Advice for Homogays, From Homogays (Formspring Fall Cleaning)

So, formspring is pretty neat, huh? Here, Valleywag already described it for you in a post on their website, entitled “ The Sociopathic Crack of Oversharing:

The newest sweet, cracklike, habit-forming oversharing platform combines the powers of Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook, and mainlines them right to your face. It’s called Formspring.Me, and like crack, it’ll destroy your life. It’s evil, fun, and addictive. And we have one.

Formsping.Me should come with a warning label you have to check off before you use it: BEWARE. WILL CAUSE LINGUISTIC, INTELLECTUAL, AND EMOTIONAL DIARRHEA. Here’s how it works: there’s a box, and you put questions in it, and the person using it answers them.

Laneia and Riese both sport very busy formspring accounts, accessible via our tumblr account. People utilize formspring to tell us how awesome / worthless we are, to complain about various elements of the site (that’s what the contact form is for fyi!) or share judgments regarding the constitution of our characters, to ask us questions about ourselves, offer us food, talk crazy and to ask for our opinion on various aspects of their personal lives.

Because life is busy and we’ve been running this ship about ten men short for a month or so, we’ve fallen terribly behind. So we thought:

Why not just make an “advice column” of these delightful inquiries so that everyone, and not just 16-year-olds with Naomily-themed tumblr accounts, can witness the glory.

Some of these are questions/answers that we already answered because they seemed like things you might “find interesting,” but most of these are new unanswered questions.

Do you have better advice? You should share that in the comments probably.


Do you think that people need to know that I/you are gay? I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t look ‘stereotypically gay’ and don’t know how to bring it up, and I feel like it makes people feel awkward, not from homophobia but just because it is hard to respond to it.


Riese: You don’t need to bring it up
You don’t need to say a thing
My advice would be: just don’t lie



So, recently i’ve been having a lot of sex with people I don’t necessarily love (romantically) because I enjoy sex and i crave physical contact and emotional closeness (or the illusion of) am i slut? is this only going to make me feel worse in the end?


Laneia: I don’t think you’re a slut. But it doesn’t matter what I think.
I can’t say what you will feel like in the end.
Chances are, this will eventually hurt. A lot of things eventually hurt.

“Doesn’t red wine give you a headache?”
“Yeah, eventually. But the first and middle parts are amazing.”

-Mitch Hedberg



Hi, I tried to go to your Astrosaddle site to get advice on my lesbian horseriding date next week, but it is down. Can you help me? I am a 28yo piscean, she looks like a libran leaning toward virgoan but that might just be the squint.


Riese: This happened to me once too. Now I’m 28. Born on the cusp of Libra and Virgo. Birthday coming up, in fact. And I asked myself, how many years have I asked for a pony? You know? Basically every year. So where is it? It might just be the squint.



Do I need to be able to love people who I should?


Laneia: You are only able to love the people who you love.



So I’m a girl who likes girl, but is rarely (if ever) recognized as liking girls. I mean, I’ve been out four years now, and people are stil all ‘wtf, since when are you gay’? So, uhm, do you have any advice on how to look gay (without going butch)?

Riese: You could try:
1. Hitting on women
2. Lucky Dog Leather or another leather wristcuff
3. Gay-associated t-shirts: Autostraddle T-Shirts will be for sale this week! Also Free City, tegan & sara, or anything riese sells on ebay for the next three weeks
4. Put an autostraddle sticker on your car
5. Make out with girls
6. Alternative lifestyle haircut

Because I like more ‘masculine-identified women’ who are generally Very Obviously Gay, I find that I’m able to ‘indicate my sexuality’ by staring at them intently with eyes that say ‘I’m buying what you are selling.’



it happens a lot that girls tell me “i wish you were a boy. i would so date you”. how do i respond to something like that? worst is when i like them and they say that : (


Laneia: Show me these girls.
I will punch them in the throat.
In your brain, you should respond, “These girls are dumber than they look.”
In your heart, you should respond, “Hmph. Whatever.”
In front of their face, you should respond, “Hm, yes. Too bad you aren’t gay.”



i need to come out to my dad before my bffs wedding in two weeks, which both my parents and my gf will be attending. my dad and i love each other very much, but we never really talk, and we see each other infrequently. how awful is the e-mail come-out?


