Another year, another giant stack of humans to place into smaller stacks correlated to cabin assignments for A-Camp X, which is AAAAHHHHHHH merely three weeks away! The highlight of this entire magical process that I do every year (this year I had a MAGICAL HELPER for the first time ever and boi y’all — help helps!) is, of course, reading the personality descriptions y’all wrote for yourselves. I feel very privileged to know your Hogwarts house, Enneagram type, and Scorpio Venus Moonsun Twilight Eclipse Rising or whatever. Also — one very helpful witchy camper, in their personality description box, took a moment to inform me that Ojai is “an incredibly powerful and haunted place.” So that’s something to look forward to, ghost-hunters!
So here, pulled mercilessly out of context, with punctuation/point-of-view adjusted for impact or consistency (I consider my listlings to be tiny poems, I truly do), I present excerpts from the personality descriptions of over 350 (!!!) campers, all of whom I cannot wait to meet or see again on May 16th!
1. In Portland, I am rarely the only blue-haired person riding the bus
2. Basically an 80 year old in a 26 year old’s body
3. Basically the perfect combo of toddler, millennial, and grandma
4. I am basically a 40 year old father at heart
5. I am the QWOC Pippi Longstocking who grew up to realize that loving all of my peculiarities is the true source of my superhuman strength. You can find me up in a hot air balloon as I enjoy an Orphan Black marathon while listening to the saddest Julien Baker song imaginable with books on queers & women in music history scattered around as I indulge in the joy of eating so many Hello Panda cookies.
6. My favorite Day of Carol is #19 for the screenshot of Therese’s jeans circa 2009.
7. I once slept with my brother’s ex-girlfriend, she lives in Germany now
8. I’ve been in a long term relationship with my Masters Degree, we are experiencing lesbian bed death, and my eyes are wandering
9. A Slytherin in the streets AND the sheets
10. Gryffindor Head Girl!
11. Early life Ravenclaw, current life Hufflepuff
12. My purse is always full of sewing supplies and cheese snacks
13. I’ve been told that my celebrity doppelganger is Prince George
14. I would like everything in Dean Winchester’s wardrobe, but in my size.
15. I’ve got an old printer with a little screen that says “processing” when it has a print job in the queue, but recently it froze on the “processing” screen even though it’s got nothing to print and I can’t throw it out because that printer is me.
16. Nature is beautiful and so are women!?
17. I would describe myself as a geek. But I’m like a cool geek who drinks kombucha, listens to rock music, and has several tattoos.
18. I’m a tight-skirts, no-bra, how-do-you-makeup femme/militant bisexual who likes dragons and the circus and burlesque and talking about my feelings.
19. I swing wildly between DIY punk and high femme goth
20. Aesthetic goals this year are to look more like a twink and to pat more cats.
21. My next cats will be named Ruth and Gloria after Bader Ginsburg and Stienem.
22. My cat is named Spencer Hastings.
23. My interests include overly specific pop culture trivia, listening to music, and femme tops.
24. I like yoga, reading, puzzles, live comedy, podcasts, storytelling, rambling conversations, being outside, memes, shitty beer, Campari, my dog, lists, making fun of myself, and anytime a group of people all start loudly singing along to a song together.
25. I’m obsessed with all things pop culture, specially if it includes badass women who might murder me in my sleep. I would let them.
26. Born Canadian / raised in the South / now a Midwesterner / always a librarian => very polite, pretty introverted, SO HAPPY to support everyone else’s hopes and dreams.
27. I did parkour in an elevator once and it broke
28. I’ve eaten the Obamas’ leftovers
29. I hate the 20 minutes of anger/miscommunication in a rom-com before it all works out in the end
30. Smol, bi, and ready to cry
31. Bi problems, who’s got ’em? I’ve got ’em too. Bi trouble, we’ve got double, don’t know what to do.
32. I want to make a difference in the medical field for queer people because when you google ‘lesbian doctor’ porn should not be the first thing that shows up.
33. I’ve been described as having the patience of a saint and the determination and drive of a bulldog
34. I’m a floral femme who loves gettin’ dancey and challenging people to pizza eating contests that I definitely will not win.
35. Queer Vietnamese femme who’s eternally internally screaming.
36. ~former baby, future corpse~
37. former feral child, current genderqueer badass.
38. I love Alison Bechdel so much I may cry.
39. When I grow up, I want to be Keladry of Mindelan, but in a courtroom.
40. I have a lot of feelings about Tonya Harding.
41. My sexual orientation is Faith Lehane.
42. When asked in elementary who my favorite N’Sync-er was, I proudly said it was Lance.
43. I’m evangelical about Carly Rae Jepsen
44. I will happily tell anyone in proximity all about Celine Dion’s infinite charm.
45. I’m struggling to get through season 2 of The L Word but omg Dana is me
46. “What a good lesbian!” – An acquaintance who saw me dancing drunk in a raglan and snapback
47. I’m a bouncy, giggly boi who loves mornings and has loads of hugs and energy. Did I mention I love mornings? Don’t worry, I’m super respectful of other people’s morning hatred.
48. I’m currently living in a remote Mayan village on a lake surrounded by volcanoes
49. I’m an androgynous toasted marshmallow: brown and kind of hard on the outside, soft on the inside.
50. Maybe like a mango…nice and sweet once you get in there?
51. Much like a grapefruit: beautiful and polarizing.
52. I’m late to stuff if there’s a lot of cute dogs on the way there
53. I haven’t worn a dress since I was 18, but I would be delighted to wear a kilt!
54. I’m the boi you could bring home to your parents
55. My favorite activity is doing very detailed research and/or math to answer very unimportant questions; the more ridiculous the ratio of the importance of the question to the effort required to answer it the better.
56. I have a jumpsuit that fits perfectly; that’s an achievement, right?
57. I eat tomatoes whole
58. I will fill this out later and when that day comes everyone will be astonished by how well I described myself here. I will definitely come back and edit this and not eat my words later
Before you go! It takes funding to keep this publication by and for queer women and trans people of all genders running every day. And A+ members keep the majority of our site free for everyone. Still, 99.9% of our readers are not members. A+ membership starts at just $4/month. If you’re able to, will you join A+ and keep Autostraddle here and working for everyone?