55 Gayest Ways You Met Your Significant Other(s), According to the Autostraddle Reader Survey

On the 2016 Autostraddle Reader Survey, we asked those of you with one or more significant others to tell us where you met your very special someone(s). 29% of you met online, 23% met at school, 18% met through friends, 6% at a bar or party and 4% at an LGBT event.

8.5% picked “Other” and provided us with your answer as a write-in. Also, lots of people wrote in answers even though they’d also checked off an aforementioned category, because you really wanted us to know the full expression of your personal truth. For that, we salute you. Thank you for being so open with us all.

We learned that just as it was in 2014, the best place to meet a queer lady besides the internet, A-Camp or an Autostraddle Meet-Up is roller derby or softball. If you’re not athletic, I hear that Tinder is a solid thumb workout.

So, here are the gayest ways you met your lover, pulled from the write-in box on the Autostraddle Reader Survey and ripped mercilessly out of context for your collective enjoyment:

1. Queer youth center, then later at the gay bar

2. Folk scene (trad. music and dance)

3. Sacred harp singing

4. A spiritual retreat

5. Peace Corps

6. She was my professor in college. We didn’t start dating until I’d been out of college for a few months.

7. She held the door for me at the library, I gave my best femme up-down-checking-you-out, she held eye contact for a full 30 seconds, I offered her reference help for a paper she was writing, I asked her out.

8. In a chat room for a Cathy DeBuono web series

9. LiveJournal- Lesbians Community

10. Online but not like online dating – we met through a fan forum for an Australian reality TV show contestant. We first met in person at one of said singer’s concerts organised by the fan forum.

11. Through her girlfriend.

12. She is my exes exes ex. And yes, our exes introduced us while we were still with them.

13. She was dating my friend and we did that lesbian thing where there’s messy emotional overlap but it all worked out in the end!

14. I was a customer at her cosmetics counter.

15. They are my bike mechanic.

16. At a local yoga studio.

17. Girl Scout camp is a magical place.

18. We went to nursery school together and met again as adults

18. Smashing the patriarchy and organizing for a rape crisis center on our college campus while also taking a gender studies class. Also I was a data point in her thesis. It was about gender neutral housing. We are gay.

19. At an A-Camp Introvert Meet-Up. We’ve been quiet together ever since.

20. In the sci-fi/fantasy section of the local bookshop

21. A science fiction convention

22. The Strand Bookstore Must Love Books Queer Lady Speed Dating

23. Lesbian Book Club

24. Volunteering at an LGBTQ Literary Event

25. Potterheads meet-up

26. At an Autostraddle London speed dating event :)

27. At our gay-ass sorority

28. At the intentional community/commune we used to live at.

29. We moved into a co-op at the same time and hung out in the kitchen a lot because we were both unemployed.

30. Shared accommodations while both doing research for our masters in the Arctic

31. On Autostraddle! I moved to a small city in the UK where there appeared to be no lesbians! But a quick search in the Autostraddle members directory proved otherwise (there was only one)

32. I was a student teacher looking for advice from my old mentor, she was in my mentors class. So it’s both work and school and yeah…makes me look like a creep.

33. At a Colleen Green show where there were only like 20 people total. we were both taking the subway home the same way and struck up a conversation

34. LGBTQ flag football league

35. Through British Army rugby

36. Paragliding, we are both pilots

37. She was coaching her son’s U6 soccer team and I was coaching my niece’s team. We played each other.

38. Poly events, kinky play parties and a Nightvale Dance Party

39. On Xbox live 8 years ago

40. AnimeFest

41. At a Black Lives Matter protest

42. Training for a crisis counseling hotline

43. At a weekly discussion meeting for anarchists

44. LGBT support group, back when you needed those

45. At a house show in Brooklyn

46. At a Drag Show

47. Adversaries in a musical competition who fell in love?

48. Local female fronted band competition. Essentially an LGBT event

49. I’m in a local LGBT youth facebook group thing for our city and we meet up every couple of weekends and hang out

50. Picked me up hitchhiking

51. Building an imaginary wardrobe. (Not a euphemism.)

52. Sadly

53. Church camp??!!

54. She was (and is) the cutest employee at the pet store so I asked her out while buying dog food.

55. Roller derby. Such cliché.

Where’s the gayest place you’ve met a special someone?

Riese is the 38-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2843 articles for us.


  1. We went to the same women’s college and we met through a mutual friend in their dorm’s common room. By the time we started dating two months later our friends said “It’s about time!” We had been cuddling and occasionally falling asleep together since the first week. I read most of these comments aloud to her and now she is asleep in my lap. Our dog is asleep on the floor, at the foot of our bed. I need to go now and take our fluffy girl out for a walk so my love and I can fall asleep snuggled up together. We will have been together 13 years in April, and married for 5. And one year ago she gave me permission to have a girlfriend; our anniversary is coming up too!

  2. A few of mine:
    -at a Lesbian Enchilada Gathering
    -at a friend’s “I’m going to jail tomorrow for pissing off the police” party
    -best friend’s partner’s partner (that one and I are no longer dating but the rest of them are and they just got a house together! #polyamfam)
    -at queeraoke and she had just come from a onesie pub crawl
    -at the Sac Orlando Vigil

    • Spouse: we were both working as counselors at a queer social services agency. I still work there; they work at another agency. The client files used to be kept in a closet, so we would make up excuses to be in the closet at the same time. And, yes, everyone DID make jokes about coming out of the closet. Every day. Multiple times.
      They are AMAB and usually present pretty masc. I was only mildly interested in them for the first few months I knew them. Then, one night, at our agency’s huge annual fundraiser party, they came dressed SUPER femme and my jaw hit the floor. I didn’t even recognize them at first, asking my friend, “who is THAT?”
      We kissed for the first time that night and the rest is queer history.

      Most recent sexy person of interest (not a gf yet?): at a women’s weekend retreat. The specific details of the night we met are, like….not PG.

      (Yes, spouse and I are poly.)

  3. Band Camp 2007: I was shy and closeted and instantly attracted. A year later I came out, she thought my snark was funny(thankfully) and she complimented me on my tie. We’ve been married going on 5 years now!

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