Riese: HM! I feel like Emily Post/E.Jean.

If you anticipate a homo-friendly response, I’d say you just email him and say you’re bringing your girlfriend and you hope he likes her. It’s like 2010 so really it’s very heteronormative for any parent to ever expect their kid to bring home opposite-gendered partners. you can tell him i said that. ‘heteronormative.’ i bet he’ll love you no matter what, especially b/c of the big words.



i told this girl i like her we have gone on several dates and we spend all night talking but she still wants to see other people what should i do?


Riese: See other people


i dont know if i can ask you advice, but i sure as need some. its your typical “girl likes STRAIGHT girl” crush. i’ve fallen so hard for her. how does this even work? how do straight girls even start to consider being with another girl….?


Laneia: Um, ergh, al;skdfjasldk.
I think girls consider doing things that they hadn’t previously considered doing (skydiving, yoga, scissoring) when they trust the person they’re doing it with. You should be relevantly straightforward about what a queer you are, but don’t hit on her. Be her friend. Like, really just be her friend.
Worry about taking her shirt off later. I feel like if you do this correctly, there will be a ‘later.’
Of course, there is the distinct possibility that I am wrong and you should just ask her out.



dear laneia, I like this girl who has never liked anyone before. I tease her saying that she’s asexual because of that. but she says she’s open to trying boy or girl. but i’m like 99.9% sure she’s asexual. thoughts?


Laneia: If she says she’s not asexual, you should be 99.9% sure that she knows herself better than you do. I recommend moving forward in a way that reflects your trust in that.



I was raised in a very restrictive religion. I myself am atheist, but there are still a people from the religion that associate with me. I feel very limited in my speech, actions, everything. What do I do? I’m going to fucking face punch someone.


Riese: Maybe go to a gym of some kind and punch things, I think that’s how they did it in Rocky. Then maybe try to focus most of your energy on your friends and associates who let you be who you are, or at least don’t expect you to be like them. Just remember that. Nobody’s way is better. We’re all fucked/brilliant.



what do you do if you love someone but they take you and your emotions/feelings for granted? what do you do if your girlfriend doesnt ask you if you’re okay when you’re crying but just asks if you took your medicine?


Laneia: I’m making a really sad, uncomfortable face right now. This situation sounds kind of terrible and not good. I would say ‘talk to your girlfriend about this; be honest about your feelings,’ but sometimes that doesn’t work.
I feel like I need more back story.
I want you to leave her.
That seems like a knee-jerk reaction. Riese would have smarter things to say about this.



When she cries, I can hold her until she stops and kiss her until she smiles, but I can’t fix it, because she won’t tell me why. I don’t know why I’m asking you this, but you seem good with words. I am not. Please?


Laneia: I think she’ll tell you when she’s ready. Sometimes people don’t want to be fixed. Sometimes they just want to be fucked up and crying and in the arms of something calmer.
Riese: Does she leave clues or shut doors? Does she want you to say the things she won’t say or ask questions to invite answers or does she want you to just do what you’re already doing. I think you should take care of your heart first, or maybe ask her to write you a letter on paper or use words like ‘depression’ or read books and talk about the books. listen to music and talk about it or go see movies and talk about them. she’ll say things and you’ll listen to your heart and do what you can do. she might just want to cry and so you could hold her while she does that. that would be a nice thing to do.



How do you go down on a girl?


Riese: first you should get her comfortable, like get her a sandwich or file her nails, or both, and after the sandwich maybe bring her a lemonade and a joint, which you could smoke together to enhance the mood. Make sure it’s a really good sandwich. Ideally the meat should’ve been cut at the deli, not in a factory somewhere. You catch my drift?

then you do things with your mouth, hands, chest, fingers, face, and you say things and you move your body in a certain way, whatever way it is that will get her to take her pants off or let you take her pants off. it’s more romantic if you toss them aside and maybe laugh a little like “oh, we are such silly animals full of sex and lust.” then when her pants are off you’re pretty much ready to get stared, and just go ahead and go down on a girl.



