1. If you set a thing down, it just stays there.
2. You could die and people might not find your body for weeks.
3. There is no dissemination of responsibility. Also there is no responsibility.
4. You will feel the need to explain why you live alone so people don’t think you are a sociopath.
5. You must play music all the time. The quiet is when the weird creeps in.
6. You may feel like someone could break in and kill you at any moment, and in some ways you’re right.
7. No one ever knows where you are. Usually you are home.
8. Your fridge may just have hummus and four kinds of beer, and I guess that’s okay.
9. Things you won’t just have, unless you go out of your way to buy them yourself: band-aids, q-tips, mayonnaise, dryer sheets.
10. Accept the fact that you will never know which day the trash and recycling is picked up.
11. You will be acutely aware of the amount of water and electricity you consume; it is alarming.
12. Try leading double lives, or triple lives, even. Quadruple is pushing it.
13. You’re either vastly weird or painfully boring when alone. You’re going to learn this The Hard Way.
14. If you leave empty bottles from multiple cases of beer out, it can look like you just had an awesome party if you play your cards right.
15. You are not an adult, nor will you be any time in the foreseeable future. Embrace that.
16. Life without furniture builds character.
17. Is it cold enough to turn the heat on? How do you know?
18. Spice it up! Buy some candles.
19. Sandwiches.
taylor’s actual fridge, as of right now
#10 is so, so yes.
#17: Always? Never? I guess I have no idea.
#15: I have embraced it and am loving it!
Love #15, you have to embrace it!! and #16 Life without furniture builds character…
#6 and #8 basically describe my life.
#20 Eating weird food combinations with no one there to judge you for it.
Tuna fish with honey mustard.
I had breakfast with wraps filled with last nights left over curry.
NOM that sounds tasty
Lime-pickle sandwiches. Telling you, that stuff is like crack
Recently I made a “pizza” which involved slathering meat sauce (the kind you put on pasta) over a pita bread and nuking them. I’ve also eaten barbecue sauce with cucumber sushi – that was actually pretty good!
I’ve had that pizza before…you can get creative and add some veggies or deli turkey/ham yumm…
#21. naked. always naked.
I discovered that I loathe wearing pants.
my neighbors discovered my pant allergy the hard way.
I have a feeling it was not all that bad :)
Do you remember Ugly Naked Guy on ‘Friends’? I never liked being naked anyway, but after seeing that show I became completely paranoid that I’d end up as someone’s Ugly Naked Girl if I wasn’t incredibly careful.
I have issues. I know this.
I love living alone, I don’t think I could tolerate a roommate anymore because: A)They touch and move your stuff. B)They have different housekeeping habits than you. C)They are around when you just want to be alone. D)They hog the teevee with shit you don’t want to watch. E)They are not always financially responsible. F)They smoke/drink/party more than you. G)You can never agree when to turn the heat on. This can be a disaster when it’s time to buy oil. (H)They eat your sandwiches.
I actually had a great experience in my early to late 20’s, I had the same male roommate for 7 years. It’s my longest relationship to date. Maybe this should concern me.
I have lived alone forever but then I moved and live in a city that is more expensive that my paycheck and now I have a dude roommate for the first time in my life. He is sooooo chill. I’m like, damn, I’ve been doing it wrong. *Worries*
I’m starting to think that maybe I could use a roommate because I don’t like cleaning, but the roommate would have to be someone I really, really liked (preferably someone I’m dating).
this is my life
#6 & #8 all the way
this is great. #9 is so true.
#8 & #9 completely.
Strangely, I like quiet.
oh. and a large dog causes extra responsibility but cuts down on the someone might break in and kill me feeling.
My fridge has nothing but Starbucks and yogurt. And eggnog. I love college life.
“If you set a thing down, it just stays there.”
yes, i think the hardest part of living alone is knowing that there is only one single human in the entire universe who might put those shoes where they belong and that person is me.
also: “Things you won’t just have, unless you go out of your way to buy them yourself: band-aids, q-tips, mayonnaise, dryer sheets.”
also, a cheese grater
i’ve been living alone in this apartment for 1.5 years. this weekend my friend took me to the store and i bought band-aids for the first time ever.
what are dryer sheets?
i think the most popular brand of dryer sheets is Bounce. they are these sheets of a similar size and shape as a tissue that you put in with your laundry in the dryer to cut down on intraclothing static cling by some wizardly magic no one really understands, not even nikola tesla.
i only know this because i still live at home and i recently learned to do laundry. and by learned, i mean i wrote down a multi-step process as my mom dictated it, and that list has been tacked to the wall beside the washer ever since. so.
