulous. You know you’re talented when you can manage to look vaguely like an ultrasound on national television and still have it be kickass. (Also, he sounded amazing, and I squealed at the like three seconds of Camila we actually got to see.) Sorry y’all are getting some of the Lambert crazies…I promise the majority of Adam fans are not complete lunatics?

    Ellen and Portia foreverrrr. <333

  8. Psst… Siobhan Magnus is a (very pretty, imho) she, and Lee is a (not-so-pretty, imho) he.

    Anyway, YES ADAM WAS AMAZING. And when I saw Camila, I thought of all of you. <3

  9. Pingback: Autostraddle — Adam Lambert's Idol Laser Light Lesbian Spectacular | Good Stuff

  10. I loovveeddd Adam’s performance. I think the only performance that could possibly beat that will be on the 5th of May when its down to the Top 5. Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! I cant wait.

    Plus, Ellen just makes me wanna watch Idol.
    Ellen and Portia forever.

  11. Last night my cat kept meowing at me for no discernible reason and so I found myself singing Adam Lambert to him — “What do you want from me?!”

    Just thought I’d share.

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