Once upon a time, Taylor wrote a list of 19 things she had learned about living alone for the first time. It was a good list. I, however, just did the opposite. After two years of essentially living alone (I lived with my jet-setting sister-level best-friend who worked completely opposite hours from me) I just moved in to a house with five other med students. As it turns out, there are some things you can’t do anymore once you move in with so many people.
1. Leave dishes for days
2. Walk around in your underwear
3. Walk around totally naked
4. Respond aloud to NPR as though they’re specifically talking to you
5. Cry openly on the couch
6. Eat boxed couscous for five consecutive meals
7. Leave the bathroom light on because of your secret fear of the dark
8. Do yoga anywhere any time in the middle of the room without explanation
9. Make loud sad kitten noises when you stub your toe
10. Wear the same clothes every day between 5 and 11pm
11. Let your friends smoke out the windows
12. Impulse order HBO because you really want to catch up on True Blood
13. Body Jam every time Bieber’s “Somebody to Love” comes on
14. Leave yourself affirmation reminder stickie notes around the house.
15. Pretend you work out
16. Watch porn at full volume
17. Masturbate at full volume
18. De facto move in with your girlfriend
19. Adopt a Great Dane puppy
20. Start a costuming project in the living room with no intention of finishing it or cleaning it up
21. Assume all pubic hair found in the bathroom is your own
22. Openly leave the AC on it’s coldest strongest setting all day and night despite having to actually bundle up a bit.
23. Drink an entire bottle of red wine alone for no reason without explanation
24. Stick flash cards to all the cabinets and drawers and force yourself to answer them before opening said cabinet/drawer
25. Roast marshmallows over the gas stove
26. Take a shower lasting longer than 20 minutes.
27. Read a sex book over breakfast
28. Put a full length mirror in the kitchen because that’s where the good makeup lighting is
29. Pay the rent on time