“If you are over an ex-girlfriend and you know you no longer want to be with them. How do you you let go of the pain they put you through, meaning how do you fully move on from someone?


you put it in a box
or a book
or a day

the pain.

and you just leave it there.

do you want to go back and get it? pick it up and roll it around in your hands?
but what if it misses you? what if it needs you?
no. leave it.

one day you’ll accidentally come across it and realize you’d forgotten that you’d put it there. it’ll look different. it’ll feel different when you push on it. you’ll show it to other people and they’ll say, ‘oh yeah. i remember that. i remember it being bigger.’ and you’ll say, ‘mhm. but i think we were just smaller.’



Why it is still scary to hold her hand? and kiss her in school? and tell my friends? and my parents? who all accept and love us? why am i still ashamed when people whisper they didn’t know i liked girls? why do people call me brave when i have no courage?


Laneia: Maybe you’re just not into PDA? I mean, that’s possible. Maybe you’re embarrassed because her presence as your girlfriend confirms that you have smushy gushy electric feelings in your heartspace and sometimes those feelings come out via your vagina / mouth / fingers and like, whoa, that’s a lot to confirm all at once.
When I first came out, I was so so SO embarrassed by my hands. Every single time I looked down at my hands / fingers I thought, “JESUS H. CHRIST THOSE GO INSIDE OF GIRLS.” Does this make me sound crazy? Maybe. But like, IT’S A SEX THING. ON THE END OF MY ARM. UNLIKE OTHER SEX THINGS, WHICH ARE LIKE, HIDDEN, FOR THE MOST PART.
I mean, good grief, it’s just a lot to deal with.
I think it’s brave that we hold doors open with our sex things, personally.



how do you deal with your fibro, slash how did you deal with it when you were first diagnosed? is there an effective way to manage or treat it?


Riese: i delt with it at first by taking celebrex & elavil and exercising and sleeping more. i don’t take celebrex anymore. but i do exercise 4-5 times a week. it gets bad when i’m stressed out or haven’t slept. to deal with that, i smoke pot and lie on the carpet. also move move move. stretch and walk and jump and run in place. ideally i get 8 hrs/sleep night, but i can’t these days. actually i think i manage it by opting out of regular life. gah



Any advice for a lesbian who doesn’t feel like she fits into gay world?


Laneia: You will find a place to be you.
Stop viewing the world as ‘gay’ or ‘[whatever].’ View the world as ‘THE WORLD.’
Get comfortable with the idea that The World is here for everyone.
Wherever you are – geographically, emotionally – might not be a place where you can thrive, and that’s pretty normal. We aren’t all traipsing around in daisy fields, 69ing our BFFs and eating vegan lasagna. Most of us are, in fact, not entirely unmiserable. But! You have two choices:
1. Acknowledge / make the best / make a plan to make it better / follow through with plan.
2. Acknowledge / wallow / think of nothing better / do nothing better.
I feel like you’re going to want to yell at me about this. I am willing to talk.



my gay cousin is dying of aids. the family pretends it’s not aids because if they accept that then they’ll have to accept that he’s gay. i don’t know how to reach out to him, and i’m really fucking sad about it. i feel that as a fellow gay i failed him


Riese: are you ‘out’? if you’re not ‘out’ then it doesn’t matter, this man knows from secrets. so don’t let that get int he way.

sit down beside him and maybe put your hand on his leg, or something, and ask him how he’s doing “with everything.”

your facial expression should say ‘i understand how you feel and i know how much this hurts and i think you deserve love and honesty’ even if it’s not true. just keep giving him that facial expression until it’s true, no matter how many minutes/years it takes



So I play on a softball team & I have a crush on one of my teammates. I’m 20 & she is 40. Is that too big of an age difference? Also, I have no idea if she likes me, but she says that I do cute things. (idk if she is just saying it b/c I’m 20)


Riese: A lot of young women date older women because you know there are really just not enough lesbians out there to get picky about age. Just um, don’t pretend like age is just a number. It isn’t. The question is if you can handle everything that comes with age not being a number or whether you’d rather not have that kind of relationship.dotted-divider2


Do things ever fall into place/work themselves out/happen when they’ll happen? When should I stop waiting and just fucking do something?


you should always just fucking do something
the only things you should let ‘happen when they happen’ are weather and orgasms


Q: If i’m attracted to both men and women, does that make me bisexual? how do i know i’m not “just horny”, as one of my friends put it?