…Wait. People use dryer sheets? I always forget even though I own them and my laundry always comes out just fine.
Also I lived by myself this summer and my mom was so worried about #2 she texted me twice daily asking if I was alive. Once I was in the shower and I’m pretty sure she was ready to call the police.
i know you mean number two on the list above, but for my own amusement i have chosen to read your comment by interpreting #2 as poop.
i am tickled positively pink by your mother’s panic for your poop.
dryer sheets are one of the first things to go when one constructs a monthly budget with a teeny-tiny amount of money. i remember dryer sheets from when i was younger, they were so lovely.
also it took a while for me to accept that i would have to be the one to go out and buy the ibuprofen, now i have like 3 bottles, but i don’t know where any of them are
@riese – that bit about ibuprofen is the story of my life
they are also fun to stick random places and pretend if you hide enough of them, your room will always smell like fresh rain or a sunny day like in the commercials. the downside is that they will most certainly fall out of your clothes while you are in a public place.
dryer sheets repel mosquites! they are imperative to have.
I live alone and I have all of the band-aids, q-tips, mayonnaise, and dryer sheets…ALL OF THE THINGS…and the cheese grater, in two sizes. I cannot live without these things, you are welcome to come over and share the things.
Oh you kids and your dryers.
* goes out to hang the laundry on the balcony.
(Yes, it is freezing here. No, I know that laundry doesn’t dry well when it’s freezing.)
I just realized I have never lived alone in my life. I think I’d probably weird myself out or start talking to the walls. Or just get a cat.
this entire list is my life. also sometimes when i’m out and about in a sketchy area and feel unsafe, my first thought is WHAT IF I GET KILLED/WHAT HAVE YOU and the SVU folk find my APT. Seriously, sometimes that is the only thing that keeps me going-the fear of people breaking into my disgusting apt and my not being able to rationalize away why I live in such disrepair. “I was going to clean those dishes tomorrow, I swear.”
I have this same fear with regards to a fire. Forget that my whole duplex might burn down, I just fear the fire persons judging me for how many dishes are piled up in the sink or why I have like a years worth of unread mail sitting in a basket.
Hah! I have definitely thought this. “God, I hope nothing happens to me. My apartment is super gross right now and I don’t want anyone to see it.”
I found out my apartment is having an inspection in a couple week – I’ve decided that is the deadline by which to clean this dump.
#11: I’m trying to get into the habit of doing this while still living at home to prepare myself for the future. It’s fucking scary! How will I survive?!
I have a roommate and yet most of these apply to me. If I live by myself I’ll have to buy my own can opener. I think about #2 surprisingly often.
This is a good reminder that I’m out of hummus. My fridge just has beer and milk now.
I think my dog would eat my body during those weeks. She is a hungry b*tch.
that would be totes okay coz of palomas #20…
My cat just ate one of my gerberas to celebrate the fact that the Weird Food rule applies to animals too.
I just had to google Gerbera to ensure that your cat hadn’t eaten some sort of small animal.
Those are gerbils. :D
Yep, yep, it does. My cat had a fetish for eating used teabags when he was a kitten. He used to raid the bin for them and dismember them all over the kitchen floor. Ew!
I think if I lived on my own, I would drive my self crazy through a combination of #6 and #13
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who thinks about #2.
oh, this pretty much sums up my life..
I became hyper-aware of #2 after falling down the stairs last year. My thought process mainly went like this: “Oh g-d. The cats. They’d eat me.” :s
Also, #17 is a fun game. I typically keep layering clothes until my nose starts to run.
#3. Honestly, I think living alone is a great way to build responsibility. If you don’t do the dishes, the dishes stay there; if you don’t put your stuff away, you end up tripping over it. So gradually you learn to just do the damn dishes and put things back where they belong. You become accountable to yourself instead of to other people.
But hey, what do I know? I’ve never lived alone. Though I’d really like to…if only it were more cost-effective.
(Also, I am a vastly weird person all the time. Sometimes I feel sorry for my roommate, who occasionally walks in to see me just spinning aimlessly in a circle and has no idea what to say.)
