29 Things You Can’t Do When You’re Living With Five Roommates

Once upon a time, Taylor wrote a list of 19 things she had learned about living alone for the first time. It was a good list. I, however, just did the opposite. After two years of essentially living alone (I lived with my jet-setting sister-level best-friend who worked completely opposite hours from me) I just moved in to a house with five other med students. As it turns out, there are some things you can’t do anymore once you move in with so many people.

she wishes this were a sex book but it’s not

1. Leave dishes for days
2. Walk around in your underwear
3. Walk around totally naked
4. Respond aloud to NPR as though they’re specifically talking to you
5. Cry openly on the couch
6. Eat boxed couscous for five consecutive meals
7. Leave the bathroom light on because of your secret fear of the dark
8. Do yoga anywhere any time in the middle of the room without explanation
9. Make loud sad kitten noises when you stub your toe
10. Wear the same clothes every day between 5 and 11pm
11. Let your friends smoke out the windows
12. Impulse order HBO because you really want to catch up on True Blood
13. Body Jam every time Bieber’s “Somebody to Love” comes on
14. Leave yourself affirmation reminder stickie notes around the house.
15. Pretend you work out
16. Watch porn at full volume
17. Masturbate at full volume
18. De facto move in with your girlfriend
19. Adopt a Great Dane puppy
20. Start a costuming project in the living room with no intention of finishing it or cleaning it up
21. Assume all pubic hair found in the bathroom is your own
22. Openly leave the AC on it’s coldest strongest setting all day and night despite having to actually bundle up a bit.
23. Drink an entire bottle of red wine alone for no reason without explanation
24. Stick flash cards to all the cabinets and drawers and force yourself to answer them before opening said cabinet/drawer
25. Roast marshmallows over the gas stove
26. Take a shower lasting longer than 20 minutes.
27. Read a sex book over breakfast
28. Put a full length mirror in the kitchen because that’s where the good makeup lighting is
29. Pay the rent on time

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 276 articles for us.

72 Comments

  1. I’ve lived with 5 roommates and we did some of this (or they would have been cool with some of the ones we didn’t). One of them didn’t eat boxed couscous all the time, but he lived off frozen fast food. His room was like an aquarium of cigarette/weed smoke. Nobody seem to care and I appreciated being able to smoke with him in the middle of the night.

    I miss them now :(

  2. Is walking around naked really a problem? Cause I’ve been doing exactly that for years. Sometimes my roomie and I hang out on the couch together, wearing nothing but boybriefs, watching Resident Evil and sharing a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s. I love her! :)

  3. “21. Assume all pubic hair found in the bathroom is your own” Hah! So true! Though the other day there was a hair in my tub that didn’t match my hair or the hair of the person other than me who last used my shower. It was a real mystery!

    Thanks, this list reminds me of why I should be so thankful to live alone. (Well, mostly alone. My kitten doesn’t seem to notice or judge me for my habits…)

  4. also:
    30. put calls on speaker while in the kitchen. even with the door closed. out-of-context anything is always read as weird/kinky/possibly criminal.
    31. know to whom belongs random underwear you find in your laundry. (I haven’t found an easy way to ask my roommate that, it’s just an indoor walk of shame)

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!