Riese: because if you were “just horny” and heterosexual, you would just want to have sex with ‘guys,’ and if you were “just horny” and homosexual, you would just want to have sex with ‘girls.’ i’m in a really bad mood today, so i might take this back later, but i think your friend needs to get Iced.


i’m not technically overweight but i could lose 10-15 pounds and have extra rolls everywhere.. and i feel really self-conscious every single moment of the day. how can i get over my body anxieties? i feel like i won’t be attractive to any girls ever


Riese: if a girl i liked gained 10-15 pounds
i would have ~0 feelings about it
i like all the parts of your body
every single part! all of the parts!
i don’t know you but i bet you are beautiful
act ‘as if’ until it’s not an act anymore.



So. Very serious. When you figure out you’re a les… And you have all these awesome friends, straight friends, but they don’t get it… What happens to your relationships with those friends?


Riese: You will sit bitterly at their rehearsal dinners, drunk, sneering, making rude comments about inequality like prop-8-induced-Tourettes. Other than that everything will be the same.


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  1. Okay, so I had to stop reading this for a moment when Riese said that Autostraddle t-shirts will be on sale this week. Is this for real? Because I feel like I’ve been bugging Alex via Twitter for way too long about them. Sorry Alex! :)

    And now, I shall return to absorbing Riese/Laneia advice that I might need some day… or tomorrow. ;)

      • I know! I’ve only been waiting like, forever! And seriously, I’ve tweeted poor Alex more times than I probs should have. I’ve been trying to pimp Autostraddle to all my friends & acquaintances … even mentioned it to some hardcore T&S fans as we tried to elbow our way to the front of the crowd at the St. Augustine Honda Civic Tour when Tegan & Sara were performing.

        Now I can wear the t-shirt and have people come to me!

        • Yes it’s true! I put one on my body yesterday as did others so that you will have photos and then can buy t-shirts. It’s so true you guys. #sotrue.

          • Riese,
            My number one feeling at this moment is sheer happiness. It is followed by a sense of accomplishment, even though I really didn’t *do* anything. But I will buy a shirt, or 4. And tell Alex that I’m sorry for bugging her for so long on Twitter!

          • I know! Totes getting a sticker for my car. There are SO MANY hot baby dykes at FL. State Univ. this year. Gotta spread the word/love ;-)

  2. So much. There is so much here that would have helped me to read at different points in my life. Although none of the questions were mine, thank you for posting them.

    • i feel the same way! like, life is going to give you a plateful of problems, but it’s okay because laneia and riese are full of bits of wise advice that will help you get through them. even if they are unsure about tacos.

  3. I feel like there are always so many girls that say “I am pretty and I don’t look gay and I don’t feel like I fit in.” There are so many of you/us/them so you do make up part of the gay community. The only thing you need to fit into the gay community is to be gay! Maybe you live in places where the only people openly identifying as lesbians look a certain way, but being gay has nothing to do with your physical appearance. You can like ballet and ponies as well as girls. It makes me sad when people say they don’t fit in because they “don’t look gay” because I have met a lot of gay people and they all look a little different. Gender and sexuality are two different things. There are looks that are more easily identifiable as being gay, but that is certainly not a prerequisite for liking girls. And I like you in a dress so don’t change.

    • This^

      Julia is smart, listen to the pretty girl ladies – she knows what’s up. Most of my gay friends and I are more feminine looking lesbians but I’ve never really felt ostracized by the gay community. It’s possible that we may be minorities within a minority but you should still just be yourself. Embrace your ponies and nail polish. I will probably ask you out on a date. Nothing is more attractive than confidence and if you’re trying so desperately to fit in and be something you aren’t, I probably wouldn’t be asking you out. Nothing personal.