There are many forms of weirdness. I pace back and forth a ridiculous amount– on the phone, listening to music, even doing work sometimes.
I wouldn’t be weirded out by someone spinning around in a circle. Heck, I’d probably join in.
Even before I started living in my own apartment, I was living in a single dorm and before that, I had my own room in my parents’ house. So I’ve been doing the pace-back-and-forth thing for a while now.
change #8 to four kinds of beer and four randomly decaying take out boxes and you’ve got my fridge. oh, also there is string cheese. there is ALWAYS string cheese.
Yeah I have a few plastic bins of old food in my fridge where I’m too lazy to do more than just scrape the food out. Of course, part of it is that I need to clean all the piled-up dishes in the sink first…
Also, If you are ordering in pizza/Chinese/Thai/subs, you will feel the need to order at least enough for 2 people because you don’t want the delivery person to think you live alone.
YES. I do this. but then also eat enough chinese food for two people.
Me too (but I usually TELL myself I’m going to get those two orders of Orange Chicken and make those babies LAST for a a few days…)
LOL. This is true. After ordering from the same Thai place enough times, I decided the guy there must be able to tell I’m always ordering for myself and pity me. So once in a while, I’ll order two dishes, with different spice levels just to make it seems like, hey, maybe this girl is ordering for two. I tell myself it’s lunch for three days. But then I just eat both that day and go down a shame spiral.
#1 Except sometimes things do move, and then I freak out and hide in the bathroom with a baseball bat.
OMG I just moved out, and all of these haha. And lately 17, I already left the stove on all day by accident -___- can not afford to have the heater on so more sweaters and blankets.
I, too, have that $11 bottle of Sierra Nevada in my fridge! I thought it was only $3 when I took it to the register and then was too embarrassed by my inability to read clearly marked prices to put it back, plus the dude who checked me out said it was delicious. Fingers crossed.
#1 is prolly the best thing, #6 and 7 freak my shit right out when I think about them. #15 is so much truth. Love all of this.
after 15 years living alone, this is what i’ve learned:
if you answer #17 with NEVER, you don’t have to worry so much about #11 (the electricity part, anyway). it all evens out over the year. (this is what i tell myself when i see my summer electricity bills)
#6 get one of those clubs that jam the door. it probably won’t stop someone from breaking in, but it’ll give you enough time to call 911. instant peace of mind. (also a thing i tell myself)
#3 quickly turns into “you have ALL the responsibility”. you will become aware of it when the coffee runs out because THERE’S NO ONE ELSE TO BUY THE COFFEE AND IT’S MORNING AND THERE’S NO COFFEE IN THE HOUSE.
#2 i’ve got nothing. i’ve accepted this will likely happen.
Living alone is heavenly.
when i lived alone i learned the hard way that the weird creeps in when it’s quiet :p also, living in a basement apartment with bars on all the windows doesn’t help the feeling like you’re gonna be murdered at any minute :P
I love living alone.
#1 is a killer though. One day I didn’t go to work because I couldn’t find my keys and was certain I would be trapped in my flat for eternity. Eventually I found them around 8.30pm underneath some clothes on top of an upturned cardboard box that had become an impromptu storage system merely because of its existence.
Also, heating is for wimps, it’s far more economical to central heat one person with a few glasses of port.
i can’t find anything ever. i’m surprised i can even find my way out of my front door.
Vastly weird
#6 is why my door is always locked, ALWAYS. And why I refuse to live on the first floor.
#10 – I only know when the trash is picked up because the garbage truck has a tendency to wake me up on Monday morning.
#17 – when multiple sweaters are not enough to keep you warm and/or you have frostbite on your nose
beer, applesauce, and carrots. so true.
Pretty much all of these are true for me. Especially #8
I don’t know what I would do without hummus and beer…life wouldn’t make any sense.
thank you for reminding me to go steal Q-tips from my brother’s room.
This list just might make me end the search for roommates, I mean who needs cheaper rent, I can do without hummus n beer. Also Im gonna have to make my future wife read this, so she won`t run me over with her U-Haul for at least another 5 minutes
Most of this applies to me and I have four roommates. Talk about loneliness.
That was depressing, Caitlin. I should do something about my living situation.
#16: The months I lived with nothing but someone else’s camp chair, a bed, and a yoga mat. I guess that time built character.
Or something.
