37 Delicious Things That Become Infinitely More Delicious After A Breakup

1. Avocado still in the rind with a spoon
2. Boxed wine
3. Peanut butter dipped in chocolate chips on a spoon
4. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
5. Raw cookie dough
6. Banana with all natural peanut butter
7. Pirate’s Booty
8. Starbursts
9. Mac ‘n cheese
10. Animal crackers
11. Sweet chili Cheetos
12. Cheez-its
13. Frosties
14. Mini snickers
15. Pei Wei noodles and sauce
16. Cereal
17. Kettle corn
18. Trader Joe’s pinot grigio
19. Gin
20. Brownie batter
21. Annie’s shells
22. Icing out of a can
23. Buttered noodles
24. Otter Pops
25. Instant pudding
26. Microwavable chicken pot pie
27. Chipwiches
28. Ice cream cake
29. Phish food
30. Homemade nutty buddy/puppy chow
31. Cupcakes with cookie dough inside
32. Macaroni and cheese cheeseburger
33. Little Debbie seasonal cakes
34. Trader Joes mini peanut butter cups from the fridge
35. The Trader Joes chocolate chip dunkable cookies, possibly called Dunkers or Chippers
36. Alcoholic milkshakes from Cheesecake Factory
37. Half the menu at Cheesecake Factory


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Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

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57 Comments

    • Thumb up 4

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      Re #39: Am I the only one for whom The Teaches of Peaches (like sex on the beaches) doesn’t for work whilst navigating the post-breakup/breakwhatever haze?

      Also I’d like to nominate CHEEEEEESECAKEEEEEEE, even if you’re lactose intolerant and will subsequently spend the rest of your night frightening your roommate with your intermittent wretching sounds

  1. Thumb up 14

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    I think…everything? Everything tastes better because food is better than pain.

    Everything except her favorite food I mean.

    But her favorite food was gross to begin with.

    • Thumb up 3

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      what does it say about me that when i read this list my initial thought was, “well if you’re feeling really self-loathing, you should probably make all your ex’s favorite foods…” yeah. i’m That Girl in a break-up. sigh.

  2. Thumb up 41

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    41. If you’re Dutch, the giant dark chocolate letter J you were gonna give her for Feast of St. Nicolas (Sinterklaas), melted down and made into chocolate strawberries to be enjoyed with your bestie while watching Buffy. They tasted like vengeance and cultural pride.

    Also I second the tequila.

  3. Thumb up 5

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    #3 – Yes! Now I can enjoy my strange little snack in peace and without judgment.

    Also #18 – Nothing wrong with some three buck chuck. Even if you’re drinking it alone. While sewing. And watching Downton Abbey.

    • Thumb up 1

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      you are not alone. I always feel nauseous after a break up. I lost 20 lbs this last go around. I suppose it would be different if the breakup was something I wanted.

    • Thumb up 3

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      You are most definitely not the only one. I barely eat anything for a few weeks because I have zero appetite. Then my appetite comes back and I eat everything in sight.

    • Thumb up 1

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      oh god yes, lost like 25 lbs last summer and all my relatives ever said to me for a couple of months was along the lines of “why are you so skinny? don’t you know it’s not healthy?? EAT MORE CHILD!” and then after while no one commented on my weight anymore, so i suppose i’ve gained it all back now…

    • Thumb up 2

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      I do this. I didn’t eat for over a week after my past two break-ups, with the exception of the occasional rice cake or creamy soup because that was the only thing I could keep down without vomiting. Though I could keep down whiskey no problem, interestingly enough.

    • Thumb up 1

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      For sure – zero appetite. I think the thinnest I’ve ever been post-puberty was about a month or two after my last breakup. I also consistently had a headache cause that’s what happens when I miss a meal.

    • Thumb up 1

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      Hello! I’m 5kgs lighter than I was in February. Though #1,3 & 19 have definitely had their moments, and if we had cheesecake factory here I think 36 would have too.

    • Thumb up 1

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      amen, sister! I always go through a weeklong bender of eating nothing and drinking beer. With this recent break-up though, I think I should give those yummy alcoholic milkshakes a try…

  4. Thumb up 4

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    This is a good list! I would like to add: Expensive red wine your brother orders for his birthday dinner that you drink most of because you are insane with melancholy

  5. Thumb up 3

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    None of this applies to me since I have never had a break up with anyone. 🙁 But all of these are still good.

    PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

  6. Thumb up 4

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    All of this. I can practically feel the shame glaze (1 part sweat, 2 parts ice cream/popcorn residue), picturing the consumption of said items, nestled in a futon, watching HGTV endlessly.

  7. Thumb up 3

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    #7. Oh, #7 – there’s a bar called Pirate’s where I’m at uni, and TRUST ME ON THIS, Pirate’s booty is always great after a breakup…

  8. Thumb up 2

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    i tend to get addicted to takeout post-breakup. nothing like wearing sweatpants all day and not having to leave the house to buy real food. cupcakes from fancy bakeries are good too.

  9. Thumb up 3

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    I buy myself boxed chocolate and spit out the ones I don’t like, all while wearing long johns and listening to Rumors on vinyl. For days.

    • Thumb up 6

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      I saw a macaroni and cheese cheeseburger featured on the show ‘Man vs Food’ once and I was equally mortified / compelled to try one.

  10. Thumb up 1

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    If you’ve never dated anyone, I guess you’d never have had a break-up. I think most of the foods listed here would make me fat, and I’m already ugly.

  11. Thumb up 9

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    For me, there was nothing like the first strip of bacon after breaking up with a kosher vegetarian.

  12. Thumb up 1

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    I’ve actually lost 10 pounds since I broke up with my girlfriend in june. Always happens to me after a break up. Don’t crave food at all.

  13. Thumb up 0

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    Dude, you are not ok. Only food and drinks taste better?!
    You better go out and find things to do besides eating and drinking

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