    • I feel like this comment needs to win an award this week. Because it literally made me tear up. I don’t ‘look’ gay, at all, and well, knowing that it doesn’t matter to everyone kinda really makes me happy.

      • ^ I just thought the same exact thing.
        As matter of fact this whole post is giving me warm, fuzzy, and teary feelings. So many feelings.

  4. I was sorta expecting to see that email about getting over a break up. I thought, it was really fucking beautiful.

  5. thank you both so much for this. i feel like a stalker because ive already seen all the un-published ones (because i need lots of unbiased advice…LOTS you guys) and just thank you. plus!!! autostraddle shirts!!! WHAT WHAT!!! YES!!

  6. I think this is great. I love how there was something written critically about an advice columnist and then it was followed by an advice column the way it should be done. Maybe that was unintentional, but I like how it played out.

    To the goldstar “lesbian”, if that’s you: It doesn’t matter who someone’s had sex with. I mean, there are virgins who identify as gay or bisexual and that doesn’t make their identity less valid. I feel the same way about bisexuals who’ve only had sex with women, lesbians who’ve only had sex with men, etc.


    Get 1 lb. bison meat. Yes, bison as in buffalo. This is crucial.

    Get a 1/2 lb pork sausage OR unsliced bacon. If you get the bacon, cut that shit into 1/2 inch cubes.

    Get a small vidalia onion

    half a bulb of garlic

    a bell pepper

    1-2 spicy chili pepper(s)

    some sesame oil

    some soy sauce

    some full-fat sour cream or be all fancy pants and spring for creme fraiche

    some worcestershire (Ha! I spelled that without cheating!) sauce

    2 limes

    2 scallions

    Get a cast iron skillet hot with the sesame oil while you’re dicing up the onion. Put it in the skillet with the pork sausage or bacon. Let the fat render out while you mince up the garlic,dice the bell pepper, and slice up the chillies (prob want to wear gloves, ESPECIALLY IF USING HABENEROS AND YOU PLAN TO TOUCH A VAGINA OR YOUR OWN EYEBALLS LATER). When the onions are transluscent, add the garlic and bell pepper. Stir that around for a minute or so, then toss in your bison and hot peppers. As it starts to brown, add a little bit of soy sauce and worcestershire sauce (HA! spelled it again!), say like about a tablespoon each. Let brown a little more, add a little more. Taste. If it’s not too salty, feel free to add more, but don’t oversalt. Sodium makes you all bloaty.
    Continue to stir until the meats get a little bit crispy. Slice up the scallions. Warm your tortillas. Cut your limes into wedges.
    Fill tortillas with the meat (not too much, you still got to be able to fold these bitches over). Squeeze lime juice over meats. Add a dollop of sour cream/creme fraiche. Top with scallions.

    Be ready for sexy times later if this was all done to impress a lady. However, I was not fucking around when I told you to wear those goddamn gloves.

    • OMFG!!! this!! soo trying this friday night!!

      p.s. good job on the worcestershire spelling! i just now had to look at yours to spell mine.

      • I fix that problem by not using peppers, then I don’t have to worry about inadvertently burning myself and I won’t throw up later

    • Your recipe sounds amazing. I have one thing to add or maybe suggest for any taco recipe. Fry up your own corn tortillas. Just deep fry in hot oil. And make sure they’re good tortillas. I suggest El Milagro, if you can find them. That will make any taco the best taco ever.

    • Although this page is teeming with very important feelings-related advice, I can guarantee that the thing about the gloves is THE most practical advice you will read today/in your entire life.


      I don’t even eat meat. I only ask because that’s a thing that people in Wyoming do. And I’m from Wyoming and it would make me happy to know that there are at least two of us here.

      Also, the glove advice is spot on. Things can go terribly wrong without them.

      • I’m in Southern Indiana and get bison meat at a local butcher shop. There’s a couple of farms around here with them. It’s a lot leaner than beef and even chicken, but tastes more like cow than cow does.

        Epic, motherfucking indeed.

  8. these answers are so beautiful and perfect and true. i want to send you both brownies or hug you or something, anything, because i am now going to save this in my bookmarks and refer to it whenever necessary (often).

    this has given me so many feelings, but they are GOOD FEELINGS.