I’m not sure I would be able to live alone, whenever I hear a noise I think someone is trying to break in and kill me. I do a LOT of suspicious creeping around and leaping out from behind doors and so forth. I am 100% sure my tae kwon do skills from 5 years ago when I was 16 would be super effective.
Also, bathroom logistics. As in, there is no need to leave it, ever.
Staying in bed for days on end is for amateurs. Staying in the bath for days on end is where the pros are at.
I just constantly have the Liz Lemon nightmare that I’m going to choke on something and no one will find me for days…. Also, I have no one to watch all day Bravo marathons with.
Living by myself also means that my laundry never, ever gets folded because no one needs the couch space.
we are the same person? except i don’t live alone.
Both of these things remind me of that time Miranda realizes she could die in her apartment and her cat would probably eat her face/no one would know for weeks/no one would then be able to identify her corpse due to her cat eating her face.
Sidenote: Living alone is worth all of the above, most of the time.
/she decides to overfeed her cat
this list is a #win
charlie sheen would be proud and i say that in the most loving, complimentary way #nosarcasm
oddly, this listling makes me want to live alone really badly. i feel like that was not what it was supposed to do? or maybe it’s just because after living with my parents it feels like living in any other kind of situation, particularly one where polite small talk over forced dinners does not exist, would be heavenly? whatever, i support this list wholeheartedly.
I love family style dinners (which could mean anything really, but I just mean dinner/food with more than one person). Right now my roommate and I just take our food to our bedrooms to hang with our own cats. Yep.
When I was in grad school they made me teach an intro class for my department, but I have a public speaking phobia so I used to have severe panic attacks every day I had to teach (and any time I had to check my university email, for some reason). One morning, a panic attack hit me in the shower and I was shaking so hard I slipped and smacked my head on the faucet. I was fine, but it completely freaked me out because I lived alone and if I cracked my head open, I’d bleed out completely and be dead for days before anyone even thought to come looking for me. So I had to stop showering on days I had to teach. Just in case.
I miss living alone so much I could cry.
My list of stuff about living with my girlfriend is strangely similar to this one. I can only assume it’s because we don’t have kids, which would force us to grow up far more rapidly.
The way I see it, we live like students except with better personal and domestic hygiene. Also, I’m pretty convinced that any meal is better when it is in the form of a sandwich. Particularly if the bread you’re using can form some kind of non-leaky eating vessel which then cuts down on dishes. So, Sunday roast dinner (including gravy) automatically upgraded to WIN when you stuff it into a sandwich.
this! so good and so true. all of it.
#2 is so true.
once i almost choked on my dinner while watching tv in my underwear. and while i was coughing like crazy, all i kept thinking was, “if i die now it´s all because i live alone. and it´s gonna be so embarrassing if they find me like this. i need roomies.”
i guess i would be found fast though, cos my mom would get worried after 8 hours of not hearing anything from me :-)
This list is incredibly accurate.
-My fridge consists of hummus, almond milk and some beer right now.
-The only furniture I have is a desk and a chair — inflatable mattress FTW!
-I have no fucking clue what day is garbage day, so I just always take it out on Sundays, which I’m 90% sure is not garbage day.
-Some nights when I’m in bed, I randomly freak myself out and think, “Someone could break in and kill me tonight.” And honestly, they could. And I just have to live with that.
-Also, because no one is here to see it, I’m far more messy than even I am comfortable with. When it gets real bad, I look around and say, “If someone came in here, they would think I suffer from some sort of mental illness.” Then I clean for a little while and get bored before I finish.
Good news for me though, I am moving out of this place very soon. My next apartment? I will probably live alone again, just by the nature of me moving a lot. And this time? I will buy an actual couch and a TV. Oh yes, it will be glorious.
This seems like a great time for this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
Hyperbole and a Halfs fantastic ‘Why I’ll never be an adult’
It describes my life quite perfectly
ALL THE THINGS!
I can’t handle how on point this article is.
Technically I’ve always lived with other people, but I loved getting my first apartment in college, because even though I was living with three other people and sharing a bedroom, they often weren’t around (especially the girl who shared a room with me), often out partying or travelling or studying at the library or sleeping over at a boyfriend’s/friend’s. So I spent a LOT of time alone. And at first it was super lonely and weird, but it didn’t take long before I was loving it.
