Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.
“So if you’re vegan… what do you eat?!”
So here we are, it’s a glorious Sunday morning (or early afternoon) and you and all your hungover friends are hobbling out into the bright sunshine to drink bottomless mimosas as part of the great weekend tradition we call Brunch. Better yet, you’re all dolled up in your Sunday best and off to go meet with some brand new queer best friends at your local Autostraddle brunch! Your friends suggested this place and gosh, you just love brunching with your friends so much! Except when you get to the restaurant and look at the menu, there’s not a damn vegan option to be found. This happens sometimes — non-vegan friends might not think about making sure there’s a tofu scramble or tempeh bacon available before they pick a place. Depending on where you live, being vegan can be so easy that your friends might have even forgotten you have different dietary needs — but all of a sudden you’re sitting at the table gazing at a veritable ocean of eggy waffles, creamy sauces and unidentifiable breakfast meats, with nary a vegetable in sight. Usually that’s when people start cooing “Ohhh, is there anything you can eat? Like a salad?”
I’ve suffered through many a diner breakfast this way, glaring down at my plain toast and coffee, swearing that I don’t really eat breakfast anyway, it’s no big deal, really, but the truth is that after a while, I’m not only hangry, I’m a little resentful. So your friends are inconsiderate jerks!* That’s okay! Here are some tips to help you get through brunch without compromising your morals or starving to death.
* – Just kidding, I’m sure your friends are very nice.
I read somewhere that if you call ahead at Medieval Times and tell them you’re vegan, they’ll make you some hummus or a stuffed pepper instead of a whole chicken you have to eat with your hands. Are you guys brunching at Medieval Times? You guys are hardcore. Anyway, if at all possible, it never hurts to call ahead to a restaurant and ask if they have the ability to accommodate your diet. A lot of places won’t mind the opportunity to get creative with ingredients on your behalf. Part of me always hates asking questions because of being perceived as that annoying vegan, but there’s a big difference between politely inquiring about the egg-free options and loudly preaching about the evils of factory farming to all your friends while they’re just trying to enjoy their bacon. Odds are good if you give the kitchen a good-natured fair warning, they can whip up something delicious without having to so much as inconvenience an animal.
If calling ahead isn’t an option and none of the brunch entrees look particularly safe for a vegan diet, you can usually piece together something pretty excellent. Does the restaurant have plain toast and an avocado? Boom, you have avocado toast, you mad genius — bonus if the restaurant can give you a side of rice and beans, provided they’re not cooked in some kind of animal stock. Are there breakfast potatoes? What are they cooked in? You definitely want those breakfast potatoes. Maybe the restaurant can sauté some veggies with those bad boys. Toss in a side of fruit and you’ve got yourself a pretty sweet breakfast situation.
Eat A Garnish
If all else fails, there are probably like, some fake flowers on the table or something. Eat those. Eat the orange slice that comes in your friend’s cocktail. Pour some hot sauce on a napkin.
What are your tips for navigating a vegan brunch in a world full of scrambled eggs and hollandaise? Let us know in the comments!