  9. Oh man, I’ve never commented here before, but this:

    “Q:How do you get over someone that you accidentally fell in love with and know you can never have, even though you don’t want to?”

    and Laneia’s subsequent response happened to me, exactly like that. It was very painful, heart stomped, humiliated, etc, silence for months and now we’re not even really friends anymore, but I have to say it solved the problem and it does get so so so much better. It’s just really uncanny. Really though, the whole heart stomping thing is, in retrospect, so much better than torturing yourself and suffering in silence as you watch her hooking up with other people right in front of you.

  10. Laneia, will you punch girls in the throat for me for telling me they wish I was a straight dude so they could date me?

  11. This is helpful stuff. I really love that you acted on such a brilliant idea and gave so generously. Also, I grow fonder of Laneia every time she instructs someone to punch someone else in the throat.

  12. “the only things you should let ‘happen when they happen’ are weather and orgasms”

    i choked with laughter upon reading it. and punching someone in the throat is a brilliant idea. if they deserve it.

    • It cracked me up, too!

      “I think it’s brave that we hold doors open with our sex things, personally.”

  13. this whole thing felt really necessary. you are both smart and kind and have a pleasing way with syntax and if I saw you in the street i’d also want to give you a noncreepy hug, potentially a high five or something.

  14. So i need some advice but i refuse to join Formspring so i’ll just have to post my question on here….So i’ve been in love with the same girl since high school, she also happens to be my best friend. When i told her i was gay she said she’s totally ok with it and that our friendship wouldn’t change. Then later she found out i like her and she told me if i was a lesbian she would totally date me and we would make a great couple but that unfortunately she’s just not into vag. (In fact quite the opposite, she has a new boyfriend/man toy every month). Problem is once she found out i liked her she’s had some sort of power over me. I basically perform all the duties of a boyfriend without the benefits. i’m sort of her bitch, i drive her places, i buy her things, i listen to all her problems, i take care of her when she’s drunk, i cook for her…she flirts with me when she’s drunk and she’ even kissed me but my other friends say she just does it to keep me acting like her lap dog. If after 6 years i haven’t been able to get in her pants should i just give up and move on?

    • While I completely and utterly lack worldly experience, I must tell you that this girl is a bitch, she is playing you and you need to get the fuck out of there and find someone who will actually love you back.

      I may be wrong, but I think I’m right.

      • I second the motion *hands up*

        You need to be around someone who actually appreciates all these nice things you do for them, because after a while, it’ll all seem expected and you’ll start to feel worthless.

        … and if she’s not getting with you (which is sounds like she definately is not) then she’ll be one hell of a cock block. (I struggled for a while trying to think of the lesbian alternative and gave up.)

        You sound like someone who is willing to give a lot to get a loving relationship in return and currently, this, you do not have.

        You owe it to yourself to elope with your own feelings to a happier place. Maybe somewhere hot, with free cocktails.

        Dot x

    • Tough situation. If you want to still be friends, you’ll need to get some distance from her for a while. I agree with the advice on the formspring questions above regarding falling in love with something she shouldn’t have. The first thing to do is to get some distance so you can think clearly and fall out of love with her. You have to do that first before you can even think of being a friend. Please realize that you being a friend is different from being her bitch without benefits, yanno? When she asks you to do something that is usually girlfriend duty, tell her to ask her boyfriend.

      And if you only like as a girlfriend, then I say … move on. It’s not fair for people to use others. Your time is worth something and don’t let it go to waste on someone who doesn’t appreciate the efforts and reciprocates.

      Good luck. (Disclaimer: I may not have made sense since I’m reading this at work, on my 4th cup of coffee, and 3 hours of sleep)

  15. aw. so good! I just giggled a lot.

    And Riese totes answered a question I asked when drunk and forgot about. AND she has special skillz that predicted exactly happened!

  16. I wish I had gotten these answers late at night, sitting on our beds in oversized t-shirts, drinking hot chocolate.

  17. Riese made me cry (in a good way), thanks Riese!

    Also I feel like the one about the paper is taken directly from the David Levithan school of romantic gestures. Sometimes I think I would react badly to these guestures but you make me believe.