I grew up in a big family in a small house, so maybe that was partly why, but I loved the purity or whatever of doing my own thing by myself, whether that was studying, eating take-out at midnight alone on my bed and watching movies, listening to the rain with nothing else to distract me, playing my music loud and dancing in the kitchen… I loved being alone. I don’t have the same situation now, and I often look back on that period with longing.
this is life with one other person and eli actually
What is this depressing list? I loved living alone!!
Once when I was living in a single room in my college dorm, I left the door unlocked and the RA came in without knocking. I was sitting by myself on my bed with a blanket over my head.
#13- vastly weird.
i just giggled a lot at this
The way to tell if it’s cold enough to put the heating on, is if you’ve already put on an extra jumper/blanket/both and your hands are still numb.
I usually live with others. Before now, I’ve only ever lived on my own once before, a few years ago, and it was alright. Back then, I still missed having flatmates. This time though I am fully embracing it, especially #1, 3 and 8. Also, I second the weird food combos from leftover food, bread and random stuff in my fridge like cheese. Oh and standing up and wolfing down dry food like sandwiches/croissants, sometimes over the sink, just so that I don’t have to use a plate and also so that I don’t invite ants over.
And numbers 2, 10, 11, 17 and 19 are quite applicable.
#2 is really really applicable right now. I am coming off a bad cold/bronchitis. The first night I seriously thought I was going to drown in my own snot. I even dreamed about it. Thank God the snot phase is over but coughing is still on. Each night when the coughing starts up I think that I could choke/suffocate to death and no one would know. Also, for the first 4 days, I would feel slightly horrified when I thought that when people found me, the studio would be filled with disgusting pieces of tissue EVERYWHERE, pieces of lime, numerous mugs and an assortment of cold-related items all around the bed. And I would be in the same clothes I had been wearing for 4 days straight, on account of only leaving the bed to make some tea or other cold-fighting concoction.
http://SoNotStraight.tumblr.com
agrrr… I was supposed to moving out on friday… I think a few of the comments have made me re think the move….. I like beer and hummous and all… but who is going to stop me getting killed (as in point number 6)!!
It is nobody else’s fault if you run out of toilet paper! Hehehehe
yesterday i came home and my hair straightener had been on for 11 hours
i got a new straightener that automatically turns off if neglected for too long, it has saved me from several housefires
KINGS HARVEST HUMMUS IS THE BEST
My opinion of you, Taylor, just increased exponentially.
I have a roommate but nearly all of those things still apply. I think I may need a new roommate… Or need to learn when the trash and recycling comes.
THE TEXTURE IS PERFECT. just the right granularity. i’m very pleased with it, to date
i’ve lived with groups of people before ( at uni) and non of us ever know when it was bin day (trash, for those of you on the other side of the world)… in all honesty… does anyone ever know when to take the rubbish out??
also…emptying the hoover?? I have come to accept that I can not do this… (can anyone?) i’m going to get a dustpan and brush… or walk about with some double sided stickey tape on my shoes…
#1, So sometimes it just doesnt just stay there. Which leas to a couple questions. Like,just wre does it go anyway? And the question do I beleive in ghost?
#7, That astoundedlook and question that follows, Where the hell have you been, business trip,vacation,caribe,shcool? Nope home hangin about.
#14 I was about to get really excited about this until I realized that I leave vitamin water bottles and wine everywhere…i’m just going to pretend that my friends and I are so wild yet classy we get sloshed on mixed beverages.
I agree with all of these, especially #17 (the answer, btw, is when I wake up in the morning and can see my breath.) I would slightly argue #19, though. I say burritos. Tortilla shells have a longer shelf-life than bread and goodness knows when you live alone your kitchen’s worst enemy is anything with an expiration date within two weeks. I would also add #20: You have to consciously decide to get dressed.
Also you watch entire seasons of the same show on Netflix because no one’s there to complain about it.
#20. You will never do laundry until you visit your parents for a weekend. Owning 30 pairs of underwear is necessary.
As I’m starting to find out (as of five days ago) that this is all alarmingly true. And it’s surprisingly easy to forget to leave the house for days at a time. Looks like I need to buy some hummus, though.
This is awesome!
All of these things. I am a newly single mom and while I have to maintain things somewhat for the children, I have gotten weird spending so much time in my own company. When I am around people I totally forget to finish sentences because I only ever talk to myself and non verbal micro humans.
And my house is a mess, like I need a days notice for company messy. Speaking of, I should probably stop reading Autostraddle and go do something more tangible.