  18. Nice article guys :)

    I’m chiming in on the ‘reclaiming songs’ one. I’ve learnt over the years that sometimes you can totally get over someone, but you might never get over the song. That sucks obv, because you like the song initially, and then it becomes ‘your song’ with this person, and then it’s 50/50 whether you’ll ever go back to just liking-the-song.

    There’s some songs that when I hear them I am immediately transported in my head to a specific place, in a specific year – I can smell the smells, hear the noise. It’s WEIRD. Like there’s whole scenes that my brain has stored and the only way to access it is through that song.

  19. This is ace, I love this post.

    Sometimes these are the questions that we are too afraid to ask ourselves and it’s always good to piggy-back onto someone else’s advice ;-)

    Thanks for the ‘paradise’ poem. It’s exactly where I’m at and sums up what an asshole I’m being.

    Dot x

  20. You’ve all made me a little less scared of the world. Even though none of those questions came from me, the answers (and, to be honest, the questions did as well. It’s nice to know you’re never completely alone, you know?) helped with some things that I’ve always been too scared to ask about. Thank you.

  21. Your formsprings led me to your blogs which led me to other autostraddle homes on the gay internet which led to many hours being inspired to live a little bigger, find out if Cute Coffee Shop girl with Alternative Lifestyle hair is Gay or just a Hipster, come out to my sister, and open up my mouth wide and swallow all the world.
    You guys are extraordinary, thanks for making my day better.

  22. Thank you for posting this! It’s giving me lots of feelings, like warm fuzzy lovey proud maybe even a little bit sexy feelings.

  23. I came out to my dad, via e-mail, the week before my bff’s wedding. He said that he knew and that he loved me and that I taught him how to be a dad, which I thought was sweet. Then, after the wedding, my dad hugged my girlfriend and everything felt so normal that it was disarming.

    Also, this 100% actually happened: “You will sit bitterly at their rehearsal dinners, drunk, sneering, making rude comments about inequality like prop-8-induced-Tourettes.” Too many eyerolls in one weekend to count.

  24. i think everyone should carry around pamphlets of riese’s answer to “how do you go down on a girl?” to pass out next time someone asks how lesbians have sex.

  25. Laneia.

    The first time I read your response (the one that ended with “we were just smaller”) it made my heart want to explode and flutter and stop all at the same time. Because it was so perfect, you know. It is still so perfect. It made me feel happy to see it again. Because it’s possible that I’ve never read anything quite so.. just.. right.

    Like, I want to write it a tiny roll of paper and put it in a tiny container and wear it around my neck on a long chain. So that it rests right against my heart. Is that weird?

    Do you know what I mean? It’s just that… it feels special to me somehow. I guess it’s cause it just helps to remind that nothing is ever that big. We just were smaller then.

  26. this advice was like a big comforting word-hug :)

    “I think it’s brave that we hold doors open with our sex things, personally.” – – – its funny cos its true!

  27. “Show me these girls. I will punch them in the throat.”
    What a great response.
    Made me giggle while reading this during class.

  28. i’m done with literature (gawd! one whole hour talking about how the free masons are good guys, REALLY) and have digested the response to my question, and i have to say, you girls are so good with words. i cried for an hour. thank you.

  29. We’re all fucked/brilliant.

    I am so in love with this advise. I want to tattoo it on the inside of my left forearm and look at it every time I feel like the rest of the world is driving me crazy.

  30. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourselves with us always and thank you also for that Stephen Dunn poem and really just everything actually.

  31. I like how you gave a loving perspective to the person with body issues, but it’d be useful to read responses to the body acceptance question in terms of what people who have had that issue have done. In particular, it’d be interesting to hear that from people w/ a variety of builds, dis/ability statuses, gender presentations, etc.
    A lot of what I read for female-bodied people is for bigger feminine-presenting people. That’s great, but for people who don’t feel more embodied and hot by, for example, emphasizing a sweet rack, it’s a different story. I guess there’s a million places to go with this. Anyway.

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